My long term girlfriend suddenly acts like she’s 70 years old and is boring me to death?

[Anonymous]

As per the title, my girlfriend of 9 years who is in her late 20s has just changed so much and I can’t take it.

She literally always has some sore of pain that she is complaining about.. could be a headache, or neck pain or back pain.. ALWAYS a new pain every day for her to complain about.

The next thing is that has gradually gotten worse over the years is the sex life. She isn’t fun at all about it anymore. If it’s late in the night she won’t want to do it because she’s tired. We live together and the only time we have sex is if it’s early in the night like right after dinner. Any later and it’s not even an option anymore.. in the last year there isn’t a SINGLE time where we got home after a night of partying and had fun.. it’ll be straight to bed and would have to wait for the next day (which for me the spark is dead the next day… a night out, dressed up nicely gets me horny.. I want to go home and enjoy her at the end of the night… rip her out of the sexy outfit.. not wait till the next day when she’s dressed in baggy warn out clothes…)

I’ve talked to her a number of times as nicely as possible and she just doesn’t see my side of it. She says everyone is like this and we are normal. Even when her friends come over and brag about the thrilling sex stories they have with their partners…. My girlfriend tells me don’t listen to them, they’re making it up. I’m so frustrated and BORED and she is unwilling to listen and even if she did, it would mean she’s forcing it which is not a turn on either

I’m pissed because I’ve been with her for 10 years and she SLOWLY turned into this. I love her and would feel like a douche leaving her now especially because we bought a house together … but I’m unhappy

I’ve even tried setting up a romantic dinner out of town, dressed up.. made sure to hold her hand and be romantic throughout the night.. it made no difference.. she asked for a massage when we got back home for neck pain and had no interest in sex.

[Preston_Tatum]

How old are you?
That sounds normal, I’ll be 31 in June and half way through being 30 I started hurting speratically. I also lift weights. I don’t lift as heavy anymore but I’m finding new ways to lift rather than manhandling all the time. You did say you’ve been together 9 years so she’s obviously comfortable or loves you to the moon and back. Have you guys talked about this? If this is too much of a game changer, do things and maybe she will want to join you. We learned in college that if you stop exercising, your pains will get worse. So maybe she can keep this in mind, if this is too much for you both, maybe suggest a break? But try to make things work before you take that chance. When you e crossed the rubicon, you’ve passed it old sport

[Asker]

Thanks, I’ve talked about it but her mindset just became so “old”. She just wants to watch tv for the entirety of her free time so she gets in pain from sitting all day at work, and then sitting all night at home. I’ve she takes criticism so badly, she acts as if you murdered her puppy in front of her.. and I have tried to talk to her in the most gentle ways. She really suckered me in early with her fun side.. now 9 years later I feel trapped with how she became because I don’t think I can bring myself to leave her despite how unhappy I am. It pains me to think about leaving her. I just want her to go back to her upbeat self that has sexual needs again too. She expects me to propose too.. I just can’t do that when I’m not happy though

[Preston_Tatum]

“At the office.” That may be your main problem. Normally people think if I spend more energy exercising I’ll be tired more. ThTs not the case, exercise gives you energy and is your body’s natural anti age prohibiting factor

[Asker]

I’ve tried, I’m 29 myself and workout a lot. 4-5 Times a week; I love it and really am addicted to it. I feel great when I workout and I feel down and depressed when I don’t. I’ve always been active which is why I want someone similar to me. People may say then why are you with her.. or why did you waste her time. I can see why the would say that except.. she was much more similar to me in the first half of our relationship. And after so many years together.. when people change.. they change gradually making it harder to see until one day it hits you in the face like a ton of bricks. She wants to get married and have kids.. to me I want that with someone I’m happy with. With her current mindset I feel like despite her wanting this, it would just make her more miserable when she gets even busier and just will have more to complain about quite honestly

[Preston_Tatum]

Wasting her time? If you’re in this relationship to then you have 50% of it too. I would not have said wasting someone’s time, but it goes both ways. They are toward the end you were talking about her wanting to have kids and get married, that’s great! But you did not sound convinced that she was the one you wanted to do that with when you had mentioned you want to do that with someone that makes you happy. I would just say maybe you guys should have a talk and if y’all cannot come to a mutual understanding maybe you guys should part ways. But don’t be eager to part ways, try to make everything work as best as you can before you get to that point. If you get to that point

[Asker]

I appreciate the time you’ve taken to give me advice. I will take your advice and try talking to her again despite it likely being a losing battle. After sex it takes her a week to be Horny again.. she literally aged 50 years mentally within the last 4 years lol

[Agagagagaga]

I don’t know what the solution is. I feel bad for you though. You’re not married but you may as well be. You bought a house together for God’s sake.

Honestly I don’t really see this getting better. Maybe suggest she take up a yoga class because she keeps complaining about pain here or there. She’ll be physically active which will help her mood some, she may stop complaining about aches and pains, and may actually have more of a libido.

You’re potentially looking at spending a lifetime with this person. Make the best choice for you.

[Asker]

Thank you.. yeah her being this way is really sucking the enjoyment out of life for me. I’m too much of a wuss to leave her too.. I feel like it would kill her and I can’t live with myself causing her that much pain. Id rather live miserable then to hurt her like that

[summiter]

It won't get better till you talk about it with her some more. Have you tried using some lube for sex it might help. Is she having any sex with you at all?

[DonkeyDan]

Sounds like she needs to get off her ass and be more active, non activity is what causes people to become like this, pains and tiredness. Suggest you both join and gym or suggest activie activities to do together. As she becaomes more active she will have more energy. Biggest mistake people make is thinking that if they are tired sitting down and resting is the thing to do, it just nakes it 10x worse. Try and find ways to motivate her.

[exitseven]

Maybe she has a medical condition like fibromyalgia or lupus.

[jahaims]

She is just lazy

[In_Trance]

So what is your actual question?

[Asker]

Shared my dilemma, it’s more of a if anyone has anything good to offer me that could help my situation … I’m listening

[Anonymous]

The joys of a complacent female.

[Asker]

It seems many guys know this situation too well. The funny part is how girls complain about guys to no end… but in reality they cause the most damn headaches

[Opinion Owner]

When they get complacent they stop trying. If you want to see her hit the gym, lose weight, go out, have a sex drive... Make her single.

[Anonymous]

Yeah sucks when your woman just randomly decides no more sex for you and expects you to just accept it

[Anonymous]

You're basically married without the legal document. This is why marriage kills relationships. Once women lock you down, everything goes away.

[Asker]

I think this is why men go crazy for good looking girls in public places.. they’re so much more attractive when we don’t know their name or anything about them. We see a pretty girl and think.. NOW that is a girl for me

[Anonymous]

this isn't entirely unusual , for one person to get bored , not really sure what to suggest , there is relationship counselling to try and figure out whats going on here. she could also get looked at by a doctor to determine if there is any medical issues or not related to pain , which could be cured through treatment or therapy