Should I cut ties with this guy?

[Anonymous]

Had a friend for years (went through college together) and would make out with each other every time we hung out (occasionally throughout the years). This probably occurred 8-10 times in total. Each time afterwards we wouldn't speak for a while and I usually felt bad about this. Recently, we sexted each other after not speaking for a long time and afterwards he didn't reach out again (it's been 2 weeks). Again, I feel disappointed as I have feelings for him and was eager to hear from him. I'm not the type to initiate contact with a guy after sexting and figured if he wanted to talk, he'd reach out. Should I just cut contact with him altogether and remove him from my socials? This cycle is hurting my feelings. I don't want to reach out and tell him how this has affected me as I don't want to be vulnerable in this way if he doesn't care like I do.

[SteveSmith1985]

Well I think you're shooting yourself in the foot here. First of all, I don't know where you got the idea that "if he wanted to talk he'd reach out". You realize that he could equally say this about your not reaching out? Right? Like this is just an absurd thing for you to have assumed. It's wrong.

Similarily, if you straight-up refuse to talk to this guy about any potential feelings, or moving things to the next level, or otherwise show vulnerability... you are shutting the door on any possibility if any exists for things to work out between you two.

So basically, whether this guy feels the same way about you or not, you are slamming the door on any possibility. You're shooting yourself in the foot.

I'm not saying that this guy feels the same way. I can't possibly know. But there is no reason to think he feels all that differently about it than you do. At least his actions are exactly as clear as yours... so if he likes you... this is how that's going to look (if he's anything like you are).

But if you are refusing to take any risks here. Then absolutely you need to cut ties with this guy.

You can't keep doing what you're doing. So you either need to find some courage, and DO SOMETHING to see if maybe he does feel the same way... or cut ties with this guy. Those are your only options.

You'd be a chicken-shit-dummy to cut ties with this guy. But if you won't talk to him about this at all, that's what you have to do.

You need to talk to this dude. Don't be a chicken-shit-dummy. 🙂

[Anonymous]

It sounds like this cycle of hooking up with your friend and then not speaking for a while has been causing you a lot of disappointment and hurt. It may be worth considering whether this dynamic is healthy or fulfilling for you, and whether it aligns with your values and goals for a relationship.

If you feel like this relationship is causing you more harm than good, it may be worth considering cutting ties with this guy and focusing on building relationships that are more fulfilling and respectful. You deserve to be with someone who values you and treats you with kindness and respect, and it is important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness in any relationship.

If you do decide to cut ties with this guy, it may be helpful to communicate your decision in a clear and respectful way. You don't need to go into great detail or share your vulnerabilities if you don't feel comfortable doing so, but letting him know that you need to focus on other things in your life may help to provide closure and clarity for both of you.

[Asker]

Thank you very much for your thoughtful response and taking the time to write back. This is very valuable advice and I am going to do just that - let him know my reasoning for potentially cutting contact. :)

[Opinion Owner]

You’re very welcome. Ask me anytime if you need help.

[Anonymous]

I can’t be bothered reading all that but if you’re asking strangers on the internet if you should cut someone off, that means you’re already thinking about doing it, in which case you should just do it. There’s obviously a reason that you want to do it for, and if it’s good enough of a reason to be asking random people about, then the answer is yes.

[Anemone978]

Just be honest... maybe he doesn't know you like him.. so he is distant..
If he doesn't care then cut ties..

[SawerBrown]

I agree with Anemone978, as I have been the guy in this situation. I can be very outgoing but am actually very shy with intimate female connections.

[Asker]

@SawerBrown Well I did contemplate this... he continues to "like" all of my social media posts despite his lack of contact in other ways

[SawerBrown]

Dm me so we can talk sbout it freely

[SawerBrown]

I will relay an experience of mine

[Asker]

@SawerBrown I don't know how to do that (DM)...

[SawerBrown]

Message me, you might have tobfollow me first

[SawerBrown]

You caught me awake, not dyre where you're located but it's 4:00 am where I am

[SawerBrown]

Did you figure out how to dm me?

[SawerBrown]

Follow me then I can dm you

[Asker]

@SawerBrown I tried to add you

[RobT312]

Before cutting contact you could take the reverse approach. Communicate and take the initiative. You may just be dealing with a “shy guy”. If that doesn’t work then u can say you tried and walk away …his loss

[summiter]

I would text him and ask to meet face to face and see where you both want the relationship to go.

[SawerBrown]

I messaged you, you might have to look under other messages until you accept my follow

[peterrezeeek]

cuz he doesn't care about your feelings

[Krods]

Well yes. It would be best to cut contact with him since I suppose he is not showing any interest to make things official. He's just using you.

[Anonymous]

No...

[Anonymous]

"I'm not willing to make myself vulnerable unless he makes the first move." See any potential problem with this attitude?