Still a Virgin at 20?

Why am I so ashamed to be a 20 year old Virgin. I am a Virgin by choice so I don't know why such shame. It just makes me feel so insecure and shameful to even tell guys I get close too. I have a new man and I haven't told him I was a Virgin. He's 7 years older than me and very experienced. He's even had a threesome in the past. What if I can't measure to him. What if when he finds out I'm a virgin it turns him completely off. What he looks at me a different way. Why am I even ashamed to be one? And how would I even tell him?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • I'm a 21-year old virgin by choice, and I haven't seen a lot of guys lose interest when they find out. They actually get more interested, and even with girls too. Guys like to ask me dirty things about sex and offer to be my first --seriously, it's some sort of fetish. Girls always ask me how I know I'm not gay and I had a pregnant 19-year old grill me on my life choices for an hour one time before telling me she hopes her daughter turns out like me.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a 20-year old virgin. I get the feeling ashamed thing though because a lot of people judge me for it and accuse me of being super religious or scared of sex or secretly gay, but the truth is I haven't met a guy I wanted to have sex with. I'm not even trying to save myself, I just haven't met anyone that really made me tick and put in the effort to get me to want to drop my pants for him.

    I think another part of your shame probably has to do with all the slut glorification out there. Women are starting to treat female virgins the same way men treat male virgins because more girls are vigorously defending casual sex in the media and in the public eye. I have been shamed for being a virgin online and in real life by people who feel like I'm attacking their sex life by simply stating that I'm a virgin. Don't let those people get you down for an insecurity on their part

  • There's nothing wrong with being a virgin, at any age. Not being a guy I can't exactly say from that perspective, but from mine him being a virgin would be an absolute turn on plus! As a former virgin, I can tell you sex is a learned skill that only comes from having sex. Virgin or not you won't be that amazing lover for a while, you can make up, for it a whole lot by being enthusiastic about having sex with your guy though. You can study up on the subject, read and learn as much as you can without actually doing it until you're actually ready. This includes you doing your homework, finding out what you like, how to have an orgasm by yourself, through self exploration. You're going to have to be absolutely honest with him about you're being a virgin; he will or already knows. Just come right out and tell him, he's not going to dump you for being inexperienced especially if you're honest with him. If you're not, he might think you don't like sex or have problems with sex. So, just tell him.

  • You don't have to be ashamed. It's not something shameful. Be proud of your body. I never heard a guy who rejected or disrespected a virgin. If a guy did that ever, he must be a weird one (no offense).
    Find the appropriate moment, and tell him. If he is experienced is very good, you know? He will know how easy to go and I guess he had virgins before. I was with an experienced guy too for the first time.
    I hope I helped you...😊

Most Helpful Guys

  • Being a virgin is a beautiful thing. Keep yourself for someone who truly loves you, not for your body. Even better, be in a relationship with a guy who has the same values as you, not some so called 'experienced' guy who has had several woman before you to satisfy his many sexual fantasies, and is then deciding to settle for a pure virgin that has kept herself for so long. You deserve better.

    If there is anything to be ashamed of is being a slut. The amount of skanks and sluts out there who have no self-control, opening their legs to losers who probably won't be in their lives in a few months is alarming. Stay pure and wait for someone who truly loves, even better wait till marriage.

  • being a virgin is a huge deal but lemme tell you this your pure untouched really and you should be proud of that your like a diamon in the ground untouched so pure and natural i think virgins are good it shows restraint only thing is if he isn't patient then he will be upset that he has to teach you but if he likes you then it won't be a big deal for him at all embrace your virginity cause when its gone its gone and thats it so dont even sweat it i would love to be with a virgin before i die lol

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 12
  • Being a virgin at age 20 is nothing and not any sort of problem. Please get back to us for diagnosis if you're still a virgin at age 30 or 40.

  • If you're a virgin by choice and man does not respect the commitment & dedication to make it happen, his morals are questionable and his candidacy should be questioned as well.

  • Your new man should respect that you are one, and work accordingly.
    If he doesn't accomodate for the fact that you haven't lost your virginity, he really isn't a very good guy.

  • Your not ashamed your just insecure and nervous about it. You don't want that to be the reason you lose him. Just simply tell him that your waiting until your, get married, engaged, long term... What ever your going for. Good luck with things dear.

  • Virginity literally means nothing and it's so overhyped. It's probably the least important thing anyone should worry themselves with.

  • It's okay, i lost mines at 21 and didn't even care before that. And most guys don't even gaf really. Some actually like the fact that you don't sleep around and you're taking care of yourself. Don't think of it as a bad thing.

  • You're a girl, no one cares if you're a virgin at 20.

  • You have to figure out why you're ashamed. As far as telling guys, you don't have to worry there. Nothing bad is going to come from it. Most (almost all guys), especially if they really care for you (and not just looking for sex) are not going to care about this AT ALL, in fact, even like/appreciate that. It's all in your head and you have nothing to worry about. As far as telling the guy, just do it. "I'm a virgin", nothing to be scared of.

  • pm me i am in the exact same position. also 20 with a vcard...

    • Ok! Sure will

  • I am 21 still virgin, don't be shamed keep it for your real man, guys like virgin girls. My man always tells me that he's glad that he's the first guy I'm going to sleep with and lose my virginity to after we get married.

  • don't worry girl I'm in your shoes. I'm a virgin by choice and I ain't a shame of it, being a virgin its like your greatest treasure from your self because u care for your body.😊 I'm 18 and never had a boyfriend, kiss, or 1st date!😅 you don't have to force your self to lose your virginity wait for it till the right time. enjoy yourself and life date as many guys and some guys prefer girls who are virgins becuz they like the way they care and respect themselves. 😊

  • Our society puts so much pressure on people to have sex as soon as possible. What happened to waiting until the right time? 20 is quite young and it should not be at all unusual to be a virgin at 20.

  • Why are you ashamed? You shouldn't feel like you need to lose it just to be accepted by a group of certain people. You need to know that being a virgin isn't that big of a deal.

  • There's nothing to be ashamed of

  • Lol.. I don't think most guys want experienced chicks. I prefer virgins and it turns me off if she had a lot of sexual partners in the past.

  • i am 29 still virgin
    there is nothing to be ashamed yourself

  • There's nothing wrong with that.

  • Being a virgin isn't really bad to your defense it is but in reality not really. You just kept yourself saved for someone and it might be him. I'll think he won't take it harshly but its a pressure bec if you give your virginity to him then probably in his mind he would think differently towards you (in a good way) and that will let him know not to mess around bec of the "Gift" you saved for him.

  • i love virgin girls. Thats much more better.
    why are you ashamed of that? you must be proud of that

  • If a guy care more about what's b/w ur legs than ur lovely personality and smile then just kick him out. There is nothing wrong for being a virgin, u don't have to feel pressure into losing it. Ur smarter for keeping it and not loosing it at 13 (the average age "everyone" loses it)