Stopped having sex because of his porn usage?

Question

My husband knows how I feel about it. He made me believe he doesn't like it anyways and would never do anything to compromise our sex life or to hurt my feelings.

He can't stop. He keeps lying and hiding it. He makes exuses not to have sex. Most of our sex ends up with him stopping and saying "i don't know if I can finish. Sorry." Or if he does he immediately goes to the bathroom and washes himself.

I told him I dont care if he watches it anymore but I dont want to have sex with him anymore. It only makes things harder for us. It makes me feel insecure because he gets irritated when I dont like anal or am not flexible or whatever else.

It makes me feel used and like sex to him is not out of love. He makes me feel like im ugly. He doesn't even like to look at me naked. I dont know what to do.

I dont want to have sex with him and my sex drive itself is non existant now. I sort of hate myself and have grown bitter.

PrudentGuy · Accepted Answer

Usually, I'll side with guys because we guys are truly visual creatures.

But reading your details, I think your husband has an addiction and is causing friction to your marriage. This is wrong.

But I think stopping sex is not the solution.

This is because it will cause him to look elsewhere and worse, start affairs.

May I suggest (ya, suggest, you decide):

1) keep you sex alive

2) but cultivate intimacy, trust and vulnerability for each other.

3) don't forbid porn, but instead ask him to show you what he likes.

In this way, you can see how you may satisfy him sexually.

No, not to follow the acts there, but understand WHY he likes them and HOW to help him overcome those desires.

Key principle: know his needs and then appeal to his senses that you need his attention too.

Be patient and understanding. I'm a guy. I know how weak emotionally I could be. And to win him, appeal to his heart because you're his wife.

Hope this suggestion can help.

ThomasTKay · Accepted Answer

This is unfortunately a prime example of why porn destroys love and true intimate relationships. It’s also a prime example of how males are rewired by porn and fashion to never see a woman normally, and always requiring her to unnaturally modify her body to some fictitious form of so called perfection. Or how sex can’t even be normal with all the sick violent, anal, and oral only sex.

Paris13 · Accepted Answer

He has a porn problem. Porn addict. He needs help. He is ruining your marriage and your own self esteem for la la land garbage. Tell him to go with you to get help or you will send him permanently to Porn Hub---Forever more.

Bad_Man55 · Answer

I see no reason to watch porn when you have a SO that is willing to have sex with you. If I want sex I'm going to my SO first if for some reason she turns it down then yea porn is the next step but porn would never trump the real thing

GermanGuy87 · Answer

I think watching porn is a form of cheating in some ways, I also think he can stop

Makeushiver · Answer

You should get in touch with me. I watch porn but it\s not skin on skin

CikaZivan · Answer

Porn addiction is not easy to cure. Try to be a bit understanding. It took me a year to stop watchin porn completely.

Cassieb12 · Answer

What about watching it together

Wise4myage · Answer

Your husband is addicted to porn and unless he admits it and seeks professional help, than nothing will change. He can't finish in you because he'd rather masturbate to some other woman.