My kid found our sex toys and has questions, how do I explain in an appropriate way?

Question

So my 5 year old found me and his father’s sex toys. I was cooking dinner when my son came in and handed me my husband and I”s butt plug… (clean of course) asking me what it was. He got into my toy box under my bed, where he knows he’s not supposed to go. In our family we don’t lie to each other. We believe that if he’s old enough to ask he should get an answer, but I’m not sure how to answer his question in an age appropriate way. I want my children to feel comfortable coming to me with any question they might have about anything.
For those of you who are parents, how would you deal with this situation?

My kid found our sex toys and has questions, how do I explain in an appropriate way?

abc3643 · Accepted Answer

You lie. LOL.

You can say it's your toy - that's telling the truth.

But you don't have to tell the truth about how you play with it, so you make something up... or you lie.

I am going to give you two stories - one from my own life and one I heard on the rare occasion I went to church when I was in my 20s or early 30s...

Around 1967, when I was 4, my mom was riding the pot. I am oldest -my mom was likely pregnant with my sister - and my parents were young; my mom was about 24 and my dad 27. Back then, because I was so young, it was a very natural household, so to speak. I am not sure how else to word that.

So, my mom is riding the pot, the bathroom door is open, and I ask her "Mommy, my why does my peepee get bigger and smaller?"

She replied "You must have been playing with it."

And, to my 4-year-old mind, that was good enough of an answer. I didn't need a follow-on question and I had no concept of sex or anything else.

Now, my mom didn't lie, but she didn't have to give me the whole story either... it would have been unfathomable to me anyway.

OK, now for the story the priest told...

His sermon that day was "Never lie... but you don't have to tell the truth."

And he gave an example...

He was going to be the officiant for a wedding. The bride, a member of his parish, was not a particularly attractive girl.

As the girl is getting ready and in her wedding gown with the maids of honor, and getting made-up, etc., the priest comes in and the girl, jubilant because she's about to be married, asks the priest "Father, don't I look beautiful?"

She didn't - even with the make-up and her wedding gown.

Now, if he told her the truth and said "No, you do not look beautiful.", saying what would happen next as being awkward would be the understatement of the century. She'd be devastated on what is supposed to be the best day of her life!

But, could he lie?

NO! That's a violation of the 9th Commandment... and he's a priest!!

So, how does he get out of this jam? How does he not lie, but not tell her the real true answer to her question?

He says to her "You look the best you've ever been."

It's not a lie and, is, in fact, true, but it didn't directly answer her question either... and her day is not ruined. It's a win-win.

=========

OK, back to your situation. Well, that's more like the situation with my 4-year-old "peepee".

So, you can say to your son, "That's one of mommy's toys." At 5, he might ask a follow-up question like "How do you play with it?" but you don't have to give the gory details like my mom didn't with me and the priest didn't do with the bride. You can be evasive. One thing you can do is simply change the subject or say "Nevermind" or... lie... for instance, say it's a long-lost Chess piece (a pawn) from when you were a little girl and you are trying to collect the rest of them to make a Chess set.

Now, keep this in mind: Did you lie? Not initially. It IS a toy... and, again, leave it at that.

If he follows-up, then it's up to you to determine your next course of action.

But, keep in mind something... He's 5. He has no idea about sex. None whatsoever. So, even if you did tell him the truth with all the gory details, he would have no idea what you meant, so it's pointless to even tell him the complete truth - just like why my mom didn't have to explain erections, vaginas, and intercourse with me at 4.

Finally, maybe get a firebox or some other lockbox for your "toys". It'll keep the kids and future nosy babysitters and law enforcement and firemen from knowing your sexual business.

Good luck!

Chazmatazz269 · Accepted Answer

Hahaha!!! I was helping some friends move. She was still packing stuff while he and i loaded furniture, appliances and other big, heavy stuff. She pulled her nightstand drawers out so we could load the stands themselves. Before she could pack the items within, his daughter walked in and grabbed this gelly anal bead/dildo thing that they used for butt play. She’s swinging it around like a floppy sword and saying, “This is neat! What’s this?”. I’m losing my mind i’m laughing so hard. Her stepmom says, “Put it down! I clean the toilet with that!”. Hahahaha!!! One of the funniest things i’ve ever witnessed in my life!

purplepoppy · Accepted Answer

It's your responsibility to make sure he can't reach them not his not to look in a box. But since the damage is done.

Handcuffs. They stop mummy falling out of the bed.
Butt plug. Daddy collects door knobs.
Dildo. It's a weapon against the monsters under the bed.
Vibrator. It's for daddies aching muscles.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I found one of my sex toys in my ten-year-old daughter's desk drawer. In the past she saw something like it at the supermarket and we told her it was for neck massages. She had been complaining about having a sore neck.

katiesmuff · Answer

Guess you could have told him the butt plug was your adult pacifier!

Kori1236 · Answer

I’d just say those are mom and dads toys. But they’re for adults not kids. And then maybe get a locked chest for the toys

TheorionMage · Answer

Simply explain that as people grow physically old enough to become Moms and Dads...
their bodies respond to being touched in ways that feel good and...
you and Daddy like to make each other feel good in private and...
that talking about such adult play is reserved to only be discussed among trusted friends.
What he's found are Mom and Dad's private toys and not yet for younger kids~

Be3Bee · Answer

Not a parent yet but I would probably improvise and say it is an expensive jewelry, accessory or some statue. Just something that seems boring enough in a tone that shows no panic. Because the kid was just exploring random stuff but if I reacted surprised or forbid talking about it then it could spark kid's interest in it. After all it is human nature to seek that which we don't know or don't have.

pewter_moon · Answer

Hasn’t that moment passed by now? What is the attention span of a five year old? Would they remember 8 hours later? Just tell them they aren’t his and don’t touch it again. Simple.

spartan55 · Answer

Just say those are mommy and daddy's toys... and leave it at that.

summiter · Answer

Just tell him that it is a private thing for adults and leave it at that.

bubblegunnn · Answer

Its adult toy and kid such ur age will learn about it when u are adult enough, now give it to momma please..

NathanDavis · Answer

when my niece was four to six years old and she heard subjects or words she should not repeat herself as a kid

I simply told her the truth... openly and very honestly

"you're still a kid my dear... and these are topics for adults alright? is not something you would should worry and concerned about okay? little kids should not be saying these words because these are things for adults to talk about, later... when you're older you'll understand and comprehend more about these things, alright? right now... is not the time"

"now... let's go sing and dance to What Did The Fox Say? for the millionth time okay?"

ShadezMcgee · Answer

"Honey, this is something your father and I use for when we want to play and have fun. I can't go into detail just yet, but I promise to tell you what it is when you are older."

Mofunfour20 · Answer

Just say, "want some ice cream"

20yearsolder · Answer

They're 5 years old, they don't need to know what that stuff is for. Make something up. They won't even remember having this conversation a couple of years from now

Summeroflove · Answer

Adult stuff. Don’t ever touch that again. Your child needs punished for crossing boundaries and sticking his nose where he knows it don’t belong.

Sixgunsound · Answer

Mommy and daddy don’t play with your toys don’t play with ours🤣

mobiusforniner · Answer

Santas elves make toys for adults too... lol

AviatorTom · Answer

You simply say, "That belongs to Daddy. He sometimes plays with it." and then spin it like a top.

josephinelcajon · Answer

Honesty and openness always work best! Hide it and it becomes the forbidden fruit. Lie and they will remember and never trust you again. He walks in on you eventually there will be far less curiosity. My mom was very open and honest, and I was very board and uninterested. She could have been brushing her teeth or masturbating it was that uninteresting.

Agape93 · Answer

Just say it's a tool mama uses to do the dishes. He won't want to be around it anymore

Finchie40 · Answer

Tell him it’s a back door stopper so the door doesn’t hit the wall , It will buy you time but when he gets older he will be traumatized lol

RealMarek · Answer

You can just explain that these are private belongings and that he should not have rummaged through them.

My kid found our sex toys and has questions, how do I explain in an appropriate way?

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