My girlfriend admitted that she had a threesome with two guys in the past?

My girlfriend of 7 months decided to open up one night this past weekend about her threesome experience a while back. She became a little intoxicated, and confessed from guilt she said. When she told me, I had to walk away a few hours to process what she just had told me. Coming back later on in the night. I told her that I understand that we all have a past, and are things to which we can't take back. Saying that, she became relieved, but I told her it might take me a while to wrap my head around all together. Here we are 4 days later, and it's still bothering me. I've tried not thinking about it, and even though she reassured me that it was a mistake, and that she wasn't interested in such a thing after the fact. It still left a mark on my opinion about her. Of course, this one act doesn't define her, but it just isn't something that you hear about every day. Especially from the girl that you're in love with. Has anyone experienced such a thing? If so, mind explaining what you did to be able to move on?
Updates:
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Thanks everyone for all of your suggestions. I'm going to speak to her tonight on my concerns, and already voiced that I don't need anymore details of other encounters going forward. That her past is her past, and we can talk if she needs to.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • You need to identify the root of your bad feelings. Why exactly does this bother you?

    Is it because you feel like you can never compare to her past experiences? Well she's with you, she chose to be with you, so obviously in her eyes you are good enough, otherwise she would dump you for a past guy.

    Is it because you're worried she will want to do it again? She felt guilty afterwards, so probably no. And unless she has cheated on past guys, there's no reason to think she will cheat on you.

    Is it because you feel like this makes her dirty? You need to realize that sex is natural. This was a one time thing. there are plenty of people on this site who would love to have a threesome. Once you accept that there is nothing wrong with it, it will be easier to let it go.

    • Comparison doesn't bother me one bit to her exes, or ex lovers. It's not that at all. However, you're right about discovering the root of the problem. To which is something that I'm going to work on more so now. You're last question leans towards my resolve. Right now, I think it actually does dirty my opinion of her a little bit, but that's not fair. Yes, sex is natural, but I guess I put a little too much of an innocent description on her. Though, we all have our different pasts, and I must let this one go.

    • The ability to admit that this is the root of the problem is the first step. It sounds like you are headed in the right direction. It might take some time, but it sounds like you love her so I think it will all work out in the end! Best of luck

    • Gang banging is not natural. Life is real. This isn't some fantasy world where everyone is cool with everything. Yes it dirties her in his mind, and about 99 percent of other guys. Telling him to get over it isn't helpful. And all these WOMEN telling him he should be fine with it are living in their own world.

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  • Why would you have a problem with it? Would you feel the same if you switched the situation? You having a threesome with 2 girls. Would it still be judged the same in you eyes?

    Is she with you right now in a relationship? Who cares what she has done in her past. She is with YOU. And be happy she opened up about it to you. She must really trust you, to be able to tell something like that.

    Ya I still have issues with my fiance having been with other women in his past, but he is with me now. I have never had anyone else in my life but him. So I understand that it is a shock to you.

    • No, I understand the situation, and entirety of it all. It's just something to which I'm having a harder time than most processing. As for her trusting me, of course. I told her that I understood, and would do my best to accept it. Not to condemn her for it. Two guys a girl just doesn't seem the same in my mind. As having two guys and one girl. Not trying to be sexist by any means. It's a double standard, and I know that, but it's one that makes me feel off. I'm doing my best to get over it, but was just need a tad bit of help with if anyone had a couple of suggestions as to how.

    • It's so hard to unthink those things man. When your mind starts to drift into it, or if you are visualizing it, just immediately back away. Think about other things don't even give it a chance to take root

  • Well, it's the past and it can't be changed. I've never been in that situation, but I will say that this is likely bothering her as much as it's bothering you. I think the best thing to do is to sit down and have a good conversation about how you both want to move forward now that you know this information about her past. If you feel that maybe you should move on from the relationship, let her know.

    • Who is the guy down voting everyone? lol.

    • Definitely don't want to move on from the relationship. There are many good suggestions mentioned, and I plan on attempting a few. One of which I think you're exactly right. Even though I excused her past, and told her that I understood. I should probably go into more detail of even though understand. That it still bothers me from time to time.

    • Then definitely tell her what's on your mind. She was honest with you, so now I guess it's time to be honest with her with your feelings about what she told you. When I first started going out with my fiance, I was a virgin and he wasn't. I gave it up to him and afterwards I was a little bothered that he had not also been a virgin. He had 2 partners before me, and I don't know about any sexual adventures he might have had with them (probably best left that way, lol). I told him what was on my mind and it made everything better, and I don't think about it anymore. Here's hoping that you have the same experience.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I’m experiencing the same thing. My girlfriend right now had a threesome in college with two football guys and it crushes me every time I think about it. She was assaulted once before that as well which obviously wasn’t her fault but her choosing to do something like that after that really gets to me. How do I move on from it? I really wish I never knew about the threesome. She went on to have several other threesomes but with 2 girls. It makes me also want to have one myself I was close to having one with two women on several occasions but it never happened. Is it possible that this could help me be less bothered by it? The main part is just knowing that she took two football guys at the same time. It grosses me out a little. Wish I just didn’t know about it.

    • @jackson2793 I was wondering if you ever got over it or does it still sit with you

  • Here's my take on a woman's sexual history: It's none of my business unless she carries a disease. If you love her and trust her, then tell her you wish she hadn't told you and if she has anything else she wants to get off her chest like this, don't! It shouldn't affect how you feel about her. I'm sure you have some mistakes, maybe not sexual, in your past that are duzies. Unless it has a material potential to affect the relationship (a pending legal matter, a tax bill, etc.), leave it buried in the past. Absolutely nothing good came from her telling you except she assuaged her guilt at a very high price. If she needs to confess, tell her to do it to her journal, a shrink, anyone but you.

    • I just spoke to her over the phone, and told her exactly that. To not tell me anything else going forward about her past sexual encounters, and that I'm ok with not knowing.

    • Good for both of you!! Now, can you put the other fully behind you (pl.) and get on with it?

    • Haha all of the women up voted this one. Haha of course they did. Because it's a fantasy way of thinking.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • The issue lies with you, not with her. So don't make her feel bad, for your own problems; that's not fair on her.

    • I didn't make her feel bad. I told her that I understood, and shall accept it. How is being unfair? I'm just asking if anyone has a couple of suggestions to help.

    • How is that being unfair?*

    • I said not to make her feel bad, otherwise that would be unfair. If you haven't made her feel bad, then you have nothing to worry about.

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  • The past is the past. We all do stupid things at one point of another. If you love her like you said so, this will not be an obstacle to have a life together. She did it before you, is not cheating. Takes things slowly and dont let it play with your mind and feelings. Now you are together, thats important, nothing else. Good luck.

  • that's wild

  • Why does it bother you so much? She didn't do anything wrong. She's with you now, that's it.

  • This is precisely why I tell people not to bring up their past. The actions of your past can have direct consequences for your present and your future.

    Why she felt the need to tell you is beyond me, but she really has shot herself in the foot here.

  • It's the possessiveness in you that is causing your jealousy to flare up.

    ALL women that are not virgins, have a sexual past. Look at the bright side... if u ever wanted a threesome with u and other dude, you know she's open to it.

    If u want a threesome with her and other girl... you have leverage in negotiation.

    • Touche sir... touche.

    • It's all about finding that silver lining! :)

    • That's just gross and short sighted. This comment right here is part of our society's problem.

  • Just dump her ass. We need to quit tolerating such deviant behavior from women. Period.

    • You done now?

    • @Scorpio909 Probably not. I already hear the feminists marching this way.

    • Whatever.

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  • I personally would break up with her. It's one thing to have sex with a random guy while drunk, but two? Fuck that, I don't fuck with girls like that. That's just me though.

    I think that even if she does regret it, and says it was a mistake and everything, she has it in her to like threesomes with random guys, so yeah, not my type of girl, I don't know about you.

    People who say "The past is the past" or "we all do stupid things" NO, that's an excuse for ratchets. We don't all do shit like that.

  • Women don't understand our minds and thinking. The most innocent girl to you today and all to find out that she's not so innocent. can you imagine some guys humping your girl. EVEN if i love her there still would be that "BUT WHY" question in your head.
    That's women society today.

    "A lock can't open a key, but a key can open a lock." -skeleton key

    • Truer words have not been spoken upon this matter. I don't condemn as being a slut, but I just feel as she's a little more tainted. Sex is sex, but even though I have somewhat of a crazy past. Sex shouldn't be demised to just being something to which we do for the hell of it. I'm one to believe that it should mean something.

    • Completely. I think you love her and that's why you aren't "condemning her a slut" but dude. This wasn't just a tripped and fell onto two dicks. She obviously lived her life in a way that this was known by others, and she could do this. She probably has a lot of other awesome stories

    • Also this shows that she views sex as nothing more than a selfish biological function. I love someone right now who thinks that way and it just plain sucks

  • Hell it's the past. Let it go I'm sure you've done things you ain't proud of she's feeling guilt anyways that's good

  • same thing just happened to me and was wondering if you ever got over it and does it still sit with you.

  • Honestly, I could not move on from it. That's I have a don't ask, don't tell policy. Now, if she unilaterally decides to tell, then she knows that it's going to be judged and assessed to my thoughts of her. In terms of having a threesome. The image of the fact of not one, but two guys enjoying my woman would stay with me.

    I'm not sure, but I think I would eventually leave.

    • Yea it wouldn't go away. The act itself is just, I mean if you loved that girl? Ugh

  • I would dump that ho immediately

  • Ask her if she did the eifel tower? Lol

  • its clear that she is loyal to u.. nd she want a serious commited relationship wid u.. nd ur thinking is also obvious. take ur time. juz think what if she had not tell u this?

    • I actually would have preferred her not telling me. A persons sexual past is their sexual past. Unless there was a conflict with one of my friends, or something was still continuing. Then it's something to which I can love without knowing.

    • That's very adult asker, but instincts and subconscious minds are not philosophers. If you can stick that and not waiver then you are truly enlightened

  • I'd only be okay with it if she lets me go and have a threesome with two other women. Turn about is fair play.

  • Guys do threesomes and all kinds of sleazy shit.. Why does it become an issue if a girl persues her sense of adventure?

    • It's not ok for guys to do it either. There is a double standard here, but I don't think its a fair one.

    • Point here is that past is past.. It can not be changed. In the future I strongly suggest not to ask questions that you are not prepared to hear the answer to.

    • You know damn well it does. That's like asking why the sky is blue. It's reality. Get over it. Men are visual hunters. Women are nurturing home makers by nature. Being a slut is not natural. It just is what it is dude. And it isn't going to change no matter how many marches there are.

  • Everyone can make mistakes, if you love her, you can forgive her. If you had had a 3 some with 2 girls in the past, hopefully she would forgive you & not judge you. Try to extend the same courtesy.

    • I can forgive her easily. I'm just trying to get the thoughts out of my head, and I'm having a hard time doing so. I guess it'll just have to come down to time, and patience.

    • I'm just wondering if you ever got that out of your head?

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