Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
One of the most apt comparisons to me that can help women understand why so many of us men have such an obsession and worship of sex and why it can come across as though we enjoy sex more than women do when in fact it's quite the opposite in reality is that sex with a hot women is a little like eating a huge slice of devil's food chocolate cake in which a lot of butter and sugar was used in it's creation.
See, when there's resistance to something whether it be you choosing to resist or the object choosing to resist you, it creates a disproportionate sense of value to you that you only realize is disproportionate once you have it. This is why men guys complain that sex wasn't as great as they thought it would be or why guys tend to disconnect after having sex with a girl for the first time. It doesn't in fact live up to enourmous expectation. Now, this isn't to excuse the piggish guys who always get sex and then leave immediatly after but there's a difference between those guys and the guys who seemed interested in a relationship only to change their mind after finally getting sex (the former never really pretended to want more than sex.) Yes, girls, you were, in fact, not enough in bed to match his fantasies, but it's not your fault.
So what, right? Your typical girl can't even eat bread based on society's pressures let alone chocolate cake. Your typical guy can't get laid more than a handful of times a year excluding relationship sex. Both are obsessed with what they can't have, but the reason I'm stating the obvious is because you can change the outcome by changing the attitude. You have to act like having sex is not a big deal and is not that important to you. Guys who have sex literally all the time see it as a very normal thing to do. Somewhat more than a hug or a handshake. It doesn't occur to them to obsess over it or worship getting to have sex with that really hot girl. They may see themselves as big pimps in the beginning of newfoudn success with girls but it becomes normal very quickly. It needs to be normal to you as well. Once it's no longer a special thing to do all that resistance you create will dissappear. The girl won't feel like she's giving up this huge thing to you because you won't treat it like it is a huge thing. You won't get as nervous once you realize you have a shot at having sex with this girl. You'll just do it like you'd go in for the hug and your sense of calm and normalcy will translate to her. Girls, more than guys, are affected by the vibes of others. That's why it's important that your vibe is that this is common and normal so that she thinks the same and her own resistance melts.
Here's the ironic drawback: sex with your dream girl won't be this huge victory that gives you this insane grin of satisfaction. In fact, you won't really even have a dream girl. Girls will just be girls to you. Sometimes you just talk to them. sometimes you have sex with them it doesn't matter either way. you'll get to orgasm much more frequently through actual intercourse which of course will be a lot of fun but there won't be a huge sense of accomplishment or validation. the reward is literally friction.
But to be a guy who has sex with lots of girls gives you a whole new lease on life. Once you realize how easy it is to have sex with girls if you just calm down about it, then you'll start having girls actually pushing you to get into relationships (especially if you get good at sex.) So, if you are a relationship guy you can now pick the right girl for you instead of waiting for someone to just accept you and date you like you're some orphan of the dating world. If you like variety and hate intmacy and don't have time for commitment you can constantly have new experiences and get to know all different kinds of women. Just be careful protection wise but you will because you'll always have condoms on you because sex is like taking showers...just something you do pretty frequently.
So, boys, eat that chocolate cake until it no longer holds so much temptation for you and then realize it just to be cake...
What Girls & Guys Said
15 12It's not like I don't want to believe, but I see two basic flaws: #1 IF I treat having sex as no big deal, i. e. take it or leave it, what is my motivation to actually care enough to want to get any? as opposed to just masturbating? (this factors being victorious or stroking the ego out of the equation). I can't see the motivation, like I can't see a desire for another piece of cake just after I had one.
#2 if you are this blatant with most women, you will be cut off in two split seconds, especially in feminazi areas like SF (near to where I live). I don't believe that total candor will open doors, i. e., I don't think I will live long enough to hear a woman ever say to me: "Oh! you just think sex is like a hug? OK let's fuck - thank god you are not seriously thinking about a relationship, that really soothes MY mind." Or put it this way, I see 99 rejections for one yes ( and that's not so different from what I've been through anyway, i. e. not worth the trouble). At best, I think I could imagine some enlightened ones saying: "Hmm, interesting, but callous - do let me know when this has worked the first time, ok?"
i think i get what you are saying, i used to see this guy who got on like sex wasn't a big deal and he was attracted to me and we did sexual stuff after a week. A while before I met this other guy who made sex and everything associated such a huge deal and kept pushing and i took a month to even kiss him.
exactly!
Preach brother!
I think there is an even wider lesson here though. This same principle of things receding from you when you chase them and falling into your lap when you cease regarding them as a big deal applies to many other things. Success, social status and happiness itself are all the same in this way.
I'd like to address your last points first. I think in this last section of your post we are somewhat similar. I remember there was a moment where I was so worried about sex and girls that it made me seep into a depressed state. Then like a day or two after that I slowly just got out of it. Eventually I just quit worrying about it. All that happened before I became a non-virgin. Even when I was a virgin I never had a specific type of woman I liked. I mean sure there are some preferences, but "dream girl" was never something I had. Maybe I'm an abnormality. I'm also someone who yes talks to girls sometimes. Have sex with them sometimes. Sex isn't something I'm big on. I mean I have a normal, average, libido. There are days where I'm just not feeling like having sex. Much different than what people would stereotypical think of guys. Some people think we are always horny and always want to fuck. Not me. Not a long term monogamous person either.
So do I understand your point here, but with that said you're always advocating for people to change who they are. This is part of why I can never agree with you. People feel the way they feel. People are the way they are. Can people change? Yes, but you become something else entirely.
Like the expression. The monkey eats the frog the monkey becomes the frog. The wolf eats the monkey the wolf becomes both monkey and frog. It is no longer a wolf.
Such is people who change. Is it a good thing? I don't think so. It's nothing short of an identify crisis. People can do what they want with their lives, but this type of mindset again I just can't agree with.
I feel people can be successful regardless. Does it mean they need to grow within themselves? Maybe, but to completely change their way of thinking to me is not always the right answer.
I think all this again is just how YOU are. Your takes are always like diaries. Not so much advice. I think it's important for people to realize that, because then there are guys out there who may try to take this as advice.
If they don't change, how will their outcomes change? If they are happy with their current outcomes, they would have no need for advice and no desire to change. I think empowering others to believe in themselves is great, but the core of who you are isn't a personality style, it's simply an existing force that never changes. For instance, I used to be very lazy and now i'm very hardworking. I have a great job and am pursuing my creative ambitions as well. You think because we are dealing within the social realm that it is entirely different, but why would it be? You're essentially saying being lazy is at the core of me when others who know me now would say hardwork is at the core of me. You have to look within to figure who you really want to be. I'm not here to decide that for anyone. I'm only here to help those who want to be like me or even more successful than I am with women. I think I appeal to the overthinking intellectual who often gets in his head too much to be socially
successful. I provide lots of reasoning and I explain why everything is the way it is to the rational mind. I understand why it might seem cold and missing the point when it comes to people but it's just how some people learn. But to come back on track with the points you're making, who are you to deem someone as being one thing for their entire lives when they want something different? Can the nerd not become the jock? Does he not need to give up things which are essential to his identity such as massive amounts of alone time and a focus on understanding over physical performance in order to achieve said goal? You telling the nerd to accept being a nerd or the jock who wants to be a nerd that he is at his core a jock, to me, is less advice and more about you trying to keep everyone in neat little boxes. I am giving advice because it is instruction on how to reach a goal should you wish to reach it. At the same time, I respect the intelligent, respectful way you addressed your point.
I am not opposed to coming around, at least partially, to your way of thinking if you'd like to discuss it further, and don't mistake my defending my stance as stubbornness. I'm just providing more explanation behind it so we can reach a point of agreement or at least mutual understanding of each other's perspectives.
There are many reasons as to why outcomes can be unfavorable. Sometimes no matter how much you change the situation is still the same. Like I said before growing within yourself is one thing. Changing your entire personality is another. It's not a matter of being lazy. Your view is that men should be "ideal". Should be what society wants men to be. "Hard working, strong, works out, confident, doesn't gas women up, etc."
I think you made a good point. You have to decide what YOU want to be and stick with it. If you're talking about is insecure guys who don't know what they want to be then okay. I understand that. If you're talking about guys who should do things your way just because you think that way will work then I don't agree with that. It's just like a pitcher in baseball. He has to use what works for him and improve on that. Maybe tweak it here and there if he so chooses. Not try to fit some mold. If the curve is what he likes to throw and a sinker isn't then why would he throw a sinker? He should find ways to set up his curve ball and make it effective. You apparently didn't read the part when I said people can do what they want. If people want to become chameleons then by all means, but that's something I don't endorse. I acknowledge people think differently than me and that's fine. You again said you display how you'd go about things. It's up to them if they want to follow, but
just because it worked for you doesn't mean it will work for them and again how much should one take advice from one person or the other before they lose their own identity? It's just a thought. Some people don't care. Some people think they still remain who they are. That's fine too. I just don't agree with it. I've never said anyone couldn't be what they wanted to be, but do they want to be that or are people telling them they SHOULD be that? Are people in the nerd's ears saying "Hey man if you lift weights and get into sports girls will be all over you."? Are people in the jock's ears saying "Hey man if you focus on being the smartest person in the class and less on weights you'll be getting all the girls. They won't think you're a douche anymore."? Each guy has to answer for himself. I believe both the nerd and the jock can get girls. Your advice to me again is what worked for you. It doesn't mean it's what's best for other guys.
what I'm doing though is getting guys what they want... which is laid. I stand by the majority of my takes (some are done just for fun) in terms of them being effective ways at getting that. I stand by them because they work not just for me but I've also seen it. I think it's important for guys who want it to get laid frequently. I think it's good when people get what they want. My problem with your logic is that to me it leads to a lot of frustration and feelings of insecurity without much of a solution out of you. It's great to feel great, but you can't ignore our human need to be social. In the future, I can put some disclaimers that this is for a specific type of guy but your part I'd consider how helpful you really are when you don't offer much in the way of solutions on getting guys what they want.
Not much solution? It really depends on the person you ask. I'll give you an example. Typically people say that a guy must be confident and outgoing. He must project strength. Yet here I am shy and quiet and still get girls. My mysteriousness attracts them. You don't have to be outgoing and overly confident. You don't have to out talk everyone in the room. Sure some girls will be attracted to that, but some like the quiet guy sitting across the room minding his business. I've learned to refine that. Only talking when it's something introspective. Watching her as she watches me. My tone when I talk is often gentle and soft giving me a laid back feel. Again you don't have to be a certain way. You can refine what you are and still get girls. Girls will pick up on the fake. Just be yourself is what I'm saying. I know everyone doesn't believe in that. That's okay.
I'm not saying you have to change your view I'm just saying I disagree with it. At the end of the day it's each man's choice. We all have a path to choose. You do things your way and I'll do them my way. Other guys can try to do like you or they can follow a different philosophy. I'm just expressing my 2 cents.
Interesting, never thought of it that way!