My husband has fantasies but won't talk to me about them. Help?

[ash1986]

Hi all this is my first time asking. About 3 or 4 months ago I found out by accident that my husband had developed a porn watching habit. Now I'm the kind of gal that's like "well hey let's watch this together" but when I found out about this I was shocked at what he had been watching. Lots of pegging and then it got into muscular men taking more feminine men. I tried speaking to him about this and then I tried incorporating some of his fantasies into our intamacies. They are few and far between because I'm not comfortable playing the masculine or more powerful role just yet. I also through bits got him to tell me that he fantasizes about crossdressing but that he doesn't want to do it for real... I have tried speaking to him about this because I have no outlet to speak about this other than to him. But he doesn't want to speak to me about any of it. I asked him to at least be open with me about watching the porn and he hides it and then when I have things pop up on the computer I find out he is hiding it again. He won't speak to me about the crossdressing fantasies even though things keep showing up from him reading about "All girl weekends" and "Forced Feminiztation" and on and on and on... I'm at my wits end. I can't talk to my friend's about this because he made me promise not to and he won't talk to me about it and I don't know what to do...

[Curiousonlots]

Hi. I am a secret crossdresser and a closet bi, but only to the extent of oral. I am not attracted to guys in any way. I just find being feminine and on my knees very kinky. I have broached this subject with my wife but only in as far as I made out I had the strangest dream. She listened how I told her that I had been drugged, reminisced and then forced to service men and other CDs orally by her. She just commented very casually that it was a strange dream and we have never spoken of it again. I think you sound quite open minded and very understanding of your husband but he feels ashamed as a man to have these fantasies. I was exactly the same, questioning my masculinity and sexuality. It Amy work if you were to say to him, out of the blue that you find it quite a turn on to have a man who fantasies about being fem, sub and perhaps bi. Also say that you could have the best of both worlds, the man if your dreams and a slut you can dominate. This would shock him possibly into opening up to you. Hearing you talk so openly, erotically and brazenly about it may just do the trick. Hope this helps. X

[Adenn]

He probably isn't ready to talk about it yet. It took my wife several years to bring up her fantasies and preferences with me. She was worried about what I would think, say, or do.

Be patient with him, it will probably take him some time. It could be he is ashamed about it.

Have you shared your fantasies with him? Maybe he would be more open to talking to you about it if you shared with him.

I think the most important thing is don't push the subject. Let him know you love him and that you are okay with, and support him, and that you are happy to do whatever he wants with him.

Good luck, don't forget to have patience and let him know you are happy to talk to him about it at any time he is comfortable doing so.

[BellePepper]

Sometimes people have to get comfortable with ideas within themselves before they're ready to talk about them with other people. It really does sound like you have a great and supportive relationship so I'm sure he'll talk to you when he's ready :)

[momo770]

This situation sounds exhausting. Talk to him seriously about it and then you have some decisions to make in your life.

[christopher99]

OK he's addicted to porn. when this happens you often start to get into more hardcore things like pegging. he's ashamed of these things. try to get him off porn. these fantasies will more than likely go away after a while once he's given up porn.

[WalterRadio]

It sounds like he is gay and is just now figuring it out.

You have a couple of options. One, you could just give him permission to be with men and you might want to find a guy on the side for yourself when he no longer has sex with you. Two, you could start planning your divorce.

I have seen this story before and it did not turn out well.

[Happyme2017]

Maybe I can help, I been crossdressing for close to 30 years. Maybe I might be able to help. Like me I hid it for many years. Before I came to terms with it.

I'm not miracle worker. But who knows

[Intraluminal]

The truth of the matter is that he's just gotten on the porn addiction wagon and he has to get off. Some people are just easily addicted, and porn will become their addiction.

[SpectrumX]

have him check out CrossdresserHeaven. com. I'm a member and its a good site to help people who struggle or are uncomfortable with themselves.

[DAikman]

Don't try to pry it out of him. Just keep reassuring him that he's still man enough for you and that he can tell you anything. With time he should open up as he sees that there's less risk of losing you over what he reveals.

[thomasans]

Well we won't share our own true stories. (That used to be fantasy)