Should I be upset he lied about his height?

[Anonymous]

I met my long distance boyfriend online where his height and age were listed in his profile. We’ve been dating long distance for almost 2 years now.

He’s asked my height many times and I’ve always told him I’m 5’5 and he’s always told he’s 5’9.

Anyways, so we met for the first time last month, and when I first saw him at the airport, my first thought was that he was short. I don’t mean this to be rude, but he was exactly the same height as me.

I was a little disappointed because he lied about it. I wouldn’t have minded had he told me later on, but it seems wrong that we’ve been talking for so long and he kept lying about it and saying he’s 5’9.

I haven’t brought it up to him because I don’t want to make him insecure about his height or anything, but…

Do I have a right to be upset about this?

[MCheetah]

Yes, you 100% have the right to be upset about this, considering he lied to you and kept lying to you over and over again. (Unless he really DOES think 5'5" is 5'9" and is just confused about it.)

However, do keep in mind that it's very likely you wouldn't have talked to him in the first place, had he told the truth. Women are like this in general, except it's usually 6'0" a guy has to be in order to stand a chance. So in HIS mind, he figured lying about his height and having at least a CHANCE you'll forgive him, is better than literally having NO CHANCE at all, had he told the truth about his height, from the get-go. He could be 5'10" or 5'11", it wouldn't make any difference if you're in the "female zone" of height as a male.

If you don't want to talk to him after this, you have every right to. But keep in mind, why he probably did it. And why some men under six feet lie like this (I don't; I'd rather not waste people's time and just tell them I'm only 5'11 from the beginning; they then ghost me right after, rather than weeks down the line).

My suggestion: Meet him in a pair of heels and remark how you're taller, like 5'7". You'll clearly be taller than him, and you can then ask for his height again, getting him to confess. Or get him to confess in some other way, like having him meet your 5'9" female friend or something. Once it's out in the open, you can then tell him how you feel; whether you're fine with him being short, whether you hate that he lied to you, or whatever.

Just telling you, though. As a short guy myself, I can understand why he lied, even if I don't condone it. He probably would've never stood of chance with you had he told you he was 5'4.5".

[Asker]

I understand why he lied from the start because most men under 6ft don’t stand a chance on dating apps. I honestly don’t care about height as long as the personality is there. But I do care about lying. It makes me start to question what else the person could have lied about or will lie about. I don’t understand why he kept up the lie after we got past the stage of courting. 2 years is a long time to lie about it. I didn’t bring it up once during my time visiting him because I never wanted to make him feel insecure about it if he is. As for you, you’re not short at 5’11 lol. The average height for males (in the US) is 5’10. I know I still want to be with him, but I just can’t get over the fact that he lied to me. It makes me wonder/worry about what else he’s lied about.

[Anonymous]

He probably thought you wouldn't have continued talking with him otherwise, and you probably wouldn't have right? Just based on how this upsets you, I'm assuming so. There could be a few other explanations for this (ie not intentionally lying, such as maybe he really thinks he is that? lol A lot of people when they make their profiles, miss things. I don't know how many times I see women's and they say, "I'm not really this age" or it says 101 or something ridiculous, maybe he never changed it and somehow over looked it?), but even if it was, if were talking an inch or two, it's pretty minor to me. However it is somewhat deceptive if it was intentional, so it does create doubt (as it would for anyone). It makes you wonder "what else do I not know or is a lie?". I'd just talk with him about it. Find out if it was intentional or his reasons. Don't make any assumptions. Another thing to think about (as someone that's also been in a long distance, and probably not as much as yours), over time if you get closer, you are naturally going to want to see each other more and more (have you ever met yet? Going to?). Is it going to be possible to spend more time together? It could and likely might be an issue as time goes on. It can be very hard to maintain a long distance relationship. Just some food for thought.

[Asker]

I’m not the type of person to dismiss a guy over his height, but of course he wouldn’t have known that so I understand why he would list himself as taller on a dating app. What I don’t understand is continuing to lie about it anytime he asked me my height and mentioned his over the course of 2 years. That part doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t handle being lied to lol, especially when we tell each other everything. Or so I thought. And I found out he was my height when we met in early October (last month). We plan on meeting against in December, January, and May. His height isn’t a deal breaker. But the lying is making me question what else could he have lied about if he was able to lie about that for so long.

[HollyK21]

Maybe he thought you wouldn’t have given him a chance if you knew his truck height. 5’5 for a guy is not the most ideal height for some women, unless the are they same height or shorter themselves, so I understand his insecurity. However, he was wrong for that. He took away your opportunity to make a choice, and that’s just selfish and unfair.

[kyleelyn199723]

I personally don’t think you should be upset. Height is obviously his insecurity and if you genuinely love him, you should help him through his insecurity. Height should not be a deal breaker for you.

[Asker]

He didn’t seem insecure at all, he was really confident actually. He even told me he’s really confident. And height is not a deal breaker, but lying is. It just bothers me that he lied. I can’t handle when people lie to me lol. So I’m confused now lol.

[kyleelyn199723]

If he was confident about his height, he wouldn’t have lied about it. There’s a reasoning behind what everyone does. People don’t lie for no reason. If this may be a deal breaker for you, so be it. Personally I don’t think you should leave him over something like this. He’s 4 inches shorter than he claimed to be. If he was 4’11 and claimed to be 6 feet , I would understand being upset over that. That’s literally cat fishing. He was probably insecure that you would reject him about him being 5’5

[MCheetah]

@kyleelyn199723 I 100% agree with you, but most women feel the opposite. They wouldn't even want to be with a guy less than 6'0".

[kyleelyn199723]

@MCheetah yeah which is why I would disagree if he said he was 6 feet lol because some women really do have those standards. She accepted him at 5’9 and although you can say 5’9 and 5’5 is a height difference, it really shouldn’t be a deal breaker. He was lying because of his insecurity, but he obviously wasn’t looking to catfish if he gave 5’9 as his height

[Asker]

His height isn’t a deal breaker. I’m just having a hard time dealing with the fact that he lied and for so long. It hasn’t even been addressed by me because I don’t want to hurt his feelings in any way. Makes it a little harder to trust him now if he lied about something for 2 years.

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker did he lie about something for two years? Or was height brought up once and you went on? I don’t think you two had a convo about his height for two years onward. Maybe he shouldn’t have lied, but also it’s not really an intense lie. He said 5’9 which sounds like he wasn’t trying to catfish otherwise he wouldn’t said something like 6’0. Insecurities make people white lie all the time. I think you just need to support him through his insecurity and show him someone’s capable of loving him regardless of height.

[Asker]

@kyleelyn199723 the thing is that height was brought up many times in our conversations over the two years. We would talk about our height difference for sex, he asked me how tall I was in heels, he asked me my height many times in the beginning, etc. We spoke about it enough for him to have said something. He also once said he’s close to 6’0, but I dismissed it bc I didn’t think 5’9 was close to 6ft and thought he didn’t know what he was talking about lol. And I am capable of loving him despite his height. I just can’t get over him lying about it. Had it been said once or twice I would have forgiven it easily, but it was mentioned way too many times so he should have just told the truth later on.

[kyleelyn199723]

@asker hmmm maybe you are right. In the end I do think it’s your decision whether to trust him or not and be with him. This is the chances you take when having long distance relationships

[Asker]

Yeah, well thank you for your advice and for responding. I really appreciate it ♥️

[koran_harinas]

Hmm so it's a situation where we have to think of "why some guy do this" stuff

in my opinion there maybe 2 situation:

1. He was insecure about his height coz honestly peers ok knowledge, internet and everywhere we see how it is advertised girls like taller guys!
I even know many 5'2 female friends who want nothing less than 6 feet tall guy! ( But most of them end up with similar height or guy being little taller) - similar things also popular about guys and yes they do say that but when it comes to real stuff those things not just the deal maker

Honestly it's more about personality !

2. He mistakenly wrote that? Coz if intentionally then why not 6 ? Right?


But at the end he does like you and not wanted you to leave him that's the motivation maybe which made him never really come clean I don't know


Let's see! Best wishes fellow human 🌻

[OlderAndWiser]

1. "Dating" someone online for two years before you meet send like a Easter of time when there are eligible guess who live near you. First, you should be angry at yourself.

2. He has established that he will lie to you when it is convenient and not even apologize when the truth is revealed. Do you have any real reason to think he won't do that again?

3. What else has he already lied about that you have not yet discovered?

[Asker]

He was living here when we started talking online, but then his company made him fly back home and then COVID and travel bans happened which is why it ended up being almost 2 years before we could meet. You raise some really valid points though.

[TangBang69]

Well what did he expect would happen? I'm just over 5'11" but say 6' ... but four whole inches? How would anyone think they could pull that off?

[spartan55]

Uh, yeah... why are you in a "relationship" with a guy who lies to you?

[Asker]

Well I didn’t know he lied until we met. I think ending the relationship over that lie would be really shallow of me cause he could’ve been worried I wouldn’t like him if he was shorter so I don’t know. But I just can’t seem to get over the fact that he lied about it over the course of 2 years.

[spartan55]

Yeah, no shit. Did he think you just wouldn't notice or something?

[NathanDavis]

he is extremely insecure...

he is extremely dishonest...

he is extremely careless about how would you feel about all of this, even knowing you would clearly find out...

yes, it's understandable why you would be upset

[PositiveNote]

Seriously, if it matters to you, then it matters, Anonymous. There is no world-wide "yay or nay" on lied about our height. However, if the guy isn't smart enough to wear boots with high heels to meet you, then I'd question his INTELLIGENCE!

Holy cow. If he was my friend and found out he did that to you, I'd kick him in the butt!!!

[Fireguy17]

yes, he should of corrected his "mistake".
It wasn't like you would of never figured it out once you met.
Most people fudge things a little, but once you meet it all becomes perfectly clear.
I used to do online dating, and some of the profile pictures they used just didn't match up to how they really looked.
It did bother me, but I never said anything about it.

[AviatorTom]

Yes, you can be upset. It could be a red flag about other things he hasn't been truthful about. Or, it could just him getting your attention, which it did. Ask him why he lied about his height. His answer will tell you a lot about him... whether you want to continue the relationship or not.

[Drumlin2001]

Yeah, he should have been honest. You should talk to him and let him know it bothers you he lied

[PuNishant]

Well ask him later about it.
Why he lied.

[Andres77]

Don't be surprised if you find out that another measurement is off..🙄

[Asker]

Loool I’ve seen his dick over FaceTime

[Andres77]

Same problem?

[Andres77]

Do you know why women have such a hard time judging distance?

[Asker]

It looked average size

[Andres77]

They're constantly told that 6" is a foot.

[RichSD]

He might not even know his actual height. Not everyone has a convenient way to measure it. I could be anywhere from 5'9" and 5'11" for all I know for sure.

[Asker]

I don’t know how one could miss their own height by 4 inches.

[RichSD]

Maybe he was hoping adding an extra vanity inch wouldn't be noticed lol

[SplatLoverSpatoon2]

women lie all time about his heghit.

[TheBigGuy9]

Well, think about it. From the very beginning would you have talked to him if he was the same height as you?
I guess I never looked at height being that big of deal with how tall I am.
It’s just hard to imagine that someone would lie about something as frivolous as height. Obviously it must bother him a lot. The average height though of men is 5’10”.
Did you say anything to him that you like taller men or is that something he just offered up to you?
If he lied to you about something as simple as that, what else could he be hiding?

[ChiPaPa]

Yeah, he lied to you.

[Morgador]

Obviously he's insecure about it. Don't make him feel worse. If your ok with his true hight reassure him. If your not ok with it tell him as your looking down at him to grow the fuck up! Lol then walk away

[Surely]

I would say that you have every right to be upset. If he continue lying about his height, then what else might he not told you the truth about!
It is not like you wouldn’t find out.

[DmMeNow]

You are right ofc

[888theGreat]

Height changes as you get older. Men get fat and shorter.

[Asker]

We’re both in our 20s lol

[Xoirwinkan]

Yes because height is something women value highly. It's like saying as a woman that you're a virgin when you've slept with a hundred guys.