Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
Being a male... what is that like, especially compared to being a female? Perhaps one common thing that each gender does on occasion is to attempt to place themselves in the shoes of their chromosomal counterparts and try to envisage what it may be like to be one of them. Well, here is my personal account of being in a male's shoes, specifically when it comes to sexual desire. This is mostly anecdotal, so as always some of it may apply in general, while some of it may not.
Sexual desire: my early onset
Now, unlike most normal people, I developed sexual feelings very early on. I started masturbating at the age of 7, which is abnormally young to begin such a physiologically mature activity. I don't know why that happened, but nevertheless it seemed harmless and rather enjoyable. I would do this on most nights in bed before I slept, and I remember it being heavily based on the kinds of visual stimulus I encountered that day. For example, if I saw a girl in a bikini whilst watching TV, then I would rely on my photographic memory to reproduce that image in my mind as I masturbated, and that this would directly feed into and build my sexual pleasure.
Fast-forward to teenagehood and, unsurprisingly, my sex drive increased and I began masturbating multiple times a day. It became a habit, something I couldn't really get away from. Then came university, and this time I was at the absolute monumental peak of my sex drive. Now imagine that you meet each of the following criteria:
a) You're aroused visually - aka by looking 👀
b) You have an excessively high sex drive.
c) You get turned on instantaneously - like flicking on a light switch - rather than as a gradual build up.
d) Once you are turned on, the only real way to make it go away is to have an orgasm, otherwise it just gets stronger and stronger and becomes insatiable.
e) You require zero emotional connection to be turned on or to be sexually attracted to someone.
f) The gender that you're attracted to has a very high percentage of good-looking people. And,
g) You live in an environment where the gender that you're attracted to walk around in the most revealing, seductive and downright inappropriate clothing.
The question is: How do you think that would affect you?
My answer: Relentless, constant, and incessant bombardment of spontaneous sexual urges that take over your life and make it near impossible to get anything done. You basically become a slave to your testosterone, and masturbation, or even sex, becomes more about the "release" than the entertainment, more about "flushing" out the urge to have sex just so you can be able to get on with your daily life and do normal things.
It's a ceaseless battle - one that's difficult to overcome - and something that on most days just feels like a curse, or even a form of torture.
And it doesn't help when women don't seem to understand your point of view.
No offense, but girl logic is simply retarded..
One thing that undoubtedly exacerbated and aggravated my ongoing battle with lust and sexual desire is women's attitude and logic, or, lack thereof, on this issue.
Some women seem to think that as long as their genitals are not visible, then their outfit is not revealing, or cannot be viewed or regarded as something sexual. This is complete and utter nonsense - the majority of a woman's sex appeal emanates from her breasts and her ass, not from her vagina. Guys don't even watch porn to look at vaginas, at least not as much as we do to look at breasts and ass.
Girls seem to have this bizarre habit of wearing clothes that quite obviously expose, draw out and accentuate their lady bits, then get mad when guys stare at them or become lustful towards them. It seems open and deliberate, and highly nonsensical.
Adding to this, women also seem unable to grasp the concept that skin-tight clothes are revealing. "But my skin isn't showing!", they'll say. So to try and facilitate some understanding, consider the following analogy:
It's your birthday! Yayy! And I'm such a good friend of yours that I wanna buy you a present! (Hooray! 😃) I decide to buy you a coffee table, but I also decide to wrap it in completely tight, form-fitting gift wrap. Now when I go to give it to you and you look at it, are you seriously gonna have no idea what the gift is until you take the gift wrap off? Or will you know right away exactly what the gift is, AND almost exactly what it's gonna look like (apart from the color), even without unwrapping it? The answer, I'm sure, is the latter, right? So the question is, why?
Answer: Because form-fitting coverings completely expose the shape, size, form, and outline of whatever it is that they're covering, having the same effect as simply giving the thing a coat of paint. As such, when a girl wears skin-tight leggings, for example, I can see every detail of her lower body: the shape and thickness of her legs, the size and shape of her ass, the exact outline, contours and curvature of her hips and ass cheeks, the way her ass moves and jiggles as she walks, what kind of panties she's wearing underneath, and even her cameltoe - the outline of her vagina. Get the point? Tight clothes are revealing. In fact, highly so, akin to bare nakedness. Covering and concealing are two different things.
Human Factors: An analogy
Before undertaking my current mathematics degree, I was studying aviation, and one of my subjects was called, "Human Factors in Aviation". During my first lecture, the lecturer said, "Human factors has many definitions, but the simplest and most common one is:
"Human Factors is fitting the task to the human.""
Now picture this hypothetical scenario:
A chair manufacturing company produces a brand new chair for the market. After a month of sales, they receive many complaints that the chair's design is causing back pain to the customers who bought it. Now, you're the one in charge of the company. Do you:
a) Assess the direct cause of the back pain and redesign the chairs to suit the shape and form of the human spine. Or
b) Keep the chairs as they are and tell the customers to have a back operation that alters their spine to suit the shape of the chair?
Anyone with at least two functioning brain cells would choose option a), right? This is precisely what human factors is all about - fitting the task to the human, not fitting the human to the task.
Now what does this have to do with male sexuality and women's dress? Well, same underlying concept. You have males that are visually aroused - something constant that cannot be changed - and you have the various outfits that women wear - something variant that can easily be changed. So to help curb lust and being sexually distracted in social or work settings, do you tell men to suppress their own involuntary nature and proclivities (the constant), or do you tell women to dress more appropriately (the variable) - thus fitting the task to the human? I will let you decide which one you think makes more sense.
I will also just quickly relay the results of a survey that was in a newspaper I read during my freshman year of uni, which found that 73% of men who worked in an office environment did not like the way the women at their work dressed because they found it too distracting. So this isn't just an issue related to me, other guys seem to have the same feelings as well.
And before you say, "It's not my problem if men get aroused", well, likewise, it's not our problem if random guys keep leering at you and catcalling you, or hooking up with you only for you to find out that they only ever wanted you for your body, and nothing more.
This is more about being mindful and considerate to the opposite sex, rather than playing a blaming game (apologies if it doesn't seem like it).
Women are NOT as visual as men are, stop saying that they are.
Women tend to believe that it's some sort of sexist and prejudiced double standard that women are expected to cover up, while men not so much. You have to understand that this is based solely on the realistic disparity between male and female sexuality: Men are visual, women are not (at least not nearly as much).
Most women prefer to read erotica than to watch porn, and the stories that they get off to are completely centered around what the guy is DOING to the girl, and how the girl is FEELING. It barely even touches on what the guy looks like since this is not as paramount to the woman's arousal as the woman's looks are to men's arousal (otherwise, they'd just watch porn like us, right?)
So ladies, please stop trying to claim that you're just as visual as men are when all of the evidence points to the contrary.
"Why not just get a girlfriend? There, problem solved."
Yeah, I mean that probably would have helped make the whole situation and ordeal a lot more manageable (presumably), but getting a girlfriend is not like walking up to an apple tree in a garden and picking out an apple, right? It takes a lot of things, there are many factors, many constraints, many obstructions, etc, so it's not always something that's within everybody's reach at any given time.
The good news..
My sex drive has thankfully died down a whole lot compared to what it used to be. I'm more in control, can get things done, and can focus on whatever I want to focus on. My marks in high school were in the high 90s, then they dropped to the 60s and 70s in my first few years of uni (due to my exceedingly high sex drive), and now they're back to being in the high 90s. So it's looking good 👌 I also published a book a couple of years ago and am in the process of writing my second 😄
Thanks for reading, and let me know if you've experienced the same sort of things growing up, or if you now better understand the struggle that a lot of men (and I suppose women) go through.
Laterz
What Girls & Guys Said
12 26I feel you Brother. You are 100% Right
Thanks, bro
Well put friend.
Women watch porn too. And it's just as varied as what men watch.
Only 1/4 of porn viewership is female, the rest prefer to read erotica. And compared to men, women actually show a strong preference for porn/erotica that's violent and degrading towards the girl, while men's preferences tend to be more varied instead.
Just because women wear outfits showing cleavage doesn't give people the right to catcall them or sexually harass them. Do they deserve criticism? Potentially if the conversation is civil. Is it an open invitation for sexual assault? No.
We all have our cross to bear
MyTake of the year.
Thanks!
We all have sex drives to some degree it seems.
I might be a bit young but it doesn't help that girls at the age of 14 and up are starting to wear revealing clothes, I was in class yesterday and there was a girl who was wearing dress shorts and a crop top, and dress shorts are so short and tight you might as well call them panties. I don't get turned on as much to other girls since I have a girlfriend but it's super annoying to see these young girls wearing really provocative clothing and expecting people to not care
Yep, my biggest confusion (and I suppose frustration) is when women wear revealing clothes in professional places of learning. Like, if it's at a party, different story. But I just don't get the point of them coming to school dressed in clothes that can barely be called clothes. It doesn't benefit anyone nor serve any real purpose.
It gets real confusing when they're wearing the booty shorts and crop tops when it's snowing them complain about being cold. I don't know who they're tryna impress cause everyone just thinks it's stupid.
@Lizardd Haha, it doesn't snow where I live but I can imagine it would be pretty silly for girls to do that lol
Lol when i was in gr9 shit was fkd... I didn't get anything done the girls dressed like literal whores
@Shamalien Yeah it's tough trying to concentrate whilst have THAT in every direction you look
We can wear what we want. Stop being like an animal and learn to cotrol you stupid instincs
What do you mean by not expecting people to not care when a girl wear a revealing clothing? I also think men should cover their face if they are ugly. I can't stand them. They are disgusting. Women are hypergamy and more visual. For women only 20% of men are attractive. The rest can die 'cause they are ugly. So? If you want to follow your instincs blindly, I also want to follow my instincs.
They would just lean on the desk with their tits in my face and say ‘can u do my homework’ and i would say no, cause i have respect for myself, but my cock would vehemently disagree loool
@Shamalien funny fanatasy
@kim45456 lol what fantasy that was my gr9 year
i have two balls
My man kudos for having the courage to put it up
Cheers
I dress for myself. I dress in things that make me feel confident and/or comfortable. Some women like to look sexy. It doesn't mean they're open to being harassed. Maybe she likes looking sexy for herself. Maybe she has a man at home she likes looking sexy for. No matter the reason, bothering someone because of how they're dressed (even if they're naked) is not okay. Clothing or lack thereof is not an invitation. There are polite ways to ask a woman out and her clothing is not permission to just disregard that. Your sex drive is not a woman's responsibility to manage.
Have you heard the phrase: "Don't play with the cat if you don't wanna get scratched"? If you don't like being harassed, then don't present yourself in a way that invites that sort of attention. That's not the same thing as excusing the men's harassment, nor is it the same thing as claiming that by dressing that way it must mean that you're purposefully seeking to be harassed. Just like when you play with a cat, you're not doing it to get scratched, BUT if you do get scratched, you can't then just go and get mad and only blame the cat, right? You should have known what you were getting yourself into. I personally think it's largely the male's responsibility to manage their sex drives, yes, but given that it can take a heavy toll on men when women unnecessarily dress nakedly, and that it can all be made MUCH easier simply by women being a little more considerate and mindful, I think it's reasonable to at least suggest that women help share some of the responsibility, since a small difference to them can make a big difference to us. But again, this is simply a suggestion, and I've given plenty of good reasons why I think it's valid. Lastly, if a woman wants to look sexy for her man at home, what does wearing revealing clothing to work or at school have anything to do with it? If she's out with her man and is dressed like that for him, sure, but women do it even while at work and I fail to see a need or benefit from that.
I'm sorry but I completely disagree with you. I can dress how I want. You have no say in it and if men get a hard on over a little cleavage or my gym clothes then it's still not my problem. Don't harass me for being comfortable and don't try to take my choices away because of your own personal issues. And the at home thing, it's like if you have a guy who comes home wearing a suit. People are attracted to different things and that's just how they are. Why would she go out and wear clothes and then come home and change into something sexy? That's silly. Some guys like knowing that's theirs. Not that men own women or vice versa of course. So yeah, well just have to disagree.
This kind of thinking is nice and idealistic but will most likely put you in a situation you didn't want in the real world... You can not actually dress however you like in a modern society with laws... Should you be allowed to dress how you like? that's debatable. I agree with the general premise of the OP point but not directly with the angles he's taken, but your response nevernight shows a complete lack of empathy to even try and take in some of the message he's trying to put across. I do not believe he's trying to restrict what women do or wear but asking them to be a bit more mindful and give insight into one of the male struggles. I'm sure women would love for men to also be more mindful on certain issues we might have not have been aware of.
@kay02 Thanks, I feel like you kinda get me
@aa180 no problem man, just keep reminding yourself what your actual goals are, to which 99% of the time, girls are a distraction to. At least if you are just looking for sex. The more driven you become and the more active steps you take to reach the goal, the easier ignoring these urges become. Then you enter part 2 of this dilemma when girls throw themselves at you because you no longer crave them 😂. Honestly you sound like a smart dude. Stay focused on yourself and you'll find find a loyal girl that will help with your life goals and desires.
You completely missed the point lmao Did u read the whole thing?
I don’t think women will ever be able to understand male sexual behavior because as you said, us men are way more visual than women. Even the few women who claim to be visual, are nowhere near as visual as men. They don’t desire sex just by looking at a shirtless man at the beach. While us guys will start lusting after a hot woman in a bikini.
Despite the the token protests, there is a fairly good portion of women who take a guy getting hard just by looking at them as a compliment.
It's just not socially acceptable to admit it.
Anyway, this was a great read. Thanks.
... the only thing that surprised me was the assumption you have that women don't watch porn. A lot of women love it.
Thanks. That's kind of new to me that many girls would take it as a compliment, but yeah you don't really hear about it haha. Oh, I'm aware that women watch porn, just that statistically speaking, only 1/4 of porn viewership is female, while 3/4 is male. Clearly that's indicative of men being more visual than women, and I know that erotica is MUCH more popular among women than porn is ("romance" novels are almost exclusively bought and read by women, for example, and it's a billion dollar industry). So that's what I meant by women not watching porn.
Just because you can't handle your sexual drive women dont have to face the consequences. We can wear what we want.
Okay so just because you don't feel like changing your clothing (which you have control over), men don't have to face the consequences, we can stare at women's bodies as much as we want.
As soon as you dont touch these women or make stupid comments about them, you can do what you want. And everyone stares at someone outside. So it is normal. I am actually modest and get still stares but dont mind it 'cause I do it too haha
@kim45456 what if the guy wants to keep staring at you so he follows you around the streets?
Haha that would be so funny. Actually following is creepy but i would talk to him and troll him
It has never happen to me but if i know he is not going to attack me or dont do something bad to me, i dont have a problem with it. But many other women would not like it 'cause it seems creepy.
@kim45456 well I guess that's fair enough haha And thanks for being modest xD it's attractive and nice lmao
You are thanking me for being modest? it is actually not my choice but you are welcome.
Well just a suggestion, keep it that way :3
What a great advice haha. To be honest I dont want to wear something which reveals my cleavage or ass but i really want to wear cute mini skirts, crop-tops or normal shorts (not tight and not too short ones) etc.
Well did you try mini-skirts with non-transparent tights? Or crop tops with a t-shirt under them?
No i dont but Crops tops with a t-shirt under it seems funny to me hahah. But what is the point of wearing crop top then. But thank you for your advice! You seems cute but you dont have to help me.
But I want to helppp xD
How about this
Crop top and T-shirt :3
Be creativeee xD
Sorry I just have a thing for modest girls and I like their quiet sexiness, so I try to spread the message as much as possible haha
Oh i like the outfit!
Ikr! It's cute haha, would look good on you of course :3