Partner watching live cam girls?

[Kmarie4]

So a while back I found out that my partner (34) was watching porn. Now I am no prude and am aware we all masturbate and some guys and girls like porn. I told him I didn’t mind the porn which I don’t. However, I have since found out that he is watching live cam girls. Not just any…but the same few girls over and over. this isn’t sitting right with me. I’m comparing myself to them knowing I can never compare. I’m starting to hate myself and my body knowing he’d rather be wanking over them.

We’ve known each other all our lives been together 3 years and just recently had a daughter. He says it is just porn and he doesn’t talk to them or pay for anything. But I can’t get my head around it. I’m blaming myself, am I ugly, is it because I now have a mum Tum and no boobs due to breastfeeding? why aren’t I enough? What have I done? I never turn him down and would meet his needs anytime. I’ve suggested spicing things up on the past and he just shows little to no interest.

Just 36 hours ago our relationship was amazing, sex was great most of the time and we work well together for our kids and support each other.

I make the effort, am a good partner, mum I have a really good job and pay most of if not all our bills most of the time while he is on shared parental leave caring for our daughter.

I am massively beating myself up over this trying to rationalise it and not getting anywhere other than making myself poorly.

I really do love him he’s an amazing Dad, supportive partner and my best friend. I have had a string of shitty, emotionally abusive relationships, trauma and starting to think it must be me. 🥺😢

[Anonymous]

'I told him I didn’t mind the porn which I don’t.'

Then you have no idea just how bad porn is but why would you? This society goes to great lengths to make it seem perfectly normal. That's the trap. Live Cams and Porn are just as bad as each other. Just different forms of a similar evil that leads to sin and depravity. You cannot reason with any of this because they aren't only addictions. Porn contains subtle programming that gets into the mind changing how a man views sex, himself and women in general. You can't win. Only through deliverance can this be conquered.

[stepyo99]

https://read.easypeasymethod.org/

The reason he'd rather watch cam girls than spice things up with you is because he's a porn addict. I would read this book first and then talk to him about reading it.

[Kmarie4]

Thank you I will. I do think you may be right with this. I did suggest it during a calm albeit upsetting conversation last night but he shrugged it off. He hasn’t given me a definitive answer as to why he does it other than to get himself off. I suggested an addiction, not attracted to me or not satisfied, escaping reality to fantasy and that was the only answer he gave.

[_Maya_]

First don't blame yourself. That is not the problem. The second thing is to recognize that this is emotional cheating. He is getting emotionally attached to specific performers. I can get it if it is random and you don't care he watches porn. He is likely getting emotionally attached to certain people whether it be what they do on their "channel" or if he likes the way they look or whatever... That is the major issue here and would be for me.

[Kmarie4]

Thank you for your reply. I feel like it is emotionally cheating. So agree with everything you said. I just can’t stop thinking what have I done? X

[_Maya_]

You didn't do a thing wrong. That is on him. Do not blame yourself for anything.

[Kmarie4]

Thank you. I think deep down I know this. I have been cheated on, had stuff like this happen in the past, my ex even uploaded a photo of me onto a porn site acting as me to talk to men! I’ve been through a lot and I stupidly thought I’d finally found my life partner and now I am questioning everything. I can’t help but think the key denominator here is me so it must be my fault x

[_Maya_]

I can understand why you have this thought that it is you but it isn't. That is horrible what happened in the past. For what it is worth I think you are really cute. You seem super friendly and polite. That is not a sign of you being a problem.

[Kmarie4]

Thank you that means a lot and I could use all the confidence boosters right now!

[RoseySaraah]

Really this is the best answer! It's emotional cheating and he probably can't see it! It's nothing you have done it's he is not getting some when ever he wants it. The only thing you have done is be a great mom! Focusing your time and effort on your baby. He wastes his free time on these girls... Like going to a strip club but it is on his phone! Who knows how long he kept this! I'm so sorry

[Kmarie4]

Thank you 😊 I know deep down you’re right and he has admitted this is his doing and has said all the right things he will do whatever it takes yadda yadda but how do I trust him again? How do I work on myself and stop blaming myself

[Kmarie4]

@RoseySaraah I hate to think how long it’s been going on but when I do think it raises more questions. Our baby girl is only 6months…was he at while I was pregnant etc. He just sees it as porn which I told him doesn’t bother me and it truly doesn’t. The live stuff oversteps big time. I said to him what are your intentions here you’re being like a dirty old man watching young girls and wanking off with god know however many other blokes it’s gross. I have never denied him sex and have always been willing to try new things etc I’ve tried to ask about his fantasies (we all have them) I would like to think I’m pretty open about the sexual side (not sharing though big no no) I’ve literally tried to please him our entire relationship. He had no excuse other than he saw it just as porn. But that doesn’t sit well with me

[RoseySaraah]

You don't trust him again he broke it and kept a secret. Takes a lot of time and honestly to make that right and more so for you! For yourself well your a work in progress take the time you need to accept it and work on yourself! Love yourself it is so important cause your the only amazing you mommy!

[_Maya_]

@RoseySaraah That was a really nice reply from you.

[Kmarie4]

@RoseySaraah thank you so much 🥹 your words really do mean a lot right now. I can’t even talk to anyone in my really world about this I’m too embarrassed

[_Maya_]

@kmarie4 You can always talk to us. That is what we are here for.

[Kmarie4]

Thank you honestly you guys and girls are really helping me straighten things out in my head 🥹🥰

[RoseySaraah]

Your welcome and yes we are happy to help and talk! This is a huge thing and society tries to make it okay and normal but really it's not! It is cheating! My first ex did this before we were even sexual! So glad I found out and ended it! So could never compare myself! You tried his fantasys do you have any that you want or need? Besides being the amazing mom you are? Sent a Follow

[Kmarie4]

@RoseySaraah I have followed back! I am new to this site so just navigating 😊 No wants and needs as such except to feel loved and wanted. Whether that be in or out the bedroom!

[RoseySaraah]

Sometimes that alone is a fantasy sadly beyond a need! 😢

[Longshank]

Also you are stunning! So don’t blame you

[Anonymous]

It's our Level 1 Guy-Pretending-to-be-a-Girl Fake Question of the Day!

[Berethor]

Yea porn is okay but watching live cam girls seems like too much, he is the one who is wrong.

[Kmarie4]

This is how I feel. I made this clear in a conversation last night that the live stuff is overstepping for me. Especially as it’s the same few girls over and over. I feel very inadequate right now.

[Kmarie4]

Also he did admit he’s been a dick and was wrong. He said he genuinely just saw it as porn.

[Berethor]

@Kmarie4 it not just porn because it live, in porn the actresses don't see him.

[Kmarie4]

I don’t think they see him on this bongs cams or whatever it’s called he doesn’t pay for it so can’t chat or interact it’s literally a girl performing to god knows how many men

[Berethor]

Okay, I don't do it so I don't know, but even if only he see that live it's not good.

[Kmarie4]

I have to agree. I can’t help but think of it from another perspective too that the girl is someone’s daughter etc and the potential exploitation too I guess I am naive to a lot!

[Berethor]

Don't worry about the girl, she knows what she doing, it not the first time she done it.

[Kmarie4]

Grrr I know you’re right. I try to see the good and put everyone before myself. I wish it was as easy to kick his ass out and work on myself. I know I deserve better but we have a daughter and before this a really good relationship in every way.

[Berethor]

Yea having common daughter make a big bond so it bad idea to leave him over that.

[Kmarie4]

I agree I just hope we can communicate and work through this. Which is going to take a lot of time and work on both parts. It’s very hard not to let snarky comments slip out and throw what he’s done in his face but I am aware that it won’t help or solve anything and certainly won’t allow us to move forward

[Berethor]

Yea you should try work on it, your daughter need a father so you can't leave him.

[Kmarie4]

I agree and he is an amazing father I could and would never take that away from him

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes he is watching them

[BarryLiverstone]

How old is your daughter?

[Kmarie4]

Thank you for you reply she is 6 months

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome. It’s likely you feel post pardon depression. Have you talked to your husband about how to manage that?

[BarryLiverstone]

If you haven’t then do some research and find help with coping online

[Kmarie4]

It’s not post party depression I was not depressed before I found this out. Things were great in every way. Now it feels like a nuclear bomb has gone off and I am blaming myself

[BarryLiverstone]

It feels like a bomb because of your past. You said you have trauma in your past and that’s why you are blaming yourself when these are his choices. He didn’t see live girls as different than seeing porn but you do because you feel like he can interact with them and he desires them more than being with you. Has your intimacy changed and how do you feel about yourself?

[Kmarie4]

Yes I do a lot of trauma usually in relationships. Our intimacy has been better recently to be honest. There was a time before I fell pregnant that we rarely had sex I would try and initiate and he would completely pie me regularly. Obviously I wasn’t aware of the porn then so looking back now I know why it was that way but it was pretty diabolical. How I feel about myself…shitty, like I’m not me, I don’t like my tummy being out, my boobs are different, I feel fat despite being a size 12 and weighing less now than I did before pregnancy, I am constantly picking faults with myself. Some days I feel great. Despite all my issues with my appearance and body I do feel like I am a good mother, loyal partner and I work really hard in a great job that I deserve through years of hard work at university. I really do try to be a good person and contribute to life and society and I can’t understand why my man or men in general seem to opt for this sort of crap over a proper woman

[BarryLiverstone]

All those things you listed about how you feel rn are directly related to post pardon depression. I don’t mean you are depressed, I mean it’s very common after having a baby to feel those things. This is why I suggested you look into it and see best practices. Like does it help you knowing you are not alone and because so many other women have felt all those things that you can get help and support to feel better and more confident?

[Iron_Man]

You guys need to have a very serious conversation and settle things

[Kmarie4]

Thank you for your reply. We tried last night to talk and be calm which we did. He reassured me that he loves me it’s nothing to do with me. He sees it as just porn (which I told him I don’t have an issue with in the past) so I made it very clear that the live stuff crosses a boundary for me and I am not comfortable with it. He also assured me he does not speak to them and would never pay to subscribe or whatever (this I believe as he is tight) 😂

[Iron_Man]

Well you’re not really getting your way with this, so how do you feel?

[Staximus]

Shut off the Internet service haha

[Kmarie4]

If only 🤣 I have kids that would be less than amused and attempt to ruin my life!!

[Staximus]

Tell that bum it offends you that he'd rather jerk off to some girl online instead of having sex with you, and if he wants to keep that up he can get the fuck out of your house and get his bum ass back to work

[Kmarie4]

Oh I did believe me. As said in my original post I’m by no means a prude and he could have what he wants when he wants but seemingly that’s not enough. What’s difficult there is as much as I would like to kick him out we have a 6 month old daughter.

[Longshank]

Fuck that! I would get ride of him, everyone can wank off to whatever but that’s not cool, how would he feel if you were on a live cam and some guy was hacking off to you?

[Kmarie4]

I did say this kind of thing to him. Or how would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot and it was me watching fit guys with big cocks to get myself off! He basically told me to go for it! What!!! I’ve never even looked at another guy since we’ve been together. We have a daughter together so lots to think about.

[varan69]

Thats a tough one if he is really into it. Maybe he will get bored of doing this to often just like we all do get bored of the little things we do (like video gaming, TV, etc.) So talk to him give him time and let's see what happens. Also maybe buy a little sexy dress or a toy and bring it up to him i don't knw it may help or get him mad lol sorry, but just something different u knw.

[Kmarie4]

Thank you for this. I have already looked into this. However, we have had a conversation about our sex life and what he’s into and what I’m into and being less vanilla! It was nice to have an open conversation which is hard with the lives we lead kids, work etc. However with this conversation he did also say he doesn’t want us to lose our emotional connection and for us to just be about sex. He has also completely opened his phone up so I can look whenever I want to (I did say that I do not want to be that type of girl) but at the moment privacy of phones is a black area because of this.

[dinojames22]

Ask to make some photos or video with them

[hotguy93]

No opinion. You're hot though, don't be insecure.

[Kmarie4]

Thank you ☺️

[hotguy93]

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