Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
What I will do first is help you to remove that from your arsenal of opposition against this article as this was devised throughout my life prior to my religious status and is also a result of my findings through one on one discussion with other every day people. Some of whom are and are not religious.
For those who do not know, I previously wrote an article entitled Top 10 Rules to Finding Your Husband. In this article, Rule #3 was “Never sleep with a man before you marry him.” I have received so many comments on this rule that I felt it best to make it an article of its own. Obviously if you are doing this for religious reasons that is a reason that I do not need to state. For others, I have shared my original nonreligious concepts behind this rule below to help women understand the current sexual disconnect we face between men and women that affects the possibility of finding your future husband.
Concept #10 – Men don’t think like women, they think like men.
When it comes to dating and relationships, women have one big problem...they don’t understand men. It is very common for men to read books, magazines and articles written for women about women but women do not tend to do the same research about men. This is probably because women do not have to extend themselves much to find a man but men need and have to understand women in order to obtain a date or relationship. This is a misstep by most women. We really should try more to understand men, what their needs are and what they go through.
"Men don’t think like you. This goes for dating, relationships, and includes sex."
With that said, it makes it difficult for women to consider the other side when you have no idea what the other side thinks. Men don’t think like you. This goes for dating, relationships, and includes...sex. For example, where you think you had such a great connection that you could do something like have sex on the first date, a man, who may have also felt that connection thinks to himself, this is not something new to her.
Hopefully, you met someone that talks to you about it but some will just simply walk away. The current theory of what happens in the body when you have sex is that for women you maintain a physical and emotional bond to that person for up to 3 days where for men it only last 3 hours to 1 day. So by the next day that connection you felt may be over for him though it is still fresh for you.
What is he left with after the “in the moment” connection has dissipated? He’s left with nothing but questions about you. He then begins to think that you’ve done that before, how often have you done that before and most commonly, if she did it with me she’ll do it with another man. This, in addition to no longer having that connection makes it easy for him to not call you back. Of course this is not every man but it’s best for you to know that you are in essence reducing the pool of potential husbands every time you do something that may give him a reason to question you tomorrow.
Concept #9 – Peer pressure still exists.
As long as I remember and before that, peer pressure has always been an issue. It has definitely changed its form over the years but in a time where most are so keen on being different, individualism and not being like everyone else...when it comes to certain things including sex we are all still under pressure to be exactly alike. It’s still not popular to say no when you don’t want to have sex. It’s still not popular amongst young adults to not have sex stories to share with your friends. It’s so uncommon to not have sex in a relationship that most people today act like having a dating relationship without sex is a foreign concept. And I can go on.
Now not only are they being pressured by their peers, we have now added television, movies, music and even their own adult family members who are having difficulty exhibiting sexual restraint. People you must begin to understand that a child does not have your matured mind and though you want to live in the free liberated woman world you still have someone watching you to follow in your footsteps. If you have ever uttered disapproval of today’s generation, they are a reflection of prior generations. The do as I say but not as I do approach never works.
Concept #8 – What about what you want?.
Don’t do it out of fear or obligation. I hear tons of women who are afraid to not have sex because they do not want the man in their life to move on, leave them, or end the relationship. This is never a good enough reason. If you are looking for a true love then you need to wait for someone that respects you for exactly who you are. If he does not respect your decisions on something that is completely your decision and if you start out relationships by giving in to things that you are not OK with, how do you think that the bigger issues will work out for you?
Concept #7 - No one ever warned you about the “in between guy”.
So we’ve all been told about the men that may only want sex. We’ve also been told about the man that will hopefully someday sweep you off your feet. What you don’t hear much about is the guy in between. Women have been conditioned to have negative connotations against men who are only out for sex or that will do what it takes for sex and then walk away. We even have names for them like players, ladies man, etc.
"The “in between guy” is, for all intensive purposes, a good guy."We also have names for the man we hope to sweep us off our feet one day like, prince charming, husband, knight in shining armor, etc. However, we have nothing about the in between guy. This guy is not shown in movies, told to us in stories or discussed with us at all. So to let you know what this is. The “in between guy” is, for all intensive purposes, a good guy. He currently does not want to get married but he also does not like the continuous rigor of trying to find a date or girlfriend or one night fling. Some just are not good at it. Some are good at it but think it’s time consuming and some just don’t like the danger of it and prefer to be cautious with how many partners they expose themselves to. The dangers for you:
- This guy already knows that you are not “the one”, he already knows he doesn’t plan to commit to you, however he does plan to have continuous sex with you for as long as you allow before you catch on, until another woman that peaks his interest more than you comes along or until he’s had enough.
Don’t get me wrong. Some of these relationships can end up being long prosperous marriages, but usually by accident. By accident, I mean that it was not his intention to fall in love and somewhere along the line he did. Unfortunately, with this you may be taking a risk as well that he “fell in love” simply because no one else came along and he had no other potential options. This may especially occur if you have stuck around until he has reached the age where he wants to have children. - This guy may not even know that this is what he is doing. Have you ever dated the guy that says he really likes you and some of them even get to the point where they tell you that they love you, however, marriage never comes up or if it does he tries to avoid the conversation, provide you with reasons that he can’t even stop laughing when he says them, not have a reason at all or just dump you out of the blue. This guy is really a good guy but just not the right guy for you.
What women don’t take into account is that every guy that it doesn’t work out with doesn’t mean that he’s a bad guy, or that he deserves to be called names amongst your friends. This is usually the man that women wait for and think that in time they can change him and some do but like I said you are taking a risk that he happens to fall in love with you, that someone better does not come along, that when he finally decides he is ready he dumps you to find the woman of his dreams or that he marries you out of convenience.
So how does not having sex before marriage solve this? Without sex the “in between guy” will not stick around. Don’t get me wrong. The men that are really good at it or don’t even know they are doing it may will wait it out if you have a time frame. Most women reveal what their sexual time frame is quite quickly and easily. He will find out either directly from you or from you prior stories or other clues if you usually begin to consider sex in 3 months, 6 months, a year or never. If it’s a time frame he can deal with, he will wait it out. Especially, if he does not have another option anyway. Remove the guessing game.
Concept #6 - Women have changed the game, but the rules for men are still the same.
Yes, women have evolved quite rapidly over the last few decades. Unfortunately, most women have not taken a breather to realize that men however, have stayed the same. Yes, they will say out loud that they don’t mind a woman that will have sex on the first date…because they want sex. Yes, some will say they don’t care if a woman has been with a lot of men…because they want sex. Yes, some will say friends with benefits is great…because they want sex. I think you get the gist. However, when the average man is alone within his own thoughts, talking to his friends or talking to me one on one about the type of woman he wants to marry, many do not picture a woman that has done any of the above. Men still want the same basic things that they wanted since the beginning of time.
Concept #5 - Sex does not automatically equal love.
There’s not much to say about the concept. Read it over and over until it syncs in AND accept it. For most men sex does not automatically equal love. Sometimes, it does not even automatically equal like. Women consistently get this confused. If you couple this with Concept #1 you are simply just asking to get your feelings hurt.
Concept #4 - The things that should be most important to you are the things that last as long as you want your marriage to...sex is not one of them.
Despite what television and movies say, sex is an extremely great bonus to marriage but it’s not all that marriage is about. If you love someone before you had sex, that obviously makes your chances better. But, what most people don’t seem to understand is that for some women, if you have sex before or during falling in love, your judgment could be quite clouded and you may have fallen in love with the representative of him that you have made up in your mind after you have excused away all of his flaws. If God forbid you are ever unable to have sex after being married you should not be worried that your husband will leave your side.
If your future husband never gets the opportunity to know you without the things that may fade how is he to know what you will be like when those things do fade. If you used your body to attract him but it changes after you have bared his children are you more likely to question if he will stray, if you had sex from the beginning of your relationship and having sex was part of the time you spent together, when sex fades as you get older will his interest fade, maybe you’re no longer that much fun without sex. You should be exploring the characteristics that don’t fade. The ones that last as long as you want your marriage to.
Concept #3 – Sacrifice and Appreciation.
Wow. Sacrifice. To even use the word today seems like asking for miracle. In an age of instant gratification sex has become so commonplace that people don’t even remember anymore that sex is a privilege. What happened to the time when women actually thought about who they were allowing to share their body with. What happened to the time when instant gratification was not praised and high-fived with no thought to present and future consequences. Sometimes good things are just worth waiting for to minimize your risks of mishaps and things that could actually shorten your lifespan.
Concept #2 – Unplanned Pregnancy.
I know. I am beating a dead horse on this one but with over 400,000 reported births by teenagers ages 15-19 every year reported by the CDC, apparently this is not clear. Who does this start with? You. Teenagers are learning these behaviors that are now widely being accepted in television and movies while surrounded by adults who attempt to act out these movie star roles in their real lives. There are plenty of people who preach safe sex. I do agree with it as a second choice. However, the fact still remains that if you do nothing that you don’t have to worry about this at all.
With contraception there are still several things that can go wrong. Sex without contraception, it’s inevitable. We now live in a society where it is the norm to be a single parent. Think about someone else…the child that you may possibly be bringing into this world. To make things worse, if it is with someone you don’t really know or like. It’s hard enough to be a good parent in love, it’s tough enough to raise a child in a two parent home so why add to the risk. The more risk you take with your sex life will equal the more risks you put your future child in if conceived in the middle of your risk.
Concept #1 - Sexually Transmitted Diseases.
This is nothing new. You all have heard the cons of sex as it relates to sexually transmitted diseases. The one area of this that concerns me and needs to be addressed is the statement “I get tested regularly.” or “I get tested every __.”. Though I love the fact that people are taking care of themselves, I don’t think that the point has ever been driven home that…
TESTS ONLY TELL YOU WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE!
Taking a test is not a precautionary option. Taking a test only tells you how lucky or unlucky you are. Relying on testing of sexually transmitted diseases is like playing Russian roulette with your life. You’ve already loaded the gun with risky behavior and you are hoping that when you pull the trigger this time it’s not the chamber that has the bullet in it.
Next article: How NOT to Reduce your Potential Future Husband Pool
What Girls & Guys Said
169 88You are on point. Nice article I must say
Are you married?
In todays world if you don't want a marriage full of affairs it's better to sleep together first to make sure you're sexually compatible.
Rule #4 - despite what some people believe, sex does not actually have anything to do with love...
I'm 16, and I'm saving myself for marriage. I do it for religious reasons. I know that I have a future husband somewhere in the world now. By saying no to other guys, I say to something greater. I don't know my spouse, but I love him already. I'm being faithful to him and preserving myself so that I can give myself to him fully. It won't matter that I was called a prude in school or that I'm inexperienced. I'll be able to tell him, "I waited for you my whole life." I pray he's doing the same. :)
You don't need every man's respect. What about unattractive women - who cares? I think everyone should try sex before marriage but don't bother sleeping with every skirt/pair of pants that comes your way. That will really screw with your mind.
I honestly have more respect for a girl who doesn't have sex before marriage, or at least before you've been together for a long time (i.e. a few years) and are completely committed to each other. It shows they have conviction and virtues (aside from the physical) and that the girl can stand up for herself.
This was a great read. I learnt a lot from this article. Many of things I already knew but it was very reinforcing.
you wrote this one nice. I could be the "inbetween", but I said I don't want sex before marrying, I offended her by that ... I love her still though. She just couldn't understand.
I'm a Christian and I have no issues with sex before marriage. My belief is that God is love. There can be love between two people that are not married and they can take all the precautions that they need. That being said, I also have no issues with people that choose to wait. What I have an issue with is people who make large generalizations & shame others for their beliefs. Sex doesn't always have to be this animal act and be demonized in this way. It can be FROM love. (not to create it)
This would work if marriages lasted. But they don't. Everyone in my Youth Group growing up is now divorced, gay, or disillusioned.
They all were virgins when they wedded.
AND HE'S MARRIED TO SOME GIRL I WISH WERE F***ING DEAD!
AND NOW I'M CHASING AROUND SOME GUY AS IF HE WERE GENE HACKMAN OR RUSSEL CROW
FOR...OR *IWAS GOING TO BE GOOD ENOUGH *TO GET IT
I SAID AT I MEANT *FOR
what I meant to say is that I was never very good at gossiping because my mother warned me against it and I wanted to have prince charming and was going to be good enough at getting it and I trusted girls who I thought were friends when they told me that some guy who was not at all good for me was the one FOR ME!
*their
one thing I've noticed about girls is that some to be so good at it. It is usually the girls who gossiped in school that tend to have daughters who don't gossip at all. and the girls who did not gossip in school most likely will have daughters that do. and that is because after they watch their mother go through a lifetime of misery they are so ready to not have it happen to them that they will say just about anything to escape the problems that their mother had!
I wish people would let me defend myself before they put in there two cents and judge my mother who had always taught me to wait for marriage. some girls I grew up may say that #7 describes my mother perfectly. But my mother is married to an in between guy so it's not that she's thought that it does not exist. And I know it's hard for people to admit that they have been wrong but I can say that I was probably most swayed by peer pressure when it came to sex! I wanted friends, they wanted boys.
I love this. It explains things so much better than I could. 100 years ago you were shunned for having premarital sex and not you are shunned doing the opposite
This whole article makes me sad for both men and women. It treats men as complete neanderthals, and women as unwitting damsels. You speak of 2 extremes - sex on the first date and waiting for marriage. The whore and the virgin. I'm shocked to read this is from a woman in her 30s. Every single issue you brought up can be avoided by withholding sex until you are emotionally ready with any given partner. My ex-husband was my first. Now I'm a divorced single mom. There are no guarantees.