My husband has never given me an orgasm and doesn't care to try?

My husband and I have been together for 4 years. Our sex live sucks. He has never given me an orgasm and every time I try to talk to him about it he gets angry. I just don't know what to do anymore. He is a good man. We've been to therapy for it and it doesn't do anything. Every time I sleep with him I think about other men. He also never lasts more than a minute, with or without a condom. Even if we have sex often it doesn't make a difference. I also have to practically beg for it because he doesn't care to do it very much. I am suffering here and i have needs. I'm 23 and he is 29. What advice do you have for me?
0 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • Don't ask him when your not having sex. You will hurt his ego.

    What you can do is during foreplay, push his head down or hands.. and tell him you want that, in a flirty way. If he fells bad you can always do 69 position so you both get pleasure.

    And when he starts touching etc you, you tell him that feels good, bit softer, slower, harder etc...

    Then do sex. This way you got all your orgasms.

    He can increase his stamina by exercise, eating garlic, drinking lots of water, abstaining from alcohol/drugs/smoking.

    Also he can masturbate and push himself to not ejaculate, so one day he tries lasting for 5 minutes , another day 10 minutes.

    You can have sex again in several hours. Second round he'll last longer.

    If you have sex regular he'll last longer.

    • We have tried having sex regularly. We did it for two weeks straight and he doesn't even last 2 minutes. We even use condoms and that doesn't help. I've literally tried just about everything you can think of instead of sex toys.

    • You tried changing different positions? Has he always been like this or is it recent? You tried improving his stamina? Do you guys do foreplay before sex so you can orgasm?

  • Sounds like the guy has a low sex drive. Mid 20s is when a lot of people sex drive goes down. And early 30s, it picks back up. He may be overwhelmes with work, depressed, have a lot on his mind. It seems that you have tried everything. This is one of those situations where its nothing else you can. I would say leave, but you said that he is a good man. But if he doesn't cuddle, have sex with u from time to time and please... then look deeper at how he treats you not including when it comes down to sex. Is he showing the attention that need or want? Or are u noticing that you are not getting any attention and you are doing everything to keep the relationship going. Sounds like you may want to rethink the relationship, let him know that and I promise you that may get him to change up.

  • I'd suggest that he try edging so that he can last longer during PIV, which would give him a better chance at getting you to cum that way as he'd have more time to be able to figure out which position/angle/depth/pace it takes to get you to climax. However... sounds like he's not mentally interested in returning the favour so- I'm not sure. I mean, when you say that you already tried therapy, do you mean seeing a sex therapist?

    • A marriage therapist.

    • what did they say about this issue?

    • That he needs to try harder and not get so angry when I try to talk to him about it. Nothing has changed. I feel so hopeless.

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guys

  • have you triewd exploring his fatasies? why dont you fiond out what really turns him on, then instigate normal sex, once over go to the bathroom and dress in what ever it is that really drives him mad and go back and ask for more as once he has cum once he will take longer the next time and i know that you have said that you have tried condoms but they do help with the sesetivity feeling which maks him cum quicker. have you asked him for foreplay to get you ready for the sprit of sex that he provides? as a lot of girls say that after good foreplay they cum quicker?

  • that just doesn't make any sense to me... like WHY? won't he even try?

    • Beats me. I am a very patient person but this is just getting out of hand. I consider cheating on multiple occasions. I crave that feeling and know when I get home I'm not going to get it It drives me crazy!!!

    • would it be so bad if you left him? I mean if you're going to cheat, and I can understand why you would think about it, he's going to find out eventually anyway and that would be a far more painful way to separate wouldn't it?

    • I agree that it will be more painful but I'm stuck. Financially anyway. And we have a child.

    • Show All

Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions

What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!

What Girls & Guys Said

14 22
  • Was it always like that? I mean why get married if this area of your life is not working for you both. It sounds emotional for him. Does porn or toys help or is that out of the question?

    • Yes unfortunately.

  • This is why sex before marriage is important 😅

    Have you tried sex toys? Or vibrating bullet? Also look into foods that can increase libido like maca root (you can put the powder in a lot of foods or smoothies). I actually took them in supplement pill form for something else but my sex drive kind of went way up there after some time...

    • I will look into that thank you!

    • Is that what that Maca stuff is used for? No wonder I keep seeing it all around lately xD

  • Are you getting enough foreplay? Are you guys doing any oral sex, both giving and receiving? Have you taught him how to pleasure you (every step of the way)? I suppose if you've been to therapy the answer is probably yes to all.

  • I would have never married him.

    Time to divorce

  • Well, if you can't talk to him. And, you think about other men in the process of actually having nonexistent sex with him. AND, he doesn't want to work on it to help you, then thats a massive problem. You have needs, and its definitely not fair, or healthy. You're going to despise him.

    Did you have this problem before you were married to him?

    • I do despise him. Yes we did but i was willing to work on it because i know he's a good man. Too much time has passed and i just can't handle it anymore

    • I read the other comments, and I saw the answer to my question. I think you should do whats right for you, and not ask or answer any questions. Considering you have tried to talk to him, shows he doesn't care and will continue not to care.

  • Toys. Vibrator. Dildos. Buy them with his money. Please yourself and never have sex with him again. Solo orgasms can be mores enjoyable anyways. Get a boyfriend on the side if you don't mind being unfaithful. Or divorce and find a guy that will put your happiness on the same level as his.

  • Can you give yourself an orgasm in front of him?

    • To the men who up voted calm down. I'm saying she should show him the way not do it for him forever.

    • I don't know how.

    • @asker good info. Have you had an orgasm? If you haven't I imagine this is a hard thing for you both to achieve. Having an orgasm took love and a boy who knew my body. I didn't have one until 18 and I didn't master having one until 21 or so and still the same guy. Women can't orgasm without trust. If he sees what an orgasm looks like he is likely to follow.

    • Show All
  • Genuinely, what advice do I have for you? Hm. Did you marry this guy for his money or what? My advice would be pm me and we'll see how far away you live.

  • Your husband is a raging douchenozzel. That's some selfish crap right there. He should at least TRY to. Next time pretend to get off, then tell him your done and see how he feels.

  • get a magic wand and a jack rabbit

    • Not familiar with those but ill look into it!

    • you should. they work. I can't speak for the magic wand (although Hugh Heffner does) but my ex had a jack rabbit and she loved it.

  • Are you keeping yourself up for him? Are you emotionally distant from him? Do you nag or try to control him? Does he have a health condition like sleep apnea? Has he suffered a trauma like molestation? Also, Sometimes if a man doesn't feel respected outside of the bedroom it's hard for him to connect with you inside the bedroom. An emotional bond is essential to a healthy sex life, it leads to open and honest communication and it moves the other person to be unselfish and giving in terms of pleasure. Perhaps you two haven't tried as hard as you've said, is there room for improvement?

  • You say he's a good man, but it sounds like he doesn't care about what you want, or how you feel. It also sounds like he's unwilling to make an effort to fix things. I don't see your marriage lasting much longer, unless you want to screw around on the side, which brings it's own problems.

    • Is sex really a good enough reason to leave? We have a child together. Sure he is a selfish man. However he doesn't beat me or disrespect me and he is a great father.

    • I depends on how much you want to tolerate. you're obviously frustrated. If you want better sex and an orgasm, then you'll either have to fool around, or buy yourself a sybian.

    • Sex isn't good enough reason to leave him.

    • Show All
  • Divorce! If your husband can't give you an orgasm an doesn't even bother to try you need to leave that sorry sob

  • Get a new one

  • if everything else is good then i suggest you go get yourself fucked elsewhere occasionally

  • You are begging for the dick? That's fucking hot.

    • I seriously do beg for it. I love sex and i want it often, like every night. He makes excuses often as to why he can't and it drives me crazy.

    • I could only dream of a wife that begs me for sex. I would play hard to get and then give her the greatest night of her life (or at least do everything she wanted) - all the while it was me who wanted to bang :). I don't know what to tell you, maybe he doesn't find you that attractive. Because an attractive girl who begs me for the dick, is like I GOTTA give it to her. What? You - the woman - are begging me - the dude who is lucky enough to shag you - for my dick? Say no more!

    • In a way it is kinda hot... but she shouldn't have to. Should be she beggs and he gives it up.

    • Show All
  • This is why it's stupid to stay a virgin until marriage and why it's smarter to test drive them first (why would anyone buy a $50,000 car without even kicking the tires?). If they suck in bed then they are not even relationship material, let alone a marriage. Sounds like another "irreconcilable differences" divorce is in order. At least now you know to not marry men that suck in bed.

  • Sounds like a psychological/self-esteem deal with him. Try what the others suggest. There are more good men out there.

  • highkey you should invest your needs elsewhere

    • I'm stuck right now. Financially anyway. I've thought about just cheating.

    • and you should to be honest i dont condone cheating but you have taken all the steps to fix this and he won't change so yea go find somebody who can satisfy you

    • Thank you!

    • Show All
  • A divorce.

    • Oh, and that kind of behavior is broken marriage vows. You have no obligation to stay in a sexless marriage.

    • I agree.

  • Show More (16)