Sexual Relationships
11 mo

Should I tell him he hurt me during sex or will he not care?

Dating him for a couple weeks. He told me he was interested in a relationship potentially. About the third date he wanted to have sex. I told him it was my first time.

TW!! He didn’t bother with foreplay and immediately stuck it in without asking. I kept asking him to pull out but he wanted me to take it. I was dry down there and tears were running down my cheeks from the pain. My legs were shaking but he went harder and it hurt so bad. I immediately put on my shorts and saw blood stains.

He didn’t text me today but should I reach out or wait and let him know? Or will he not even care and I should stop talking to him.

0 2

Most Helpful Guys

  • I'm sorry this happened to you, and the guy was definitely wrong, and I strongly recommend that you have nothing more to do with him.

    Since you mentioned the third date, I wanted to mention this. It's not a judgement on you in any way - it's more of a general statement.

    The "third date rule" - where there is an expectation of sex on the third date - was created by and for ACTIVE, EXPERIENCED upper-middle-class singles, generally living large cities, on their own, and who had very active social lives. Age-wise, they were mostly in their 20s and early 30s. They all knew they wanted to have sex with whoever they got with, but the women didn't want to get a reputation as a slut, and the guys didn't want to have to wait forever, so they compromised with the Third Date Rule. This forced the guy to wait a little while and put in some investment first - protecting her reputation - while also keeping the wait time short enough to keep the guy around. And this system worked well for that demographic.

    Unfortunately, the Third Date Rule leaked and has been popularized by the media - movies, TV shows, magazine articles, etc. - and there's now a widespread expectation that it applies to everyone. It does not, and was never intended to do so. And so people who don't fit that description should not feel any obligation to meet that expectation. Hell, even people who DO fit that description aren't obligated to meet it, but at least they are aware of the expectation and are prepared to deal with it.

    To the Anon asker, I would say this: to protect yourself in the future, you need to wait longer, and focus on not only how the guy treats you, but how he treats everyone else - especially the people he might see as "beneath him." If he treats the cashier or the waiter or the gardener badly, even if he's treating you great right now, it's only a matter of time before he treats you just like he treated the cashier or waiter. Take enough time to know that the guy actually cares about you, and isn't just in it for sex.

    As you get older, and are more experienced with relationships, you'll be able to make those determinations more quickly, but right now, you have very limited experience, so you need to take more time and move more slowly and deliberately so that you don't get hurt - physically or emotionally. As an adult, you are now responsible for your own protection, so you have to do this yourself - you can't count on anyone to save or protect you, so it's in your best interests to make good decisions for yourself.

    There are good men out in the world, and there are also assholes. You met one of the latter, and it wasn't good. Learn to avoid assholes, and your relationships will improve greatly. And here's a helpful hint: the more good-looking or popular a guy is, the higher the chance is that he's an asshole. That sucks, but it's the truth.

  • well if he's not just a mindless fuckboy, he will care. like i would want my girlfriend to tell me this. sex is supposed to be most enjoyable for both of us. i would not like it if i couldn't trust that she tells me if something isn't quite right for her. honestly i am really trying not to judge him too harshly here. but this seems really bad. maybe he's just extremely inexperienced... I don't know. but what you experienced there is not acceptable. and if he doesn't realize what he did and isn't terribly sorry for doing that for you, you should not waste another second with the guy.

    you now pain and horniness/arousal can seem somewhat similar. i hope he just missunderstood. if not, he's a turd.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I'm so sorry you experienced this. This also happened to me with a guy I wasn't really even talking to but I knew we could never be anything serious. I just wanted to hook up. We only kissed and he asked me to give him head but he didn't make me wet enough and tried to ram right in (I was a virgin). I bled and he said "this is why I don't like virgins". Lesson learned, I left his place immediately after cleaning myself up and never contacted him again. Nor did he contact me. In your case, since you guys went on 3 dates I would suggest letting him honestly know what that experience was like for you because this was borderline rape. He should've pulled out when you asked.

  • You tell the guy he's an asshole and what he did is unforgivable.

    But the shitty thing is, he already knows. He doesn't care.

    Do not let guys do this to you. Make them wait, get to know you. He's disgusting and is giving all guys a bad name.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 25

  • Definitely tell him... that was rude of him to rush things. Have you used some lube previously... it is fantastic if you are not completely aroused. Did he go down on you first or go for round 2?

  • That was rude of him and I can understand where you’re coming from. He shouldn’t have let himself get so horny that he couldn’t stop penetrating you and needed you to just take it. I think you should play it cool and wait for him to contact you. If he does then you know he will probably care about your discomfort and you can gently raise the topic the next time he makes love to you. If he’s not into foreplay then a good time to mention it would be while you’re undressing for him and then just ask nicely if you can lube his cock before he puts it in.

  • Yes, you should tell him. Maybe it’s accidental, maybe he’s doing it on purpose. If it is intentional, tell him you don’t like that. If he doesn’t stop, you stop him.

  • If he did that without caring I don't imagine he will care what u say

  • You should probably find someone who won’t use you for sex.

  • That sounds chargeable criminally, i hope you still have all the clothing involved if it’s been over 24 hours the sample inside you is gone.

  • I suggest not having anything more to do with someone that disrespected you in that way. He obviously doesn't care.

  • Yeah, you should. And, if he continues to do it, you KNOW he doesn't care and you should probably drop him!

  • Damn that’s terrible. I’m so sorry that happened to you. Don’t ever communicate with him again. He’s a piece of shit. Just a vile waste of life. I hope to God you used contraception. 🤦‍♂️

  • If he didn't care while he was doing it, he doesn't care now. Actions over words, my friend.

  • I'm sorry he did that to you. He Is a real jerk. What he did was really disrespectful to you. Honestly I don't think you will ever hear from him again. He sounds like the type to take what he wants and leave. If he does contact you, you should definitely tell him that he hurt you during sex. He probably won't care though.

  • So sorry you had to deal with a jerk like that.. he most likely won't care or he would have stopped when you asked him too , and for any guys readinig this be gentle and make sure your lady is willing and wet and lots of fourplay before you stick your cock inside of her,, show her that she matters. you would not want someone to rub your dick on sandpapper would you?

  • YES! Absolutely tell him!! If you plan to have sex with him again.

    If you don't plan on having sex with him again or seeing him again, then you don't have to tell him (because then it would be irrelevant.)

    by the way, what he did was extremely inconsiderate. I hope you don't mind me giving my opinion, but I think he is a very trashy person.
    (Let alone the fact that you told him to stop and he didn't. That's rape.)

  • Sometimes a girl will say just stick it in me and it's very exciting that way but I would not want to hurt a girl if she didn't want it that way, so yes, tell him.

  • Of course you should, because he can't read your mind.

  • Jeez! What an ass. Thats a lack of respect not only of you but your body. He most likely broke the hymen (Aka popping cherry) which will bleed on the first time. doesn't he know that you have to be wet and lubed prior to sex? Id talk to him about it first, if he doesn't care... Break his nose.

  • Cut him off your life. That's a BIG RED FLAG 🚩!!

  • Fuck this asshole

  • Anyone who knows anything about sex should know not to do that even if they girl is expierenced.

  • Please tell him what happened and that you felt pain, if you don't the same could happen again.

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