Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
My brother is 25. And he is still a virgin. He doesn't hide this fact nor is he ashamed of it. And he's never been in any rush to lose it or see doing such as important. He's not preoccupied with his virginity or concerned about when he'll give it up - he basically has the attitude that it'll go when the time comes. I can say that I've always admired this about him, and admired him not caring a big deal about sex.
But other adult male virgins aren't so secure in their virginity, and I can understand why really. To be honest, I've really never known any adult virgins other than my brother. It could be that some guys I've known were virgins and I didn't know it, but I'm pretty sure based on the things that came out of their mouths and their behavior like the rest of us that they certainly weren't. So I've mostly just heard about adult male virgins but never known any, and I see them often on social networking sites like these. So I dedicate this as a special Take to you guys.
The stigma...
Although some people try to say that adult female virgins are scrutinized and ridiculed the most, that's really not true. Sure, they get called "prudes" and are expected to fuck because everyone's doing it, but still not to the extent of ridicule on virgin guys. Male virginity in adulthood is still seen as the bigger joke. Most people see it as more normal - or even attractive - for a woman to have little or no sexual experience even if she's an adult, but expect most guys to have already been around the block, back, and again. And there are plenty of those, but also guys who've never done it. I can understand why an adult virgin would try to hide it or be ashamed of it when people are gonna joke about why they think he's still celibate.
There are even studies these days trying to show that there are more virgin guys than virgin girls, and a lot of guys these days are thinking it's true. It's like popular culture and science is trying to in some way reduce male prowess and desperately prove that women are sexually superior or something.
If a guy is in his 20s or even 30s and has never had sex, most people have the ignorant, cliche idea that it's either because he's "afraid to talk to women," still "living in his mom's basement," or is in some way unable to get laid, when many times male virgins in adulthood are struggling with confusion and conflict from what I've learned talking to them: they want to give it up but are afraid of making a mistake; they want to give it up but were raised to wait until marriage and think they should; or they want to give it up but are worried it will be with the wrong girl or at the wrong time. And other times the guy really hasn't thought about a need to have sex until somebody said it should matter to him. Lacking confidence or being scared of talking to women is actually the case very little of the time. Many a time a man has lost his virginity through easy sex, and regretted it. People tend to think only women are emotional and conscientious about having sex for the first time and with who, but many guys feel the same way. There can be guilt or uneasiness about it.
Females also pretend they're not part of the stigmatization of male virginity, when they can actually be some of the worst people to criticize and joke about it. Females try to act like they're not involved in how male virgins are jeered at, saying it's guys who do that to each other, and pretending that a guy's virginity doesn't matter to them, but females are actually very much apart of the stigmatization. And they often have ignorant ideas that just because a guy is really horny and even expressive about it and what he's into that it must mean he's a virgin who's just desperate to get laid with a girl who will help him out. Some are like that, but most virgin guys generally do not make it known how much they want to have sex, so the desperate virgin scenario is more often a mythical stereotype.
Many females also act as if they think it's "sweet" that a guy wants to wait or isn't anxious to give it up, but even women eventually want sex with a guy and don't want to wait anymore. So it's convenient if he's not in a rush - if it's what she's comfortable with on her time - but if his desire to wait exceeds her patience, then it's not so sweet anymore. This is a reality that most women don't really admit to.
The bad-in-bed theory...
Male virgins are also thought to be less desirable because of having no sexual experience or because of the idea that he's automatically going to be bad in bed the first time, while women virgins are usually seen as a perfect treat in the sheets. This is the difference in criticism towards male and female virgins. It comes down to an issue of experience.
Although a lot of women who have already had sex say it doesn't matter if a guy they meet is a virgin, it still does matter to a lot of other women. Just like how a virgin female is a novelty for some sexually experienced men, a non-virgin man is also a novelty for sexually experienced women. A virgin woman is still seen as sexy or desirable even if she has no experience, but a virgin guy is seen as less desirable for a woman because he "will cum quick" or "be awkward."
You even have women going on other sites asking how they can find out if a guy is a virgin! Particularly about a guy they're in a relationship with. They're so afraid of being with one they think will be awkward in bed that they're actually trying to find out! Needless to say most sites that answer say you really can't know if a guy is a virgin. One site I saw said you can tell if he's cautious about undressing a girl, doesn't know how to kiss, or isn't sure what to do to get started. How cliche! Lol. But even those authors admitted those aren't definite clues to a guy's virginity.
Sexually experienced women who don't want virgin men often don't think about the fact that although his first time with her may not be perfect, it improves after that. Nor does she consider that her having experience hasn't necessarily made her great in bed either, it just means she's seen a penis and has experience with it but is really just mediocre at best with guys in bed. What you don't often hear about are actually common cases where a woman who's been having sex since she was 18 or younger, had sex with an adult male virgin who actually went on to being better at sex than she is. And this is because things learned and experienced in adulthood often have a tendency to be executed better because the adult mind has a better grasp on it. He also may find out what his likes and needs are pretty quickly, that a more experienced woman isn't providing or may not be able to provide. Some sexually experienced women really are good in bed and learned from their experiences, but others aren't.
But just like sexual experience being more desirable in men, there are also guys who want a sexually experienced woman too. Again, it doesn't promise quality in bed. A woman who has sucked 8 or 10 dicks in her life often prides herself on "never having any complaints," when those guys were happy with it just because they still managed to cum, even though it could've been better. Or she gives decent head, but still not able to deepthroat like some other guys want or need. So on a flipside a less sexually experienced woman - or even a virgin one - can actually turn out to be very good in bed or can deepthroat when she didn't even know she could until she did it the first time.
What I do always wonder about women who have sexual experience and wouldn't want to date or sleep with a virgin guy is: if the guy lost it to some other woman and you found out later, would you want to sleep with him now that he's gained the experience?
I think that's a good question.
Frustration...
So I have come to understand why being a virgin in adulthood bothers those guys, yeah. They feel bad when they know the rest of us around them are already doing it. They feel bed when a woman wouldn't be interested in them because they're virgin. And they feel bad when a woman they might like has already had sex and especially with a number of guys compared to him. They feel like they can't compare or won't be very good for her in bed.
The easy answer I could give is for them to just go out and get it over with already with a girl, but might not be what he wants. But I would tell a virgin guy to lose it with somebody he would really be into and feels a connection with even if she has had sex before you. Just don't let it bother you as long as she's not bothered by it. Move through it one step at a time.
Although I really hate using all the overused New Age, pop cult, Nazi-like, Caucasian college student terms like 'slut-shaming,' I suppose you could coin the term 'virgin-shaming' too. Both slut-shaming and virgin-shaming share similar abuse: a girl who sleeps around gets downed for it, but a guy who hasn't slept around at all gets downed too. Though one difference is that Hollywood doesn't make movies about sexually liberated women, but can make ones like The 40 Year-Old Virgin or others that revolve around overdone, stereotypes of shy, klutzy, geeky, virgin guys.
And honestly? At the end of the day, can't we just respect people? Why the hell does it matter if some guy has never used his dick? And does it really mean he's of any lesser value for not using it? These are the popular negative thought-processes of society that we really.....just......need to get over already.
What Girls & Guys Said
14 26Society puts pressure on men to be good and experienced at sex from the start. The longer men are virgins if not by choice can have psychology repercussions.
What psychological repercussions? Not that it applies to me but I just never heard that.
@bloodmountain1990 low self esteem, confidence issues. Guy could crawl into a shell and never come out. Also depression. Not being accepted by society could cause someone to be suicidal.
True. I just think it's absurd how much people put sex and losing your virginity on a pedestal. I mean sex is fun but even after losing your virginity, dry spells still happen.
@bloodmountain1990 Also a good point.
Only if he allows that to happen
I'm still a virgin at 27 and get complements about it. I don't care what society says, I care about my future wife thinks about me saving myself for her. That's what is important to me. The reason I never went that other route is because that young lady is someone's daughter, Cusin, granddaughter, niece, and future wife to another man. This is my reason,
Well said.
im 24 and still a virgin and i dont really care what anyone else thinks.
High five.
high five right back at ya :)
I am 20 and a virgin.
As 27 year old virgin this resonated with me. I have to avoid sex conversations in the work place because once people find out your a virgin they have to fit in the virgin jokes whenever possible. I'm not in a rush, and I am not ashamed, but I do have to take actions to avoid being made fun of.
I absolutely understand where you're coming from. I support you in keeping that personal and not letting them know. *high five*
Basically the reasons why I sometimes hate women, which is because of this ridiculous hypocrisy from them that you mentioned. I thought women were about having romantic sex, not casual sex and yet WE'RE the fucking pigs who only want sex?
Even though I never cared about it, I kept having question "Why am I still a virgin?" because of some whiny guys. But you know, after interacting with more girls I feel more confident about my virginity. Girls seriously don't care about it. Also they notice emotional side of it; the reason why I'm still virgin (I'll lose it only to the girl I sincerely like). Their comments give relief and confidence. Somehow girls notice this thing in guys but guys don't. Even thought they have same view as me, they see it as bad thing.
Lol I was a 26 year old virgin until just last year. I said f**k it, I'm tired of being a damn virgin, and I started sleeping with multiple escorts. I lost my virginity by having a threesome with a couple of escorts. I dont regret it at all! Female virgins though should cherish their gift
Why is it different for females than males?
@Jessabella really, it's not but some guys like to view it as women are special.
I agree. There is nothing wrong with waiting for a special person (not necessarily the one, but someone you want to share that moment with).
It's totally down to personal choice, and personal circumstances. Some people just don't have an environment with lots of women in it to begin with. Certain uni's have skewed ratios, a heavy workload (resulting in a lot of pressure and less time to be partying) and the girls there may not be physcially to their liking and may not be personable e. g. rude/arrogant etc.
Sex shouldn't be about just doing it to get it done with or for the sake of it, but about doing it to enjoy it with someone you feel something with.
Great take. Doesn't matter if your first time is at 17, 27, 37. Make sure it's special. Better to have quality sex which will feel much much much better and give you way more satisfaction.
Losing your virginity is overrated. I enjoy sex but when I lost it at 21, I felt no different and was like that's it? It doesn't define anyone, but yeah the whole stigma of being a male virgin or inexperienced is that there's something wrong with you if you're one by a certain age.
Having said that, even though I'm not a virgin, what about the stigma of being a relationship virgin? I've dated plenty, had sex, but no real relationship? I tend to avoid past relationships talk because of that.
You ALSO make a good point.
Thanks. Another thing people don't realize is that being experienced doesn't inherently mean being good. Just like attraction, it's all subjective. You could be a good lay to one and a bad lay to another. It's gonna be different with each person. What does matter is patience and willing to learn when first having sex with each person as everyone's pleased by different things.
Exactly.
Besides, I'm not even that experienced but all the girls I've had sex with never asked about my number of partners, times I've had sex with or the last time. If anything, they ask if I'm clean or if I have a condom.
Which those are reasonable questions. I mean it really goes both ways as far as number of partners and virginity. What makes guys think they're obligated to tell women they're virgins? I mean are girls obligated to reveal their sexual history? Men tend to increase their number while women tend to decrease their number when talking about sex partners.
Dude, you're like a genius. You are so right about that part: guys are NOT obligated to tell a woman about his virginity. Very good point.
Haha I wouldn't say I'm a genius. It's just something I've learned over time. I mean I don't even share the fact that the night I lost my virginity, I hooked up with the girls roommate as well. Although that was a rare occurrence, I wouldn't be telling that to women as that would just make them think I'm a player as its too in my opinion. Putting it out there that you're a virgin is the same as putting it out there that you sleep around.
And people say having sex your first time might be awkward but from my experience, having whiskey dick or trying to have sex with a girl you're not attracted to is more awkward as you can't get an erection.
Dude, this shit is so true! You're just blowing my mind! Man, you need to be writing your own Takes.
I do every once in awhile as I'm busy with my new job.
who said i've never used my dick? i pee with it pretty well. well it all boils down to not waiting till marriage in modern society. sluts of either gender seek other sluts. inexperience people are inexperienced thats no stereotype. well noone should give a fuck what others do with their genitals though and those that do project their own subtle guilt and insecurities. as for women they are a huge and cruel part of the virgin shaming. i've seen it first hand. not all of them but a good portion... .
Yes, it's true, unfortunately :(
I think it's amazing he's a virgin and a girl will like it... I think people should save themselves for the special one. It's cute
I was a 22 year old virgin a long time ago. And when I admitted it to my first girlfriend as we were getting frisky, she was aghast and shocked. She convinced me not to to go all the way to home plate with her that night because she said it would be better if she went on birth control and I lose it without the condom. 5 days later she breaks up with me saying she can't handle the responsibility. It scarred me for life, and I kept my virginity a secret to the girl I actually lost it to; she never knew.
Dude, your brother sounds freaking amazing! I love people who don't rush stuff, own it but don't dwell on it. That is a great character trait to possess in my opinion.
Haha. Thanks.
I really love this myTake post. It's very informative and insightful.
I am a 25-year-old virgin. No oral sex. No vaginal sex. No anal sex. No sexual penetration or contact in any way, shape, or form. Not even kissing or French kissing. I have never been in a romantic or sexual relationship, and the people I tend to hang out with are my Mom and Dad. In some ways, I am quite thankful that I am a virgin. I hear stories all the time of my classmates getting STIs, like gonorrhea, and I smile smugly, "Well, at least I have one less thing to worry about." Additionally, I tend to be very traditional-minded. For me, I just want to have a "normal life", which means doing expected things of my age group. Since I associate sex with reproduction very strongly, I plan to have sex when I'm between 30-40 or when I'm ready to reproduce. My personality may also be a factor to my virginity, as I tend to act very childishly and not really know how to act in a sexual manner. You may think it's obvious or easy to act sexually, but for me, it is neither easy nor obvious. But the most part about my virginity is that I just don't stress over it. I don't have the peer pressure that other young people do, so I never feel any peer pressure to have sex early.
Well said :-)
I do disagree of planning sex only for reproduction. There are many other great benefits to sex.
Just out of curiosity, why didn't your brother go out and have sex during his teens? You know, since everybody does it because of peer pressure, lust, the hook up culture, etc? What is the reason for men to hold back?
I just want to understand this because for men sex can be a merely physical thing.
Never forget that just because the majority is on the hunt for sex, not ALL are. I personally hate the idea of sleeping around other than the fantasy of it. It is hard to find other people who also want sex to be meaningful/passionate
Some people may not have the peer pressure, lust or the hookup culture around. Some people may surround themselves with like-minded, wholesome folks who don't have sex at such an early age. So, the peer pressure reinforces being virgin.
@W31rd0 I understand, but I want men's perspective on this because it is uncommon/unusual. Especially when they are not religious + they are attractive and still choose not to rush things.
It's as I said early on: he just has no urgent need to want to fuck anybody, and especially not because everyone else is doing it.
@davepetef @ManOnFire Okay. I'm the same but I'm a woman. I guess that's that.
Not every man can get sex that easily.
@QuestionMan You are a big believer in that theory.
because, not every guy was able to get laid in their teens just because they wanted too (they might not have been considered desirable to the girls they likd). and not every guy was able to sneak some girl back into their parent's basement without going through some awkward discussion beforehand. this should be obvious, really.
@the_rake it's not obvious. The person made the CHOICE to not have casual sex.
You're just assuming every celibate is voluntary. Clearly that's not a valid assumption to make.
@the_rake I didn't make that assumption. I was just curious about the motivations of ONE specific person.
You asked, 'since everybody does it because of peer pressure, lust, the hook up culture, etc? What is the reason for men to hold back?' Other statements you made throughout the dialogue expressed this statement also: 'I want men's perspective on this because it is uncommon/unusual. Especially when they are not religious + they are attractive and still choose not to rush things.'
@the_rake I was only interested in understanding men who are voluntarily celibate. That's why I asked the myTake Owner a question regarding his brother. I already know there are men who can't get sex even if they want it.
"I already know there are men who can't get sex even if they want it." - How do you mean?
Just responding to the_rake's observations.
I know, but I mean are you talking about the females-can-get-it-easier thing?
I just meant to say that I already know that there are men who are not voluntarily celibate.
Do you think there are women who can't/don't get it even if they want it?
People read too much into what I say. I don't want to debate or argue with anyone tbh.
No, I'm just asking, not debating.
If a guy is a virgin past a certain age, like 25 for example, he should hide it for his own Good
Yeah, that's SORT OF what I meant.
maybe thats best. unless he can be sure that he can trust the girl he's with. which Id hope he could...
@HookingSwan good point.