Romantic love and BDSM? Romantic relationships between Doms and subs?

[Anonymous]

I'm in a newish relationship where sexually there is a Dom/sub dynamic. He also happens to be a swinger. When we're together sexually, he is always very caring after, and during the non-sexual occasions he's easy to talk to and hang out with etc. I'm very attracted to him and find myself developing feelings, but I am also wary of the unconventionality of our relationship.

Can a Dom ever love their sub romantically? Can this type of relationship work as a couple?

Additionally, can a previously established swinger enter into a primary love relationship while still living the lifestyle? (Although I am not specifically looking for other people to have sex with, I'm willing to explore the lifestyle with him - go to parties etc.)

[Love_Byte]

I'm a relationship and sex advisor, so maybe I can provide some insight:

A dom/sub relationship can absolutely work in a romantic sense, especially if, as you mention he is very kind and caring before and after, and easy to talk to. Those are both super important traits for a dom/sub relationship to be successful in a romantic sense if it's going to develop into a relationship that goes beyond the bedroom.

It also seems like you are ok with him being a swinger, and sexually exploring with other people as long as he remains loyal to you emotionally. That's also not uncommon, even in relationships that don't have a dom/sub mechanic. It's also a good thing that you're willing to explore and roll with that, because it would be a bit unfair to expect him to change that, even in a relationship, unless it was his idea to begin with.

[AustinMan]

This is one of those situations where you need to talk A LOT about ground rules. A Dom can certainly be in love with and love his sub. I'd be more concerned with how you'll react to the swinger component of his life.

[DivideByZero]

Dom/Sub never works UNLESS there is romantic interest/relationship involved, so to answer your question, yes, it is possible.

[jeffrey604]

Yes a dom can love their sub romantically, they just show it a bit different way. Yes they're many long term dom/sub couples.

[genericname85]

of course they can. i´m not into bdsm at all but i know bdsm is a very intimate and consensual thing. you shouldn´t even do it without having that kind of romantic relationship first.

[castratedwhiteguy]

Let's start from square one. Are you the dom or the sub?

[Asker]

Sub..

[castratedwhiteguy]

That answers a key question...

[Asker]

Being?

[castratedwhiteguy]

He's probably more into his own trip than he's into you. He'll take you along for the ride, but he'll probably never be faithful. Just my educated opinion...

[Asker]

What makes you think that?

[castratedwhiteguy]

He's a swinger and you accept it. That's a recipe for disaster. What makes you think he'll ever change?

[Asker]

I don’t need him to change. I’m okay with him sleeping with other people, as long as he’s emotionally loyal to me.

[castratedwhiteguy]

If you're cool with his lifestyle than it might work. But most women won't put up with cheating for very long. That's my concern...

[crotchwood]

Sounds perfect to me

[Duzurra]

Yes, most successful Dom sub relationships have a lot of trust and love in them, and it's not ridiculous to love multiple people and one time, for example, do you love your mom or your dad, hopefully both, and romance can work the same way