Sexual Relationships
+1 y

My guy would rather jerk off, then have sex with me? HELP?

I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years now, and he never initiates sex. It actually seems like he would rather touch himself then touch me. He secretly watches p*rn and cam sites like screenocastic myfreecams, streamate As weird as it sounds I'm not lazy in bed and I actually do most (90%) of the work when it comes to sex. I have to say this has really taken a toll on my ego and self esteem. Can you please help me and maybe fill me in on whats going on? And the live cam sites, because that can be interactive is that crossing the line? Especially if I'm not getting what I need. I know I have a higher sex drive, but...
Updates:
+1 y
when we do have sex its amazing and mind blowing he always says stuff like holy shit after etc. I'm adventurious and really try and spice shit up constantly, I'm down with quickies, watching p*rn , sending dirty pics and texts, I really put a lot of effort into maintaining an amazing fun sex life, and its mostly about him. He has saved over 1000 chive pics but non of the dirty pictures I have sent. He says he wants to be with me but I feel so neglected, depressed, undesired and not wanted.
+1 y
I've tried to talk to him about it, but he clams up. I've even recently expressed how I feel shitty and unwanted etc etc but he said he doesn't know how he can change that. He is a lazy guy... but I mean if I'm usually doing most of the work... why not? I can't even remember the last time he has touched me, like really touched me.
0 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • I'm gonna take a slightly different approach here, and ask you a very serious question.

    How's the rest of your relationship?

    I ask this because I was in a three year relationship that started going downhill about two years in. I'd say things really started going south after we moved in together. We started fighting all the time, and mostly about stupid shit. Less than a year later, we were over. And mostly because of the way the fighting impacted our sex life.

    When we did have sex (maybe once a week or so) it always felt great, and I always told her so. But she always initiated it, and very often I wasn't interested. And it's not like she was boring in bed. She was into some pretty kinky stuff, and I loved that!

    So then why? The honest answer is because the constant fighting kept me mentally drained and turned me off from her completely. I simply wasn't interested in having sex with her most of the time. She would actually have to 'get me in the mood' which only worked sometimes.

    I'll further clarify by saying I jerked off almost daily to p*rn sites while she was at work (I work from home) so there was nothing wrong with my sex drive. But there was something very wrong with my relationship, and that strongly affected my sexual attraction to my girlfriend.

    As for the p*rn ... I support masturbation AND p*rn as part of a healthy balanced sex life. But if it starts to interfere with your relationship (rather than contribute to it) then it's a problem. And everyone here is right about the cam sites. You can chat with them so it's no different than masturbating on Skype or Facetime with someone.

    Hope I helped.

  • This guy sounds like he has a serious p*rn problem. Having personal accounts on that many different sites... yikes. I think there's a bigger problem there.

    Regarding your question though, I simply don't understand how guys would rather jerk themselves off to their computer screen than enjoy the real thing. The touch and look of a woman's body is irreplaceable. There's nothing as good and beautiful. My initial thinking for why he doesn't want to have sex with you was that he isn't attracted to you, but if you two have been going out for TWO YEARS, then I don't see how that's possible.

    My guess is that the guy has a p*rn addiction. From what I hear/read, that's a real thing, and a serious problem too. Talk to him about that, and if he's unwilling to listen... that may be a deal breaker.

    • Unfortunatly he will just completely shut down on me. I tried talking to him about it before, watching p*rn no big deal as long as we are still having sex... and I would even watch it with him... But he never initiates it and barely touches me. I feel so beat down by it, especially as I'm open to a lot... you think it would be a guys dream...

    • Yes exactly! A girl who wants sex more... that a good thing! Hell, a great thing! This guy must have a problem. I don't what to do if he won't even listen to you or talk about it though.

Most Helpful Girls

  • This was sad to read and I am sorry. I fully support masturbation because it is healthy and helps you understand your body so you can explain to others what you like. This however is a very difficult situation. It sounds like to me he isn't getting pleasure from the sexual experiences you two have together. The "interaction" p*rn you talk about in my opinion is very wrong and is on the line of mentally cheating. Sex is very important in the relationship. It molds the passion and love together. I read that couples that have sex 4 or more times a week are substantially happier then couples that have less. You need to address this problem to him immediately because I can't imagine what it does to your esteem and confidence level. Find out the root of the problem because if you don't this relationship will soon be doomed. Communication.

  • Unfortunately sometimes this happens when guys get so obsessed with fantasy (porn) that they have unrealistic views of real sex. It can rewire a mans brain. There are heaps of articles about men's health that says this.

    Whatever you do don't blame yourself for your partners lack. For better of for worse its his problem. I would suggest having an honest discussion about your sex life with him.

  • I don't know about the rest but cams are definitely crossing the line because they can interact.

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

0 11

  • If I put on my relationship coaching hat, @AlwaysBelieving said it right. You're doing too much. You much teach people how to treat you and the longer you stay in that relationship the more you're saying that it's okay that he's jerking off and watching p*rn . The movie Don Jon comes to mind honestly.

    Don't keep asking yourself what you can do when you're not the problem. This is decision time. He either quits with the addictions or you leave. If you don't force that discussion, nothing will change.

  • Dye your hair red. That'd be enough for me. Maybe he's thinking of some girl he knows while he's doing it. Snoop around... see if there is a hot girl somewhere in his day - at a coffee place, or somewhere.

  • I broke up with a girl because of this similar circumstance. How many times a week do you have sex with him?

    • Hmmm I'm lucky if I get sex twice a week. I've actually died my hair red already and made sure that I dress up and look nice when he comes home.

    • Well, I'm gonna be blunt. You are unappreciated in your relationship. There are plenty of guys out there that would love to have a girl like you. Including myself.

    • Is there anything I can do to make him appreciate me more?

    • Show All

  • why dont you both chill out and watch other couples on webcam? sites like https://joboncam.com/couples-on-cam/ have tons of couples you can both enjoy from the comfort of your home ;)

    • great idea

  • As @funkipink said, sounds like he has a p*rn addiction. in my opinion, you've gone above the call of duty in this relationship. I'm not sure what your opinion is on p*rn , but for me it's cheating. Only you can determine what's crossing the line. Seems like you didn't have that talk yet. For example, when I'm into a gal (I'm just talking to her and not even dating yet), my body more or less "stops getting horny" and don't need to j. o.

    You have two options, make him go to counseling or get out of the relationship.

    • @funkipunk

    • Yeah I agree. I don't have the same reaction you do when I'm into a gal, but I completely agree with what you're saying though. This guy has the problem, not you.

Show More(6)

Related Questions

If women don’t enjoy penetration then why do they like sex?
What makes someone of opposite sex good in bed for you?
Is getting a circumcision the right answer in my case?
What is the safest way to dispose a used condom that was not your husband?
Home >  Sexual Relationships  > My guy would rather jerk off, then have sex with me? HELP?