Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Disclaimer: ***SARCASM ALERT***
If this take is more sarcastic satire take, well blame the people who mistake niceness for weakness or think you're a ❄️ snowflake ❄️.... To which I'd say ... No babe, I'm more of a winter storm....
There's a new Pandemic on the rise:
It's called:Internet Self-Proclaimed Experts......
How stupid of me to believe when I joined this site that it really was a place people could give, get helpful advice and opinions without hate or false assumptions...
And little did I know there were so many "experts" out there....
Seeing it seems to be their "calling" in life, I found the perfect jobs for those "experts":
Seeing people on here like to separate everything by gender ... I've listed available openings separately for men and women.....
Male Experts needed for the following areas of expertise:
Women's behavior
Need male experts that know how all females think and behave.... Why would we ask women when men know so much more about women than women themselves do... And we know all women are incapable of logical thoughts... Besides if we hire females, we're afraid all our male employees wallets may disappear as we know that's all women think about/are after, they even have the nerve to go after men with empty wallets-what nerve...
Women's sexual needs/desires
Oh wait, this position should really be listed as an oxymoron as any true male expert knows women hate sex, see sex as a chore and only put up with sex to get what they want from men. All the sex toys women buy are really just a ploy to further fool and trap men with their evil plans and intentions... We still have no explanation why if women use sex to trap men lesbian women have sex🤔
We would especially like to hire the man who said women haven't evolved enough for Masturbation as women view all sex as rape so see masturbation as self rape (omg wtf)
Before we move on to the positions available for women, a quick word from our sponsers:
And now back to the available openings.....
Women Experts needed for the following areas of expertise:
How to be a "Real man" trainers:
We need women experts who have more knowledge about what it takes to be a man seeing apparently men don't get that real men don't have or show emotion. They are only real men if they don't cry, are aggressive, don't cook or clean, order their women around... All while beating on there manly chests... The nerve of these fake imposter men to think they can be chefs or poets and be considered men ....
Men's sexual behavior:
We need women experts that know all men are creeps and pervs that think about sex 24/7 and that's all they really want from women....I mean the nerve of these men who think they have a right to look at a woman's ass hanging out of her shorts or dental floss up her ass when women know they do it for themselves and not for attention seeking ... The women that know if a guy pays too much attention to you he's a stalker and if he doesn't pay enough attention he's gay ...
The last position available is open for both men and women:
judgmental internet keyboard warrior:
Need men and women who are ready willing and able to bash, trash, insult and try to antagonize anyone who has the nerve to want to be themselves and not what you experts say they should be.... You must also enjoy the fake power you think this gives you, and must think of it as just sport or entertainment cuz hey anyone who disagrees are just overly sensitive snowflakes or whiny females, even men .... Only requirement is you must have an over inflated ego....
To wrap this up, if anything in this take "triggered" you (see I can use that word too 😅), or you think this take is about you, than you must think you are guilty of these behaviors otherwise why would a sarcastic satire really bother you.. And then be careful, cuz then you're behaving exactly the way you're accusing others of behaving (takes a snowflake to know a snowflake 😘)
I leave you with this final thought...I know, I know I'm just an overemotional, incapable or thinking logically female, but hey just maybe this idea might actually work and it's really quite simple... Ready for it?
As always, thanks for reading💙💜
"Brainsbeforebeauty"😘
What Girls & Guys Said
8 41Well done and sins of which that I've been guilty.
Thanks and least you admit it lolol
LOL im a jack of all trades, master of none.. Good take by the way.
Lol thanks
This is hilarious, sad, and so true
Thanks!, and right and right...
It's always hard to find a diamond in the rough. But thankfully, there are some really good diamonds
Yes there are!🙂
Wow someone really got to you yesterday eh! LMAO I couldn't agree more.
😂 nah none "got to me" just gets mundane seeing all these how to be real woman/man posts. These men/women that think they know so much more about the opposite sex so instead of getting irritated, had fun with it 😂
I know the feeling all to well. I want to go off on a rant some days. I just can't put my thoughts into print.
Right lol this was tame version 😂
I would hate to see it when you get really wound-up then. LOL
Who moi😇😇🤬 lololol
my i pm you
What for?
for a chat
Yeah I'm getting ready to clean and cook so
ok @Brainsbeforebeauty ok have a good day
One of the best takes ever... and a reminder the arrogant , know it all twats outnumber the decent !!! " and if he doesn't pay enough attention he's gay..."... That make me very gay then , you will be ignored by me... like I do everyone... other than my family & small but quality group of friends And the end one " mind your own business " ... plenty need to learn to do exactly that... the rise of the " Karen " ... is the REAL pandemic...
You would fit in this side of the Atlantic... as you must be fluent in sarcasm in the UK
Thank you! 🙂 And you're not gay any more than I'm a virgin or neither of us would have children 😂 But yeah just get tired of seeing these posts telling others what behaviors are acceptable or what makes someone a real Woman or a real man, how bout 1- define that for yourself and 2- define that for what you want in a partner and leave everyone else alone to do the same for themselves and their partners 🤷🏼♀️ but again thank you for the compliment.. 💜💙🙂
Oh yeah then I'd be right at home 😅🙂
This was fucking amazing.
Thank you 💙💜
I wanted to reply with more than that but it was fucking amazing lol. I've read it 3 times haha
Lol thanks glad you enjoyed 🙂
I'm an expert.
😂😂😂 love that meme that would a been good in this take 😂😂😂
Lol..
😂😂😂😂
That was funny.
Thank you 💙💜🙂
And who made you the expert on an expert's expertise in the area of expertation? Hmmm, Who? We all would like to know
ME I self proclaim myself to be 😂😂😂
😂😂great my take 💓💓💓😘😘🌹🌹
Aw thank you EM😂💜💙
You know it 😂😂
I still have that pic in my head off the pink elephant costume 😂😂😂
That should be your profile pic 😂😂😂
I like pink. 😎
Pink tacos 😂😂😂
For my pink trunk. 😂😂
😂😂😂😂
anyone who claims to be a self-something is a self-douche.
😂😂😂 great way to put that.. And according to my gyno douching isn't good for women 😂😂
But its great for men to clean the poop schute. (I really don't know, I'm just making shit up)
@humanearth lololol hahahaha
Yes. Anyone with a blog is now an "expert" about all things.
Right 🙄😂
Except women usually say one thing and mean another. This is why men actually are better experts at women in general. Ie ask a man to help you pick up chicks and his advice usually works (be an asshole) where if you ask most women for advice it doesn't work (buy flowers and be polite - almost never works unless you're also an asshole at the same time)
And yes im sure if enough girls read this they will say "nooo im sick of rude dick holes i wish a man would buy me flowers" as they are responding to a jackass on snapchat asking for noodz. Smh.
tldr
🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
Yes I am a expert and there is nothing you can go about it
You're hired 😂😂😂
i love you and want to have your baby.
i really do love your tear down of what is essentially if you dont agree with me there is something about you i must fix.
so many mytakes i see are just drivel. but this on the other hand... this is a virtual masterwork of everything wrong in society today.
thank you so much.
Aw thank you so much 💜🙂
I try to offer help based on my personal experience
and whatever I may say you can agree or not that’s the beauty of conversation.
maybe you can teach me something. I’m not here to play games.
if I can help, that gives me satisfaction.
I actually agree with this. Like I always say the difference between an expert and the informed us who's math checks out
Right! And, thank you 🙂