Sexual Relationships
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Should I tell him more about my sexual abuse?

I have been dating my current boyfriend for 3years and I love him so much. But I was sexual abused twice by two different people. My boyfriend and I have had plenty of sex and my abuse hasn't been much of a problem until recently. A weird mistake was made during intimate time and triggered me. He knows that I have experienced sexual abuse, before this incident, but doesn't really know the full story. He also isn't forcing me to tell him anything, only if I want to. The reason I ask, is because I want him to understand me better, but I also know it's like taboo to talk about past sexual experience with your current partner.
Should I tell him more of the story?
Also side note should I have him also tell me something personal if I do this?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I'd ask him about it, and it see how he would feel about talking about your sexual history. The minimum I'd suggest you do is tell him that you have been abused (so that he understands if you're ever triggered, and isn't left confused), but you've already done that. So I don't think more is needed, but it certainly still can be helpful to know. And I agree that sometimes sexual history can be an odd thing to discuss with a partner in general. So I think asking him would be best.

    And if he wants to share something personal, he can, but keep in mind that it isn't fair for you to be like "well now that I've shared something personal with you, you have to share something personal with me" (not that I'm necessarily implying that's what you meant), so leave it up to him, don't like pressure him to do so. He should only do that if he wants to and is comfortable with it.

  • you should talk about it with your current partner. the more he knows the more he will understand the less chance he will have of triggering the reaction you described.

    on your side note, if you tell him something it doesn't mean he has to tell you something. he may not have anything to tell or if he does he may not be at the stage where he can talk about it, so if you decide to talk about your issues its your conversation and not a game of i had this and you had that, its not a competition.

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What Girls & Guys Said

0 11

  • It's not a taboo, he should know you better.

  • First off, never ask for a trade when it comes to sharing deep emotional turmoil. As he is understanding of you, so you should be of him. He will tell you when he is ready as well. In fact, the more he feels safe around you, the easier it will be for him to open up

    As for how much and how quickly you should tell him.. I suggest baby steps as it could freak him out.

    • Fine. Do what ya like.

  • I don't know what kind of upbringing you had where it is taboo too be open with your partner, but I believe it is not, and you should feel free to share as much as you want with your current partner. You are already intimate with him, so why not tell him the whole story, if you feel up too doing so.

  • If I were him I would want to know so I could do my best to avoid triggering you. I would be okay with hearing as much detail as you were willing to share. Sharing tells me you trust me and it builds the bond between us.

  • It's up to you. So far he seems like an understanding guy and you've been together for 3 years so I think you can be transparent with him and let him know. But if you feel like it'll affect both of you in a bad way then you do have to.

  • No dear. I think it's better not to talk about it anymore. Speaking about it may distrub both you and your partner. Past is past. Just forget it.

    • You are the only one with an opposing opinion. Can you tell me more about why you think the past should stay in the past?

    • Because it's a bad past and recalling it is useless.

  • I think opening up more will help your relationship, and its fine to ask him to tell you anything he might be keeping a secret.

  • yes it will help him under stand you better.

  • Talking about past abuse is different than previous sexual experiences. While it was sex, sex was used as a weapon in that case.

  • Caring is sharing

  • Given that you're sexually active, I would be perfectly honest with him or her just as I was growing up in an openly nudist household with two twin sisters cousins and niece's aunts etc. At some point all gave me inappropriate erections at times dripping wet

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