My girlfriend say I am insecure and fragile for not allowing her to go to a party with a male stripper, am I wrong to feel I have the right to say no?

[Anonymous]

I feel uncomfortable with this. The idea of her getting flirty with hot naked guys is really making me jealous. I would not mind it that much male strip clubs were like female strip clubs. But I know that there are no rules in male strip clubs and that girls often touch and grope the men and it is the point that make me the most uncomfortable. First because just watching and touching are clearly two different things. Second I know that a lot of those male strippers don't like it but are forced because the clubs do not enforce rules and I personnally have been sexually assaulted by a woman (this is something she doesn't know).

[Swollerbear]

Absolutely not. It is strange to me that society tends to normalize these things. My wife and I couldn't have imagined getting a stripper at our bachelor/bachelorette party. You care about your girlfriend, and the act of her being sexual or accepting sexual escalation from another man is hurtful because its an act of betrayal. There is absolutely no reason why this should be taking place in a relationship. If she won't respect those boundaries and guilt trips you for them, then you ought to find another woman. Opening that door is a bad idea. Male strippers tend to actually have sex with their clientele more often than not relative to female strippers. You have every right to say no, and you ought to.

[Swollerbear]

People saying you don't own her lol. My goodness. I read your update. You might experience some second-guessing, but you acted like a man. You stood your boundaries and told her you're not willing to accept certain behaviors. That's something to be proud of. Good for you.

[Asker]

Thanks. I talked with some friends and they also agree that male strippers are a no-no. I trusted she will not have sex, but the idea of her touching another man's body is repulsive to me. I could have accepted if it was just watching and getting a lapdance. I also do not want to see a buisness where men's sexual rights are not respected to make money.

[Fraulein1700]

Totally agree with you. As a woman, who's straight I wouldn't want to see anything of that type.. just my point of view

[Fraulein1700]

I think this is all a downhill slope towards degeneracy, in an individual and society too as a whole. I feel so bad that the world normalizes this tbh as a whole, in general. If you love your woman, and vice versa you wouldn't want to see the opposite sex, much less like naked to do all of that. I see it as degeneracy and some behavior only people who aren't loyal or are fickle like. I apologize if the comment is too blunt but that's what I think

[Fraulein1700]

I'm sorry to hear about your break up. I don't know what to say, some women are more open to such ideas sadly, I guess or don't like being told what to do, etc

[Asker]

@Fraulein1700 Thank you for your kind words. No worries, it is better that she outed herself now than in five years. I do not agree it is degeneracy. Being aroused by **looking** at others is okay in my book as long as you don't act on your arousal. But I agree that people who go to strip clubs are more likely to have that "cheater mentality" particularly women. I talked with some male strippers and the amount of bride to be and brides maids cheating by doing sexual thing is appealing. Even by excluding cheating by sexual activities, in male strip clubs, women grope and touch stripper and I am pretty sure it is cheating for most men. I fear and feel sad for all the men who accept their girl going to see male strippers thinking it is like female strippers.

[Asker]

Apprently women also cheat in venues and charity nights with "topless waiters" by touching and groping those guys. The more I learn about special girls' night out, the more I agree with you about those things being degeneracy.

[DrewJohnson]

You can express your discomfort with the party. Even tell your you'd prefer that she not go. She gets to decide if your discomfort/preference outweighs her interest in the party.

Also, it sounds like this isn't her party. She's been invited to party. If she wants to support her friend, she doesn't get to choose the entertainment. You don't get to choose what she does. You get to decide how you react to her choices.

Good luck.

[Asker]

If she decides leaving when the stripper come to her friend's brithday as more of an issue than my uncomfort, I think I will end this relationship.

[DrewJohnson]

And that is a decision you get up make. If that's a deal breaker for you that's fine. You can go your separate ways.

[tiamatx]

I don;t go to parties with strippers and wouldn't want my girlfriend to attend one neither. On the other hand if she truly wanted to go (with her female friends) - free to go. We need to have basic trust.

[Asker]

I don't think she will have sex with him. But the idea of her touching another man is unnaceptable to me and I would consider it cheating.

[LazerBean]

If you don't like it then just dump her. Easy peasy.

[Apple1996]

You can't control what she does but definitely tell her how uncomfortable it makes you feel

[DrewJohnson]

Great response!

[Apple1996]

Thank you

[SnowedIn]

You are wrong to want to tell her what she can and cannot do. She is wrong for not considering what makes you uncomfortable. Also, you don't allow her to do anything. Whether you like it is another discussion. What she wants isn't wrong. The two of you need to communicate and you need to discuss your comfort level but not judge her wants.

[boggboss]

Not really sure what your looking for here she is not wrong in what she is saying and yes you have a right to be upset that she wants to go but I dono if I would say u have the right to stop her

[HighValue]

Just leave her.

[Stevefiveo]

You don't own her. You are going to have to let her be free.

[Juxtapose]

Fuck man, whatever happened to just being loyal to each other? I'm really questioning whether the sexual revolution was a good idea..

[Asker]

Yep. Women get a free pass for cheating (and being creepy toward men) while men simply expressing sexual desire is problematized.

[Surely]

If you can't trust her to go to a (Private?) party with a male stripper. Then you probably won't be able to trust her in many other situations. Apparently you have been to strip clubs. So why not her?

If she was never at one before. She might not even like it. If she does. You may reap the rewards when she comes home! Wink! Wink!

[Asker]

I never went to strip clubs and I will never. I don't trust those places to be clean and to meet my standard in terms of hygiene. But the difference in treatment of male and female strippers is quite known (though my case is particular because of my bad experience). It is not about her possibly having sex. I trust she won't. It is about her touching another man than me. I would not touch her of her desire for sex came from looking at another man. It would be like be getting aroused by porn and going to her to have sex. It is disrespectful.

[Surely]

If these are your feelings about this. Then she needs to know!

[SmokinAces2000]

I wouldn’t care but I do think if you are uncomfortable with it she should respect that

[Anonymous]

It was only at a bachelorette part that I realised that my boyfriend had a small penis

[Anonymous]

All girls go to bachelorette parties where there are strippers. You can't stop her from doing that. It's just a night of fun.

[Asker]

If you knew your boyfriend was going to a dirty strip clubs where he could grope other women, would you just think "it is simply for fun".