My man isn't open to new things and im so tired of our sex life. What can I do?

He is traditional and likes ‘normal’ sex. He likes the same routine every time. He has a lot of attention for me (a good thing), but im kinda tired of our predictable and boring sex life. It makes me want to have sex with different men (not acting on it but fantasizing so much about it). And I feel bad about it, bc that’s not what i want.

Talking about switching it up makes him feel insecure. He feels uncomfortable stepping out of his comfort zone and feels as if he’s not good enough anymore (which isn't true).

What can I do?

0 1

Superb Opinion

  • Some people are very rigid about what they do in bed, and he may be one of those people. From your question, sounds like you are not married, and this is a good time to discover how open or not a person is before you marry. That is a difficult place to be, especially when you don't know how to handle the difference between your and his sex drive /interest.

    A prior girlfriend and I discussed our interests in other men/women, and that seemed to put fire into our sex life. I had a college girlfriend that did meet and jacked-off another man she met on like, and told me before she went to meet him. That kind of thing was a spark for both of us, but I KNOW that is not something a lot of people would do for fear of ruining their current relationship/marriage. It may work for some, but not others.

    I know and have known a lot of women that have had affairs with other men, but can't say how it affected their marriage or relationship.

    Sometimes you just cannot change the person, and just have to either live with the person and their way of doing, or move on. Not an easy choice.

Most Helpful Guy

  • People vary in their sexual interests and that seems pretty unchanging. Some people don't like sex at all. Some enjoy sex, but like your man, they like doing the same thing all the time. Some (presumably like you) enjoy variety. Others like a particular kink - but maybe only that kink.

    I don't think you can make him enjoy variety the way you do- though it doesn't hurt to try. You may just need to decide how important it is to you.

    Someone who doesn't like variety is unlikely to accept an open relationship because they won't understand why you want it. Of course you can cheat to get the variety you crave - no judgement, but that is rarely a good long term solution

Most Helpful Girls

  • Maybe couples therapy, maybe he can read some books on the subject. It's not of my business how different you want to go but how far out of his norm are you talking about? It depends if it's something that crosses his boundaries and he might never cross.

    Maybe give him a list of things you might be interested in doing then ask him if he is willing to do any of them. Or have him come up from a list (from his reading).

    I know there is several things I refuse to do and won't budge on them. At some point at least with some therapy you have to decide if this is what you want long term.

  • Sorry my ex did the same thing! Just only wanting his boring needs when I needed more.

    Talking with my girlfriend helped me not cheat until he did then it was over and now I'm so free and happy!

    What do you want in your life?

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 11
  • That will become a mundane sex life and one of them will fall from it. On the other hand i felt out of sex life because i'm too much of a perv, fetish guy, dirty talker... So the way i'm seeing it, either way still feels bad for some.
    If you doung same thing over and over seems like a work routine, if you're too open then you're a freak, creep, perv, so neitherway is good anymore. 🤦‍♂️

  • If you feel that way about it you need to step up and take control of the situation and do what you need to satisfy your needs. Or maybe show him what you're interested in

  • Find new positions to try and mix things up without letting him know that that's what you'll do. He's psyching himself out by thinking about it. Just take the reigns, don't force anything, and warm him up to the idea slowly.

  • What are you trying to do to switch it up?

  • What kinda nee stuff we talking about?