My rapey-fwb is in jail waiting for his 2nd trial for sexually assulting a hand full of girls, and I feel bad for him?

My friends with benefits of almost 2 years is 27 is quite the dominant type who loooves anal sex. We had anal many times, and has 1 or two times tried (and failed) to force me to do anal, and now he's in jail because he got convicted for raping 3 or 4 girls (the same way/anally). Some other girls have come forward as well.

I kept seeing him for like half a year after he tried to force me, because for me this was no big deal, as I always knew he was dominant and I knew was I was getting myself into, kind of. Most of our sex was pretty fun, so I just told him off basically..

He pleads not guilty.

He's on trial now waiting for his sentence, and I seriously feel bad for him, even though I KNOW the accusations are true? I find it hard to accept that this will ruin his entire life and reputation forever.

Is it normal that I feel bad for him and want his sentence to be short?
Updates:
+1 y
Ok so they freed him from all charges exept 1 rape. so he's back in the streets in the end of 2023 wtf :') Apparently he had girls basically fighting over him in court, all thinking they were special, and asking if they can visit him hahaha - at least I'm not alone, and they're even worse than me lol
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Superb Opinion

  • Dearest Annabindo:

    I think it is normal for you to feel bad for him and want him to return. You've had a relationship with him.

    What is NOT normal is that you want to be with a man who is a rapist and who's also tried to rape you!

    You know the rape accusations are true. How does this not warn you that this is a dangerous, serial rapist for whom sex with you is NOT enough. He has to go out and HURT other women.

    This man needs to be in jail and with the several women who've accused him, it is likely he will get a long sentence and thank goodness for that. He will also get put on a sex offender list, which he should be on. He has a serious problem that he has ignored until he's finally facing jail. Prisons, however, are not made to rehabilitate prisoners. He will likely simply go to prison, get some minimal therapy and be let out in less than 10 years.

    Anna, I hope you see a therapist and discuss this connection you want to continue with a mentally disturbed, violent man. You are putting yourself emotionally and physically at risk by being with him. And why do you ignore his behavior with other women?

    Maybe this is some thrill seeking behavior on your part. But it's unhealthy. Be kind to yourself and consider how this man has harmed others, too.

    • Just to set it right, I feel sort of bad for him, but I don't want to have sex with him ever again though.. But yeah he'll get like 3-5 years

    • Annabindo: Don't have ANYthing to do with him. He's a bad, scary egg.

    • Yeah I won't :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • Just what in the heck are you feeling bad about a person that is a convicted rapist? Do you need counseling? Are you that disturbed you would feel bad for a criminal?

    Or... are you just trolling our community. I haven't figured out which because anyone that feels bad for a rapist is a terrible person themselves. Shame on him and his victims.

    • I guess my point is that I've known him for quite some time, and he's not a "monster"-type you see in documentaries. He's a normal guy.. I know his pattern of forcing anal is bad, but somehow I feel like it's not "real" rape because they consented and initiated sex with him I'm fucked up haha

    • He IS a monster. There is no discussion to be had.

    • So much for forgiveness and turning the other cheek huh Jesus? Lmfao the hypocrisy

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Most Helpful Guys

  • probably, you are under his mind control... or your own. "Love" per se... Love makes everything seem wonderful, smells like roses, even when it's wrong and stupid, been there done that... had to wisen up. maybe he's even a "trafficker"... trying to control a bunch of women before you were shipped off to brothels or enslavement in UAE?

    maybe he's a very strong personality, narcissistic, controlling, cunning... knows how to manipulate and "get to you" emotionally. But is that about your well being, or his own? that' the difference. you were like a puppet on strings. some personalities are good at this... especially when you have wounds to prey upon. They are wolves in sheeps clothing.

    there's something to "bonding" hormones. you don't control that stuff...
    but your feelings might change if you see he doesn't really care about you, using you, you were lied to, etc..

    you gotta get a new perspective and see if the old one is crapola! Examine what that "love is". for sure, he's a real SOB A-hole.

    • we gotta know who he is, he has special powers over women. he's going to leave a wake of damaged females and desperate babies behind.

  • To preface, I don't condone his actions at all. I wouldn't say it's good that you want his sentence to be short, but don't feel guilty about it. We live in a highly civilized, delicate world. And it IS for the better but it wasn't always this way. Some women like highly Dominant men like that, and for a period of time throughout history that was the standard. You're just the type of woman who can handle a less delicate world. And while I stand by what I said about you not feeling guilty for it, we should try to not let our steadfastness influence our judgement.

    • Thank you for that perspective :)

    • No problem

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What Girls & Guys Said

6 32
  • Let him rot. Don’t sympathize with a piece of shit.

    My rapey-fwb is in jail waiting for his 2nd trial for sexually assulting a hand full of girls, and I feel bad for him?
    • Monsters create monsters don't be a blood thirsty monster be a compassionate human being please

    • @vald9inches Why should I be a “compassionate human being” to someone who couldn’t be a compassionate human being to another human being? Rapist and pedophiles take away peoples innocence and dignity, we’re they being a compassionate human being when they were doing that? No? Don’t argue with me on my opinion of pedophiles and rapists. I don’t sympathize with them or rapist/pedophile sympathizers.

    • Because you will be a monster if you throw them into the wood chipper as you propose. Also compassion is a good trait to have what they did was wrong but two wrongs don't make a right. Sure you will feel good for a brief moment when you punish them but it doesn't solve the problem or undo what they did. If you teach them what they did is wrong then they will teach others like them it is wrong. Then you can focus on the true underlying problem in society that creates such people and behavior and focus on that. An eye for an eye and the world goes blind remember that

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  • It's not normal for you being an idiot over this loser though. Nice to know girls are ok with or favor rapists. You have to be a troll.

    My rapey-fwb is in jail waiting for his 2nd trial for sexually assulting a hand full of girls, and I feel bad for him?
  • It shows a screwed sense of empathy or big lack of it. Maybe you should talk about it with a therapy.

    • Well yeah I have empathy for the guy I know but not for the girls who I don't know. Cause I don't know who the girls are, so I find it hard to empathize with them

    • That's the issue in itself. Your response is like showing empathy towards a murderer and having no empathy for the people they killed. When a normal sense of empathy would very much cause the reverse. Also your connection to him does not make what he did right or even acceptable. But your way of thinking is akin to attempting to make what he did acceptable due to your connection to him. That kind of that in itself is a really, dangerous way of thinking. Because that type of thinking does show up in Battered Woman Syndrome. Women with BWS often accept and attempt to excuse away the abusive behavior of their partner based on the connection they have with them.

  • "I find it hard to accept that this will ruin his entire life and reputation forever." Is it easier for you to accept the psychological (and possibly physical) trauma suffered by his victims?

    • It would probably be the other way around if I didn't know the guy and knew the girls yeah

    • So you don't feel compassion or empathy for anyone unless you personally know them?

    • Not as much I guess

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  • Come on. Your kidding right look along if on here are very sexual we all like sex but you're cool about it you're not harassing and you sure the fact on the salt somebody just because you want to have sex that's fucking stupid you want to do it with the person that wants to do it with you not doesn't want to do it that's just wrong how could you feel sorry for him anybody that hurts anybody because one person wants sex and the other person doesn't they're totally out of control they're wrong

  • Damn, low standards much?

  • Sounds like he's going to the best place for him hope he has to pick up the soap a few times.

    You should take this as a sign that you dodged a bullet maybe you enjoyed what you did but he could have escalated and done more than you where willing to do.

  • Why do women get with such lowlifes. Dude is a fucking RAPIST... you have a screw loose somewhere.

  • Feeling bad… is this a bad joke?… it’s gross🤬🤬

    • Not a joke it means you are human and have compassion for all people

    • @vald9inches I don’t have compassion for rapist.. etc. none.

    • @chiarac2003 Sure you will feel good for a brief moment when you punish them but it doesn't solve the problem or undo what they did. If you really want to stop such acts from happening to another person then you have to teach them what they did is wrong and show them the consequence of their action and what it does to the person they wronged or another victim. Then they will teach others like them it is wrong. Then you can focus on the true underlying problem in society that creates such people and behavior and focus on that. No one is perfect we all make mistakes. One day you will make a mistake and go down the wrong path in life and you will be begging for compassion and mercy from someone with the exact attitude you have here and now and you will wish you too also had compassion and mercy. Monsters create more monsters and the cycle continues and never ends because everyone is too blood thirsty and too afraid to have a heart too afraid to show mercy...

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  • No it's completely not normal that you feel bad for him, and it basically makes you a traitor to women everywhere.

    • Yeah I know, I feel like a traitor :((( But it's like, I know him - I don't know them. And I feel like my thing was not go-to-prison-bad, so I don't know

    • So do you have sympathy for women who are raped?

    • I think yeah, but now when the choice is between someone I genually know and girls I know nothing about, then I guess it's harder.

  • U are invested in him because u loke him just shows u can't give a objective opinion on him

    • I definitely cared about him so that's probably true

    • Liking someone and them objectively being a shit person are difdernt u know he is capable of it because he tried it with u at the end of the day he did somthing fucked up and should be punished

    • You're right. If this was a guy I didn't know, I would totally agree that he deserves a couple of years behind bars

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  • He's a goddamn rapist. His life deserves to be ruined and ended painfully.

    • I just really don't feel that way. would be so much easier if I did...

    • Its not about you. It's about the fact that he seriously injured 3+ women in a violent sexual assault and could have given them diseases or possible surgeries. Don't feel upset? Good for you. But your feelings don't mean jack shit.

    • They already consented to sexual sex without a condom but Well ofc my feelings matter to myself

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  • I would've stomped him face until there's nothing but brain matter left on the curb, and I'm sure other people would have as well, trust me jail time is the best punishment

    • For your information, your dominant friends with benefits will become a submissive little bitch in prison 😂

    • Yeah that's what I think I SHOULD feel. But I really don't. I think it's all over exaggerated and what he's done is no biggie. What's wrong with me? It's a scandinavian country and prison, so prison is not much different from a weird summer camp lol

    • It's what he gets, let him do his time

  • I don't know. That's how you feel about it. And it's okay to think anything. But I wouldn't interfere or anything with the trial. Because someone else was harassed and raped and it's getting judged before the law. You should let it progress uninterrupted because other girls were humans too and if they were actually raped, he deserves the punishment. As your thoughts are valuable to you, the thoughts and rights of the other girls are valuable too.

  • No sympathy for rapists or pedophiles! When they are caught, and found guilty, lock them up!

  • You are a literal piece of shit.

  • Troll.

    If this is real, you have a damaged relationship with men and sex. He should rot in prison.

  • It is good you are kind and kind of I to it. I'd take you on. But on the other hand I can't respect a man who won't honor a woman's boundaries. Push and Flirt yes. But rape is a no go. Rules for good reasons. Let him go. Start over. You'll be ok.

  • OP in 5 years "where are all the good men?"

  • Of course it's normal you wouldn't be a human if you didn't feel compassion and sympathy for other human beings both him and the victims. The problem is that the justice system does not fix people as they say they do they only give a brief satisfaction to the victims and to the public that they hurt and punished the "criminal" and "justice" was served. Tell me how does the death penalty fix criminals if they are dead? How does it make the world a better place? How does our justice system stop a behavior from repeating with inhumane jails that make people worse and actually educate them to do worse crimes if they get out? We as w society need to learn forgiveness and stop solving a negative situation with another negative solution. We need to stop being blood thirsty like we are in a Roman Colosseum giving the thumbs down and seeing people die in all manner of ways. An eye for an eye and the world becomes blind

    • This one human being who asked this question is asking us is it wrong to have compassion for a human being and we all chastise her for having a human heart... Look at the world we are creating for ourselves...

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