Should I confess to my boyfriend what I did with my friends fiance?

Question

This all happen about a year before I even met my current boyfriend and I was single at the time. Me and my bestfriend are really close. When she started dating I was kinda a third wheel at times but me and her current boyfriend got along fine and we would all hang out a lot.

Before they got engage we even went on a short vacation together. I ended up third wheeling again. On the vacation my friend revealed that she wanted to give her man a double bj cause it was his biggest fantasy. She asked me to join because she said she trusted me and we always joked that we would do a 3 way together if we're to ever do that for a man. I wanted to help my best friend, I felt like she would do it for me if roles were reversed and I trusted her fiance. He a super stand up dude. My best friend for over a year also told me that her fiance was the biggest she ever been with or seen and kinda bragged about it. She also a nurse so she seen a fair sample size so I was curious. Turns out she no liar.

Anyways we do it and he overjoyed. Nothing more happened really, me and my friend made out topless and played with each other boobs but it didn't go farther. Everyone had fun tho so this happened for the rest of the vacation. Her man basically got 2 bj a day and it was hot and after that modesty seem dumb so we stayed topless in the air bnb. I let him record and take pics of it all too. We agreed it was a vacation thing only and things went completely back to normal. No one was weird and I trust both of them.

Now I have a boyfriend and he amazing. He naturally hangs out with the group a lot and him and my friends fiance are even gym buddies. I feel guilty and worry about losing him whenever I think about it. I trust both of them to never say or show him the videos but it still worries me. I not going lose my best friend and her fiance here to stay too. I didn't think about how this would effect future dating tho. Should I come clean? And if I do how much do I tell?

PrettyPriya · Accepted Answer

There is no need to bring up past things that he had absolutely nothing to do with. It is your business to tell him or not. While I am one that believes in not keeping secrets from my partner, I don't know why you would bring this up for no reason.

I would be more worried about the complete and utter awkwardness around my friend and her fiancé. Of course, if this was me, it would have simply never happened. This sounds more like a story that a pornographer would come up with than something that would happen in real life. But hey, you never know.

I would not share my partner with anyone. I don't care third wheel or not. This is just not something I would participate in or get myself into this situation. If I did though, it is not something I would just announce to future partners for no reason at all.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Tell him in an innocent way. Play a porn video like that. Then say: "How come guys like that so much?" He might ask you how you know they like it. You say: "My friend said it was her boyfriend's biggest fantasy, so end got it and liked it." If he asks who the other girl was, you say, "Me. We were on vacation and she didn't know or trust anyone else."

Narf77 · Accepted Answer

When I got together with my now wife, she asked me a very specific question about my past, my answer was not unlike this scenario. When she heard some of the things I'd done, she was very hurt and upset. She didn't the way I'd been intimate with others before her. Now we don't talk about it, and if something like it comes up on TV there's an awkward silence and this conversation was 20 years ago.

I don't think there's anything to gain by telling him. He'll likely be embarrassed, upset, hurt and jealous. If he specifically asks you, as my wife did with you, answer honestly, but otherwise leave it. It happened and can't be changed so leave the past in the past. Put your efforts in to making memories with your boyfriend so you can relax and forget about what went on.

Bricealan · Accepted Answer

You will do what you want but I would NOT dredge up the past and tell him anything. Sad to say, many people DO tell these things to a new boyfriend or husband and ALL IT DOES IS pass your feelings on to another person and does nothing more than HARM your relationship with your, now, boyfriend. What is past is past. Let sleeping dogs lie.

Don't hurt your current relationship by passing it along to your boyfriend, as you will regret doing it if you do.

Guy13 · Answer

Yeah, go ahead and brag about it to him. He'll love hearing about it. It'll be a riot of a good time and sure full of excitement.

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

Of course your past decisions will affect your future dating- I don't know why this isn't common sense for women. They think they can hoe around and it will in no way impact their future relationships. Now you're in a tough situation, but remember: YOU'RE the one who put yourself here.

First, no guy is going to be cool with the thought that you did wilder things with the last guy, or another guy. I don't care if you're "not comfortable" with him in that way; after all you pranced around half-naked sucking off your friends boyfriend regularly; so, let's not act like the timid little girl now, eh?

But to answer your question, should you confess? No. I don't care how cool your boyfriend is, there's no chance he's going to be cool with the idea that his gym bro had you as a side-feature in a three way, especially in the hedonistic scenario you just presented. You should ask/ demand that your friend and her boyfriend delete the photos- there's no reason he should have them, and as long as they're around they can always destroy any relationship you're in (even when this one ends, which is likely).

I'm a firm believe that neither partner should continue being friends with someone they messed around with- it create unnecessary temptation and jealousy; you can only keep things in the past when they're GONE, in the PAST.

YOU feel guilty, and YOU feel the way to make YOU feel better is to tell your boyfriend YOU sucked off his buddy, who has pictures of it, and YOU expect him to be okay with it to alleviate your bad feels- this is an INCREDLY selfish thought. He's NOT going to feel good about this, and it's likely that he'll either break up with you, or he's not going to see you in the same way- which will lead to your relationship failing eventually.

So, you either destroy the evidence and swear them to secrecy- knowing that as long as you're connected to these people they possess a nuclear bomb that can annihilate any relationship you get in, or you destroy your relationship now. Your choice.

boggboss · Answer

Thats upto you if I found out this is would end things with my partner but everyone is different

bowenw · Answer

I suggest asking your friend what she thinks is best.

RavVid · Answer

Difficult.  There is a friendship as well as your relationship involved. If you tell anything you have to tell all.

GoldenHairPrincess · Answer

I'm not sure. Tell him. :)

Jennz6 · Answer

Don’t kiss and tell honey

Shamalien · Answer

There is only one solution. Have your friend and you give your man double bj

on the real though, this is why self respecting women don’t do shit like this. Hopefully this guilt is teaching you a lesson. I think he has a right to know personally, but it may ruin things

strlb · Answer

That depends if you want to keep him as your boyfriend. Sometimes your better off not saying anything

Surely · Answer

I would put that vacation in my memory bank and if it ever comes up. Admit to fact that it happened. Until that time happens. It is just a Memory from your young and free life!

smilelots · Answer

if you care about him tell him all of it ,, he will understand if he is the right guy for you..

driven159 · Answer

What happened in the past is the past it is no ones. business but it is nice to have friends like that you can trust

MasterKS · Answer

you rocked!

sifat10shahriar · Answer

Satisfy your boyfriend's biggest fantasy

Nuthouse · Answer

What are you worried about exactly

Caz26 · Answer

I don’t think you need to bring it up. Are you planning to go into detail on every sexual encounter you ever had with a man with your current boyfriend? And anyways, you didn’t even sleep with the guy. If you’re boyfriend finds out about it and asks you then sure, just admit to it. It was while you were single so what does it matter 🤷‍♂️

Anonymous · Answer

Sure! What boyfriend DOESN'T love to hear about how much you loved sucking the monster cock of another dude so much that you let him record you and do things you wouldn't dream of letting the current guy do? He'll love you even MORE than he does now!