Settling The "Nice Guy" Debate

***SETTLING THE "NICE GUY" DEBATE***

INTRODUCTION

Settling The "Nice Guy" Debate

^^^ 7.5/10 Would Smash ^^^

Alright, boys! I decided to put together another take and I'll likely be doing more in the future. Most of the content in this take are opinions that I've posted here in the past. All I did was copy/paste, and add some fillers to bridge them all together. I have a lot of people on here asking me for advice in my inbox right now, and my goal is to be able to redirect them to my takes so that I'm not repeating the same advice over and over again. I'm flattered that some of you guys look up to me, but I don't always have the time to respond to each of your individual questions in a timely manner. I'll always eventually back get to everyone though.

If you don't know who I am at this point, I'm that bodybuilding douchebag who would have probably stolen your girl when I was single. In all seriousness-- I'm 24, engaged, and have a lot of experience with women. You don't have to like me to be able to take my advice. Everything I speak here is the truth, and my perspective is based on my individual experience. I think I've been pretty successful with women and dating... But having said that, you might have had different experiences and therefore different perspectives. You're more than entitled to oppose my views for that reason. I actually encourage that you challenge my views. By opposing me, you'll be able to gain a better sense of clarity in how can apply what I'm saying here into your dating life.

So this take will be segregated into two sections. The first section being the part where I'm addressing men and the second section where I'm addressing women. The issue in this debate is flawed on both sides, so that's why I put it together in this way. It would be in your best interest to read both sections despite being a girl or a guy.

...Men, stop bitching and think for a minute...

Settling The "Nice Guy" Debate

Intro...

To the men who are reading this-- what you have to remember about women, is that they all want to be in a love story. Most women crave that intensity. Almost every movie out there that involves love and romance... well there's always some dilemma that keeps them from being a perfect and happily ever couple. They have to go through all those external and/or internal obstacles together. This is what leads them to that point of actually becoming emotionally invested in one another.

A nice guy skips all of that and simply offers her that happy ending with absolutely no foundational value behind it. If you think you can win over a woman's heart by simply being a good guy and treating her right all the time, then you're sadly mistaken. Making any type of forced effort to keep a woman in a constant state of what we would consider neutral happy is a huge mistake. That will result in her getting bored and seeing you as lesser value.

First off, you're not entitled to quality women just because you're "nice"...

Settling The "Nice Guy" Debate

I think it's hysterical when guys come on here saying how much they hate women and how they're joining MGTOW because they can't score. The reason why I laugh is that if you look at the question description, the only thing that they mention is how nice they are to women. They literally have nothing else to offer other than being nice.

Alright snowflake, let's think with some rational logic here. Maybe she didn't want to get with you because you're bored and have nothing going for you. Maybe she likes the guy who comes across as a douche because he's actually successful and has more to offer than just being "nice". Yeah, just needed to clear that up before anything.

Understand that women are a little different than us...

Settling The "Nice Guy" Debate

Women are emotional beings in comparison to men. It has everything to do with how you make her feel and has almost nothing to do with what you're actually saying. A guy will get home from a date and think that he did really well because he had the opportunity to talk about all of strongest selling points the whole night. He thinks that she will automatically be attracted to him because he goes to a good university and has a high paying job lined up for him. He thinks that she will automatically be attracted to him because he showcased himself in a way that perpetuates this idea that he has good morals and values. That's the mentality of a man looking at this date as some proposed job interview. That's thinking with logic. Remember that women are emotional beings? So fuck all of that noise... the question that you should be asking yourself is how did you make her feel that night? Did you actually vibe with this girl or did you just go through the motions of a date?

Stop being a pussy and say what's on your mind...

Settling The "Nice Guy" Debate

If you can make a woman feel in any way, good or bad, then it will result in attraction towards you. Women don't feel anything towards men they're not attracted to. It goes hand in hand with this concept of that girl who hates her ex-boyfriend because he dumped her, yet she still talks about him all the time. Hate is a strong word. When a woman says that she "hates" a guy, then that guy that she hates actually has a huge advantage in winning her over. That's because he has the ability to impact her in a significant way on an emotional level.

Be genuine...

Am I saying that you should go out and intentionally be a dick so that you can get women? Hell no. Nice guys who try and come across as assholes in an attempt to attract women are transparent. As a man, you should NEVER act like something you are not. Women pick up on that very quickly. The issue with nice guys is that they hold back all too often. They avoid confrontational matters with a woman because they think it will result in her losing attraction.

Women will absolutely piss you off at one point or another. This is especially true when you start to open up and become more vulnerable to one another. Legitimately falling in love with someone can be messy stuff, and it's never really a smooth ride. You'll open up, you'll get scared and pull back, you'll become crazy, you'll get pissed off, and then you'll feel like you're cloud nine again. This applies to both men and women. Women experience all of this with more intensity than men for the most part though. This is part of the reason that women are more apprehensive to date certain guys and are much more selective in who they choose to open up to.

Concluding...

My advice? Act on your instincts instead of holding back. Be unapologetically... YOU. If she pisses you off, then call her the fuck out on it. Don't hold yourself back thinking it will push her away from you. Falling in love with someone is raw in the sense that you're opening up your entire being to another person on a genuine level. Considering that, be genuine with how you feel and your emotions towards her.

...Women, stop bitching and think for a minute...

Settling The "Nice Guy" Debate

Intro...

I think the problem sort of herein lies in this mindset of becoming jaded in the sense that women judge men right away. They classify potential partner's into category A and category B not realizing how restricting that is to a possible opportunity.

So I suppose if you can take anything from this, it's to maybe open up your options and not filter out guys so suddenly by classifying them into either pretentious asshole or desperate nice guy. No one is one hundred percent good or bad. Good and bad is merely dependent upon the individual who's judging anyways. In general, there's not much in life that's entirely black and white-- especially not personalities and people in general. We're all very multi-dimensional in our personalities. There's no generic cut-out. Considering all of this, my advice is to utilize judgment in a way that actually benefits you instead of disadvantages you.

I think most of the women on here are absolutely delusional in how they judge men, and I'm going to explain what they're doing wrong.

"It's because men don't match my high standards..."

I see women brushing off quality dudes like nothing without even realizing that they're doing it. A lot of the times it's because they have their head so far up their ass, that they've actually developed a delusional inability to assess and judge people for who they are in any sense of rational comprehension.

It seems as if a man can't even approach a woman by genuinely giving a compliment anymore without them mentally shutting him down by categorizing him into "nice guy" or "pushover". If I see something I like in a woman, then I'll just say it. I don't even think about it. All of my compliments are genuine and they aren't handed out like candy either. But if a woman is good looking, then I'll tell her that right off of the bat. I had a woman reject me when I was single because I complimented her looks on an approach. She told me I was desperate for merely saying she looked hot lmao. I ended up hooking up with her later on but the girl was ridiculously dim-witted and was denser than a block of fucking iron. A lot of the girls on gag seem to be just like her in that way.

Here's a harsh reality check to your standards...

Let me explain something to you princess... If you're actually of quality, then you'd be attracting men who are of quality themselves. People tend to date within their own tier in regards to looks, values, personality, social status, and socioeconomic branch. If you're only attracting men who are not to be considered quality, then logic should tell you that you're not quality yourself. It's not rational to sit there and blame the issue on literally every man in the world with whom you come in contact with you instead of yourself. That's complete and utter delusion.

You're not amazing just because guys want to fuck you. If the only type of responses you get from men are sexual, then it's an indication that the only asset you have to offer in the dating pool is your pussy. These men who are telling you that you're beautiful and amazing are only saying that to lure you into sleeping with them. For an average looking woman to receive sexual attention, she simply needs to posts some cleavage on social media and laugh at guys unfunny jokes. Nobody, including men, admires or values something that takes literally no skill, effort, or talent. If your pussy is the only selling point you have to offer, then you're not of quality. You'd have much better luck in landing a real connection with someone who's actually in your league.

Settling The "Nice Guy" Debate

My point in giving you a harsh reality check...

One definition of insanity could be described as doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting a different result. I'm not just saying this to roast women. I'm the furthest thing from bitter. I fucking love women, but I'm a realist. My point in this is that delusional thought will hinder your chances in you landing a quality man. If you're not attracting quality men, then do some self-evaluation. Only then will you be able to make some changes.

Judgement can be utilized in a beneficial way...

Don't get me wrong-- It's absolutely necessary to utilize your best judgment when dating. It's human nature to cast judgment. Humans are wired to recognize patterns, and utilizing that logic, there is some truth to every stereotype. If a girl was covered in tattoos, then I'd think she was rebellious and/or of lower socioeconomic status depending on the quality of the tattoos and placement. If a girl dresses up like a bimbo and cakes on her makeup like a bimbo, then I'll presume that she is promiscuous. If a fat nerdy looking dude tells me that he pulls a lot of pussy, then I'll think he's full of shit. If a dude is dressed ghetto as fuck, then I'll think he's ghetto. The list goes on...

Let me explain beneficial judgment by using an analogy.

Here's the catch-- I give everyone a chance. When I was in the police academy, we were taught to be ready to draw our lethal(firearm/gun) at a moments notice in a subtle way while creating a diversion so that you take attention away from the fact that you're ready to lay this dude the fuck out if he tries something stupid. Police officers habitually do this on patrol all the time. You'll notice that when an officer initially rolls up on a sketchy suspect, they'll have their hand on or near their lethal ready to draw out of the holster.

Watch this quick scene from a cop movie called End of Watch.

This is a legitimate field tactic that officers and deputies in Los Angeles use all the time. I even do this as a civilian in sketchy neighborhoods. Here you'll see the two officers rolling up on a suspect who's known have a violent history. You can obviously see how the officer in the driver's seat is drawing his lethal. He's defending himself, and he's being prepared for the worst. In other words, he's using his better judgment to protect himself and his partner. Did the officer here just shoot the man during this casual encounter because he's sketchy? No, he didn't. He kept it cool and felt out the situation, which is exactly what you should be doing.

If you're not giving people a chance, then you're essentially just shooting down a ton of guys with potential based this notion of preconceived judgment. My point here is to utilize your judgment in an intelligent way that actually benefits you. Don't let preconceived judgment lead to an inability to rationally perceive situations and people for what/who they actually are.

Concluding with some personal insight...

Settling The "Nice Guy" Debate

I'm going to tell you a little about myself. Most of my good friends are just like me in the way that I'm about to describe. I'm pretty conversational in my real life and people typically either hate me or love me. It's never really a neutral "that guy was cool I guess". The thing is, I can come across as an overbearing douchebag quite often. The people who know me on a personal level don't think like that all though.

I'm far from perfect, and I'd never attempt to make such claims. I might be confrontational to others at times, and say a lot of stupid shit that makes me come across as a dick, but one thing that I can confidently say is that I treat my girl and my good friends right. I'm loyal as fuck and I'm always looking out for my people. I don't cheat. Yeah, I have a lot of freedom that a lot of other guys don't have in relationships, but that's all communicated with her and we both enjoy the dynamic that we have. Honesty is everything with me, and I wouldn't ever do something behind her back. I care about the girl a lot. I also care about my friends a lot. No, that doesn't contradict what I was saying earlier in regards to how you shouldn't keep women in a neutral happy state of mind literally all the time. That's because I genuinely mean all of the things that I just stated above. We still get in fights and have our moments. As I said, I'm far from perfect.

There's a distinctive difference between being a guy with strong morals and values in comparison to a "nice guy". I wouldn't ever want to be known as nice. That's weak as a man, and will almost always result in getting trampled on and taken advantage of by others. A man can still possess strong fundamental values and not considered that "nice guy".

Literally, no girl is looking at me by first impressions and thinking that I hold those values in regards to relationships. I look like a fucking juiced up male bimbo. It just seems as if a lot of these "nice guys" have nice as their only selling point. Also, note that a lot of these "nice guys" can be good at deceiving others and he might just turn out to be an even bigger asshole than the jock looking dude.

8 16

Most Helpful Guy

  • I agree with you 100% but it wasn't always this way. At least not back in my grand parents and great grand parents day. Times have truly changed for the worst. See what you're talking is "game". Nowadays game is a must if one wants to succeed. Once I agree with you 100%. But how many of these relationships can't survive the test of time? When one or the other or both become exhausted with the game -This squirly zig zagging motion of constantly trying to keep things steady. Constantly having to put a shock to her system by changing up the routine (similar to shocking your muscles when lifting weights). For a relationship to ultimately last I think it's going to come down to "character" (along also having similar personalities). Is he quick to cheat? Is he lazy af? Is she a cheater? Is she lazy af? Can they relate? And yes as you said earlier "do they vibe"? The test of time will kill game (which is why relationships don't last today). But character not "morals" will give two people a fighting chance as long as they vibe. But with how fucked things are "today" you're 100% right. Tactics are all we've got.

Most Helpful Girl

  • This is cringeworthy, at least the small part I bothered to read. It's just a thinly veiled humble-brag disguised as "advice" from one of life's self-anointed winners to the losers of gag.

    Nice guys aren't disqualified by any girl I know for being nice. I can't stand douchebags who think they deserve something because they go to the gym 4 days a week and spout opinions that no one asked them for. And most nice guys have a lot to offer, usually more than douchebags who sell cars down at the local Chevy dealership.

    • Did you even bother to read the content? If so, what part do you disagree with? I gave my background because this is based on my experience. I don't understand how you can just discredit literally everything I wrote and just say thisnis stupid. I go to the gym four days a week and do a lot of other things as well. I don't feel entitled to anything because I workout. This is a Q&A website in which we give opinions on certain topics in regards to dating. I genuinely wrote a nice take that a lot of people can gain and I get insulted for it? No chevy for me ma'm, I'm applying Tesla right now... as an engineer. You also can't argue with the nice guy topic withnme if you haven't even read what I've stated about it. If you actually read it, then you'd know that I'm not promoting to be a douchebag. I'm promoting to be yourself.

    • I'm reading the comments and genuinely just scratching my head wondering why the hell a couple of you took this take as an insult. I told guys to be themselves in this take here. To not act like a douchebag in an attempt to attract women. I put this together thinking it would help out some younger guys struggling that message me a lot.. and I'm getting irrationally attacked. Do you realize how out of context your comment is? This is just absurd to me considering the circumstances, the take, and everything else.

    • No one's attacking you, so get over your persecution complex. No one cares enough about you personally to even want to attack you. I just think what you wrote is nonsense. If this is advice, it's like the blind leading the dumb. I don't know who told you or any other guy that "nice" is some kind of horrible quality that is an instant turnoff to all girls.

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What Girls & Guys Said

12 31
  • Nice is a description people use when they don't have any other descriptor for someone.

    It means someone isn't offensive. Which is usually done by simply agreeing with everything and not really opening up.
    Or by molding themselves into what they think you want. But she will sense it is false.

    Nice doesn't mean sweet. If a girl thinks you are sweet, then she will use that to describe you rather than nice.

    Nice doesn't mean good or honorable. If a girl thinks you are good and honorable, then she will say that is what you are, instead of nice.

    Nice doesn't even mean respectful, gentlemanly or chivalrous.

    And nice doesn't mean emo. Since at least someone that is emo is sharing themselves.

    A nice guy is essentially a yes man that is really just a fake.
    It's a form letter resume that tells you nothing while using a bunch of buzz words.

  • NIce guys; are just like every other bloke and their main goal is getting women; but they aren't honest enough to admit it. To others and I accept sometimes even themselves.

    Dishonesty doesn't make you a nice guy

    • You clearly have no idea what a nice guy is.

    • @HandsomeGuy500 perhaps my statement is deliberately a little strong for effect. However; the point i'm making is that essentially everybody wants near enough the same things. Some of us are willing to admit that we have an ulterior motive when we do good by other people; some of us aren't.

  • Loved it bro. Keep these coming!

    • They changed Alright boyos, to Alright, boys!

    • Lmao

    • Lmaoooo. Them edits.

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  • My thing is this, I am not "nice". I am far from it. I have my dark side. I will speak up for myself if the situation warrants it, although I am a spiritual man who believes that being transparent and letting things roll off your back is far less disturbing to your inner peace than to go against the tide. Generally speaking, most things that we get worked up about aren't all that bad; it is our egotistical reaction that causes the most pain and forms a resistance that is more harmful than that which disturbed our ego. It is this surrendering to what /is/ that allows us to act, move on, or accept. Surrendering isn't resignation, it is acting in the moment without any judgment being placed on it. It is a form of nonresistance that allows us to make positive change.

    If there was a car alarm going off outside of your house, and it annoyed you, what is more, disturbing to your Being, the alarm itself or your ego that becomes irritated by the alarm? Even after the alarm is cut off, your mood has changed. This happens when you get cut off on the highway, or in relationships when the ego seeks drama to keep itself alive.

    However, I know I am a good man. I can be gentle, tactful, civil, and empathetic. Having inner peace isn't about avoiding rocking the boat, it is about not seeing why the boat needs to be rocked in the first place. It is about avoiding the insane drama that the egoic mind creates.

    Do not confuse a good man's kindness for weakness. What might bother you and cause you to fly off the handle, he has learned to roll with it. He takes these stresses in stride.

    A Nice Guy™ I believe is a man who does not stick up for his core values, who doesn't have integrity, and is willing to sell his soul for what he wants. He is holier than thou. That is what makes him unattractive to not just women, but to everyone.

    Women, do not confuse the Nice Guy™ who is willing to mold himself into whatever he needs to win you over, with the Good Guy who is mature, gentle, kind, empathetic, and peaceful. A Good Guy can still be sexual, flirty, and have an edginess because he stands up for his values, but that same Good Guy may not be the most outgoing, guards his heart, and looks to reflect the love he is given sevenfold.

    “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” This is what a strong man of peace strives for. To empower others rather than to tear each other down.

    I wish you all a joyous life!

  • Nice women are compatible with nice men.

    Bad women are compatible with bad men.

    Lets do another example, ..

    Women who hate travelling are COMPATIBLE with men who also hate travelling.

    Women who love travelling are compatible with men who also love travelling.

    I think we need to realise most humans like to be in the bad category... we are predators not prey. If were so nice we wouldn't be like a ruthless virus destroying resources and on top of the food chain.

    • In most marriages i see the good man/woman (saint) baring the bad woman/man (tormentor). Its rarely two saints or two bitches.

    • @Apple: You're 100% right.

  • Yeah, I don't think is going to settle any debates...

    • It just created more lmao. For reasons that are completely irrelevant.

  • You wouldn't have stolen me. I avoid toxic men like you like the plague. Only confused little girls can fall for you. Or girls similar to your ethos.

    • I agree that quality women seek quality men and vice versa though. That was spot on.

    • There you go, disregard the whole take because you got mad at me for calling you out on something that's completely irrelevant on another question.

  • This is a long ass post but I read the whole title lol maybe if u pit a summary i'll read
    For my case , bc I'm bat shit crazy nice guys make me feel insane and destroy my soul :i can't be myself arround them. i just have to watch my words. watch everything. fuck that shit. asshole just don't mind and actually r fine with it and know how to handle craziness in me.
    Even tho I warn nice guys somehow they want to try then they can't take me and don't have the guts to say so and when I see them that way I feel bad and start keeping my mouth shut bc they were only good to me and I keep it in then it goes down to shit
    But , luckly the sweetest asshole crossed my way he can handle me and he says the sweetest things and what makes them even sweeter is bc he's straight forward they come from his heart he doesn't use sweet stuff to lie I dk how he does it anyway, I think if I wasn't crazy I would go for a nice guy

  • Congratulations on your engagement!

    • Ty Meg

  • Legit advice, but I don't think there's an actual debate. Just an open ended talking point that will forever exist. Like the weather

  • Funny. Because I'm constanly attracting guys I am NOTHING like nor present myself in any way like either. But yet I'm always seeing guys who better match who I am as a person blindly falling for or chasing after girls that are NOTHING like them. So I'm pretty sure we attract our opposites. NOT who we are.

    • Why not chase what you want?

  • Great read. Do more. You shouldn't be deterred from writing more of these, because of the stupid people that comment b4 reading, man. You knew going into this that idiots were going to read and comment on your post.

  • Nah. I'm the nicest guy in the world, and I have girls begging for my time. Nice isn't the dealbreaker. Ugly, physically unfit, and dumb are the dealbreakers.

  • Im not MGTOW myself but i do enjoy their memes lol.
    Nice guy is really code for pussy. Women are looking for the best and strongest possible male not a weak guy who because they can't get a women hangs around them hoping one day they will drop their panties or some nice guy that lets them use them as a doormat and agrees with everything they say.

    Settling The "Nice Guy" Debate Settling The "Nice Guy" Debate
  • WAY too long didn't read. There, even spelled it out for you.

    You're confusing 'nice' with 'kind'. An alpha male can be kind, but not nice just to be nice. Girls see right through that bullshit.

  • I skipped some of it, too long. But what I read I totally agree.
    I always have a laugh at the time and effort guys spend botching and moaning about how they dont fulfill what girls want. Like that's gonna help your case 🙄

  • If I act cool they always come towards me, if I act nice they always run.

    But I'm really the same person. Basically women these days expect to turn fuck boys into husbands.

    So now I behave like a nice guy, just to distinguish who is brainwashed and who isn't.

    static.highsnobiety.com/.../...routine-Feature.jpg

  • lol I like how he says "everything I say here is the truth" and "my perspective is based on my individual experiences" in the same sentence, as if there is no conflict between those two ideas.

    • The truth from my perspective.

    • @Tony_1693 ... which makes it automatically the truth in general?

    • @Stamps Negative. You're connecting pieces of the puzzle that aren't even there.

  • OH good god.. will this ever end?
    There is a difference between a nice guy and a "nice guy". The latter is not a real thing hence bound to fail.

    A good rule of thumb is to know what you want in life, how to achieve goals you have set and how to push yourself out of your ever expanding comfort zone.

    .. and no, this doesn't mean one merely says that "Ok, I know what I want to do now.." Talk is cheap. Actions count.

    This stereotypical " nice guy " finishing last is a no-brainer. He doesn't have character or doesn't have the courage to be himself or doesn't know what he is really like. These people don't fully understand the fact that you don't "get a life" (hobbies, jobs, ambition, dreams, goals, skills) to impress someone else, but for your own gain. Ok, they might acknowledge that fact, but not truly believe in it. Accomplishing some combination of "getting a life", in turn, develops character and the real you comes out. It doesn't matter if the person becomes "nice". What matters is that it's genuine and not a manipulative tactic.. or a "mind game".

    There are more important things in life than mere appearances. If someone has a superficial outlook on life, then that's what's going to be served for them on a silver platter.

    \2 cents\

  • You didn't steal anyone's girl. You're more likely to be the dude who can't get second dates after girls find out what a clown you are on the first.

    That cop video looks like an episode of Village People on Patrol.

    • I'm off the market and engaged. It was merely a joke. Did you read the take sir?

    • I'm educated, have a lot of money and a lot going for me. Define clown.

    • You can have a Ph. D. and all the money in the world and still be a clown. Look at Washington.

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