Soft and delicate girlfriend? How to?

Anonymous

she's very soft and gentle in nature. Unlike my ex would argue and use the feminist card to prove herself right, my current girlfriend is very soft in demeanor. She even looks very kind and soft. When we do have arguments, she does stand for what she says but the moment she sees it escalating, she withdraws and retreats into her shell. She will hold her feelings until she can't take it and then cry a lot. She goes quiet instead of fighting with me.
she's gets hurt very easily. she's even very soft to the touch. I tried to do some kinky stuff with her and she was covered in bruises and all I did was press a bit hard than usual. Even a slight pat to her cheek or arm makes them red.

How do I deal with her?

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Most Helpful Guy

AustinMan Influencer
+1 y
A couple of questions:
1) Does she have a kinky streak?
2) Is she distressed with the bruises from kink or just you?
3) Does she bruise easily all over?
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- Asker
  +1 y
  Yes she bruises easily and she does like and enjoy sex with me But she doesn't say anything.
- AustinMan
  +1 y
  So the first think you need to do is talk to her. It's vital that you be calm, direct, and matter of fact. I suggest that you start with agreeing to fight fair but to not be afraid to disagree. She may have grown up where fights always devolved into shouting matches, slammed doors, and maybe even flying objects. Explain to her that you put a very, very high value on her opinion and preferences and that you need her to stand her ground. That there will be no consequences but that it's absolutely vital that she take up for herself if you're to continue to respect her like you want to. The second topic, IMHO, should be a very inviolate rule: neither of you will EVER weaponize sex or communication. None of this sleeping on the couch or silent treatment. What do you think so far? Feel free to DM me. It might be easier to continue this there.
- Asker
  +1 y
  She has the habit of going quiet and then crying. :/
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- AustinMan
  +1 y
  So that brings up the next question: are you the dominant one sexually?
- Asker
  +1 y
  Yes I'm more dominant. However when she's in the moments, she does take charge and does a few things but overall, I am. more dominant
- AustinMan
  +1 y
  Then you need to be her coach on how to disagree. I suspect she'll be very relieved to know the rules and abide by them. Have you ever heard of domestic discipline?
- Asker
  +1 y
  No what is that?
- AustinMan
  +1 y
  That's an old school of though that's having a resurgence. In that scheme, the head of the household/relationship is the final arbiter and decision maker in cases where there's not a consensus. He (I'm assuming that'll be you) also sets the rules and administers discipline when those rules are broken. How do you think she's react to that system where you set the rules and if she openly or willfully violates them, she gets corporal discipline from you of your choosing?
- Asker
  +1 y
  I don't want to do such things
- AustinMan
  +1 y
  Understood. It's not for everyone. Do you see where I'm going with the rest of it? Just talk to her. Tell her the rules and ask if she can abide by them.