Sex is no good, should I break up?

He wants to have it but he is not very dominant and masculine for my taste... He is more on a sweet/nice guy side, he likes when I initiate and lead. He is submissive, but I am submissive too. We talked about this and feels like we are hoping that one of us will change for the other. He wants me to be dom, and I want him to be dom. Usually I give in and initiate because if not we would rarely have sex. End even then there's not much sexual passion, only emotional. And I end up feeling annoyed and depressed, not fully satisfied. And then I'm angry at him for being fine with my dissatisfaction.
This sucks so much because I love him. Taking sex out of the equation, he's the one. And I feel guilty and as if I'm cheating when I'm fantasizing about other guys or my exes...
0 2

Superb Opinion

  • Initiating counts as being dom now? Yikes. Thought you were strapping up or something for the lad.

    Sexual compatability is a thing. So is testing and exploring. Is there a reason he doesn't initiate?

    Here comes the personal story that might not relate but maybe it does: I was dating this girl. We hit it off on account of how good the sex were. Things got a bit more serious. Aaand there is no nice way to say it as a guy but I basically couldn't match her appetite. Now her approach on how to remedy that was to try and double down on the sexual stuff she liked. So you know if she used to be in underwear, now its organized outfits consisting of less cloth than I have in a single necktie.
    Anyway. Went poorly. Than we sat around and just goofed and talked sometimes. I'd find myself quickly in the mood to help redefine what she thought she knew about herself.

    Point of that whole thing is: understanding the core reason is important. Sometimes a "How was your day?" is what is actually missing.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Unfortunately only you can make this decision. Is this something you can accept about him. Because what I can say for almost a certainty is that he won't be able to change that submissive side of him. No matter how much he might want to for you, that's just how he is. It would be like asking you to be the total opposite of what you are (when it's just not in you, you know?). Are you always left unsatisfied, or just sometimes? It really sucks when this is the only thing that's "bad" in your relationship, however sexual compatibility is very important, just like everything else about him is. So if you aren't compatible, that is something to take seriously for sure. It will only get worse and worse until one day you just can't take it anymore. But by then you might have left it so long, that it's a huge mess to end it.

Most Helpful Girl

  • that's horrible. I would forgive him. I would rather stay than getting a bad guy outside bed even tho he's perfect in bed.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 16
  • You have by now figure the sex will not get better. If you had gone traditional route of nothing sexual till married, you would now be married to him and unhappy. You did not go that route, and now know that sex between you is lacking. You could decide to stick it out and last even a lifetime. But at some point you will ask yourself, “why am I in this relationship?”, and possibly hate your life. So, your choice.

  • He wants you to be the man in that relationship basically, yea even if both sides are submissive, it's usually the man who should take the lead. Why did you break up with your dominant exes?

  • Sounds like he is a beta type. Women usually want and need an alpha. Could become a problem.

  • This is exactly my last relationship. She ended up leaving. I wish she would have just of tried to tackle the issue from a different way. I am sure if everything else is there you just need to take an approach that satisfies both of your needs. Maybe set up an every other day one has to be the dominant one. That way you can learn each other's needs and become more confident in how to please each other.

  • You should absolutely break up. Your subpar bedroom situation is literally exactly how people end up committing adultery.

  • Talk to him about your needs in bed and work with him and tell him what you like and dislike guide him while you're having sex do that way it's more pleasurable for the both of you.

    Then if he still doesn't satisfy you then break up with him.

  • You are most likely holding back in some way. You say that you want him to be the Dom, but maybe you're sending mixed messages.

  • It depends of what you define as dominant or dominance. I think you can work it out.

  • It sounds a good idea...

  • yeah

  • Ita pretty obvious you aren't happy.

  • It’s been my experience that when I initiate, the sex is so so.
    However, when she initiates, the sex doesn’t get any hotter.

  • Ask him if he will let you have other partners

  • Honestly..., yes. It will not work out in the long run. Sex is a big part of a long term relationship. Do you want to marry him?

  • i bet he had to ask you out first

  • If it was me I would become a dom to please my lady. I think he can do it. He just needs therapy.