Sexless marriage?

[Anonymous]

Me and my wife dated 2 years and been married for 7. The first few years of the relationship and marriage we were intimate several times a day then later several times a week, I had no complaints. With work etc it reduced so much with times of her not wanting to be intimate that I no longer am interested in intimacy with her which we discussed many times without anything changing, it became easier to watch porn or masterbate in the shower which has been going on about 4 years.

Somewhat reluctantly because it's hard to keep an erection with her we have been intimate a few times a year these past few years and now we are expecting a child next month which I think is great but I worry I'm destined for a sexless life and I don't want to cheat. I've read that sex declines in a marriage but not why it does 🤔, I'm also skeptical about ending the marriage to look for another partner because this situation may repeat at some point in the future as I considered myself easily aroused and never could have thought things would be like this. What is your opinion/experience/suggestions about why an otherwise good marriage becomes sexless?

[MrBadd]

Most people will tell you to talk about it, but complaining about it or just talking about your feelings most often just doesn’t work. Sometimes it can actually turn her off even more. You know because you’ve tried that already.

The reason it doesn’t work is because it’s a desire issue. Hurt feelings don’t create sexual desire. You can’t turn her on by telling her that lack of sex is making you feel bad. You need to do other things that will spark desire in her instead.

There’s also lack of desire on your side here, mainly because you’ve resorted to watching porn. The more porn you watch, the harder a time you’ll have performing in the bedroom. The first thing you need to do is cut that out.

One thing that often happens in marriage is that people get too comfortable and “let themselves go”. I’m not just talking about gaining weight or not staying in shape, although that’s definitely part of it, but what I mean is that they stop doing the things they did before they were married. They lose themselves.

Now imagine you really were going to leave her, become single, and get back into the dating scene. What would you do to increase your chances? Most likely you’d start dressing better, lifting weights, doing the hobbies you used to do, go out with your friends more etc. When she first met you, that’s the guy she fell for - that’s what turned her on.

I’m not saying get ready to leave, but act as if you’re getting ready for that, even though you’re not. Do this for long enough and you’re likely to see her try to initiate sex more.

[Pudsmucker]

I'm sorry to hear your troubles. I have been with my wife for 44 years. My wife start 2 years after our first child. And a degree after each child. We have four grown children. It has almost ceased in the last 10 years. She keeps telling me she can live without having sex. I personally think it's the hormones when they start getting pregnant. I too have thought about leaving her. I also grew up where it wasn't cool to divorce. Now I have too much at stake to divorce. She goes into her corner of the house and I go into mine we eat dinner together and maybe watch a program. Sometimes it's her choice.

[Lynnfriend]

I think you should try talking to her about it again and share with her your feelings and what you feel you need out of a relationship. Try having a date night go out to dinner and a movie maybe compliment her on her appearance talk about how much you miss her and enjoy her company, bring her flower or candy for no reason just because you love her it may build her up and rekindle old feelings.

[Guy13]

If you do not express your concerns then she will lose Respect for you. Call Pfizer and get you some Viagra along with a Booster... for Boost that can kill her dead. Pop and lay while she works. I would right you one if I could.

This way you both get Sume and you can keep your shower time and not have to worry WITHOUT excessive Effort or Work.

[Asker]

I know what Viagara is but what is a boost?

[Guy13]

An erection with her

[Reece12345]

Sexless marriage here.