Should I be worried that my boyfriend doesn’t get a boner when we cuddle ( read for more details ) ?

Him and I been together for 11 years so I understand things can get boring at times. We don’t live together yet and we have sex over the weekends. I’ve notice that my boyfriend doesn’t get a fully hard erecting when he about to penetrate me during sex and he lose erection while having sex. He is still hard but not hard enough if that makes sense. And that makes it less pleasurable for me. There’s times I stay quiet and let him finish but sometimes I’m really not feeling it and I stop the sex and tell him he lose erection. Usually it don’t end well , he gets bother or we end up not doing it. I’ve notice that he gets harder when I’m sucking his dick and I can’t understand why he can get hard rock with a blow Job but not while fucking me. Makes me feel bad.
i start assuming he thinking about some other female ( bc he usually has his eyes close) or he simply not enjoying my body. Just 2 nights ago I told him how I notice lately I been the one asking him to touch / lick my nipples or to rub my pussy and I asked why do I feel like I’m forcing you , is never coming from you. And he got bothered and said “ I just don’t do it “ I replied there should be a reason why you stop or don’t touch my body. I also told him I don’t feel wanted. He isn’t the person he likes to communicate with me because apparently “ I judge or I’m hard to talk to” but I literally always let him know what’s going on and what’s bothering me. This is really affecting me and don’t know why he lose erection and he doesn’t seem to like it enough but he does want have sex … we had to use condoms this weekend ( we never do ) but the condom felt weird and it was because he wasn’t fully erected and we had to stop. I like anal and so we had anal sex and he still would lose some erection even if is “ tighter “

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Superb Opinion

  • I can tell you straight away just from the way you worded that:

    It's all about you. How you feel. How it affects you. He even told you that. That's what he means by "you're hard to talk to". And then you express the idea that "I always tell him what's going on and what's bothering me" as if he said you never talk to him. No, he said you're hard to TALK TO. As in, when he tries to tell you what he thinks or feels about something, you shift it to what you feel or think. You've probably told him on several occasions that what he feels is wrong; "you shouldn't feel that way because...", "I didn't mean for you to feel that way" or something like that. But in general, when you shift that conversation away from what he's saying and make it about you, you're telling him he doesn't matter. What he likes or dislikes doesn't matter. What he needs doesn't matter.

    So he's not thinking about some other female. He's thinking about you and how you make him feel.

    • Actually you’re wrong I’ve always included him when I talk to him and try to communicate all these 11years been the same. I’ve try my hardest to talk to him good and mature but because of him it always goes bad. He is very short in words and always blames me for everything. I’ve told him that instead of blaming or complaining he should try and fix it with me. If I’m really that hard to talk to , imagine how many times I’ve tried and tried to talk to him so it all can end up bad n at the end I’m the one to blame

    • I don't think you're understanding what I'm saying. You say you try to include him when you talk to him. You talking to him isn't the issue.

    • Exactly what I’m I not catching then

Most Helpful Guy

  • 11 years together is some amount of time to get used to one another. Perhaps both of you can try some new things to spice up your intimate moments? If you need to initiate foreplay, that's not really a bad thing, it shows you're trying. But if you have to do it often, I can see why it would bother you.

    It could also be a form of erectile dysfunction, which is common as men age. It could also be indicative of poor health as well.

    The addition of a condom is odd though, as if you've not used them in your relationship, I don't know why he would want one now.

    Either way, I hope things change for the better soon for you, this sounds like it's really got you upset and rightfully so.

    • I Love sex toys i would take him with me and I would get vibrators and plug butts for me. Till this day I somewhat use them not as often anymore. I use to buy cute bra and thong sets or even lingerie but when I notice he wouldn’t compliment me or ask if it was a new set I kind of stopped. This was around the same time I notice he would lose erection.

    • It does sound like he has a lowered sex drive.. Did any factors change in his life? Loss of a job, death in the family, any sort of traumatic event?

    • He did gain like 30 pounds but Can it be that he cheating?

    • Show All

Most Helpful Girl

  • Maybe he should see a doctor. Do you feel he is more worried about something lately?

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Be nice to your guy and take care of your guy. Sounds like it could be a health issue…either weight gain or something else. He should see a doctor, but your constant complaints , etc and he will only resent you. ( I know I would)

    • Trust me months ago I told him if he has a ed function going on and he would deny it. Till this day I have no idea what’s he has. If he really wanted to fix it he could have been going to the doctor. I only Can do much

    • Well thats cool! All u can do is try

  • I don't think that is uncommon.
    He is used to being with you, so his body just dosen't go through the launch sequence every time you are together.
    I'm not sure if he is older than you based on your age group he isn't that old.
    is he on any medications that could cause it?
    Some have that side effect, maybe he is depressed about something, change in diet, work, it's hard no pun intended, to say.
    as we age things start to change, we are no longer the yogurt dispenser we used to be.
    Maybe you should see a doctor about it, maybe his testosterone level is low, so there are meds to put some lead back in his pencil.
    good luck.

    • He just turn 31 and ill be turning 28 in a few days

  • I know you're trying to communicate and you want to solve whatever the issue is immediately but try to be patient. What he's experiencing is normal, sometimes staying hard is more difficult than you could know. Leave space for him, tell him you'd love to talk about it whenever he feels ready. Instead of saying "I noticed you haven't done X" try rephrasing it; "I love it when you do X" even if it's never happened before. This isn't much but we're armchair sex therapists at best and I'd recommend seeing a trained professional.

  • You stated you have been together for 11 years, and you stated that you're husband gets really super hard when you giving head. But when you start having sexual intercourse he starts getting soft.

    I have a question for you do you talk while you're having sex with him?

    When my companion and I have sex over the years. When I am receiving head I really get super hard. When we start having intercourse , she starts giving me a discourse of the activities of the day. This major discourse that she is so bound into discussing while having sex, thus I lose interest. This major discourse that she's bound to have while having sex could be carried on before sex or after sex.

    Review what you're saying and doing while having sex. Good luck with it it's all I can say.

    • I dirty talk and I moan lol but do I do it all the time no. I love dirty talking but I’m also not in. The mood to dirty talk until he cums. I just wanna moan and enjoy it.

  • Why would he just cuddling

  • yeah i allready get a boner from reading this

    • Be for real lol

    • that is real. how you discribe what you guys do is exciting me. in my mind i see him and you your body. anal etc ☺️

  • You seem to be making this all about you. I guarantee he's concerned about it and feeling some shame, and you're just making matters worse by saying and doing the things you are.

    He obviously has some kind of physiological and/or psychological problem causing this. A woman who cares about her man would be more concerned with trying to help him than worrying about how it's affecting her.

    • I care that is why I always try to talk to him and he just doesn’t do his part. If he feeling bad about the situation he can talk to me but he instead an ignores just like he do with everything. Im basically the only person in the relationship that’s always trying to communicate with things that bother me or how I’m feeling. He always calls it “arguing” never communicating.

  • He may need testosterone replacement therapy

  • he's gay

    • I know he’s not gay I caught him looking at porn. ( only females )

    • shove a dildo up his ass he'll get hard then you'll know he's gay