Sexual Relationships
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Sex Shouldn't Make You Feel Guilty

A lot of guys I think carry guilt for their own sexuality and sexual desires. Even if they act on them and sleep with a bunch of girls a part of them sees what they're doing as a bad thing that's hurting girls. This belief is actually a lot more unhealthy and unhelpful in having a great sex life because it attaches unneccessary guilt onto the act, which then gives the impression to the girl that she's doing something wrong. Let's examine that.

Sex Shouldn't Make You Feel Guilty

The Pros and Cons of Catholic Guilt

It's not just catholics, but speaking as one myself I can say being raised and told that sex outside of marriage is "technically wrong" has an unconcious effect of making you treat your own sex life like a dirty little secret instead of the expresion of love with others that it is. Yeah, I sound like a hippie you think, but consider how much better a girl feels when she feels sex is natural than when she feels as though she's a pervert. What I'm saying is to free yourself from the self persecution that you are a pervert just because you enjoy sex and are sexual. You don't let it dominate your identity, but you do allow it to be a sizable portion of your life. This is the only attitude you can have if you are to have an abundantly full sex life.

Everything's Right or Nothing Is

You need to 100% engage with the fact that sex is not morally wrong and that actually leaves the woman off better than when you met her even if the two of you choose not to continue on into a relationship. It gives her pleasure, relieves her stress, and cleanses her intellectually. If you believe on any level that you're taking from her instead of giving her something of value you will fail to have an abundantly full sex life because you will come off as a saleman not only to her but to yourself. When you accept that everything is right and that you are a prize for her to enjoy as she is to you than you can come as a man who will enrich her life not steal from it.

Sex Shouldn't Make You Feel Guilty

Powering Through

If you haven't had a mindset it will feel uncomfortable at first and yet when you've been misled the only real answer is to wade through the discomfort until you can see for yourself time and time again that girls aren't hurt by you having sex with them they're actually happy and fulfilled so long as you're decent in bed and also not a jackass. Over time, you'll start to see it as positive instead of negative value in her life.

Sex Shouldn't Make You Feel Guilty

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well scientificly speaking sex for "fun" outside of a commited long term relationship is detrimental (it seems more so for women then men). They have been able to positively correlate promiscuity in women with everything from depression and low self esteem to poor relationships with their fathers. Its been shown that those who score in the upper half of the socioeconomicly unrestricted scale (those who have a casual approach to sex/promiscuis) are 50% more likely to divorce and to cheat. Its been postively linked with a greater level of disatisfaction in long term relationships which also leads to divorce/cheating, as well as general unhappiness. So their actually is scientific reasons why one should feel some guilt in promiscuis behavior as it will affect the individual both in the present and in their future in a very negative way. Their is a reason why people where conditioned to feel guilt for promiscuity, just because we forgot why does not make it any less valid. Of course sexual desire is normal, that is unquestionable. However just as the desire to eat is normal its also not healthy to indulge in it to a gratuitis degree. Obviously to each their own, but their is a reason for it whether or not we like to admit it it and it has nothing to do with religion but rather the running and functioning of the society.

    • correlation doesn't always imply causation. since high self esteem women often feel "empowered" not to have sex with the guy or to "make him wait" because that's what a "good girl" does then of course the lower self esteem girls sleep around but if we got rid of virginity as making a girl more feminine that would go away as well. And yeah to the food thing except I'm not proposing you do nothing but have sex but compared to most people's sex lives statistically we as a race are not having even a decent amount of sex

    • correlation does not mean causation that is true, but when it is correlated time and time again in multiple experiments and in multiple studies it would be foolish to assume that thier is not a link. The fact is correlation not meaning causation is like saying that since their is only a 90% probability of something happening, it should be assumed their is no possibility of it happening. We know with very little doubt that their are negative consequences to promiscuity. Every society that has attempted to ignore this has inevitablly failed and reverted back to a more conservative view of sexuality, every time. It has come about on its own in every major society to date (the idea that promiscuity is wrong) this would give creedence to the idea that it has negative consequences even if all the studies where ignored. The fact is people do not like hearing this because who doesn't want to feel good? I am saying something you enjoy must be done responsibly, obviously not what you want to hear

    • We know that it has nothing to do with the notion of good girls wait or sex is evil. The higher the self esteem the less likely to have sex at a young age, the more sexual partners the higher the probability of marital discord thus even those who see it as not being wrong still sufferthe consequences of it mentally, thus showing it is not related to our percepetion of it but in fact that it is a biological factor. I found your remark, " but compared to most people's sex lives statistically we as a race are not having even a decent amount of sex." confusing. comparative to whom? Other species? Because that is not a very good comparison. We are investment parents, we place much more emphasis on a few children rather then many, quality over quantity. We are not built for as much sex as we are encouraged to have, we currently have removed most of the obvious negative consequences of it through contraceptives and abortion but our brains are still wired to be cautios, specificly womens due

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sooooo negative reinforcement has 3 main types: guilt, shame, fear.

    In 1st world countries it's mostly guilt and shame. In Western countries mostly guilt, in Eastern countries mostly shame.

    I'm more of a shame girl than a guilt girl.

    My problem is... shame turns me on.

    A lot.

    Oooohhh myy Goddd a lot.

    Which means I'll pretty much do anything.

    • well damn..

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I disagree. In my opinion consensual mutually desired sex that is pleasurable for both parties isn't suited for guilt however I find most guys do not engage in such. Consent is iffy ala her being coerced, drunk, manipulated, deceived. Mutually desired is a tag along iffy ala her being pressured. Pleasurable for both parties I find is often a fail ala the orgasm gap, oral sex gap, and studies showing that in casual sex guys tend to be quite uninterested in pleasing their partner.

    In my opinion guilt is often a suited thing showcasing self-reflection of your motivation/intention.

  • Anything in life will make you feel guilty if you do something that is against your morals. You don't have to be religious to have them.

    • Nah, you just have to be lame and boring.

    • You rated me down? Wow I always rate you up even when I disagree with your opinion because we are "cool" down and I respect opposing opinions.

    • *"cool" now

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  • cleanses her intellectually? Apart from that, it was good!

    • lol thanks

  • I totally agree sex shouldn't be seen a bad and dirty thing. But then at the sometime you see sex everywhere. They use half naked women and sexual innuendos to sell EVERYTHING. TV makes it seems like people are hooking up none-stop. Have you tuned into MTV recently, most of our music and all of our dancing is about sex. I don't think this country has a problem with guilt when it comes to sex, I think what this country needs is a good bit of catholic shame.

    Kidding obviously, what I'm saying is that I don't see what you're observing at all. All I see are guys being proud of have sleeping around, even hurting girls, calling them stupid or whatnot.
    And while feeling shame about sex isn't great, it doesn't mean we should go to the opposite extreme where sex is all over your face when you leave the house

    • yes on the one hand they feel like bragging but on the other hand they believe they have to use game and whatever because they feel like if the girl knew they were just trying to have sex and nothing else that she would be hurt=what they're doing by sleeping around is hurtful to girls. What i'm saying is that no one guy or girl should feel like they're doing something hurtful to others by having sex. the girl feels good while she's having it. stop thinking like sex is a trick you're playing on people is my point

    • well it's not entirely untrue. I mean we DO enjoy sex, but evolutionary it also carried a massive risk for us while practically none for you. So generally speaking women are always going to be more resistant to have sex and more likely to make guys jump through hoops, to prove they're worth risk. And maybe it's not guilt that makes them act that way, it's just people being subconsciously aware of reality And I didn't mean it that sex hurts girls directly, but sometimes they want more and sometimes I hear guys bragging about turning them down for more, instead keep having sex with her, which is not something to brag about. Yes if sex is consensual and she likes it, no reason to feel bad about it, but I've never heard anyone even imply that. It doesn't mean that if men feel they have to have "game" to get sex they do so because they think sex hurts women, it's just acknowledging the reality that women are pickier

    • therefore sex itself takes on a sort of guilt ridden act because you see yourself as this jackass who hurts girls so he can hookup then you start to see things like guys saying oh bro i really like this girl i'm not going to have sex with her which is funny because then the girl gets sex starved and confused why he's waiting but really its cuz we've built this inverse relationship whereby if you feel you really like the girl and she's girlfriend material you don't just stick in like you do with some girl you consider average. that's not all guys but it's a lot

  • I only felt guilty about sex when I was a teen who was just starting to have sex. As long as both parties are aware of the expectations and there's no bragging or shaddy shit involved, all is good.

  • Lust is not love. So "explosion of love" is incorrect. The one thing you get right, however, is that you should not struggle alone when resisting temptation. It's not having bodily desires per se that is the problem, so much as what your mind is willing to do with it and with what you are willing to do in order to take whatever you want. That is where true iniquity finds the back door.

    Your argument above is basically like saying that we shouldn't care if we bought the car or stole it; so long as we enjoyed the ride. Except, the Owner doesn't allow you to take it off-roading as part of the "test-drive." The test drive is communication, doing non-sexual things together, and seeking out compatibility of the families. Finding a good mesh of personalities, values, goals, and humanity as human beings. Connecting wisely. Sex is driving off never to return. Or driving straight into the river.

    Even then, marrying someone means they're on loan to you from God, not yours to do just literally whatever you please. So marriage is agreeing to the terms of lease. Fornication is grand theft auto. Period.

    That being said, nobody should have to be so ashamed of having feelings for another that they have to hide it from their family. No one should fear that if they've had to masturbate to relieve the stress, that their families would kick them out.

    That's taking it too far the other way.

  • Sex doesn't make me feel guilty. I have it whenever I want with consent from the guy and no bad feelings afterwards. It's okay to have urges and act on them. Being single doesn't mean I can't have sex and yes some guys maybe think that act itself makes me a slut but anyone with that opinion wouldn't matter to me anyway. Life's too short to not do what you want because you're worried what others may think of you.

    • great woman. it's not just about what people might think of you but also what you think of yourself for commuting the acts good you don't self judge

  • i feel guilty everytime i have sex and it's not because of my believes I feel guilty anf grossed out with myself and giult has nothing to do with my believes

    • what does it have to do with?

  • Yeah I doubt it.

    • you doubt what?

    • Well i Doubt that i won't feel like a dirty pervert frankly speaking unless you look like the women in those photos people would much prefer that you asexualize yourself so they dont feel uncomfortable

    • so wrong :(

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  • Sex to me is a very powerful thing, I wish I was more open to having random encounters before.. now I love it! No guilt here.. just release

    • exactly!

  • Is that 2nd pic Zac Efron?

    And maybe people wouldn't feel guilty if they actually fucked someone sober once in a while. U should at least like the person first.

    • Ed Westwick. Lol that was such a judgmental statement i can't even take it

    • He's like Zac's clone. Thanks for his name. And don't you think I'm right? people almost always fuck when they're high or drunk...

    • lol that's interesting. a lot of girls say he's not good looking at first

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  • Made to feel guilty for having a sex drive is insanity. When are people going to learn to ignore interfering busybodies with no life and too much to say? I know there's a lot of women out there feel guilt for having sex. Society makes an imaginary bar for us to live up to and when we don't people feel worthless and depressed. Fuck the bar. Tell them to sit on their bar and fuck themselves with it. It's your life to live nobody elses

    • good man

  • At the end if the day, we're just animals that need to sleep, eat and cum lol

  • There are some rules to this shit.
    1. no lies: true man doesn't have to lie about his intentions to get the girl.
    2. protection: gotta have that.
    3. keep it pure: you want to have sex with her because you want to. There is no other reasoning that should enter the mind. No peer pressure, no trophy-ing, no bragging.
    Ok, a little bragging, but no names.

    • perfect

  • I've never felt guilty for getting laid, ever. I've felt guilty about my secret fetish though, but that's in my head so the guilt is unjustified.

  • It shouldn't, but it does. Just like people keep telling the general required classes in college should make me a better person, but it doesn't.

    • haha good comparison

  • Yeah, you are right man, no one should feel guilty because of their desires, cool Mytake.

    • thanks

    • You are very welcome

  • I don't have sex because I believe women won't find me desirable in bed... even if a woman throws herself at me (which never really happen just yet)... I'm afraid and don't want to look desperate

    • some do! i can say that without really knowing what you're like

  • Do you think that, without exception, every woman is merely used if it's not serious?

    "A lot of guys I think carry guilt for their own sexuality and sexual desires. Even if they act on them and sleep with a bunch of girls a part of them sees what they're doing as a bad thing that's hurting girls." - the way you say it makes it sound like this is the absolute truth and that every guy should see "the wrong they are doing". I concur.

    "... but consider how much better a girl feels when she feels sex is natural than when she feels as though she's a pervert" - that is individual and does not apply to every single woman out there. Keep that in mind.

    "You need to 100% engage with the fact that sex is not morally wrong and that actually leaves the woman off better than when you met her even if the two of you choose not to continue on into a relationship." I very much disagree, I am not engaging with any fact. In fact, I do not care, she's a grown up woman, I am not supposed to think for her, she can do what she wants.

    • do not concur, I mean

  • why would i feel guilty bruh

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