Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Thanks to @Unit1 I learned about Elliot Rodger – which to many of Americans was a familiar story but not to me. I did know about Ben Moynihan a couple of years ago, and got Elliot mixed up with him.
For both individuals, feel free to read about Elliot Rodger and Ben Moynihan in these respective news stories.
Yes - those two are extreme cases that involved mental illness. But what about the many guys who are still very frustrated about not yet having experienced sex? Men and boys feel still frustration (that stays somewhat controlled) by not being able to get a girlfriend, lose their virginity, or maintain a sex life to the point of feeling so angry.
This is my (woman’s) point-of-view (to guys) on why you should just take it easy and not allow this to have so much control in your life.
Although sex is enjoyable, it's no reason to forget who you really are. During the years of being a virgin, as each year goes by allow yourself some happiness in other areas of your life. Your genitals don’t need to run things. In fact, what might just end up getting you sex is the fact you had other things going on to make you interesting – rather than just your plea to have sex.
Desperation is noticeable. Usually people who make their virginity a big deal don’t even know that their attitude about it can be sensed. Signals that you put out subconsciously can either be physically seen, heard in your voice, or even bio-chemically sniffed out. Women pick up things very easily, and if you are hunting for it, how you behave can connect the dots. Women like confidence. Do you ever notice that a guy who seems like he isn’t interested seems to attract the most women? Women like to think that they will be the one to tear down that wall - hence giving guys the impression that we like 'the bad guy'. That's not necessarily true. We like playing sexual puzzle games to find out if we can be the one to solve the Mysterious Guy Puzzle.
Venting by means of violence is useless. Elliot threw a vanilla latte on a random female once. Not for rejecting him, but just because he was angry that she was there, pretty, and he thought she probably would reject him. I wondered: who's to say she wouldn't have been the one girl who actually said yes had he been normal to her? To just be mad at all women in general and show it makes sure you’re in no way attractive to any woman. So sit in your hamster wheel and spin, because you’ll prove yourself right for as long as you continue with that bad attitude.
Attractiveness does not entitle you to sex. Neither does status, your self-proclaimed wonderful personality, what you drive, and how intelligent you are. This comes from Elliot Rodger’s reasons of why he felt so wronged. As a woman, I have heard these very excuses of why I was awful to reject a guy based on what he had to offer. Most of us are familiar with the film “Gladiator” and can remember Commodus telling Marcus Aurelius (before murdering him):
“You wrote to me once, listing the four chief virtues: wisdom, justice, fortitude and temperance. As I read the list I knew I had none of them. But I have other virtues, father…”
(Creepy and out-of-line, for insisting his virtues should be more important than what someone else thinks.)
When it comes to women, your own justifications of why you should get a girl do not count for anything when we all have different preferences in someone’s looks, personality, character traits and eventually learning what their ambition is in life so that a woman can find out if they are on par with her own plans. If you believe you're cute and successful and that should be enough, just know that a lot of women will find other things more important that you might not have to offer. If you have blue eyes and she loves brown eyes, or if she loves a sense of humour and you take things to heart. You can't be Everywoman's Man.
Elliot Rodger was cute. In my opinion – quite cute! He was also sensitive, loved to connect with nature, and seemed educated and on his way to a good future. And so much for women only wanting money – he was also the son of the famous film director Peter Rodger and was financially privileged. The problem was he was unhappy and it oozed from every word he said, and I also noticed it in pictures the press showed of him in family photos. He was jealous and hateful. Women detect these things and some inner security alarm goes off inside them that says, “Watch out – this guy is like this without you even being in my life yet. Who’s to say how badly he’ll snap at me even if it’s over a misunderstanding?”
Talk about your feelings with someone you trust. Elliot Rodger’s crime started a bevy of online opinions, especially from other people who said, “I wish I could have just talked to Elliot. Could have saved some lives.” “If Elliot only knew this, that, and the other could have scored him some chicks – if I was his old roommate, I could have helped him get a girlfriend.” This tells me that the support to talk about things is there – you just have to find the right people who are sensitive enough to relate to, who are on your side. Forget the mean-spirited guy who bullies you about it, or the girls who seem stuck-up who rejected you. Select the right people to get good information from to help you, instead of keeping you feeling justified for being angry about it.
Being a virgin is not who you are. There's much more to life and relationships with people that have nothing to do with sex. Don't let "being a virgin" define who you are as a person.
What Girls & Guys Said
10 43Meh. It's not worth resorting to violence over but let's not pretend sex isn't that big of a deal, if you honestly think that then you either have a low libido or you take for granted how much easier it is for you to get it than it is for others. It's really not shocking that some people go over the edge because of it. It's not even just the sex, it's not being desired. Not trying to justify the sick shit people do or think because of it, but let's not dismiss things so easily.
I am a virgin and I am sick and tired of being nagged, harrassed, bullied, and laughed at when people find out.
My co-worker actually asked me if i were fucking gay...
www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-crossed(c).gif
It's sad. There are a ton negative connotations that are attached to being a virgin in their 30s. Just don't tell people ever.
@UnknownXYZ I don't. They figure it out on their own, due to my lack of friends, and They never see me with the opposite sex. It's bad enough that society/women label me as a creep. It's bad enough that i'm repeatedly told I'm unwanted. It's driving me further into alcoholism and drug use.
www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-normal(c).gif
Please don't rely on drugs and alcohol to help you. They would only make your situation worse. If it's really hurting you that bad then I would suggest you see a therapist.
"It's driving me further into alcoholism and drug use." I do feel for you, but your virginity is driving you to depression. The alcoholism and drug use are entirely your poor decisions and your responsibility.
@Bluemax It bothers me. I wish i didn't care, but people keep bringing it up.
Don't let not being a virgin define who you are as a person also :)
Good my take, very well written. I am a virgin and I feel like it is something that is not a good thing because of how much society expects to have/want sex. And the fact that I'm different than every other guy, is not something I'm comfortable with.
you're 17, how could that be in any way strange or laughable. I honestly think a 40 year old virgin man is weird, sorry, but not a teen or someone in early 20s
@azzntittiz but do most girls think that?
I don't think women think of that, I never did when I was a teen. Two guys asked me to take theirs before graduation but I told them no because I'd lose mine too. I never ridiculed them or told anyone, I was flattered at the offer. It's not a bad thing to be a virgin unless you throw it in active people's faces or keep it because of insecurities.
@azzntittiz right but I feel like maybe some girls will be turned off by that. Maybe.
I doubt it, especially if she likes you.
@azzntittiz I certainly hope you are right. TBH I'm shy when it comes to dating
Yeah, it's pretty disgusting when someone resorts to violence for just about any reason, especially one as trivial and stupid as not being able to get laid.
First off, stop bringing up anecdotes from serial killers lives as if they're indicative of all over-age virgins. Don't say you didn't, because it might not have been explicitly stated, but it's heavily implied that these are (in your mind) the end-game of all of us pathetic virginal losers.
And don't tell me, that for me as an individual it's not a big deal. My last two prospective relationships didn't work out, because I felt I should inform the women I was a virgin before we had sex (which I'll continue to do, I'm honest). Neither could handle that. One was nice about it, one wasn't.
And it's not even that I'm a virgin. It's that I'm alone, I'm fucking lonely, and don't tell me that's not a big deal. At this point, I don't know if I'll ever find anyone. And here I see you posting all these slogans and "chin up" bull-shit, when you have no idea what the fuck you're talking about and it's a little hard to take. If I were to have died anytime since I was 18, no one would know about it for months. I've never held anyone, I don't have anyone to confide in and feel vulnerable around, I don't even know how to be in a relationship.
And I'm just sick that you're comparing me to serial killers and trying to placate me, as if I'm some violent psychopath because I couldn't get laid (But you can't get laid, you must be a lunatic! What other explanation could there be?)
You may have been alone, but you haven't been alone your whole life. Bad take. Very bad. Actually, fuck you very much.
And I think you forgot to mention how she's implying that only men are victimized by lack of sexual affection. Can you not see that? lol. Now I know how desperate women are LOL!!
@Asad1ONE1 If this is some facetious turn-around attack on me, I didn't say that only men are victimized by it.
and it's not really "victimized" either. It's just circumstantial.
Just looking around to assign the Most Helpful Opinion... and ran in to this angry heap of low self esteem brought on by himself who only proved how some people let sexual frustration rule their lives. With your help, the Take message remains a necessary one.
You say they should try not to care about it, but it's not something you just turn off.
Saying it's important to learn that sex isn't all that important is to say that having sex is important because it will let you understand how not important it is to your life.
What you're really asking for is faith. Have faith that it means nothing long enough for it to happen and come to understand that it means nothing.
Wonderful take...
I am virgin because l don't like losing 😂😂😂
Good take. Thanks for writing as a gal's POV
Virginity is great, but it isn't something that one must worry to death about. And you are right about not acting desperate. I had woman come up to me in my face and directly ask me for sex, other strangers graping me by the hand at 2:00 AM on ocean drive in South beach to go the beach alone.
atta boy God first
Very true about the "women love mystery" part...
cause 'Friendzone' is A crime at Men's become waste of life as Aging and losing offspring family.
'Friendzone' needs to DIE!
Nice take
I'm not worried. I'm waiting until marriagez
i would have gone to an escort
there's a difference if your virgin by choice and just because you can't get laid.. im waiting till marriage and never cared about what people said.
Agree.
Thank you
Interesting
Great take.
Honestly, as someone who really finds it hard to find a date, I disagree with this whole "try other activities other than...". I do other activities. I love staying in company of my friends. I love taking care about my plants. I love sharing thoughts with clients in my store.
But by the end of the day, I still don't have a girlfriend, which is something that I want in my life. There is no replacement for that, I'm sorry.
I can understand that, but we all want something that we either can't have or can't-have-right-now. I'd like something in my life too, something private/personal in particular, yearning for badly - but it doesn't rule my life. It would make me miserable if I continued to want something I know I can't have right now. I guess we just have not give up, things will eventually get better, but until then I wouldn't let the things we yearn for run our lives or make us angry for being without it.
Sure, you have to move with your life, but what I was trying to say is "don't expect you will stop thinking about it", because you won't.
@Ozanne "I'd like something in my life too, something private/personal in particular, yearning for badly - but it doesn't rule my life." I am indeed curious if whatever that something you yearn for badly is related to a very basic biological drive that has been imprinted on us over two million years of human evolution (actually half a billion if you go back to the introduction of sex itself on the evolutionary tree).
@Giacomanzo What kind of store do you work in (or operate)?
@Bluemax It's my parents' small shop. We sell groceries, delicatessens, bread and things for the house.
@Bluemax That's an oddly specific question, by the way :D