My marriage has been struggling and the doctor's advice hasn't been working. What can I do?

[DanielMorris]

My wife and I have been married for 7 years and for the last three years I have been dealing with erectile dysfunction. I really try to please her in other ways and it helps. I am sexually aroused by her and my brains tells me so, but my penis doesn't seem to get the queue. Its devastating because I want to sexually please my wife often and she wants me to but my body won't allow me. Sometimes oral sex is enough for her but other times it's not. I completely changed my diet and exercise 5 times a week. We have been seeing a therapist and a specialist ( to help with my erectile dysfunction) for the last two years and it has helped a bit. About a week ago I successfully got an erection that lasted for a while and was able to sexually please my wife for the first time in 3 months. We were so happy. Whenever I am able to get an erection that lasts I try to give her my all. Its like my body is thanking her for being so patient with me. Also on the rare occasion that my erection lasts I make love to her like I'm I'm pleading and begging for forgiveness for not being able to make love to her as often as she needs me to. We tried again on Friday night but my erection wouldn't stay. My wife is a good sport but I can see how this issue affects her and other aspects of our relationship and it is messing with my ego. I never thought I'd be so young with erectile dysfunction. I thought I had many years of great sex with my wife ahead of me but it seems I don't. Any advice is welcome. What are some things you did that worked?

[Anonymous]

I had similar issues in the past, I was younger than you actually.

The main reason your doctors advice isn’t working is that their solutions are based on old, recently debunked science.

You should trust health professionals on most things, but at the same time you can’t expect them to look up all of the latest studies and research about every single thing they have to treat.

There’s also a lot of bad science, by that I mean big companies bribing people to push their products. For example the sugar industry bribed doctors to blame saturated fats for illnesses caused by excess sugar.

Often the problem is low testosterone. I’m not going to go digging for sources in anything here- believe me, do your own research, or go fuck yourself - 1 in 4 men today have low testosterone. The average man today has 20% less testosterone than the average man from 20 years ago of the same age. If you go to a doctor to get your bloods done, they’ll often tell you that you’re in the normal range even though your levels are low. They have to be extremely low for them to tell you that they’re low.

The diet they push as healthy, mostly as a result of the war on fat and cholesterol, is an anti-testosterone diet. Testosterone is literally derived from cholesterol. You need cholesterol in order to increase testosterone levels. Low cholesterol = low testosterone. A low fat diet = low testosterone. Yet they’ll often tell you to eat low fat and perhaps even take statins to lower cholesterol further. Instead do the opposite, more saturated fat, do not take statins. Cholesterol isn’t the boogeyman it’s made out to be, it doesn’t clog up the arteries like they say it does, again, do your own research.

As for exercise, they’ll tell you to go running. Bad advice again. Long distance running causes high cortisol/low testosterone. Ever seen a muscular marathon runner? No. For an increase in testosterone you need something more aggressive - sprints, lifting heavy weights, training a combat sport.

Another thing is porn. They almost never mention porn use. Masturbating to porn desensitises you to real sex. It’s a form of Pavlovian conditioning actually. Whatever you orgasm to the most, your brain will want more of that. If you orgasm to the sight of other people fucking on a screen, you’re conditioning your brain to associate orgasm with the sight of other people fucking on a screen, not real sex. Cut out porn if you watch it. You need to orgasm more with your wife to recondition your brain to associate sex with her with orgasm, if this is your problem.

When you get into sex, it’s easier said than done, but you need to take your mind off of getting an erection. The more you worry about it, the more anxious you are about it, the less likely it will happen.

You mention pleasing your wife a lot - nothing wrong with wanting to please your wife, but that can be a bad mindset also. If you’re thinking about pleasing your wife, often this makes sex become more mechanical. I know I was like this. If I was engaging in foreplay, I knew a bunch of moves and techniques to make her orgasm, and I was focused on that. Moving my tongue the right way, moving my fingers the right way. I was focused on the mechanics, not on how good it felt.

Think less about pleasing her, focus on the enjoyment you get from her body, how great she tastes, how good she smells, how great she looks, how hot she sounds when she moans etc. Obviously I’m not saying be selfish, because by doing this you’re more likely to get it up, and she also wants you to be that turned on by her.

[Guy13]

My work mentors are 50-65: I’ve heard the talk. Go to your general practitioner and ask about a prostrate exam. One sign is “choppy peeing”🤷🏻‍♂️. Apparently, one has an enlarged prostrate. All of them have a generic form of Viagra. It is not expensive. Whatever it is one of the fools crushed a pill and dropped half pill 💊 in my martini 🍸…. It works.

[Emiliamazing]

Your general practitioner, and perhaps a dietitian I want to get involved. Really good that you two are working on this together.

[Emiliamazing]

Thank you for the MHO!

[Avicenna]

I haven’t experienced it, and this is not dietary or medical advice, but try eating spinach and kale and maybe talk to your doctor about taking testosterone.

[Iron_Man]

Go to a professional place that specializes in that they have a lot of stuff that can help you