My husband puts me off, blows me off and shoots down any attempt I make at sex, then he jacks off any time i'm not home, why won't he touch me?

He won't touch me when I AM home, but he'll jack off anytime I'M NOT home. His "lack of interest" leaves me feeling unwanted, disgusting, disgusted, insulted, offended, repulsive, unattractive, undesirable, unsexy, lonely, confused, disrespected and wondering what I'm doing wrong, all at the same time. It also feels like he just wants a glorified housekeeper, cuddle buddy, bedwarmer and once-in-a-great-while (once every couple of months if I'm that lucky) booty call. His "lack of interest" definitely explains why I feel more like his mom than his wife at times. What AM I doing wrong? 😞

1 1

Superb Opinion

  • Believe it or not, it MIGHT not be anything you are doing wrong and that this has nothing to do with you.

    If your husband is beginning to get erectile dysfunction, he will be more disinclined to have intercourse because he knows he's going to be bad at it and not satisfy you. He might not even be able to penetrate you.

    However, the ability to have an orgasm has nothing to do with the ability to get an erection. So, his choking chicken may be his way of getting his rocks off but, at the same time, not feeling like a failure as a lover.

    Look at it like this.
    In baseball, if you are a bad batter, it is better to not step up to the plate and strike out than to not bat all all. In both cases, you aren't going to get a hit, but, if you don't even step up to the plate, the shame of being a bad batter isn't public...
    And men do not want to feel shame.
    No one does.
    But, to us, it's really bad because it challenges our self-identity and self-worth.
    =========
    I am NOT saying this is what is going on, but I am offering this as a hypothesis. Since you are " (36-45) ", I suspect he is in the same age range and that is usually when ED begins to rear its ugly head. If so, have him see a doctor and maybe getting Viagra or Cialis.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I can be almost certain that BOTH OF YOU have said and done terrible things to each other, sometimes out of ignorance or stupidity, but also sometimes out of malice, to get where you are. And you have arrived at a place where it's been so bad for so long that you can't solve it on your own. It's gotten beyond that. You need relationship/marriage counseling - a disinterested third party who can call each of you out and hold you accountable to each other. Only then will you be able to face your problems and start working on them.

    You feel unloved. He feels disrespected. Women need love in a relationship, and men need respect. You deny him and he denies you, and it's a vicious circle where you both lose.

    Most couples CAN fix this - it's a common problem - but you must both be willing to participate in the process and do the work. It won't be easy, and it won't be comfortable, but if you face It together and work on it, you can be stronger than you ever were.

    • @MrOracle. I agree with almost all you have said except that marriage counseling will help. Marriage counseling is a farce, dominated by feminist ideology, and always ends up blaming the man. There is an awesome YouTube lady called "the happy wife", and she found probably give this lady solid advice IF this woman is capable of taking it (doubtful).

    • I would definitely choose a male marriage counselor, and I would definitely shop around for one that wasn't a weakling. What you are looking for is someone who can hold both people accountable, and that requires logic, reasoning, and a backbone.

    • @MrOracle. Agreed, HOWEVER; women rarely tolerate accountability and will vigorously reject honest introspection. The "happy wife" YouTube lady talks a lot about this. She says marriage counseling often fails because women absolutely will not do the emotional work required to make a damaged marriage work.

Most Helpful Girls

  • So sorry my cousin had that issue! He has a mistress or just a porn addiction.

    His hand is better then you to him! So sorry he has decided your not attractive cause of all the fake porn.

    This is happening all over! Men can't perform and only want Thier addiction to porn not a real woman!

    This is sadly headed to divorce. So sorry here is a big caring hug!

    At best ask him if you can watch with him? Most guys still want it alone or just use you to get off while drooling over another woman!

  • It's not you, This jerk is jacking off to porn or some other Online hoses. I'd dump his ass. U are a convenience and no wife.

    • ED happens when a man least expects it I too can't perform normal sexual acts I'm in my late 30s Partly due to prolonged dry spells and failed career choices I made in life, I don't think I can be helped at this point My once usual remedy was pornhub of which I have stopped watching years ago, however tiktok just drive me wild It's the fate for us men in globalized gynocentric world After all who are hired the most to act porn?

    • @LordMadara Not Sure if it is ED. Many guys Jack off to Porn and Shortchange a Woman in a relationship.

    • Tanks, gag. lolxx

    • Show All

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I think this forum is not the right place to set your course. Seek out counseling and soon.

  • How long have you been married?

    Do you have children?

    How often do you two have a meaningful conversation?

  • How do you look? anyway it seems like your husband is a porn addict or something.

  • Could just be stress. If he is going through frequent time crunches at work or whatever he could easily be trying for the psychological convenience of masturbation. There isn't really anything you can do about this other than maybe help him find more free time.

    Alternatively, he could be disappointed in your lack of enthusiasm for his kinks. Like, if he casually floated the idea of anal or something recently and you weren't interested that might have actually been his way of begging and when you turned it down he decided not to pursue it. If you aren't sure maybe check his porn history to see what kind of behavior he is into and if it's something you might have rejected without thinking it was important to him.

  • You aren’t doing anything wrong , he is the one that is wrong , when a partner constantly denies you sex in a relationship t that person is only thinking of themselves and what is best for themselves , he is a selfish person that only wants things his way , He only likes the convenience of you but he doesn’t make you his top priority , You should really reconsider that marriage unless you want to be constantly let down the rest of your life , Because if he truly valued you and loved you , he wouldn’t be denying you sex and jerking of instead , that to me sounds like he is cheating on you or plotting to cheat on you , It sounds like he lost interest in you if he barely wants to have sex with you. So you are best to have a sit down talk with him and tell him how you really feel , if he doesn’t listen to you and try changing his ways , then you are best to leave him and find yourself someone that doesn’t want to withhold intimacy and affection from you

  • Assuming it wasn't always like this, what has changed in his life?

  • I'm guessing you had a good sex life together when younger. Sometimes, people lose interest over time, especially if sex becomes the same thing.

    You can't change him, he can only change himself. You should first deal with your own frustration, you deserve that. Take care of yourself... sexually... masturbate. And let him see you and how sexy you are. Invite him to masturbate with you.

    The spark may not be dead and just needs to be reignited.

  • There could be several reasons for this. 1) he might be suffering erectile dysfunction and is too embarrassed to tell you. 2) he might be stressed or depressed and that kills his appetite for sex. 3) he doesn’t find you attractive anymore. 4) he has a secret girlfriend and devotes his energy solely to her. 5) he’s gay. 6) he has a porn addiction. You have to sit him down and tell you the truth, nothing but the truth. If he still loves and wants to continue a married life with you then he has to seek professional help and you should support him if you want to stay with him. If he doesn’t love or fancy you anymore or if he’s gay tell him the marriage is finished and get a divorce. Best of luck

  • Are you looking for advice?

  • It sounds like he is the one in the wrong. If I were in your shoes, I would be planning my exit strategy.

  • I am close in age and in the exact same situation. Have you gotten fat? That's why I'm not interested in my wife as much sexualy. If you have maybe do the lingerie thing. He is probably tired of the same old in out in out. You have to do something interesting ormake yourself more attractive.

  • just get down and do it to him

  • Well, this is complicated. Does he have a porn addiction?

  • Either he's gay or you gained weight

  • Do you nag him constantly? If you act like his mom this is a huge problem, men don't want to fuck their mothers (except Oedipus of course).

    • You give bad advice I'm sure you are female

  • Your definitely gonna have to talk to him about it

  • Nothing! I can identify with you on this for I can also identify with your husband as well. I'm. Not defending his actions but he might just be tired, stressed, depressed, or life simply has him by balls! Talk to him! Let him know how you feel, what you are feeling, and what you want! It's very important to talk... talk... to him without yelling, blaming, or putting him down. If you need more info, just drop me a message! Best of luck!

  • Go get sex in other places

  • Hmmmm! Did you guys have a fight or did you cheat and get caught or something like that

  • Have you tried tying him to the bed and having your way with him?

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