Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
(Some) Men allegedly want women who are virgins or at least haven't had casual sex. Women who have low "head count" so to speak
And you know what, I get it!! I'm a virgin myself and I've turned away many offers for sex because I want it to be special. I want it to be with someone special. And I don't want that man to think of sex as a sport. I don't want to be one of many.
So really, I get it! And I don't think most women in general are really keen on casual sex. In my experience most women do not have hook ups. Certainly not on a regular basis. So I find it quite annoying when guys act like all women are sluts who sleep around and women who don't are impossible to find.
In fact I find it quite offensive. Especially when it's mixed in with entitlement and objectification. Like saying a woman who has had sex loses her value or comparing women to locks or whatnot, to somehow justify their unfair preference
I would never reduce a guy to the sum of his sexual experience. It's one factor, not the defining factor and I would never suggest that men lose or gain value based on how many women they slept with.
And men who do this to women need a reality check!
I know this isn't what a lot of you want to hear, so bring on the downvotes!
You're the problem!
If you've ever complained that you only meet "sluts" and never women who are virgins, guess what? You're the problem! Obviously !
Again, I don't think most women want or have causal sex, but it doesn't matter what you believe the percentage here is. Statistics mean nothing to the individual! If there were only 20 women in the world who haven't had casual sex it probably wouldn't matter to you, as long as they're the only women you happen to date. Realistically though there are millions of virgins in every country, thousands in every city. And even more women who never had casual sex, if that's what you're after. But you're not dating them. You consistently go for the ones that DID sleep around
It might be because the kind of women you want, doesn't want you. Or alternatively because you approach the wrong kind of woman. Either way you need to work on that, because it's YOUR failure not women's in general. And this true for both genders and all preferences! Don't try to pin your bad taste in men/women onto someone else!
You can't have your cake and eat it too
Sounds like common sense, right? But apparently a lot of guys (and girls too) think this is a completely reasonable approach. Ideally they themselves sleep with plenty of women while they're in their 20s ,even 30s, then when they are older, they marry a gorgeous young girl, who was a virgin before, but had sex with them right away. And she also doesn't care about money or looks.
When reality inevitably doesn't confirm their worldview, they get upset, angry and bitter.
If that's your approach to dating you're setting yourself up for failure. This is wishful thinking at best, it's far from reality (And no men don't get more attractive as they age. They might, arguably get unattractive at a slower pace than women but they certainly do NOT get more attractive). Dating and Relationships in many ways are a negotiation in which every party tries to get the best deal for themselves. So in the words of Donald Tusk: "There will be no cakes on the table. For anyone. There will be only salt and vinegar"
I'm sure a lot of guys will say women don't care about virginity as much in men and that's true and that's ok. But why do you want to be with a girl who has not had casual sex? Some guys will say it's about her vagina being lose or some vague idea about STDs, maybe even insecurity.
But the most common response will be "values" . They want the woman who they share their life with to be loyal, somewhat conservative, pure and think of sex something special.
Well guess what, so do women! If you want a girl that values intimacy as something special between two people, then she is likely to want the same in a guy. You can't say on the one hand you want a woman that has certain values and then not adhere to those values yourself. You get what you give !
Walk the Walk
Men and Women are different, so I'm not saying that you always have to provide exactly what you want in every detail. But if you have a long laundry list of things you want and you can't give any of them, then that's a problem. In both men and women.
And while I think details are different, overall values are normally mutual. If you want loyalty, provide loyalty. If you want respect, give respect...
Should go without saying, right? Well I've seen it so many times that guys want their girlfriends to respect them, which is completely normal. But then they fail to respect her needs and decisions. Since we're talking about sex, if you google "How to get your girlfriend to do anal/oral/whatever" you get millions of results. It's a common question on here and I hear it from a lot of girls that their boyfriends pressure them to do something they don't want in the bedroom. That is not respecting her! And what's worse often those guys don't feel they did anything wrong.
Think honestly about what a girl that you want, would want in a man and try your best to provide it. If you can't, well maybe you're punching outside of your league
Where to meet such women
One of the most often asked question on here is where do you meet girls that have not slept around.....
Well... everywhere!
If you think that having casual sex or not is such a defining character trait that you will be able to tell by a girls favorite hangouts, you're wrong ! The idea that all women who do have casual sex flock together at a certain place and those who don't, meet at a different place is absurd. You can't tell someones number by their favorite coffee shop. You will be able to meet women who have and have not had casual sex virtually everywhere. With some obvious exceptions such as an sex addicts meeting.
I do think some places are more suited than others to start a long lasting relationship but that's another story all together.
What Girls & Guys Said
43 80I agree that sex shouldn't be such a big deal but I just can't ignore reality even if I don't like it. The reality is that virginity matters for women BIGLY, and matters very little in a man.
- Microchymerism is real!! and a big fucking deal, it's either amazing or fucking disgusting! depending on the circumstance.
- Going by statistics, the negative impact of premarital sex on men vs women is that 1 partner for a woman is equal to 19 partners for a man. A man can sleep with multiple women and have no negative effect on his odds of having a successful marriage in the future, unless he fucks a lot of women.
I disagree that sex shouldn't be a big deal. Where did you get the idea from that that was my stance?
my meaning was that people shouldn't be judged to harshly about having sex.
This is very wrong. But are you saying virgin women are more likely to find than virgin men?
Well young lady, if men did not want sex there would be no marriages. I won't marry my companion or friend, I can get a dog and friends goes home after they visit. SO IT HAS TO BE A BIG DEAL LIKE IT OR NOT. Many women are all in before marriage gives as much sex as man wants. Till they get married, in the first year you will be able to fill a big jar with marbles and never empty it ever again after marriage. Men i manage because I have told my wife sex is not negotiable, does she want me to remain loyal? and stay, or just leave the marriage and go have sex with a noncontrolling women partner.
As you get older the number of virgins in the pool declines.
Yep. The last time I had a date with a virgin was when I was 19 and he was 21. We dated for maybe 6 months. The last 4 months he wasn't a virgin.
I have to start with I ADORE Tom Hiddleston. I don't get men's expectations for having a "virgin" as their spouse etc etc. I didn't have sex until 21 and I wasn't ready before. I don't judge people for their sexual partners and I am amazed by the number of male posts about that topic and many others like you mentioned. I don't know how to change the world, or if I can. I focus on me and my life and am supportive of my partners. I don't judge. Ty!
This is good!
It's so dumb when some guys want virgins and are into casual sex at the same time... guess what. Mosthe virgins are virgins because they're not into casual sex! So no surprise you can't expect to have casual sex with one.
they expect to date them not to have sex with them
I'm also a virgin and this makes a lot of sense
I am also Asexual so it makes no difference to me. :)
I am a virgin male and I want to obtain a virgin woman. You should not lump all of us together considering that the precise reason I have remained a virgin is because I want a virgin myself someday. I am not holding a woman accountable to any standard that I do not already hold myself accountable to.
she did not say every single man is like this. she did mention some men who are virgins also want virgins and in that case it is fair. you can demand something of another if you are willing to offer the same yourself.
Not everyone cares if the person is a virgin or not.
Just how "old world" is this forum? I thought this was the 21st century with more liberated attitudes about sex. And in my case, I'm so introverted that a girl has to be liberated or nothing will happen. So a girl has slept with 100 men before she ever met me, so what? I don't see what the big deal is. I'm not a serial womanizer by any means, but I've "been through the wars and have my scars," and I want a woman who has too.
Its nice that you like the liberal world sex but for me its nothing. The liberal world devalues anything special and makes it casual. This is sad. Just let the conservative people date conservative people and you liberals should date liberal people. Its best if conservative wouldn't bother dating liberals and vice versa. I dont want a dude who had casual sex. I won't share this intimacy with someone who ever did it casual, they are not worth my body.
Actually if I recall correctly there are a lot of surveys supporting the idea that while baby boomers were increasingly liberal, millennials are returning to more conservative values
I also heard from it and i hope more conversative people are coming to the surface. But i hope that its not the "i lived all my life liberal and slept around but i changed and dont do it anymore" type of conservative cause even if they have the same values as me NOW i still wouldn't date them.
@Actress78 I'm too introverted for casual sex, I'm more into "skin-on-skin" contact (which I have to have by the third or fourth date) than I am in sex. But a woman has to break through my defenses if she wants more than friendship (I don't even TALK to women unless they either talk to me first or give me a specific invitation to talk to them), and a virginal woman is too weak and demure to do get the ball rolling. And I've been married. Widowed now. Seven good years. I did NOT "save myself" for her by any means, and it did not make our marriage any less special. But if a woman ever told me anything like "It bothers me that I'm not the first woman in your life" then hell yes, I'm going to get snarky with her, since in my case, it would be an especially naive expectation.
In other words, Millennials are throwing away Generation X’s progress and moving backward. Notes and folkways change, what you call conservative is antiquated.
Indeed:if you search in the casual dating world you'll meet less virgins
Nothing wrong with your take
I agree on your post but a huge part of this is in the denial of girls making themselves believe they are not sluts and justify all their encounters with silly excuses.
From my research and experience, the women who fuck and dump, like the porn stars get huge lips of labia. Quite ugly I personally like a neat vagina. The others look like they have been struck there with an axe.
@Badballie what research? pls tell me. because many girls get lips like this after they hit puberty, it's just part of it.
Virgin isn't a requisite. Women with whom the sex act was reserved for a long term exclusive relationship is a requisite. I am building something with her and I am not risking myself emotionally or financially with someone who comes to me with a dating resume that includes hook ups, friends with benefits, threesomes, a divorce they initiated (and it did not involve abuse, drug use or cheating), children from multiple men. Not religious but the wise man built his house up the rock. Foolish man built his house upon the sand.
Who wants a woman with kids?
@Querue It wouldn't be my first choice but if I had 2 choices: a woman with a kid who had been with 1 guy or a woman with no kids but a high penis count and a low credit score, I'm taking the kid.
No kids scare me, are you worried about Stds?
I don't have the money to help much would be broke
@Querue Yes, and a I don't trust women with a high penis count. Really get into oral on a woman and can't get into it if there were dozens of penises up there. Also look up Microchemerism. Very common in dogs but apparently happens with humans too. Women store the DNA of all their previous sex partners and can transmit them to future offspring.
Both don't sound very appealing but I just never wants kids
Any*
😊
Well I agree with your take and I also think it has something to do with like attracts like as well... virgins are more work. Guys who want a quick lay or want to get sexual fast usually loose patience and are pretty much on to the next girl who will give them what they want. Unless he really realy likes the girl he will stick around knowing sex is off the table for a long till or at least till marriage.
please if a man wants a virgin don't date him. Number is not as important as the age at which you lost your virginity excluding rape.
wrong. you cannot judge the age, most lose it at teenage years, people at that time are young and stupid and they can hardly be judged. that's why they don't go to prison until they are 18. number is more important, because as you grow up you are supposed to be smarter and more mature. nothing wrong with casual sex as long as you are being safe.
It's pretty easy to get a virgin girl at a bar or church related outing.
This is a complicated issue, parts of which your post acknowledges, and parts of which it doesn't... I think the part where you complain about a boy trying to get his girl to do things in the bedroom is a matter of sexual health; if you were sexually unhappy in your relationship because your boyfriend wasn't very good at it, or refused to try things you wanted, would you stay with him? Probably not, and you shouldn't be expected to. Why then would you expect that from your guy? Isn't this conversation, from your view, about treating each other equally, or something?
I think there's bringing it up and then there's pressuring someone. You can express your wishes without applying pressure. Or better even, if virginity is a must for you and her not doing some things are also a deal breaker then dicuss it before you have sex. And for the record, no I wouldn't break up with a guy if he wasn't good in bed. It's not like sex is the most important of the relationship and also "being good in bed" is something that can be worked on. But anyhow it was an example of respect. And I think a lot of guys don't make that connection, that they're being disrespectful when they pressure a girl into doing something. They still think they're good guys And look it's not like most girls turning down everything but missionary but a lot of girls have issues with is stuff they think are geniunley uncomfortable or painful. Such as deepthroating or anal. And I don't have much sympathy for guys who feel their girlfriend has to do that
Well you're correct, there's totally a right and wrong way to go about it, and respect is important. Equally, no one "has to" do anything in sex that they don't want to. But if someone is not feeling satisfied, for whatever reason, for a very long time... why would they continue to be with that person? And exactly like you said, "being good in bed is something that can be worked on." ... Well, yes. Exactly. If he wants something, and the girl refuses to even try, that's not something that's being "worked on," in his view. You yourself just said that it can be, and may need to be, worked on. Trying new things in sex is often what people feel it being "worked on" is a big part of. So I agree, disrespect for one party's feelings isn't really appropriate, and your SO needs to be respected. But sex is pretty important, for a lot of people.
I don't think you can really hope for a virgin... I think you find the person you want to be with and hope it works
I'm a virgin and I can't understand sleeping with someone you're not gonna be with, if you know you're already waiting for someone special and you only want to be with them...
The only thing that would probably be even nicer is to realize that they were waiting for u too because ur just as special in their eyes
I don't know about other virgins but I can say insecurity isn't a problem for me, some people have confidence and don't worry about stuff as much, and then some people don't
I'm very content waiting for my husband :) don't harangue people for their preferences. Some men want a woman with class to settle down with not a woman who sleeps with anything that has an instrument to play.
Tbh the take is good, but it was kind of rant-ey...
And i think you know that there are a lot of things guys never understand about women, and this is one of those things that women dont understand about men. Its still true tough..
Tbh any smart guy, in touch with his masculine nature would prefer a more virginal woman. If thats available, hell get with her. If not, hell go for females that slept around less. Anyway sexual history always has and always will play a very important role in selection of female mates. Thats because men are sexual experience correlates negatively with a stable marriage for women (as well as men , but to a lesser degree)
So whem you wanna get down for family and marriage you select the best option.
Of course guys sleep around before marriage sometimes because, just like women, men too have multiple mating strategies...
Fucking multiple women while investing minimally in them is one strategy with high reward but also high risk.
For that you use easy women. Actually committing to a woman and investing in her is a much more deeper strategy with a lesser but more stable reward, but also lower risk. However for this you need a loyal , committed woman. Easy women will make this investment seem like a joke.
Which is why i said, any sane man will keep doing this. there's no point in getting upset about it. In fact you should be glad about all those guys screaming for virgins. At least it lets you know whats on mens minds. They aren't hiding it.
How come men in touch with their masculinity want a virgin? I mean I know it's true I just don't know the science behind it
@chrismarie5589 there's a lot of biological reasons for it, all stemming mainly from the idea that promiscuous women are less loyal, more impulsive, and just make worse mothers tbh. Now you can say thats not true, but thats what i see. Im sure for this idea to exist, other men came to a similar conclusion. In addition to that, a lot of masculine men want to own stuff. Living or non living. Land, pets, cattle, people, cars, whatever. Historically men always have that desire to own. And just so happens that to most of us something that we acquired first is more valuabke to us than something we got from another man. This may seem very sexist, but it applies to women too. i believe that pretty much every man wants a woman that was is and will alwats be his. With no ex bf's ex husbands or lovers.. Thats why when i see a guy say that says past history of a girl doesn't matter, i dont buy it. I think he is just sucking up and has ulterior motives
Well it's not about understanding where the idea or need comes from, it's about managing expectations. If it's true that most men want virgins, then virgins are in high demand and low supply, which means we have a lot of options and you need to be a guy of a certain quality. If you're not, well... like I said you might be punching outside of your league See I want to live on yacht and never work, but I don't have the money, so I manage my expectations without turning angry or bitter or hating all yachts And the stuff about it being biology because virgins are more loyal, stable and better mothers, that's not a fact. That's a theory at best, total bullshit at worst And I agree there are different mating strategies. And if you're a regular ryan gosling who can get away with doing both, good for you ! However most of you are not!
I dont really disagree with what you said, but comparing a virgin to a yacht in a supply demand setting is a bit too much 😂😂.. Im sure if you took your time, and looked in the right places, finding a virgin isn't that hard. Of course, especially in cultures that do value virginity, you have to be a man of a certain caliber to claim one. But not ryan gosling level tough. A guy with decent education , good manners, and a stable job who wasn't a playboy himself is good enough where i come from. And virgins being more loyal and better mothers didn't come out of thin air, its a belief that has existed troughout eons and across many different cultures. Im sure i can trust those sayings rather than a 2017 study or lack thereof. Fact or theory, its a oersonal choice to believe in it, and when the theory correlates with real life experiences, you can't blame men believeing it.
Well all I was saying is that if you want something that a lot of people want you have to "pay" for it. In money in the case of yachts and character and looks in the case of women " who wasn't a playboy himself" What I was saying was that ryan gosling will get away with having been a playboy AND wanting a virgin. Most of you however do not and you should not think that you can, hence the take "its a belief" And belief would be the keyword there. There's little to no evidence to support that and I don't think that blind belief should go unjudged as you seem to imply Most parents are pretty dedicated to their children irregardless of their sexual history. If you think about do you really think it makes that a womans parenting ability is determined by how many she was intimate with?
Agree with the ryan gosling thing (dont get why girls like him so much tough, i see plenty of much better looking male actors... But since im a guy, i guess ill never know 😂😂) Its not bling belief, blind beliefs are beliefs regarding religion and ghosts , demons, angels etc. These beluefs are different because they were existing troughout the ages because people actually experienced or saw these thibgs firsthand. Now we throe them out of the window just because its politically incorrect. As for the parent, i think each individual is different, but i think conservative women are more careful with their children while sexually liberated women are less careful and give them a bit too much room. The difference isn't in sexual history , its because of attitudes
Good take.
Most people don't realize that all that sex they think people are having is a symptom of the media.
No one in the real world fucks or should fuck that much.
Anywho, stay a virgin, or not, I don't care.
Have a good life.