Sexual Relationships
2 mo

My husband doesn't have pre cum anymore during arousal/ foreplay. Its obvious he is not as aroused as he used to be or as hard?

Like I'm totally aware my husband doesn't have pre cum anymore during arousal and foreplay. I feel absolutely obviously he is not as aroused as he used to be or as hard. Our sexlife is F-N with my mental. I take it personally, but it's not I know. I just want to arouse him more with out giving him a viagra or head. I don't have a problem with oral at all, but my mental is F-ed and I'm feeling crappy about our sexual intimacy.

I won't continue to write a novel. I could go on and on. We have super busy lives. Kids stress all that we just hitting 40. So I know things have changed. I just need some advice or suggestions.

1 0

AI Bot Choice

Superb Opinion

  • So you are freaking out, and blaming him for not being "aroused", just because there is no pre-cum? That doesn't always happen. It definitely doesn't always happen in older guys. If he is as old as you, calm the fuck down. As guys get older, a LOT changes. I once read a post where some women was freaking out thinking a guy was cheating because he was in his 40's and no longer has sex every day, or multiple times a day. Guys change. The messed up thing is women get to their sexual prime in their 40's, right when sex becomes a lot less important to men. In my 40's, and especially now, I have no desire to have sex every day. I very much don't want it more then once a day. Can I have pre-cum? Sure. But it takes a lot longer to get to that point then it did even 5 years ago (I am 55), much less 10 years ago.
    You need to slow down. You need to be a lot more understanding.
    Now, there are exceptions to every rule. Could I see having sex more then once in a day now? Sure. Just won't happen very often, and there is going to be hours in between. refractory period is hours, not minutes.

    • Wow... I missed the whole "without head" part you snuck in there. That is a big issues there also. You want to speed things up, that would help a lot.

    • Here's thing, no, I'm not blaming him. I'm freaking out because it's making me feel like shit and I don't want him to feel like shit. We're still affectionate and intimate and do things together, but actual sex barely. And he's older than me, he just hit forty, that's not old. We did just have a change of life, baby. After we had it made with older kids. The thing is, I'm aware of all the factors that are like really causing this situation. I just wanna help change it. I realize my mouth doesn't help the things I say sometimes, but it effects a woman and how she feels too. Especially since I have almost two-year-old. I have body issues too. To me once a week is a lot if sex that's not what I want or need I don't think...

    • Here are the problem issues: 1) Women think they can "fix" or change the guy. You can't "fix" natural changes. Everyone ages differently. I think my record was 7 times in one day with my ex-wife when she was my fiancé. But by my 40's, I didn't want sex more then 3 or so times a week, by mid 40's even less. It all comes down to number 2... 2) It isn't about you. You know what makes a guy feel like complete and useless shit? A woman thinking that reduced sex drive is about her. It is rarely about you. Why do women do that? Another thing that used to make me feel worthless is, after we just finished having sex, she would start in again. No... I am done... it is called a refractory period... learn what that means. She would play it off like "it was so good I want more". But what that said to me was "I was so bad she wasn't satisfied". I was married to a nurse. I have a really messed up back. I used to be on medication that numbed me. So if I took that medication within 5 or 6 hours of having sex, it would take me forever to orgasm. She would always blame herself, which made me feel like shit. It wasn't about her at all. Being a nurse, she should have known that. Stop making it about you. Honestly, see a therapist. I am a huge proponent of therapy. But it will help you get past these feelings that he needs to be at a constant sexual level that YOU set, instead of letting him be naturally where he is.

Most Helpful Guy

  • If he's hitting 40, remember, there IS such a thing as male menopause. Men even get hot flashes, if they'e not treated. If he's starting to have problems in the bedroom, he should see a good urologist, who knows how to treat this. Perhaps all he needs right now is a testosterone supplement. Remember, THIS IS A MEDICAL PROBLEM, and it's not his fault, and it can be treated! You can't solve a sexual problem with a crowbar!

Most Helpful Girls

  • Really I go through this also and it's so hard but really it's not usually us!

    My hubby sometimes does not have precum and it can be for many reasons like tired not drinking water or just needing his vitamins!

    So hard not taking it personally and keeping our spark alive but it is work!

    So hope he keeps you excited going and romanced! We need to be careful not to let romance go or foreplay for hours teasing in secret!

    Maybe try. Anew toy tease it for weeks for his birthday or something else special new intimate outfit or role play?

    We love erping when we can here and there!

    Please feel free to rant this is so hard on you both! You need emotional release also from this stress!

    Also please message me if you want privacy on questions is well all public and guys creep!

  • The spark has gone, or maybe he has aged way too fast. A lot of men are done sexually by the time they reach 30.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 11

  • I kind of agree with Alex Snow below

  • He probably has ED

  • As we mature, our body functions slow down. It's perfectly normal for a guy go have less precum and to take longer to have any. Consider yourself. Do you get as wet as quickly as when you were younger? Having kids and under stress also affects things.

    Suggestion: you and hubby set aside some time (at least one hour) during the week to relax and be intimate together. Let the kids play in their rooms, and let them know that mommy-daddy need some private time.

  • Maybe he is dehydrated or has ED.

  • Don't stress about it. As long as you both still continue to have sex and gently experiment, he will be happy.

    Did he used to produce a lot of precum? It could be his diet.

  • Maybe he’s just getting older and will not be as aroused. He still arouses you right?

  • Precum is not always a factor on how turned on a guy is. He is not a teenager anymore. Does he jerk off in between having sex with you? How often are you two having sex?

  • Maybe try a new fantasy/role play? Or tease his cock and play with him down there?

  • see a doctor about it

  • Men don't always pre cum

  • Busy lives, kids and stress are all negative factors for arousal. Also with age can come health related problems that also contribute to a low arousal state. It could be high cholesterol or high blood pressure and or medications. Perhaps a thorough physical which as men we tend to avoid is in order.

  • Understanding for sex and its nature is sometime important, you need to give time. sounds like you guys taking sex too granted!

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Home >  Sexual Relationships  > My husband doesn't have pre cum anymore during arousal/ foreplay. Its obvious he is not as aroused as he used to be or as hard?