He doesn't need to tell you.
Same way as you shouldn't snoop around.
Maybe he is secretly bi and likes you. Afraid of causing problems by telling you or unsure if you view him as a man after knowing.
If he can't tell you then half of that is on you.
Now that you already know, maybe try to add a bit of sextoy play into your bedroom too. Maybe he will open up more with you. Or go sextoy shopping with him, pick a toy for yourself and ask what he would like, start with pocket pussy type toys, or maybe penis sleeves at first, then move to butt stuff.
"Hey, you have a prostate, ever wanted to try something like that, could be fun". Be playful and fun about it and move along, if he is willing to "try" then be happy he trusts you.
Living together with someone is pretty permanent in the inital plan anyway, before it all collapses in tears and shit.
So if you want him to just be with you his one and only life then be more understanding and less snoopy 😗
Dear lady, what's his age? If it's same as you, he's lacking in his younger ability. Sometimes guys will loose the drive and it takes something long and stimulating to get him back up. Porn satisfies that need. You can view for a long time until you finally get near blueballs, then experience the great thing of the past.
In other words, the older we men get, the more we become like the woman we love! We need you to put some casual and nearly imperceptible extended effort into making us hard again! I write "imperceptible" because it's an issue we don't want to admit; basically thinking we've lost it.
Thank you for your perspective. Here this…. When we are together., I give him the best sex ever …. He is so turned on by me and tells me this every time we are together. There is never an issue with us. So, I don’t understand if we are good, why do you need to try something by yourself? It seems to me he’s not being open with me about desires or how he feels.
Yes, you are right, he's not being open with you. I'm thinking that a calm discussion is the only way to diagnose the problem. This kind of thing will bug you forever, so I would work on a way to get him to tell you why he likes to do so. Be respectful—not condemning—and try to leave emotion out of your voice as much as possible. I would tell him something like, I see that you have a hobby that pleases you. I would like to share you hobby, if you'll let me. Don't ask him "Why do you do it?" That is a real conflict starter. Give him the space to reply, be patient. Ask him what he'd have you do to involve you. You can overcome this, but if it's hard for a guy to explain things with words.
I have to figure out how to bring this up and not make him feel embarrassed, and wonder how I know. I found it in a draw looking for something. I have to think about this. I am going to wait to see if he tells me but I don’t think he will.
You sound like you have traditional-conservative values, and he did not tell you because he already knows how you would feel about these things, and he doesn't want to upset you, nor does he want to live a limited life based on his preferences.
Personally, I think you two need more time together (living together, etc.) before you both are ready to get married. There's some disconnects/differences here, and they could end a marriage. If you had been together all this time (living together), these things would have been discovered, and either dealt with or one or both of you would have chosen to end the relationship.
I'm on his side, on this one. Men watch porn. Quite a lot of it. I don't believe any woman should tell the man not to, unless it is interfering with their sex life (which it can and sometimes does. But it doesn't have to.)
Actually he’s the conservative value not me. He thinks I’m wild. I’m great in bed. That is why this is disturbing to me. It is a secret. Not cool
I doubt he's as conservative as he claims to be. The porn and anal are standard fare nowadays. He's just worried about being judged, or turning you off. Which you are (turned off.) If you tell him "It's all ok" then he wouldn't hide it.
How can I tell him it’s ok when he’s not being open with his fiancé? He knows I’m into sex and new things. He compliments me all the time. So why buy a sec toy and not share? Hmmm. Odd and not being open which causes mistrust. What else don’t I know?
Honestly... I never understood why most women dont let their partner watch porn that's just like saying I dont want you to play basketball anymore. It's a hobby and they use it to de stress, relax or what have you. I mean for it to work out I'd get curious on what he likes in sex. If he likes to get pleasured analy help him out. But if you dont like it I'd suggest you maybe break up because he likes what he likes. You wouldn't like it if he said no to giving you oral. You guys are sexually incompatible it's best to break up
There’s a big difference between giving each other oral and masterbating to young girls on porn. BIG DIFF
Porn is other women.
Would you rather him watch porn or cheat? I'd prefer him to watch as much porn as hed like.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!Hmm. I agree with you on the open on honest part. May I suggest something?
Go easy on him. He may be very embarrassed or think you might form an opinion based on his new toy. He might think you will jump to crazy conclusions. Who knows?
Not knowing you or him, hard to say if he is hiding more, but if you are engaged and happy otherwise, I would venture a guess that no he isn’t. Again, might be embarrassment or guilt or any number of feelings that caused him to hide it.
I like your feedback. I think maybe it’s embarrassing for him. Can’t think of anything else
@jerseygirl2021 Thank you and glad I could maybe put some outside perspective on it. I think he might be looking for a way to bring it up or thinks you will judge. You know him well, obviously. I’m sure you can think of a way to maybe coax it out of him or mention without stirring the pot. Good luck to you! ❤️
whats there to be creeped out about? its a sex toy.
you're trying to control him watching porn, no wonder he felt the need to hide a toy from you. The prostate is very pleasurable to many men if stimulated.
First- for our entire relationship I knew and didn’t care. At this point I think it’s inappropriate. I use sex toys and I tell him and if I look at sex toys to but I tell him. Why isn’t he telling me?
again, YOU were controlling and made him feel bad about watching porn. The fact you have to ask and say you're creeped out shows EXACTLY why he didn't talk to you about it. You have made him uncomfortable to talk to you about it. So he hasn't told you. there's also a general stigma about men having sex toys compared to women, because of double standards. Please talk to him, ignore your hurt or anger and just let him know it doesn't matter.
At the minimum, he's perhaps 'closeted' Bi-sexual ~
Sigh, you don't have to be gay or bi to enjoy prostate fun
Seriously I am curios …. Is it odd for a straight man to want to use anal toy alone? Or is this common? I wouldn’t think it was as weird if he asked to use it with me. The problem is he is not sharing this desire
Well, he seems rightly worried he's going to be judged by what comes across as your sex-/kink-negativity.
Maybe look at yourself first before judging others.
Funny how people don’t know how to read. I never said anything critical about using a male sex toy. Re read. I am questioning his inability to share that he’s got one. It’s the hidden secret. That’s the issue.
Jersey... he may just be embarrassed about it. Just keep an open line of communication. Prostate stimulation during masturbation or sex gives a guy an incredible orgasm. As you know he is probably masturbating when you are not with him which is normal for a young guy. How often do you two have sex? Maybe start going for round 2 or 3 and/or increase the frequency of the sex you have.
I know he masterbates we talk about it. We are middle age not young guy. I worry about him having more fun doing that than sex with me.
Also - I take very good care of him. He tells me best sex he has ever had us with me
Maybe use his sex toys with/on him... he will love it. Do you have any toys he can use on you?
He's probably just embarrassed by it. Tell him to wear it while you have sex. Make it a part of your relationship.
Thank u- that would be great but I don’t want to mention something that he is not telling me. That’s the problem.
Start with a finger, just playing around the area, so how he reacts, Progress to a finger inserted. Eventually suggest a vibrator.
Your man is most likely a homosexual. Those relationships never work out, but anyhow good luck! And yes Open relationships fail 99% of the time too.
No he’s def not homo. We are very open with each other. I tell him everything. The fact that he bought it used it and not telling me is just u trustworthy. I mean what else do I not know?
Listen here, you described that you had found a dildo for anal prostate examination of the highest degree. No normal man has those at his home. I'm just saying it as it is. Honestly just confront him, if he dodges the question or seems shaky then most likely it means I'm right.
It’s def weird. And I don’t know how to approach him. I think he was looking for the “ amazing “ orgasm this thing is suppose to give. I don’t like him looking for “ other” sources — we have a great sex life. So why?
Dido''s got a few good songs. They did the theme to "Roswell" for 3 years.
Three years of playing games and you're 57? Absolutely incredible.
I recommend you just be grateful.
The dildo is nearly irrelevant. Maybe you can peg him with it.
The game is on him. Yes he should be grateful for what he has and be open and honest about it. Like I am.
Tell us how 'the game is on him'. If this crosses your line then cut him loose. The porn thing is a giant fail - WAY more important than the dildo. But I get it. He would rather jerk off to porn that be with YOU. THIS is what will be our downfall, not what he did or didn't tell you.
*... your... Not 'our'. You're a 'porn-widow'. And you can't compete with all that depravity.
For heavens sake its a sex toy. Let the man masturbate in peace lol
You haven’t lived long enough to know the difference in anything. You should just sit back and take it all in.
I may be young, but I have been married to my husband for 4 years. The prostate is considered the male g-spot and can be very pleasurable when stimulated. I personally don’t think there is anything wrong about owning sex toys. Just because your fiancé has one and didn’t bring it up doesn’t mean that he is hiding anything. I don’t always tell my husband when I get my self a new sex toy, and personally I could care less if he got himself one. But the thing is that each relationship is different. My advice to you, feel free to take it or leave it, is talk to him about it. Have an open mind, don’t be judgmental talk about why it makes you uncomfortable and express your concerns.
He's unsure how to talk about it in case you don't like the idea.
If it turns you on, buy a dildo and bring it into the bedroom. Tell him you want to try it on him. It might help you talk about your fantasies.
Great idea
How is this hidden when you're aware of it?
I found it in a draw. I am not against it. I’m not happy he did not tell me
most people use toys today
That’s not the issue. I get it. The issue is not talking to your spouse or partner about a new toy u bought. That’s the issue. Why keep it a secret?
Lack of trust? From what? The reaction you are displaying here is probably why he kept it from you to begin with.
Lack of trust because we have a very open sex life and talk about everything. Now he’s doing something without being open with me. That’s why.
Maybe your sex life isn't as open as you think. He obviously has some desires he's not sharing.
Very interesting. Something I need to think about. Seriously.
He probably scared you'll get creeped out but on the other hand he wants you to know just in case you're turned on by it... im sure he would rather play like that with you involved than by himself... be cool try it out if you dont like it go from there
I love the thought of it. It does turn me on. Just disappointed he’s playing alone. And I’ve heard orgasm is intense with male dildo. So how can I measure up?
He's only playing a lone because his fear of your reaction.. and rest assured playing by yourself with a toy is nothing compared to a sexy woman you love
Yes probably. Thank you , I like your response. He does love me A LOT
What do you mean 🤨🤨 that's something weird🤔🤔
What’s weird?
Your saying the make sex toy is weird? It’s even weirder that he did not include me in and tell me
Why he hiding it from you
He's entitled to privacy. Were you snooping? If so, why? It's offensive and intrusive. Obviously he thinks you'll be put off by his personal little secret. If you have any decency you'll go out and get yourself a strap on kit and peg him.
I would dump him i dont find it sexy that a man likes getting it in his behind
The trust thing is an issue of your own making. You told him not to watch porn so he's hiding that, and probably other things from you. Stop being judgmental and insecure so he can feel comfortable being honest with you. That is the only way you are going to have trust in your relationship.
I did not tell him not to watch porn I told him I am not watching with him. Other than that we are very open and talk about everything. If I look at sec toys on line I tell him. I don’t like that he is experiencing something and not talking to me about it. Very simple
Perhaps I misread it because it appears there was a word or two missing in what you wrote but I thought you wrote that you expressed to him that you don’t want him watching porn. That is still fairly common these days despite the fact that almost all men watch porn, and it typically leads to the guy continuing to watch it but hiding it from his partner. That's what I was referring to. Full acceptance breeds full trust, and it needs to be a two-way street.
Do you suspect he uses it on him?
Of course. It’s a male prostate stimulation dildo. I think he should at least tell me he’s got it. Perhaps use with me?
Maybe he is a bit embarrassed, I don't know about it myself, but I hear it's pleasurable for most guys.
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