Should I have a discussion about appropriate times for safe words?

[Anonymous]

My lover doesn't always take no for an answer unless I use a safe word which I only want to use during roleplay. One time we were cuddling, and he started doing things that were meant to be funny, and then despite saying no to sex, he penetrated me and so I had to use the safe word in order for him to stop. Then begged for a few minutes after for sex until he gave up. The penetration thing only happened once, thankfully. But grabbing is more common. I don't mind being grabbed unless it's gonna lead to sex when I don't want it. Which happens often.

I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, he cries and feels bad every time he does, and I won't leave him for any other man, but I still feel like maybe he's not getting the point behind safe words. How do I talk to him about it? I don't want him to think I'm attacking him, so I want to know how to talk about this subject. Help is fully appreciated.

[Kaneki05]

Srsly i have read about 6 things in the past 24hrs of girls saying no and the guy raping them anyway... Wtf Why can't people see when they are been raped... I mean i can sorta someway get it been there myself.. But come on

[Asker]

The reason I don't believe he is raping me is because he always respects the safe word and stops. He may beg some times, but begging is not rape. Begging is begging. I'd rather deal with unwanted begging than unwanted intercourse. Because during the begging process, I can give one final no, and he stops. Considering after the safe word, he now knows I genuinely don't want it and that I'm not roleplaying.

[Kaneki05]

If you say no but does it anyway and you meant that No it's rape no other way to look it.

[Kaneki05]

And begging to carry on is just weird lol

[TheFartSaver]

So we actually have a safe word in our relationship specifically for, "I'm being for realsies hear me and understand." You have to communicate. He should respect No, but if a safe word is needed outside sex then use one.

[purplepoppy]

Safe words are bullshit, a clear not now or no is all that's needed. All safewords do is encourage guys to keep pushing until they hear it. It's a turn on for them to know they've pushed you to your limit.

[Asker]

Makes sense.

[msss98]

The light system

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[msss98]

U basically check and have 3 lights, green is u can keep going harder orange is this is ok and red is stop or slow down, thats a simplified way of explaining

[Asker]

Oh. Yeah. I know what that is. Those are what we use for safe words. We basically use it as such Red - Stop everything Yellow - Do something else Green - proceed

[reptocarl2]

Stop being pathetic. He does mean it. His tears are fake. If he really meant it he wouldn’t do it anymore. Period

[Asker]

Let's assume you believe that, does that really warrant insulting me?

[reptocarl2]

I didn’t. You are being pathetic.

[Asker]

How so?

[reptocarl2]

Because the pattern keeps repeating and you keep thinking he’ll change. Leopards don’t change their spots and people don’t change either. You’d think you would’ve realized this by now. That’s pathetic

[Asker]

Ok, cool story bro.

[reptocarl2]

Keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. You know that’s the definition of insanity