Sexual Relationships
1 y

Should I be concerned my partner ignores my nos when getting intimate?

Am I over thinking and feeling, that when my partner and I are getting intimate I will say no to certain things and he will carry on anyway. It’s mostly when he’s being rough, I will stop him or moves his hand and he will repeatedly carry on, even holding my hands in position so I can’t physically stop him. It’s not rape, I’ve never said no to sex and he’s carried on, it’s mainly other aspects of sexual intimacy.

Updates:
1 y
Thank you, for those who’s asked it’s mainly during sex, he will put fingers in other places that hurt, I first starting moving away but he continues, I then say no a few times in which he carries on, if I move his hands he pushes mine out the way and holds them together with his other so I can’t move, at that point I feel uncomfortable and confused and just let him carry on and wait until it’s over, I have on occasions had tears in my eyes but he hasn’t noiticed.
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AI Bot Choice

Superb Opinion

  • I'm going to say something here that will no doubt piss off some people, but it should be said. When some women say no, they don't mean it. I say that because your partner may have been with a woman like that, and that is his frame of reference. Assuming you are not that kind of woman, I would suggest you talk to him outside the bedroom and tell him that when you say no, you mean no. If he does it again, even a little, leave his ass.

    • I feel it’s slightly like that, I have spoken to him on occasions about it, I say things like I asked you to stop but u carried on why is that? And he was quite graffic, to put it politely would be difficult but he said something similar of, “you were about to cum and your just scared, I no you said no but u didn’t mean it.” He’s also said “when it gets to that point that you ask me to stop that’s when it happens” :/ it really doesn’t and I’m not enjoying it for the record.

    • Ok, with that additional context, I would say it's definitely a red flag. I think you should leave him.

Most Helpful Guy

  • It's up to you. You can either give him one more chance and tell him that if he does it again it's over and you will call the police. Or get it over with and dump him.

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What Girls & Guys Said

2 11

  • Sounds rapey to me

  • Yes, you should be concerned. It’s a huge violation of trust and could escalate.

  • Of course that's something to be concerned about; he's disrespecting your boundaries.

  • That is sexual assault... you should be very concerned... by violating your consent he is assaulting you... I have no empathy for sexual predators,.

  • If you use the safe word and he doesn’t stop that’s a huge violation of trust

    • 😔 I will say it louder next time

    • No, it’s not the volume

    • Why didn’t he stop?

    • Show All

  • Cut the no's and take it. Thats how you repay him for all the nagging and emotional blackmail.

    • It why should I if I don’t like it, if it hurts or I find it uncomfortable, just becus he’s my boyfriend.

  • You should talk to him clearly about things that you don’t like, if he doesn’t accept it then move on your own way and get someone else.

    • No is very clear../

  • but one day you no maybe for sex and he won't take it as no and you will be raped. He does not care about your feelings or what you want or don't want... He is a dangerous person waiting to happen

  • Yes you should be

  • That is rape, forcing you to do something sexual against your will is rape but if you claim that it’s not then I don’t really know why you are asking this question

  • it's sexual assault and yes it is rape. if you say no and he still does it anyways it's rape and sexual assault

  • It depends, what is it exactly he is doing that you don’t want done?

    • It’s a few things, all sexual in some way. Starting from minor things such as when I walk past he will grab my vagina, quite roughly, lift my dress up or pull my trousers down, sometimes I have walked past and he has literally stuck his fingers in, I know he’s my boyfriend but I don’t want it when I’m just casually walking around, and it makes me want to cover up just to walk around my house. I tell him I don’t like it but he will do it again in that moment. I wake up to him playing around my private area with his hands, I don’t like this, I tell him I don’t but I still wake up to it regularly. During sex he will do things that I find uncomfortable I will tell him no but he disregards it, and has even held my hands together so I can’t physically stop him and carried on. When I try to discus I don’t like any of the above he gets upset and says it’s affection, and what happens during a relationship.

    • Just be firm with him on this. Tell him you prefer a different type of expression of affection.

  • Have you had a frank discussion with him about his behavior? If not, you should. But yeah, that's definitely a red flag in my opinion.

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