The Better Blowjob: A How-to Guide [Part 1]

I've been writing a series on dating, relationships, and sexuality.

Next up: The Better Blowjob: A How-to Guide

So, What’s So Great About Blowjobs? 🎇

Well, it’s one thing he can't do for himself. Hand jobs, he’s a pro. He knows exactly what he likes so it’s going to be nearly impossible to do it technically better than he does for himself. (Fun fact: Men produce significantly higher levels of testosterone when touched by someone else, as opposed to themselves.) This is why they sometimes switch hands away from their regular dominant hand... to give a feeling of someone new. It feels unfamiliar, and new is good. He knows how to touch himself, but his touch can never replace the connection, novelty, and unpredictability of yours.

But blowjobs are a whole different animal. And a mouth provides the perfect natural lubricant. So many men say there’s nothing like a blowjob... if done well. Is there a difference? Yes. It’s nice of some to say, “There’s no bad blowjobs” but it’s not exactly true, is it? What do all good blowjobs need? Enthusiasm and desire. But a truly great one requires knowledge, skill, and a highly attuned understanding of timing. As well, each man is different, a different challenge, and isn't that part of the fun?

The Better Blowjob: A How-to Guide [Part 1]

Does Every Man Want a Blowjob? Apparently Not 🚱

Why? Sometimes because of prior trauma, either physical or psychological (watch the teeth, ladies.) Perhaps he’s not entirely comfortable with his body. Or there could be guilt or shame associated with sex and pleasure. And religious beliefs. He may genuinely prefer to give than receive (why?)

But almost every guy does want them, and if he doesn’t, and you are willing and wanting to make him happy, see if you can get to the bottom of exactly why, and make sure that he knows he could be missing out on some very pleasurable... pleasure. It’s obviously his choice in the end, don't push him if he's adamant, but you may want to carefully investigate, see if it's physical, psychological, or just simply that he's never found the right girl.

To Surprise or To Plan? ⏰

So you’ve got two choices: 1. Give him a 'head's up' about what's in store for him later, or 2. Surprise him on the spot.

The earlier you tell him, the longer you make him wait (say he’s at work, and late afternoon you send a sexy text telling him what you plan to do to him; or better yet, send a cryptic photo to give just a hint), the more time he has to imagine, and imagination is one of the most powerful tools we possess.

On the other hand, you don't want to give the poor guy 'blue balls' and get a hard-on at work with no easy way to relieve himself, so timing is key. Enough for him to anticipate, but not so much that it literally becomes painful to wait.

Photo by: Tomasz Zienkiewicz. She waits for him to return...

Don't Forget the Visuals 👀

The goal is to stimulate body and mind. So put on something slinky and make it accessible, or maybe just one of his crisp white button-down shirts (one of the most fantasized-about ideas by men), and be ready, should the impulse 'arise.'

Ladies, You're in Charge 🏇

It's your show, your gift to him. Unless you’re very inexperienced and want a high level of direction, or very experienced as a couple and want role-play, he should not force your head down, or call the shots (well... he can call one shot.) But this is about him. Make him the star, make him feel desired, make him feel special. You know men love sex, but what you may not know or may have forgotten, is that men also equate sex with love. It connects and makes them feel closer to the one they love. They can have sex without love, obviously, but with the one they love, sex is an absolutely integral part of their connection to you. Blowjobs make him feel de-stressed, powerful, and more bonded to you. There are plenty of exceptions and nameless hookups, yes, but those are not the type of blowjobs I'm talking about. These are leisurely, lavish, and completely indulgent.

"Remember that sex is ideally a holistic integration of emotional desire and intimacy, intellectual spark and creativity, sensual pleasure and physical arousal. The best sex fuses and builds on all these dimensions. And the way to achieve this with a man is to make him realize you are turned on by him being turned on, that you do not want to rush through it or let him take control. Let him know that you want to make him wait, savour, and enjoy; that you want to know exactly what he wants and plan to use it against him without mercy; that you will tease, taunt, titillate, nibble, suck, and stroke him until he cannot take another second. You will take your time playing with him, and then, if he is very, very good and asks extremely nicely, perhaps in due course you will... set... him... free." - Ian Kerner, PhD

Men: Your Role in This 🛌

-> Come correct. Keep it nice. Shower, shave, keep it reasonably groomed, and don’t come knocking when you know things aren't fresh and clean, please. You don't want to ever turn a girl off and leave her with a lasting memory like this, or anything that would deter her from wanting to offer it often. Here's some good news that should make you happy - in a survey of women, 'Which matters more - a big penis or a clean penis?' Clean won, hands down. You see how one you can change, and one you cannot? Remember Reinhold Niebuhr's “Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” So 'don't sweat the small stuff' (see how I managed to combine both into one? hee hee) Make the effort where the effort counts, and honestly, put that other concern out of your mind. Any woman who makes you feel badly about that is simply not worth your emotional energy. But do make effort where it counts; and in this case, your effort shall be appreciated. (And P.S. Most women will be happy with trimmed and a bit of manscaping. Fully natural, and fully shaved, tend to fall on the outer parameters of preference, but many like those too.)

-> Don't be bossy. The best gifts are the ones that are offered willingly and magnanimously, so please don't ruin it by being overly forceful or trying to dictate her every move. If she asks what you would like, tell her, but if she doesn't, let her try it her way, ok? If it hurts say "ouch"; if you're not sure, stay silent; and if it feels great, make some noise! Does she want to hear you? Yes. The answer is always yes.

-> Other than that, you don't need to do a thing. This is a gift to you and all you need to do is lie back and enjoy the show. If you want to touch, touch. (We love it when you run your hands through our hair.) If you want to return the favour, maybe later. But in this moment, you have no responsibilities. None. Nada. Zip. Isn't that nice?

How to Begin 🟢 🏎

Your man may be clothed or unclothed, but my recommendation is that you undress him. This becomes part of his experience and helps to convey you are taking care of him in every way. Remember, it's body and mind.

Layer by layer, unwrap him like a present. Work top down. Build anticipation. Don't rush. If his hands start to move, gently push them to the side, tell him, "Shhhhhh..." and maintain your directive. You, or he, may want to quicken the pace, but speed doesn't build anticipation. Longing creates desire, desire creates arousal, arousal creates fire, and prolonged arousal creates better orgasms. There are so many things we rush through in life. This shouldn't be one of them.

Kiss him. Kiss everywhere. Kiss the boundaries between clothing and skin. Tug at them but don't immediately remove them. Kiss your way down, down to his pants, his belt, his boxer briefs. Now use your teeth. Remove the next layer. Grab hold of the leather belt with your teeth... pull. Now the pants, slowly down, flung, banished. Almost there. Now tease. Put your mouth and warm breath over his pelvis and slowly, deeply, exhale. He'll feel the heat through the fabric. Look at him. He is watching you. I guarantee it.

If you are lucky enough to catch him soft, you may experience him grow under your breath. But it is more likely that by now he is erect and filling out his shorts, pushing hard against the waist band and restraints. Pull them down slightly, but not fully. Elongate, make him wait. It’s a journey, not a sprint.

Freedom. You decide when and how to give it.

Now nuzzle the waist band, hover, and decide how to gain entry - will it be pulling them down, or going through the fly, or maybe down one leg hole of his shorts. Take a taste, give him a taste (maybe not much more) and only when you are ready, and you think he is ready, remove them. Once he is uncovered you are on your way...

"Enthusiasm. Love it. That is THE best thing. Sex is mostly mental for men too. If you love giving it to me I won't care one bit about your technique. I'll love it regardless. Same goes for sex in general."

"When it comes to giving a blowjob 'correctly' and him finding it super hot, enthusiasm trumps all. Whatever you're doing, looking like you're enjoying yourself will make it feel a million times better. So just look like you're really into it, ideally actually be into it, and you're halfway there! The mental aspect of knowing the girl has your dick in her mouth and is not only genuinely enjoying herself, but wants to do what she can to let you enjoy it, will make ANY guy feel like a king way more than any porn-star quality techniques."

Technique

The first touch sends shivers throughout his body. The pace is slow. Touch is light and sporadic. This is vital. I suggest beginning with one long, slow, lick, from the very base or lower - even as low as the perineum aka taint, all the way up. Then perhaps little kisses, vertically up the shaft. Next maybe a sweeping motion with the tongue, followed by little nips with lips only. Then a long, slow, slide of the tongue, up, then back down the shaft, around the other side. Press your tongue against his urethra. Now swirl your tongue directly beneath the cockhead, passing over the frenulum, and press into the vein. Take just the head in your mouth briefly, stopping at the corona. Stand him at the edge of the cliff. Don't suck. Simply hold it there and let it soak in the wet warmth of your tongue. Tease him. To tease him is to please him. Pull your mouth completely off and see how long it takes for him to pull you back. In this early stage, touch should be soft, delicate, and controlled. Use gentle touch and be exploratory.

He may instinctively encourage you to grab hold, suck, speed things along, but do not follow his lead, do not make the mistake, as many do, of going straight to stroking, thinking that's what he wants or that he knows best - he has a routine and is often beholden to it for efficiency sake, but this does not necessarily create the best outcome. This is not about efficiency, the 'biggest bang for [his] buck', shortcuts or how to get there as quickly as possible. (If he refuses compliance: bondage. Restraints will quickly resolve the dispute.) Hold your ground and remain in charge.

You may hint at an expectation of rhythm, but don't take action yet. Pausing and pulling back create tension. Think of his body as an erogenous landscape to be explored. You create heat through touch. Focus on keeping the upper and lower body connected. Create hot zones and warm zones simultaneously. Engaging multiple zones ignites more nerve endings and increases anticipation (especially when one of those zones is the penis.)

First, A Little Anatomy Lesson

The most sensitive part, by far, is the #frenulum and the ring just down from the #corona. But do not go straight for it. You must build to it.

Corona: The flared ridge right where the head meets the shaft.

Frenulum: Often referred to as 'the sweet spot', the underside of the penis just below the #glans. Touching it creates a tensing of the body, bucking of the hips, a #kegel contraction. Stroking it with rhythmic stimulation creates unparalleled pleasure. This is integral to him being able to cum. This area begs to be teased. Use a single finger to lightly pet it, like the space between a cat's eyes. Do it correctly, and he will #purr.

#Perineum/aka #Taint: The spot between the anus and scrotum/ball sac, called t'ain't because "it t'ain't one or the other." This is a highly sensitive and pleasurable area. It rarely sees the light of day, or attention, and is an area rife with nerve endings and erectile tissue that swells during arousal.

Urethra: #Urine and #ejaculate both pass through the urethra. A muscle, or sphincter, near the neck of the bladder holds urine until ready to urinate. During orgasm, the muscle contracts to keep ejaculate from entering the bladder. This allows it to flow through the urethra and out the tip of the penis.

#Scrotum: aka ball sac. Holds the #testicles.

Shaft: The #shaft itself does not have as many nerve endings as the tip, but paying attention to the entire entire area as a whole feels good and builds anticipation.

Note: If he is not #circumcised, you'll need to gently slide the foreskin back to expose the head.

For the Well-Endowed Man

You’re going to have your hands and mouth full on this one. They do tend to get ‘the short end of the stick’, ironically. They tend to be seen as having #hookupdick not so easily #relationshipdick. At least, lucky for them, most of the sensitivity is located just below the tip, so this is always reachable. But in order to make up for what you can’t fit in your mouth (or maybe even vagina), make your hands do magic. Both hands.

"My dick is pretty girthy so I am okay with a girl only taking the head into her mouth with maybe a little more or not, if she strokes it thats good too. But most who have gone down on me would play with their teeth to be sexy, rub their nails on the head which hurts like hell or would do really really quick bobbing motions which would drag their teeth on it. I think I would love a girl who could go down on me not necessarily take it all in, but strokes it a good amount while sucking on the head and kissing my shaft a bit (Love that)."

For the Not-So-Well-Endowed Man

All the same techniques apply, except that instead of using two hands, or all fingers, you can use fewer fingers, and spread out the remainder to take hold of the scrotum and base. The #gagreflex still applies, but the mouth can get closer to the penis base, and smaller men actually benefit when it comes to deep-throating, where they feel more completely enveloped.

Back to Technique

All blowjobs should include a combination of mouth + hands. The penis head benefits from licking, kissing, nibbling, and sucking. Although the shaft also loves all of those things, it is less sensitive, and benefits most from stroking. But stroking comes after, once the pump is primed. And remember - hands can do much more than stroke only up and down. Experiment, such as squeezing, palpating, tugging, and even a little slap (of the tongue, not the hand - unless he's been bad, of course.) It's an invigorating little wake-up call.

“The other night this girl grabbed my dick and stuck her tongue out and slapped my dick against her tongue. It was incredible.”

You want to engage the entire pelvic area. Use not just one hand at a time, but periodically both. Try a double hand erotic massage using a calming yet unpredictable pattern. Graze his shaft with fingertips only. Palpate up the shaft and flutter up and over the tip (he may tell you it feels like woodland creatures have suddenly entered the room. 🐿🐿) Next, a gentle twisting, corkscrew motion, alternating hands, and directions. Find a rhythm, and then vary it. (At this point, it's safe to do so. He is not yet near the brink.)

Take his shaft between your fingers and squeeze at different positions, culminating at the glans. You'll notice his veins swell - top, underside, lower scrotum, dorsal, and head with frenulum. Squeezing pushes blood down from the tip and temporarily decreases ejaculation inevitability. Try pressing the flat side of your fingernails against the shaft. Now place a single wet finger on the frenulum. Gently trail your fingertips along the perineum, or even farther back. All these different forms of touch and pressure stimulate receptors in different ways and create different sensations. Focus on building tension. The more you disperse this tension throughout his body, the more shatteringly intense the orgasm will be. I personally like, "Omg, I'm going to pass out..." and consider that the penultimate feedback.

Seriously, despite what you may hear about this or that "technique," the hottest thing is just to be really into it. Make eye contact. Act like you really want to be doing it. You don't have to deep throat to give a great blowjob. Use lots of spit, change up what you're doing from time to time, give yourself breaks, and play with his balls. Don't put pressure on yourself to give the "perfect" blowjob.

"There’s no right or wrong thing. Just try things your comfortable in doing and see how he responds or communicates to you. Like for me I love nice slow sensual blowjobs, and not fast throat fucking porn style for example. It means more to me that she’s taking her time with me, making eye contact and enjoying it too. I like when she wraps a hand around my shaft and jerks me slowly while sucking, and she takes her other hand and massages my balls, or lightly scratches my shaft or balls or underneath. But whatever is working, have fun and enjoy it. Believe me, as a guy, it all feels good!"

Wet? Always. 💧 Sloppy? Not Necessarily 💦

Never a dry mouth. Keeping it moist is paramount (especially once rhythmic stroking begins.) Saliva... lots and lots of saliva. Have a glass of water handy. Or better yet, anything you like to drink. Citric acid works well to increase salivating. Periodically take small sips to wet the mouth and refresh the palate. If those aren't enough, pull out the lube (water-based are best.) It's slippery, silky smooth and adds intensity, particularly if you add flavoured or tingling versions. Pro tip: Less is more; unless you're wanting to decrease his sensitivity and elongate the finale.

Sloppy? Look, everyone has a personality that is specific to them. And just like how some people are more neat and orderly and how they approach things, so too are their blowjobs. On the other hand, there are men who like life unbridled and messy, and their blowjobs to reflect that as well. Whichever style you both prefer, wet, wet, wet, always wet. All humans come with a handy built-in feature: saliva, and there’s nothing that’s a better natural lubricant. Well, actually there is one thing better. So, if you feel like dipping into that well, take his shaft in one hand and gently glide his glans, just the tip, to massage your labia. You will be at the precipice of thrusting him inside you, but hold the position and linger as long as you can. Delayed gratification always has a bigger payout than immediate. So my vote is nay on spitting, yay on all others, but of course it's dealer's choice.

Cont'd...

The Better Blowjob: A How-to Guide [Part 2]

What Girls & Guys Said

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krin_m Guru
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This is very impressive!
Very nicely written!

Thank you!
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- AmandaYVR
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  Thanks, krin!
Smf1989 Guru
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Very nice
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Anonymous
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Wow... that was good
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Anonymous
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All good techniques but we also like when they keep sucking while we are cumming and swallow it all and lightly squeeze the shaft between the fingers while sliding their fingers from the base up for that last drop to lick off
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