Should I forgive myself for being slutty online for 3, years... and not consider myself a slut, anymore?

Question

And to the future boyfriend.. not mention this huge detail

Aerissa_Jade · Accepted Answer

What do you mean slutty online? I take that to be online only and not meeting anyone.

If you meant you did meet ups from people online, that would be different.

Personally, I'd share my history and be honest. Not right one the 1st date, but before things get super serious, usually 12th to 15th date. Have a all day date and say we both need to get everything out there.

Share everything, past things we've done and future hopes and dreams. Everything from sexual past, to how many kids I want to future plans for college or careers. To where I want to live to various kinks and fetishes.

I want to make sure there is nothing that will catch either of us as a surprise later that could permanently damage the relationship.

Last thing I want is to keep secrets from someone I love so much.

You can still do all that and forgive yourself.

Totally up to you though, many will say its none of his business.

Breanna_nonbinary · Accepted Answer

What is it with women being so obsessed with being a slut? Especial when slut means being promiscuous which isn’t a bad thing. Forgiving yourself means you feel as though you’ve done something wrong. Life isn’t black and white and it certainly isn’t defined in terms of right and wrong. Shame isn’t a productive emotion. If you act like it bothers you or you judge yourself for things then you leave yourself open for others to do the same.
For example if you have your favorite shoes and wear them all the time but they’re ugly, then how you react to the shoes will define how other react to them. If you don’t care if their ugly then nothing others say will bother you. But if you act self-conscious about them then what other day will affect you greatly.
Same goes for your attitude about sex. The more it bothers you the more others comments will bother you.

Miristheiss · Accepted Answer

People can change.

That is kind of a stain you can't get rid of. I mean, it doesn't matter how long you live with different values towards sex, intimacy and relationships, there are many that will never consider you for a long term mate or wife. Those are just the facts. That stays with you forever.

Don't lie.

Your goal is to just try and find guys who aren't grossed out by a promiscuous past. They never be ok with their baby coming out the intimate area where 30 other dicks have been. Your goal should just be to focus on having healthy, deep connections with someone and let the sex come later after you two are committed and to learn to have healthy sex with a partner.

loveslongnails · Accepted Answer

What would your options be - condemn yourself forever, live with the regret, convince yourself what a bad person you were and will always be because you can't undo it? Yes, you need to forgive yourself and behave in a way that you can be proud of going forward. As to the future boyfriend, I'd just tell him "I've made some choices I regret, but I'm not that person anymore and I don't want to re-live it. I don't need to know your past either. Just know now that I'm clean, d/d free and you should be too. Here's what I'm looking for ________" If that's not enough for him, he's probably not enough for you!

Pyrofox · Answer

So long as you start taking the family side of things more seriously most guys aren't gonna nessarily jump to googling your past.

Anemone978 · Answer

If it was just online stuff no one is gonna care... but if you were meeting up with people offline that's a different thing..

inhua · Answer

so many politically correct responses.

sooner or later, you're going to have to forgive yourself. as for your future boyfriend, if your attitude is "he ain't entitled to know XYZ" or "it's none of his business" etc. then don't expect to hold onto him for long.

LazerBean · Answer

If you're just going to have casual boyfriends then it doesn't really matter what you tell them or don't tell them. If you are wanting to find a future spouse though, hiding history is always going to produce negative outcomes.

SnowedIn · Answer

Yes, forgive yourself.

Paul_in_Indy · Answer

I do not think that you’re a slut. You certainly should not consider yourself one. And a future boyfriend is entitled to physical sexual history oh my, I think.

WellGreetingsISay · Answer

I was one for years online and haven't fully told anyone. If it's in the past no one needs to know especially since it was just online.

Agape93 · Answer

You don't need to forgive yourself. Just move on how you wish. Also, you don't have to tell him, it's your past and your past is not his business.

Dargil · Answer

If you have stopped being one, stop talking about it. Because you were once careless, that does not permanently label you. Just don't do it anymore.

talka20 · Answer

Yes thats right

bowenw · Answer

Of course.

RavVid · Answer

I think you should forgive yourself. As to lying by default I can't recommend to do so.

Stevefiveo · Answer

Hmm, yeah most guys might get scared away from a slutty girl , so maybe keep that quiet. Although, for some guys, that is a big turn on so you have to feel him out first.