Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
So this is a long time coming I think for me. After the Stanford case, many questions on here and people questioning me personally. I really have to ask, do people not know what it is?
I see a question where a guy is forcing himself onto a girl over and over and over again despite her saying no over and over and over again, at which point he tells her off, pushes her and leaves. That's not justified. You committed sexual assault - that's a crime. You tried to make it her fault - that's manipulation and you are a douche.
Those are what causes rape. If you are drinking, you take responsibility for the amount you drink, where you're drinking etc, because regretting it, does not make it rape. However, if you say no while drunk, it does become rape. If you are unconscious on the ground, that is not an invitation to others. Perhaps you made bad judgment in drinking that much, but that's still not an invitation or permission! Only one person is the victim in that instance.
If you don't understand what rape is; watch the tea video: (there's swearing)
And finally, a point that bothers me that I saw asked (hopefully by a troll). How is it rape if s/he orgasms? Because biologically that can happen. I don't want to have sex but you kiss my neck? I'm going to get wet and horny, doesn't mean I may still not want sex! A male can wake up with an erection, get them randomly, doesn't mean it's him saying "yeah just jump on me". If you have to ask yourself "am I sure" then no, you shouldn't do it.
But this also goes for people that didn't want it, but say nothing. If you don't give off any impression to your sex partner that you don't want sex, then it isn't rape. And maybe internally it feels like it was, but you can't label that person as a rapist either. They didn't know. I would start getting annoyed if my SO asked every single thrust, every single finger, every single kiss "do you still consent?".
I leave it with this final photo in regards to why victims are not wrong for fearing men or women after their assault. Even if it is a generalisation against a gender. I got cheated on once, spent 2 years hating all men. I KNEW you weren't all the same, doesn't mean I could bring myself to truly trust anyone for a while.
Now, my little rant is over, everyone please be respectful in the comments.
Sorry this a little all over the place, didn't want it too long but it all just popped into my head.
What Girls & Guys Said
9 43Accusation Is A Weapon Of Power. The first reason is that it is used as a weapon. In the infamous mattress girl case at Columbia University, it slowly became clear that Emma Sulkowicz falsely accused Paul Nungesser of rape. Why did she do this? It seems that she felt abandoned by him. Nungesser made the rookie mistake of hooking up with a mentally unstable girl and thinking, hey, it’s college, we can hook up and move on. But this is not what happened.
A key message she sent to Nungesser after the alleged “rape” shines a light on her motives to use a false accusation as a weapon: “I feel like we need to have some real time where we can talk about life and thingz because we still haven’t really had a paul-emma chill sesh since summmmerrrr.”
For Sulkowicz, she decided to take her revenge by accusing him of rape in order to show him that he should never have neglected her. Today, if a girl feels that a man in any way has mistreated her, revenge is merely a phone call away. If a female student decides one morning that she is mad at a former sexual partner, she can simply have him removed by going to the campus authorities and claiming rape.
This is likely what happened to the basketball captain who was recently expelled under mysterious circumstances purportedly connected to a sexual assault at Yale. He hooked up with a girl, she got mad, and decided to accuse him of rape to remove him from campus. And even if a campus review board decides that the male student is innocent, he now has the stigma of “rapist” attached to him for the rest of his student life. In that case, it may be in his best interest to leave campus anyway. It’s win-win for the female accuser.
Accusations give instsnt attention. Girls today crave attention at unprecedented levels. Being a victim fulfills that desire. In the era of social media and topless selfies by female celebrity icons, it is getting harder for a girl to generate the amount of attention she feels she deserves. To that end, one way to reliably receive positive attention, accolades, and praise like “hero,” “courageous,” and “role model” is to claim victimhood status. While being a female gives a girl a small amount of claim to victimhood status, claiming to be a “rape survivor” bumps her up to the next level. Once a girl claims that she has been raped, all of her friends and family will give her their full attention, campus administrators must listen to her very word, and anything she posts on social media will instantly garner 1000 “likes.” I hesitate to even write this because it may give some female readers bad ideas to achieve mini-celebrity status and get a full page spread in Rolling Stone magazine.
False accusations boost a woman's social status. In the current political climate, the more “oppressed” and “underprivileged” a person is, the more status they are conferred. For many privileged middle class girls, they are acutely aware that they occupy a tenuous position among the oppressed classes. Many privileged girls are jealous that racial minorities and transsexuals are receiving more attention than them. If a girl wants to leap forward in the Victimhood Olympics and gain social points, she can falsely accuse a man of rape. Nobody is higher status on a college campus than a rape survivor. As soon as a girl claims that she has been raped, every word from her mouth must be treated as though it came from God himself. Nothing she says can be questioned, and everything she says must be treated with awe and reverence.
Making false allegations to avoid being calked a slut. This is the standard regret angle of false rape accusations. Many girls drink too much, hook up with a guy, and regret their actions the next morning. Because we can’t expect girls to be held accountable for their actions, especially on a college campus where it is well known that 1 in 4 women are assaulted every second, girls must be afforded the option to signal to the world that they are not sluts. In these cases, girls are able to have all the fun of parting, drinking, and hooking up with none of the social repercussions or guilt. What seems more appealing to a girl: Getting drunk, hooking up, and being called a slut, or getting drunk, saying she was raped, and then being called a hero? Moreover, while our degenerate culture has done its best to scrub the guilt of being a slut from the minds of girls, they still feel this innate guilt when sleeping around.
... They then reconcile their guilt and desires by projecting it onto a man and claiming that he forced her to do something she did not want to do. In sum, multiple incentives exist for girls to use the tool of a false rape accusation. First, they can use it as a weapon to ruin a man’s life if they feel he deserves it. Second, they can use it as a method to garner large amounts of attention. Third, they can make a false rape accusation to boost their social status in an era of victimhood culture. And finally, they can avoid feeling like a slut by claiming that a man made them do something they didn’t want. The rewards of a false rape accusation for women show no signs of disappearing, so stay vigilant.
In terms of alcohol I want your take on this poster cdn0.dailydot.com/.../jakejosie.jpg
But realistically if she can't give consent and they are both drunk, would that also theoretically pardon his action towards her. She can't get give consent meaning he can't process the lack of consent since they are both 'equally' drunk
@TripleAce does it also mean he can't give logical consent either? So she could be the rapist... but nobody looks at that angle cause she's female?
@PinkBunnyBunBun yea its a situation that might not make much sense. But probably in place to favour women because most of the times men are the ones raping. So imagine they had a rule that if both are drunk its no ones fault, they might want to eliminate people abusing that law. So its more simply to just put the blame on the person the initiator? But you are right. I mean is it rape if she can't consent but she's going along with it?
You can get lost. Women are not to reject men because of looks or disability. I will say this now, I WILL rape any girl who rejects me because of looks or disability. How dare any girl think it is ok to reject for those reasons.
lololol I can reject aaaaaanyone I want! And so can you! But if anyone tried to rape me I'd have one of those inserts that slices the penis when the male tries to insert it. ;)
@PinkBunnyBunBun no you would not. Your just trying to talk big on the internet. Different kettle of fish if you were placed in the actual situation.
I can't help feeling this isn't that strong of a counterargument.
whatevs im probably taller than you anyway
Girl, your entire post had a lot of patently obvious truths that everyone already agrees with, but that's not why you made the post... I don't buy your act... Trying to pass your venom as a public service announcement. You hate men. You basically made that obvious. It's alright. You can't help hating men and the imaginary patriarchy in the West. You've basically been reprogrammed with rad fem propaganda. You're the victim here. It's not your fault. But to your credit you were honest enough to admit that your reasons for hating men aren't that men are inherently evil, no... But simply that you have a shitty taste in the guys you date.
Actually, don't hate men. I hate men who think it's ok to make girls feel like crap for rejecting them. I hate women who make men feel like crap for leading them on and being sexually abusive too. But I have seen a lot of questions of late (and received more personally) from girls who are getting sexually abused and harassed and wonder why it's their fault. So this was for them. And it helped them. Don't hate men though thanks. Me and my partner are great and he's wonderful.
@Anonymous Check out the mansplainer. Every word in your pathetic comment is indicative of the problem with your horrible sex.
Aaah, that's the wrong tea video!!! It's supposed to have a British accent. :3
Damn, I was looking for that one
As someone who has been sexually abused... What gets my goat is that most of the rhetoric around rape involves near strangers or creeps in a dark alley.
Most real sexual abuse takes place between the victim and someone they trust. Grandmothers, priests, teachers, boyfriends, brothers, babysitters... These "everyday people" commit most rapes/sexual molestation. Usually out of a craving to be powerful and in charge of someone vulnerable of to lash out at them for not conceding to their self importance.
Until we have the guts to face reality, we're getting the rape debate wrong.
You're very right. I study criminology and we recently did an "ideal victim" theory and the ideal victim should have a stranger as their attacker but most aren't! Ideal victim is also female not male. I argued this strongly in my final essay.
I believe there is far more sexual abuse of men and esoecially boys than gets discussed, however. I have a notion my own father was molested by one of his mother's female friends and it messed him up.
pretty soon charismatic is gonna be associated w/ rapists.
I read somewhere over 80% of the cases, victim knew the culprit.
As a victim of repeated assaults both physical and sexual... Plus mental... It takes its toll on you... but even though I know it wasn't my fault... sometimes I think I can never Trust anyone.. I feel used and somehow marked as damaged goods... and people pray on my kindness and treat it like it is a weakness... Just because I would rather live in a positive state... doesn't mean I cannot be pissed off... but I am also forgiving... Thanks for sharing...
Thank you for the likes... my greatest wish is that we both find a love so strong and so true that the wounds of the past are overtaken by the joy that is found in love... both relieving and living in that state... after all of my hurts I can truly appreciate what love brings more fully... hugz my sweet friend for you are Not alone and I am with you...
Sorry autoscrewup.…recieving* not relieving lol
Ohmygod! That last story is so horrifying :(
I just so happened to rape some chick in a lucid dream rn..
Might post a question about it later.
Thing is - it's not as simple as your over simplistic chart would imply.
Are the rapists the only ones at fault for the rape? Absolutely. 100%.
However, there are steps one can take to reduce the risk of mugging. (Not flashing your wallet around, paying attention to your rear when using an ATM, etc...) There are things you can do to reduce the risk of physical assault. (Walking away when things get contentious, having a large group of friends around you, avoiding places where alcohol is drunk to excess, etc...)
We make these sorts of decisions every single day. I choose whether to accept the relatively low risk of getting involved in violence, if I really want to go to a hockey game. Or a soccer game. It's not dissimilar from choosing whether to get in a car if your friend (the driver) has had a drink.
But if you dare to suggest that a girl might also be responsible for her own risk taking behaviour, we are somehow victim blaming.
This is bullshit, but a large number of feminists will never see it that way.
Who's at fault for the rape? The rapist. Always. Only. And forever.
Who is responsible for managing her risk exposure? Do I even need to finish this?
You can do everything right and thanks to nothing crueler than the laws of probability still get raped. (Or mugged. Or assaulted. Or beaten up. Or knocked down by a car. Or hit by a meteorite.) But while you still have the ability to set your own risk exposure, why not be sensible about it?
I actually agree with what you say and I'd like to give a proper reply so I'll reply on a laptop later but you make good points.
The issue is that the rapist is more often than not someone the victim knows. A friend, a friend of a friend, or maybe even a relative. Very few rapes happen in some dark alley where the victim is attacked by some stranger, because the victim was super mega drunk and decided that a dark alley would be the perfect place to party at. What if one of the people in the "large group of friends" you have around you is the rapist? Someone you trust? What if they manage to take you to a more secluded place of the house you live in and lock you in there without you realizing it? Because more often than not, this is how it happens. With people you trust. People say that this take is merely common sense, that "no normal person wouldn't take no for an answer", that they'd never force a girl or fuck someone who's unconscious etc. Well, let me tell you something. As a girl it's also pretty much common sense to not walk into a dark alley when you're shitfaced. This is something that gets drilled...
... into our heads as soon as we learn how to talk and understand speech. Don't trust strangers. If someone offers you a teddy bear or a lollipop in their van, don't go into the van. Don't drink something a stranger offers to you. Never leave your drink unattended. Always surround yourself with your friends. Never walk home alone at night. Blah blah blah. These are things that my parents and other adults have literally shoved down our throats since we were kids. Yet you guys sit here and act as if THAT isn't common sense and that apparently "girls should know better". We fucking do. That's why most rapists are friends with/related to/otherwise acquainted with the victim.
@lumos I'm not sure what you're getting at or what point you're trying to answer or trying to make. Do you or do you not agree that people should take responsibility for minimising their risk exposure? If you do, then you agree with me. (And disagree with a huge swathe of feminists, but that's neither hear nor there.) If you don't agree, well nothing I've seen in your post indicates why. "As a girl it's also pretty much common sense to not walk into a dark alley when you're shitfaced." You may think so, but I know for a fact that simply pointing that out to a feminist gets you attacked for blaming the victim. Which was the point of my comment.
@lumos somehow the opinion giver completely missed your point. he, like most others, would like to believe most rapes are done by a stranger. that's the worst part of it, the fact that people don't want to believe and accept that its much more likely to happen by someone she thought trustworthy. also, spousal rape is very common too and the least likely to be believed and prosecuted.
@thewanderingme "he, like most others, would like to believe most rapes are done by a stranger" NOWHERE in my reply do I say anything of the sort. If anyone has missed the fucking point, it's you. This is why you can't talk to feminists...