My wife complains that I always want to have sex with her… Is this a legitimate complaint?

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Superb Opinion

  • So I've been reading through the comments and saw that the two of you have a therapist and I think that's great! I also see a lot of great advice from commenters below. I don't know you or your wife so I don't know what you've tried or what you've talked about in terms of why this disinterest is happening, a hormone imbalance that you mentioned could certainly play a major role. I'm also probably the last person to be giving relationship or sex advice since I am currently single. However, I may not be a counselor or a be in a relationship but I do what it's like to be a woman.

    I can only speak from my personal experience as a woman but I know that some of us really get off on emotional intimacy and for some of us that can easily lead to physical intimacy. I know you mentioned cuddling and that's great but what other kinds of things do you do together. What kinds of things other than sex do the two of you do together that bring you closer together beyond just the day-to-day living together, are you connecting on a deeper emotional level other times.

    When I think of my past relationships some of the most romantic times were sitting outside, watching the stars, discussing a great book or documentary, talking about future goals, having philosophical conversations about life or the state of the world (yeah, ok that might not be for everyone) even falling asleep in each other's arms watching a movie that interested both of us. I'm not suggesting that you don't do these types of things and obviously, the two of you wouldn't be married if you didn't love each other. I'm only suggesting that there are ways that a man could make women feel more loved on an emotional level that could make that woman more likely to want to express that love back physically to her lover. In any case good luck, I've seen you post about this before and I know it must be tough, but it sounds like your doing what you can to try and fix this.

    • Thank you! Thats a great viewpoint and ill remember that!!! Its just hard to penetrate her defenses anymore. Its great when we do share fun times but it seems imossible to share impromptu times in the inbetween. And we are both crazy busy… but a hug means the workd to me even if thats all we csn manage. I know what you say is true though and i agree.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Let me start off by telling you that sex done right is awesome for a woman !!!

    A little before I got married... I was still engaged, but having sex with my then fiance... I told him, the more I enjoy it, the more he'll get it. I then proceeded to teach him what I like and how to make it great for me. He as an awesome student.

    In your case... I'd recommend two things:

    1 - Ask her to tell you / show you what feels good to her... Hopefully, she'll be happy to let you know.

    2 - Pay close attention to what she like... and give her more of it.

    One other thing.. sex for us is rarely less than a 1/2 hour... starting with making out, foreplay, the "main event" and finishing with cuddling until we fall asleep together.

    • Well said… communication

    • Communication is difficult due to her high defenses and anxiety. She’s developed medical hormonal issues and they are also wrecking her. We’ve been together over 10 years and sex and cuddling used to be enjoyable to her. She tells me its not me. But i still can't help but be frustrated and feel unwanted. It used to be a much more regular thing and its still great when we do it. She just rarely wants it. And its just not enjoyable for a man when the woman doesn’t want you

    • GREAT ADVICE!

    • Show All

Most Helpful Guys

  • Show your wife the ability to hold her without the situation leading to sex. When you want more sex, take your wife out on dates. Spend more time listening to her. Hold her hand and look at her in the eyes when she talks. Don't try to grab the inner part of her thigh every time you touch her. Women are different than us. To get us horny, you simply touch us. To get women horny, there's more complexity. They want to feel feminine, comfortable, valued, and connected. Only at that point, will your wife respond to touch in a way that's sexual.

  • Wife: *complaines I want sex*

    My response : "since my attraction to you is too much for you to handle then I will find another place for said attraction"

    I can't expect my wife to respect me if she isn't attracted to my strength. there's nothing I can leverage for her compliance.
    I would divorce her, but this is the reason I wouldn't get married in the first place.

    • Divorce one and exchange known problems for unknown problems. New woman = new problems. Divorce = money problems and missing out on your kids. This is wife #3 and I don't know ffs

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What Girls & Guys Said

10 28
  • My husband has a high drive as well and we have learned how to address it without him constantly asking me. I had some libido issues a while back as well, perhaps just talk to her and explain or remind her why you enjoy being with her.

    • Our therapist suggested a sex schedule. But tbh it feels forced and slightly fake to share love and intimacy that way.

    • I’ve heard about schedules as well, and I don’t think that works for people. Our lives are so scheduled already, the spontaneity is one of the major enjoyment factors for us. I just think the stressors need to be identified first and then go from there. Most married couples truly enjoy each other once they can block out all of the periphery and nonsense that we all have to deal with

    • Something that happened with us was allowing our hobbies and other enjoyments/habits to take over our free time. Make sure that’s not happening

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  • Yes, it's a genuine complaint. She doesn't want to be pestered about sex.

  • Ask her who else you should see for sexual satisfaction.

  • That sucks. Have her get with the program... no complaining, sex is fun

  • Depends on the woman. We do get tired from day to day things. And the vagina plays a factor in it as well; hard to have sex if we're not feeling right down there

    • Thats completely undetstandable

  • It is part of being a horny guy like the rest of us. It is ok to masturbate when you are married and need a quick orgasm.

  • I was getting on your nerves just about your sore throat. Pushing never helps. Some people have higher drives than others. Boiled down. Your situation sucks. Not much you can do that isn’t drastic.

  • Are you trying to make sure she always enjoys it?

    • Of course! It’s what makes it good for me! The mechanical sex that comes from her simply giving in and not wanting it back makes me not want it with her. by the way love the username. I’m on a beautiful salty beach right now

  • I definitely wouldn't be complaining if my husband was like that

    • You’re an angel tho

    • Awh thanks

    • @Apple1996. Aren't you the hornier one between you and your hubby?

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  • It could be worse, you might always be wanting to have sex with someone else.

    • Right!!! Exactly 🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️🤷🏻‍♂️

  • No, it's not. That's completely normal. You should have resolved this before marrying. Do you have children?

    • A whole crew of kids. The disinterest im intimacy happened after years of marriage. Suddenly after the last childbirth and some “horMone issues” sigh

    • You are still young. I wonder if there's another reason she's not interested. Perhaps she's just exhausted caring for the children?

  • Yes. If you nonstop bother someone about sex, it would get really old, really quick.

    It would make lose interest in that person.

  • Depends on how often etc. I’m like ok if my boyfriend wants to n I’m not really in the mood. I usually start some forplay n that gets me crazy

  • Stop asking her for sex and see how long it is before she change her complaint to, "how come you never want to fuck me anymore?".

    • I did last year. Lasted 3 months until it was discussed in therapy. She straight up doesn't find it important anymore. She now does it for me, but thats not exactly fun

    • Almost sounds like my ex. She claimed she was only doing it to make ME happy and stopped fucking me after about 3 year. 6 years later, she starts cheating on me with another guy!! Maybe you can try playing with her clit until she gets horny, then stop and refuse to fuck her for a while.

    • Lmao! And leave her in the state I exist in! Lmao that’s gold!

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  • If you are lousy in bed it might be an issue.

  • It's not a complaint.
    She should be bragging about it.

  • Only her that she's complaining about? Or is it that it's constant?

  • Different people have different sex drives. If she can’t handle yours, you’re going to have to live with that and not push past her limits.

  • I don't know how frequent "always" is in your case, but if it's anywhere close to being literally "always" then obviously that is a very legitimate complaint.

  • Everyone has their own expectations as to how many times/much per day/week. Have a conversation to understand what is reasonable (average) amount she would like or expected. You be honest about a max/min…. And hopefully you can come to some agreement. Some weeks will be more and some will be less…. The key will be managing each other expectations.

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