Sexual Relationships 
Sexual Health 
This is one more in my series of rewrites and updates of popular, previous myTakes.
Well . . . this may shock some of you, but it is a fact that people have been having sex for a long, long time . . . even before YOU discovered sex! Your great-great-grandparents were having sex in the 1800’s, and a few of them probably had kinky sex! They had casual sex, oral sex, anal sex, and group sex. The same goes for your great-grandparents, your grandparents, and even your parents.
Of course, not all of them had group sex, not all of them had anal sex, etc., but none of these things were “invented” in the last 10-20 years. That means that old people actually know something about the same kind of sex that you have, and not just missionary position with the lights turned out. I don’t consider myself to be promiscuous, but I have had enough experience with enough different partners – over 43 years of sexual activity - to have learned some lessons.
After decades of having sex and talking to other guys and girls about sex, I can tell some of you some things that you may not know and explain some things that you may not understand. Some of those things relate to the inhibitions and fears that women bring to bed and how those fears and inhibitions prevent them from performing at their sexual peak. Of course, every woman is different but there are some common things that affect many women and here is my list of the top 10 things that guys wish their girl would do differently when she gets naked.
1. Tell us that you want to have sex . . . or show us!
We don’t expect you to initiate the first few sexual encounters, but after we start getting comfortable with each other, we’d like for you to take the lead on occasion. We want to know that sex is not just something that you do for us but that it is something that you really do WANT from us. Initiating sex won’t be an insult to our masculinity. It will be an unexpected compliment.
Call your partner before they leave work. Tell him, “When you come home, I’ll be in bed . . . naked . . . because I need to have you inside me. If you don’t get here soon enough, I may have to start without you!”
All of a sudden, yes, his pants will be on fire, he will get home in record time, his clothes will hit the floor in a few seconds, and “What’s for dinner?” will be YOU!
2. Ask us to undress you
Sometimes, we are in such a hurry to have sex that we forget the art of seduction. Avoid getting into the routine of getting naked and getting in bed and being in the missionary or doggy position within two minutes.
Ask us to undress you. It’s like unwrapping a package on Christmas morning or your birthday. It’s exciting, it’s different, and it conveys trust and intimacy in a very special way. The anticipation will build our desire and it will feel different for us.
3. Don’t wait for him to ask! It’s your turn to undress him
I have had a woman undress me. No, not my mother! A partner! Waiting for her to finish unbuttoning the buttons, unzipping my pants, taking off my shirt, then my pants, then pull down my boxers, wondering what she will do next . . . it drove me wild with desire for her.
4. Tell us what you want us to do
You know exactly what to do to give yourself an orgasm. You have an easy “task.” Of course you know what to do because you’ve been doing it for yourself since you were a young teen. In case you did not already know this: every single woman on the planet is different. One woman wanted two fingers inside her and she didn’t care if I touched her clit. Another woman wanted me to rub her clit very gently but DO NOT put a finger inside of her and NO oral sex. Another wanted a vigorous and rough massage of her clit while I sucked her nipples. Another wanted me to fondle her anus while licking her clit while another threatened to leave if I tried to get anywhere near her ass. Get the idea??? You are all different!
Instead of expecting us to guess at what it takes to put you in the moon, why not tell us? Where do you want to be touched? How? With what – finger, tongue, penis, toy? How much pressure? How much motion? “Rub my clit in circles – softy and easy - while you suck my nipples between your teeth!” Even if it's "Lick the soles of my feet," I'll do it (as long as they're clean) because I want you to me motivated to please me, too!
You don’t tell us because you are too embarrassed, right? Please! It will be a big turn on to hear you whisper in our ear, “I want you to lick and suck on my clit while you finger my G-spot!”
If you can’t (won’t) tell us, show us! Take out hand and guide it to wherever you want it. And then just say, “Faster!” or “Harder!” It’s really that easy! Most guys want to please you in bed because they know that a satisfied partner usually wants to return the favor. So help us out. And if we happen to do something on our own that really gets you going, tell us that we've stumbled into the promised land! “Oh, that feels so damned good!” will keep us motivated to keep doing whatever it is.
AVOID THIS !!!
If you only tell us when we are doing something that doesn't work, that will NOT motivate us to give our best performance! How do you think it makes us feel if the only thing we ever hear from you in bed is “Too fast!” and “Not there!” and “Too soon!” and “I don’t wanna do that!”?
5. Tell us your fantasies!
This requires trust that your partner won’t jump out of bed and run away when he hears that you have a fantasy about getting gang-banged or raped. But that leap of faith, that trust that you reveal when you share such intimate secrets, will make us feel a closer connection with you.
Obviously, sharing fantasies is something that happens only in established relationships and, even then, only sometimes. Many guys want to have anal sex but they are afraid that if they tell you that, you will decide that they are a pervert or can’t be trusted or whatever and you will never again have sex with them.
Try this. Write a note that briefly lists three “new and different” things you would like to try with your partner. Have her make her own list, then exchange the lists. Agree that you will try to do one of those three things for each other and you won’t criticize or complain to your partner if you find the fantasies disagreeable. Then toss a coin or play Rock Paper Scissors to see who first gets to have their wish come true.
6. Don’t follow a script or a routine
Kiss, French kiss, fondle boobs outside of clothes, reach under clothes to fondle boobs through bra, remove bra, fondle naked boobs, slide hand down to fondle pussy through panties, put hand in panties and continue fondling, pull down panties, finger G-spot until moans start, get on top and penetrate, speed up, cum, stay in place for about 30 seconds, roll over to side and gasp something about how good it felt.
Sound familiar? Even if it's boring, it always feels good . . . always! Guys will tell you that there is no such thing as bad sex, but some sex is better than the rest, so . . . want it to be better?
Don’t follow a script. Do something different. Get on top and put his hands on your boobs while you are waxing his pole! Get on top in a reverse cowgirl! Leave the lights on! Get in position for 69! Don’t be predictable.
7. Talk to us and make noise!
Nothing feeds our ego as much as knowing that we drive you wild. Unfortunately, we sometimes can’t tell whether you are aroused or asleep.
My ex-wife was the quietest sexual partner on the planet. She would close her eyes if I was turning all my attention to her. Many times, I really didn’t know whether she was close to orgasm or had fallen asleep, not until immediately before her orgasm, when she would have a few quiet gasps. I never felt that I was satisfying her but I really don’t think it was a lack of desire, creativity, or willingness on my part. She was just very inhibited and she said, “If I make myself make noise, it will feel fake.”
I also had a partner who was from the Ukraine. When she got aroused, she started moaning in Ukrainian and telling me how good it felt. It was one of the most satisfying experiences of my life.
We don’t care if you feel fake or not; we want to hear noise. So fake it! The reason that I say to fake it comes from experience. When I was very young, I was literally the quietest guy on the planet! My partner didn’t know that I was close to orgasm until she felt me cumming inside her. Then, one of my partners asked me to make noise and, of course, I thought I would sound like some stupid porn star. But when I actually started doing it, I was amazed. Moaning and groaning as I was getting aroused actually made me feel even better! Really! So . . . fake it and you might be surprised. I know it doesn’t sound logical, but it worked.
8. Get started before we get in bed!
One of our very common fantasies is to watch you masturbate. Why? First, the idea of it just really, really turns us on and, second, watching you might help us to understand what to do to help you have an orgasm. So, sometime, when he doesn’t expect it, whisper into his ear, “Give me a two minute head start and then come into the bedroom. I have a surprise for you!” Then run into the bedroom, get naked, get in bed, and start the show when he walks into the room.
The first time you do it, you will probably just use your fingers but, the next time, you might change it up by using a toy. Then, if the idea turns you on, tell him, “Next time, you put on the show and I’ll watch.”
9. Don’t be afraid
Never been blindfolded and tied to the bed? Never blindfolded your partner and tied him to the bed? Are you afraid of anal sex? (With the right partner, done the right way, most women find it at least arousing. With the wrong partner, done the wrong way, it can be painful; this accounts for all the women who say they did it once and never again!) Ask him to give you a rim job or to use a toy to give you double penetration. If that's something you want to try, it's going to stay on your bucket list until you tell some guy to fill you up and make it a double!
10. Tell us when you are cumming
Sometimes it’s obvious and sometimes orgasm looks just like pre-orgasm arousal. Tell us when you are there. “I’m cumming! Don’t stop! Oh it feels so fucking good!” Utter those words and, if your partner is anywhere close to orgasm, he will cum like a fire hose.
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Instead of reading this and mentally agreeing and then just moving on to the next post, look back over the list and select just one of these tips that you will work on in the next encounters with your partner. You can put a silly grin on his face and have him begging for more. Guaranteed!
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