Should I keep accepting that I don't cum during sex?

[ragequeen]

Let's just put it like this. I put in lots of effort to make my boyfriend cum and he does every time. I give him blowjobs whenever he likes, I try to seduce him when I can and I'm always taking initiative. Im touching him all over when we have sex.

But the thing is, he doesn't do the same. He never goes down on me, rubs my clit or fingers me when we have sex. Either I do it alone or it doesn't happen all together. I always joke with him and say this but he doesn't change. He regularly mentions that he wants a threesome but if he doesn't even try to please me how can he please someone else AT THE SAME TIME? It just makes me think he wants sex with another person.

Im confused. I've read questions here about how many times men want to make their partners cum before they do, and they say at least once to two times. But my boyfriend doesn't even try.

Is this normal?

[Anonymous]

It is common but NOT normal. Many women have your complaint. The orgasm gap is real.

He needs to learn about female anatomy and do his part. As weird as it may seem, some guys seriously don’t know about the clitoris, or at least don’t know that most women need it stimulated to have an orgasm. They assume that, because thrusting into a vagina is enough for them, it must be enough for their partners.

It seems he also has a selfish streak. If he’s modeling his role on porn, it’s not really surprising. Most of it shows fucking followed by ejaculating on the woman’s face. She matters only as a submissive piece of meat with three fuckholes who does whatever he wants, which is clearly how he sees you in your relationship.

You say you joke about it as a way to affect change, but it’s really no laughing matter. It’s going to build up resentment in you and ruin your relationship. Stop trying to hint around about it. You need to sit him down and have a serious talk with him. I hope his pride doesn’t get in the way of you becoming his teacher and coach (and perhaps drill instructor). But that’s what needs to happen.

You know your pleasure matters and you’re longing for it to come from him, not just willingly but *enthusiastically*, and with expertise that’s based on knowing the specifics of your body.

If he remains stuck in his ineptitude and laziness after you talk to him, you’ll know for certain that he doesn’t care. In that case, I hope you would find a boyfriend who deserves you as a partner, because you sound like an awesome girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read through the other replies on here, so I'm sorry if what I say seems repetitive.

Here's the thing - my general answer to your question would've been that if the sex is good for you and if you don't feel like YOU absolutely have to cum, it's fine and you should move past it.

However, after reading your question, I saw that you don't like the sex. It seems like he doesn't care about your feelings, arousal or pleasure.
The fact that he continues to ask for a threesome is highly disrespectful to you, as you've pointed out, because he can't even deal with you, so how would he benefit from two girls?

It also seems very sexually immature to me that he doesn't even try to make you orgasm. Has he ever tried?
The thing with going down on girls is that some men have had negative experiences in the past (no idea how experienced your boyfriend is) and I feel like some men simply don't even think that it might feel good for the girl (just like they enjoy their blowjobs!!)
None of this is your fault though. Have you tried telling him you'd like to try something new in the bedroom? Maybe he's afraid of your taste, you could consider using flavoured lube in that case.

I don't understand that he doesn't finger you. In my experience, that's something that can get my boyfriend VERY worked up, to see me enjoy what he's doing with his bare hands. Great foreplay. Same goes for going down on me.

Don't accept that he doesn't try. Talk to him about it - either directly or through sending him articles like "10 health benefits of cunnilingus" or something similar. It's not okay that he keeps telling you he wants a threesome without trying to please you or care about your feelings and pleasure.

[wingattebaby16]

your boyfriend is being selfish.

i have been with too many guys that are, "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am".. they only care about their own orgasm.
===
Him wanting a 3 sum concerns me. It means he is tiring of you, wants another woman to excite him more and probably thinks the other woman will be like you and pleasure him. Plus, he sounds like the kind of guy that REALLY wants to see you and the other girl do girl stuff together.

My husband and previous men that were worth me, always do Foreplay.

my rule of thumb is a guy is worth being with if he gives me great foreplay. Touching me with his hands, kissing me a long time, giving me oral (and not complaining), and gives me 1-5 orgasms BEFORE he has sex with me. (Plus this makes SURE I am ready and wanting sex, not just doing it to please him)

My man now often gives me oral so much, that i am a limp noodle laying there barely able to move.. then will have sex with me hard, deep, and a long time, making me see stars in my head when i orgasm.

OR, he gets me so hot after an orgasm or 2 during foreplay, i BEG him to have sex with me!

**TRY THIS: tell him you will do a 3 sum, but you get to pick the GUY! turn the tables on him.. And girl, i have done 3 sum MFM before and OMFG it is amazing!

[Mr1derful]

Exactly and all good points! I totally agree with you and that's how I am and why we've been together over 15 years! She's even told me she knows she couldn't get better lol. We compliment each other so well!

[Mr1derful]

No you should absolutely not accept or settle for that. That is unbelievably selfish and immature and he sounds like a chauvinistic child. I always put my woman's needs and orgasms in front of my own and it's prob why we've been together for over 15 years. I want to be an amazing lover!! My go to are: I love to initiate with hot kissing and petting to undressing and kissing her body down, to giving her a nice oil sensual massage, to great oral, fingering and massage her clit even with some warm massage oil, etc. I love to use toys and vibrators, bed restraints, sex pillows or furniture, the whole experience and just make it mind blowing for her and screaming for me to finish her inside!

I like to take nice baths and showers with her, light candles, bring some wine or champagne in and play sex board games or use sex coupons and just be open and explore!

Girl you are with with the wrong guy and deserve someone so much better and experienced to explore you and fulfill your needs!

[Mr1derful]

Thanks!!

[chrissykerdock]

no it's not normal... i can see a guy not wanting to eat pussy... but i can't see him not wanting to finger you... and he doesn't want to cum either? very strange i've never come across something like this before... maybe he fears intimacy? but that's not saying it makes total sense either... i thought i had it bad i had a boyfriend who only wanted blowjobs from me but bad as he was he'd finger me all the time... and liked kissing... and liked to touch my body... far as cumming he got me off by fingering me and used dildos on me... i see your 20 maybe he's just afraid of sex and immature.

[Screenwriter]

Not normal. He's selfish. Get yourself another boyfriend. This one isn't worth your time.

Treat yourself as well as you treat him! Stop giving and giving and not receiving.

The stuff about a threesome is the reddest of flags. He's not interested in you except in using you for HIS pleasure.

Girl. Break up with this ass.

[JuliaStyles]

Sorry you put up with that. Sex should be between 2 people. With you it is one, you give but don't receive. I would have a heart to heart with him. Maybe tell him he has to make you cum first before you will make him. Sounds fair to me. He sounds pretty selfish to me.

[katiesmuff]

Sounds like what you need to do is set up that threesome, but with another guy and while your guy sits there mouth and eyes wide open watching this other guy fuck so good that you have several orgasms.

[MsTaniaUncensored]

if you've talked to him about it and he isn't receptive to your needs then I am sorry to say he is a selfish lover and not deserving of you. It may be time to look elsewhere or start denying him what he wants until he decides to be a more giving lover

[HugoThe2nd]

Someone your age who looks the way you do definitely shouldn't have to accept that.
Time to frankly bring up that he should step up his game, while reminding him that there are plenty of others out there who would.

[nachosaresexy]

Maybe try being more direct with him about it. Instead of suggesting things you might like in a casual/joking way, but direct about it - "babe, it would be a huge turn on if you go down on me next time before we have sex".

Something like that - as a guy, *hearing* that from our partner can be a turn on for us to and provide extra motivation.

[Lliam]

Your boyfriend sounds clueless. It's like he doesn't care about your experience.
I doubt if he'll change. So maybe you need to let him go fuck himself instead of you. A person reaches a point when they realize that it's time to move on and seek new pastures.

[weysally]

some men and the same with women, and on one thing that includes me, are selfish and won't try other things, there aren't many that can't climax, talk it through,

[OlderAndWiser]

Your boyfriend sounds very selfish and that is a sign which you should heed.

If you want to try to get him to do something different, play "Winner Says, Loser Does" with him.

Need some excitement in the bedroom? Are you willing to take a challenge? ↗

[Kas19]

This^

[SarahRoberts95]

Girl you need to stop going down on him until he starts going down on you! That always works for me. A lot of guys could careless about doing anything to get us off.

[ItsBryeK]

I agree! Depends on the guy! Send me a message 😊

[TheorionMage]

What you NEED accept is that you're enamored with a selfish Lout!

If you ARE INDEED more than meeting your Paramour 'half way'...
YOU DESERVE BETTER!
And, if YOU CAN ACHIEVE physical ORGASM through SELF-arousal
ask yourself:
"WHAT does HE bring to our intimacies that a silicone sex toy couldn't...
except body-temperature-d ejaculate and PERHAPS 'sound effects'?"
Moments spent on HIM could earn a FAR MORE 'appreciative' audience!

[ChrisMaster69]

That’s beyond not normal

he is either hugely lazy, does not actually know what to do, has he had previous gfs some guys have never given oral and get embarrassed.

Seriously you need to look at cutting lose or at least give him an ultimatum, fingers n tongue or you walk.

you really need to take control of him and put him firmly in his place,

no to three somes etc, no to other people, he starts putting in the effort on you or there is a door to go through.

not normal

[PeytonVB]

This happens to me sometimes with my fiancée, minus the threesome talk, he doesn’t always make me finish it’s not rare that he does but it seems like it’s becoming that way and it makes me question it a lot.

[nevernevernever]

Have you directly told him you're not getting pleasure out of this and what he needs to do to make it happen? he's either inexperienced or he doesn't care about you getting pleasure out of it

[Red_Arrow]

Should you keep accepting that? You already know the answer. NO! It is NOT normal and you should not accept it. It is obvious that he does not care enough about you to even try to get you to have orgasms. So you should have moved on long ago. Take back your life and fight for yourself. Move on! There are so many guys available who would love to give you a great sex life. Find one and let him make you happy!

[ohshee]

Wow I can feel you from here, and I feel so bad for you , every guy in this world wants to meet a girl like you, the sad part is only 10% can really hear you and feel your pain ,, and only 5% understand when making love or even just fucking that it's not about them it's about you , and they make it about you you come first, it's there way of saying thank you for putting up with me and all the step I don't mean for you to,, and I love you and I want you to feel good all the time and each and every time is different and can take you there and beyond, like I said I feel bad for you because we both know in the long run where this is headed, and I hate that you even have to go there,, and you know the answer to your question all ready , you have asked it in twenty different ways ,, so like I said I feel your pain it's a hard thing to do ,, this is why I say every guy in this world is looking for someone like you , your doing every thing in this world to make it work and dude can't see it or feel it i dont like talking shit about anyone not unles its right in front of there face but he's a none caring selfish person and thats keeping it nice

[GnatSocks]

You're talking on the masculine role and he's taking on the feminine. Everything you described is masculine (even giving blow job. Blow jobs are always gay, which is a rant for another time. Actually, I may make a MyTake about it, but it's going to be an unpopular truth). And it's an inversion of normal dynamics and your body's natural inclinations. I don't think it exists in natural harmony, but some people develop a fetish of this. You don't have to accept that you just won't cum, but like this you will, until he takes a more masculine stance in the bedroom. Sorry, bro.

[spartan55]

No, it's far from normal. Sorry, but boyfriend is a selfish slug sexually, and it's time to ditch the hinting and have a discussion outside of the bedroom.

[summiter]

It is not normal and he sounds very selfish. How often are you two having sex?

Next time tell him he has to give you an orgasm first!!! If he is not into that he should get use to jerking off again. Look... things are not going to get better unless you both change his sex life soon. It is not all about him and you deserve some great orgasms also!!! Your thoughts?