My fuckbuddy suddenly out of the blue went to prisen for 3 "rapes", how to get closure?

[Anonymous]

I have been fuckbuddies with a really hot, popular guy for 3 years - so you would think I knew him...
He's a normal guy, but quite rough in bed and very pressing regarding anal sex - and has also crossed my boundaries a few times, but I had him apologize and that's that. no traumas here lol.

Last month I found out that a guy who fit his description/habits was on a trial for raping 3 girls (two fuckbuddies and a random) - mostly while they were having consensual sex, then he would pin them down and do anal apparently...

I knew this while seeing him two times last month, but I didn't tell him I knew, cause I wanted to see if he would tell me himself, or act differently.
He didn't - he was nice and everything was normal.

In December I could then read in a news article, that he had been convicted and put straight in prison for 4 years!!! He has appealed, but is waiting for the re-trail to happen in who knows how many months.

so... I already kind of new, and while I felt sick for a couple of days, I somewhat can't stop feeling bad for him, and I feel bad that I can't hear his side of the story, and tell him that I'm there and I did already know.

Am I sick for thinking this? And what you do to get closure if you were me?

[AmandaYVR]

Wow. That's quite the story.

That horrifies me that he forced anal on multiple girls. I'd be fucking furious too.

But four years of jail? Wow.

Why don't you go visit him in prison? I'm sure he'd love to see you, but this isn't for him. Go for yourself, to get information, and closure. This is not a man you can trust. Don't bother being pen pals or having conjugal visits with him. Just say goodbye, and give him the chance to make amends with you.

[Asker]

Yeah right :')? I just read it again, and it's 4,5 years, but usually in my country you can get out after 2/3 of the time - so he can get out in 3 years. But also after his first 9 months or something he can get out and visit friends and family for a weekend every 3 weeks. Would it be too pathetic to go and see him in prison? I'm not sure, because we were only fuckbuddies (for 3 years though). But nah I'm not going to stay and be friends with him

[AmandaYVR]

It's up to you, it's your life, but I do think there is a certain moral element here, where you should not condone his behaviour. He is certainly not the only man out there who is forcing rough sex on girls; much rougher than what the girls prefer, and sounds like it was pretty bad, to the point of multiple coming forward. I think he needs to pay for his sins now (I don't have a comment on what that should be though.) But clearly, some judge put him in jail because they think he's a danger to society. This isn't one girl getting even... is it? It's chronically bad behaviour. Maybe he is being made to be an example for what men cannot do. You have to respect that even if you were ok with his behaviour, many others felt violated.

[Asker]

This is so true, thank you!

[honeylover21]

Hopefully , well he isn't the person that is was doing the rape assault it's rather strange he is in prison for three rape's.

[Staximus]

The guy sounds like a real piece of shit. You feel bad for a guy that fucks girls in the ass when they don't want to? You keep hooking up with these type of sadistic shit bags and one day you are going to bite off more than you can chew. If you keep looking for trouble, you will eventually find more than you want.

[Asker]

I think it's because I can't really wrap my head around it yet :/

[Staximus]

Judging by the type of guys you pick, you should take a picture of the new guy's ID and send it to one of your friends

[whosDmann]

Ummm, I think u should find another fuck buddy , that won't put it in your ass , at least until ur ready.. lol.. but if he got in trouble for 3 others , and u just didn't say anything, how many others did he fuck in the ass and they didn't say anything? Well, at least he will be in butt fuckin heaven.. 🤷‍♂️

[Asker]

I for sure think I won't let anyone get near my butt hole for a looong time, yeah :') Even this guy, I didn't give him anal sex since last December lol, because he tried to push me to it

[momwithaquestion]

i don't understand how you could feel comfortable having sex with a man that you knew raped 3 other woman! To me that is just disgusting, and how can you feel bad for him when he's the one that forced women to do things they didn't want to do?

[Asker]

Rationally, I don't get it either. But I think it's like, because he did those things to me (but I consented), I can't really "imagine it being that bad". I know it sounds dumb

[SnakeBoop]

what?
you're deluded, for firstly thinking being a fuck buddy means you know a person that well.
feel bad for whoever he fucking raped instead.

[spartan55]

You are out of your freaking mind. His side of it? You feel bad for him? Yeah, you are not stable.

[Robertfootball]

I think your guy picker is broken beyond repair. I predict a miserable future for you.

[Asker]

I agree lol This guy was a completely different type, and yet...

[chriscdi]

If this guy wasn't attractive I know for a fact this would be a different story

[Asker]

how? i ouldnt have fucked him in the first place

[chriscdi]

Exactly and you'd be purely disgusted by his actions as well

[Asker]

Yeah, it's strange that I honestly don't feel anything for the girls. I even went to school with one of them, and she's what you'd call a "loser" type of girl - super dramatic and unstable. Maybe I'll feel different later in life

[chriscdi]

When you get over whatever obsession you have for him I'm sure your opinion would change

[Jackpot7s]

You feel bad for him? This is a pattern no way he is innocent!

[Asker]

I know, but I had a relation to him and not to the girls, so I guess in some way it's natural

[Jackpot7s]

I hate these fucking rapists. I mean it is one thing if someone is a bad guy but anyone who can do that to someone is not human anymore. That is crossing the line in ways that it should not be crossed. Then they only get 5 years as the max sentence. The government treats it like a joke when it is more serious than most crimes.

[Asker]

I hope to see it like you one day I guess he just felt entitled to do anything and everything since those girl all went over to his place, wanting sex with him anyway

[Jackpot7s]

Don't get me wrong I know girls can change their mind and get a guy in trouble and if that is the case they are as bad as the rapist is when they lie and they should be charged for it. I just think when you have a pattern of girls that he is more than likely guilty.

[Asker]

Yeah he is for sure guilty, but it's like I don't think it's as bad, when the girls admitted to going to his place to have sex. It would be worse if he assaulted them at parties or outside in a park or something. but I guess I will see if more for what it is when I get over the shock haha

[Jackpot7s]

Sometimes a girl will consent then in the middle of it say stop and I am sure it has to be hard to stop in the middle of it like right that second so who knows what actually went down?

[Wise4myage]

Forget closure, and he glad you weren't a victim.

[Jamie05rhs]

Wow. You sure dodged the bullet there. 😬

[Jamie05rhs]

I hope the new guy is safe. I would highly recommend doing a background check on him before meeting up with him.

[spartan55]

@Jamie05rhs She met him on Tinder, he should all good, fully vetted...😂

[Asker]

The funny thing is, I did THE BIGGEST background check on the rapist guy... I looked him up on ALL social medias, I looked his comments up, I looked his friends up, I looked his family up. I even know that I talked to his cousin at work the other day (just from stalking her insta), and I know what her dog looks like... So yeah I've done the same with this guy. He's in a tv programme, and I even bought a streaming service just to see 5 minutes of him hahahh

[Asker]

@spartan55 Hahah also for you ^

[spartan55]

@Dengirk Did I read that right? You did THE BIGGEST background check on the rapist by... looking through his social media? and knowing what his cousin's dog looks like I forgot that important nugget... wow So did you pull a criminal background check? Public record check to see if he is married? You know, REAL background information?

[spartan55]

@dengirl

[Asker]

@spartan55 It's not possible to get a persons chriminal history in my country - it's person information. Plus he didn't have anything on his record before this - it was his first conviction ever (it says that in the conviction)

[spartan55]

Okay, I would feel very unsafe in your country. So a convicted felon could live next door to you and you wouldn't know? Is there at least a sex offender registry? If it was his first conviction than he is the exception. Most criminals have a lengthy history. But can you please not act you did some comprehensive background check on him by... looking at his social media? That's embarrassing.

[Asker]

@spartan55 Fortunaly my country is one of the safest in the world, so I have just been EXtremely unlucky. we don't have a sex offender registry either. Ofc we have to give our criminal record to a potential employer, but random people can't know what people are convicted for (also to give the pre-convicts a chance of life after prison). unless you ask people directly for their own record. That's the only way to find out if he has normal relations family and friends and a good job and so on. How else should I background check a new guy? I'm open for ideas

[spartan55]

One of the safest in the, world by what metric? Do you mind what country? I have a couple in mind. Wow, that is just mind boggling about criminal records access. I suppose that's really all you could do, but I hope you understand what social media is and is not. It's not something that should ever be relied on for quality information. What to do? I'd say get a firearm, but I'm assuming those are illegal in your country.

[Asker]

@spartan55 the crime rate is really low. I live in a Scandinavian country by the way, which did you have in mind? And yeah I just though the rapist was more safe because he is very into social media and has tons of friends haha But yeah fire arms are illegal too - even pepper spray (it was legal for 1 year in 2020, but only criminals used it lol)

[spartan55]

My best guess was 🇫🇮 Finland actually. I thought UK for a bit, but they have a pretty high crime rate. I live in Texas, US which has great laws regarding firearms. Still not perfect, but I am better equipped to defend myself and my son if needed. I carry pepper spray everywhere.

[spartan55]

I am always impressed with the Scandinavians I talk to on here. Their English is often better than mine.

[Asker]

@spartan55 Close haha - I live in Denmark. I'm happy we don't have firearms, cause they made pepper sprays legal in 2020, and the only people using the sprays were in fact criminals who used it on their victims. It's even illegal to carry a knife in public I've never actually felt unsafe though, and I live in the capital

[spartan55]

The violent crime rate in the US is the highest in the world, can't debate. Many people don't understand that the majority of the violent crimes here are in very few areas, it's not widespread, like many believe in. True or False Spartan55 did his 8th grade project on... Denmark?

[Asker]

@spartan55 Yeah okay we certainly view the US as an "unsafe place" as well. Really? lol

[spartan55]

Most crime victims are in places and doing things they shouldn't to begin with. Most aren't paying any attention to their surroundings. The most powerful weapon we have is our brain. I get labeled 'paranoid' because I chose to arm myself for personal safety frequently by the anti gunners. My response: I'm not worried or paranoid about being a violent crime victim, but I'm also not naive enough to believe it could never happen to me. Crime never sets appointments.

[spartan55]

Is Denmark having problems with immigration?

[Asker]

@spartan55 Yeah well I guess I would want a firearm as well if I live in the US haha Yeah we do - or depends who you ask. Most of the crime here is being done by muslim immigrants and their family members (at least that's what the news wants us to believe) It's probably nothing compared to other places - we just don't have a lot of problems in the first place to fill the news streams with.

[spartan55]

Immigration is becoming an issue. Neither our previous, nor current Presidents have done a good job.

[notwoke]

most rape convictions are false accusations

[Asker]

I know one of the girls - her story differs from the other two - and she's really unreliable and fucked up... but the other two stories are probably true I think

[Guardian45]

DTMF

[OddBeMe]

Wait…you knew he raped and still fcked him again? Sounds like you’re trauma ain’t that bad.

[Asker]

He didn't rape me - the last two times I saw him I knew he was in the trial, but I guess I rationalised it or something, and didn't think he would actually get convicted.

[OddBeMe]

Yeah, so why are you concerned now? You’re just looking for sympathy after refusing it to actual victims.

[888theGreat]

you be feeling sicker after you learn he gave you the gift of HIV.

[Asker]

Hahahah that would be the icing on the cake. Two days ago I ordered a Chlamydia test lol

[emperor90]

You totally dodged a bullet

[TsAubreyKate]

Thats gotta be pretty embarrassing

[Asker]

I don't really feel embarrassed

[QuietRunner]

just find another fuck buddy

[Asker]

Yes ofc, but what is your opinion on this. Am I brainwashed? and how to get closure

[QuietRunner]

you going to have to realize he was manipulating you for sex and that he isn't good

[Anonymous]

you're sick in the head lady go seek professional help

[Anonymous]

Stop having sex with random f buddies. Try actual dating.

[Asker]

Have tried but can't really find anyone who's acutally looking to date

[Anonymous]

Yep, it is sick. Get a moral compass and move on. I’d be grateful it wasn’t me.

[Anonymous]

That's very common for girls, they love to date/fuck bad men. I also know two girls that used to date guys who later turned out to be rapists. One of the guys raped her too. But those girls even though seem completely normal from the outside but are horrible inside, I know as I know them personally. They are bipolar and have BPD, with heavy daddy issues. But I don't really care or judge them for their personal life, I just don't want them.

[Asker]

But for the 3 years I didn't know he was a bad guy - he was pretty normal and kind otherwise... so am I like them?

[Opinion Owner]

The guys I was talking about, were regular guys too. When you are dating fucking someone it makes you blind about red flags that other persons can see.

[Asker]

So were you talking about the girls my fuckbuddy raped or?

[Opinion Owner]

I am talking about girls who date/fuck those kinds of guys, be it you or the other two girls he raped. Although I don't know you and those girls personally so it's not cool to assume but I am saying from what I have seen multiple times in real life.

[Anonymous]

Wow this is just crazy! I guess some of the women didn't consider it to be consenting. Yeah if he pins then down and they don't want it, it is rape. I'd imagine that you'd be pretty shaken up having been involved with him.

[Asker]

It's so crazy! However I can't help but think stuff like - when I said no to him, often it was part of the "play", in a way. And if he held me down, I was always able to break free. So I don't know how to feel about it all. I'm so confused, and I can't exactly get his explanation