The Truth About Sluts and Slut Shaming

Disclaimer: Can I just clarify these are my opinions, and I don't mean to intentionally offend anyone. But I'll be honest about what I think and if you disagree- do it nicely please.


What is a slut?

I want to clear this up properly. This- according to Google and Oxford Dictionaries- is the definition of the word slut:

The Truth About Sluts. Shaming Part 1.

Now I've seen a lot of people use this defnition and say

Slut just means a woman who has loads of sex- it's not offensive!

Actually it is. The word is derogatory. I don't to insult your intelligence but that means it is offensive! By sayin git you're insinuating that a woman who has lots of sex is a 'second-class citizen' or that it's 'wrong' or disgusting' or 'shouldn't be allowed'. Women can have as much sex as they like- if their choices aren't yours, don't shame them for it.

So who are sluts?

Well, according to a lot of people on this site, it's girls who have loads of sex. Because apparently they're

  • Easy
  • Desperate
  • Have no self-respect

Actually, girls can have high standards, self-respect and good morals and still want lots of sex. Some girls just have high libido. It's allowed. Stop generalising. You wouldn't say all white people are stupid or that all gay people are freaks. You just wouldn't! So why do it with girls who satisfy their sexual desires?


What's the problem with the word 'slut' then?

The word slut has many, negative, sexual connotations. By calling somebody- probably a female- a slut you are insinuating that:

  1. They have a lot of sex and;
  2. That having a lot of sex is wrong.

You may not mean it like this but that's the weight the word carries.

It's not about your personal meaning, it's about the meaning in society.

The word 'slut' contributes to the whole stigma against girls and sex. Because there is no male equivalent of this word- is there? Or if so, it's not widely used. But that's because as long as it's legal and consenting, society say it's normal and good for men to sexually satisfy themselves. Their sexual behaviour can range from total abstinence to promiscuity without judgement. When men have lots of sex they're called "players" etc. which doesn't at all shame them for having lots of sex with lots of people- it almost applauds them for knowing (and getting) what they want sexually. Which is great! Men should be allowed to do that!

But when women are promiscuous, they're called "sluts" and because it's a derogatory word, it encourages the idea that a woman's sex life reflects and controls her entire life. Actually it doesn't.

Women's sexual behaviour is categorised that if you abstain, you're a prude. If you have lots of sex or sexual partners, you're a slut or a whore.

This means that the word slut builds a stigma around women and their sexual choices, implying that if a women has lots of sex, she disparages social judgement, she is dirty and disgusting for wanting lots of sex. She's not- she's in control of her sexuality and makes choices to satisfy herself sexually. And that's not okay.

So please, stop using that word. Even if you don't mean it in that way, by using that word, you're encouraging the idea that women should not want lots of sex, that they're not supposed to be allowed many sexual partners etc. when realistically, they are. The sexes are equal so why aren't their sexual choices?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The dictionary doesn’t specify what constitutes “a lot or many”, so technically there’s no agreed-upon, objective set of criteria to separate a slut from not a slut. Every guy has a tolerance for what kind of behavior/sexual history they are willing to accept in a potential partner. Slut is basically just a generic insult that they apply to any girl who falls outside of his tolerance. Since every guy has a different tolerance, that is why some guys will say a girl who has had 2 one night stands might get called a slut by one guy, while another guy might think you’re fine. So in my opinion a more realistic definition of slut would be “term applied to a woman who is not relationship material by that individual’s standard”.

    Girls slut shame just as much, if not more than guys do. Girls call other girls sluts as a way to insult them and damage their reputation. Similarly to how guys often mock other guys who “cant get laid”, girls mock girls who “cant get commitment”. This is because commitment is harder to get for girls than sex is. So a girl who sleeps around can get guys to have no strings attached sex with her (something that is easy for most girls) but she can't get any of them to want to stay or make a commitment ( which is actually a challenge for girls). Guys praise other guys for getting casual sex because for the typical guy, it is harder to find girls willing to hook up with you than it is to find girls who will have sex with you after you make a commitment. Also since girls have higher standards for the guys they hook up with, it is seen as more of an accomplishment for a guy to get casual sex than it is to get a relationship. For girls it’s the reverse.

    As far as the term “easy”,, guys mainly only have a problem if you were easy for other guys, they don’t have a problem if you were easy for him. For example, lets say Sally has had 9 partners,6 of which were casual hookups where she had sex within a week of knowing them. None of those 6 guys have any complaints about how easy she was. Its guy number 10, the guys who will have to take her on dates and woo her for 1-3 months who will feel bad. He has to pay to take her on dates, become emotionally vulnerable for her, give her his trust, 3 months of his time and make a commitment in order to get her to have sex with him (something the other guys got by the third date with zero effort.)

    Guys will see it like the other guys got a better deal.

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's a double standard and double standards really suck but you can't stop people from saying words that you deem offensive, nobody cares. If you're a female and you want to have sex, then go ahead and do it. You're just going to have to deal with judgement from others but then again people will be judged for ANYTHING that they do so with that in mind, do whatever makes you happy and stop giving a fuck about what other people think.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • The real question isn't whether or not we should shame some one for a behavior but rather why we shame them to begin with. Why would we try and prevent sex if it is pleasurable? If its enjoyable? The reason is because there is a lot of evidence showing that it has an extrememly negative impact on the individual and by extention the people that individual attempts to have relationships with. It increases the probability of divorce and cheating by a significant margin based upon the number of partners the person has. It also has been shown to decrease marital/relationship satisfaction again the greater the number of partners the greater the effect. Its also been linked to depression and anxiety. Its a health problem. We don't look at a person who gets blacked out drunk at any and all opportunity as healthy and happy so why would we see some one who does the same thing with sex any different? We shame the behavior in order to reinforce the idea that it is wrong, because it is. Not moraly (this is where issues arise people see it as a moral issue when in fact it is a health issue) but for the persons health and by extention the well being of the society. If we look at it its impact is extreme because with the increased discord in the relationship not only is the individual unhappy so is their partner and if they have children they will be adversly affected as well. Children of divorce are more likely to become alcoholics/drug users, more likely to commit suicide and more likely to divorce themselves thus passing this damage along to the next generation. This is why we shame not to be cruel but to prevent a breakdown amongst the people belonging to the society.

    • So you think sex is wrong?

    • At no point did I say that. What I said was promiscuity is UNHEALTHY. Claiming I said it was wrong is an attempt to undermine what I stated. It is not about morality it about health. Our bodies are not built to handle promiscuity. If we where not social in nature it wouldn't be an issue though then we wouldn't be hear talking. It is designed to create bonds between people to ensure that they stay together in order to raise children since we are investment parents (we put a lot of energy and resources into a handful of children rather then produceing many children with minimal resources invested like most animals do) By being promiscuis you disrupt this mechanism which is why the more partners you have the greater the probability of divorce and cheating and disatisfaction in the relationship since you are no longer able to make those deep emotional connections which in turn affects child rearing as well as social interaction with your chosen mate.

    • As I stated their is nothing wrong with sex, again I never made that claim but there is a difference between being promiscuis and sex and its important we do not confuse the two. We need to acknowledge that we are not built for promiscuity ( among other reasons sex drive was designed to push us to take greater risks to find a mate, currently with technology and the increase of available people and birth control we now act as if this drive was designed to drive us to have as much sex as possible (promiscuity) irregardless of their personal character ie we have sex with out the intent of reproduction and with out the intent to create an emotional bond (the chemical oxytocin is responsible for creating/deepening emotional bonds which is secreated by the brain during sex). Nature does not reward behavior for the sake of it, it does it for a purpose, we simply have removed all the negative ramifications (or at least the obvious ones, leaving behind the mental trauma) and use that as an excuse

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  • Have lot of sex with many different men is a bad thing in my eyes, that why I will keep use the word slut. Slut have a bad reputation for a very good reasons, slut good only for a one night stands, sluts are not wife material, unless man wants a cheating wife.

    • Maybe they don't want to be wives? It's fine not to want to get married too...

    • Great, because they good only for a one-night stand and not for serious relationship anyway.

    • What if… promiscuous women don't cheat as often, because they've gotten it all out of their system. What if… the sweet-and-innocent virgin you married cheats on you, because she feels like she may have missed out? What if… women weren't your property, to control and domineer?

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  • A chair is a chair, it doesn't matter if you call it a table, it's still gonna be a chair.

    You said this referring to men: "Their sexual behaviour can range from total abstinence to promiscuity without judgement" you clearly haven't been a virgin man and experienced the extreme pressure you feel to lose your virginity, how being a virgin and not being one defines if you're a man or a kid. So yeah, don't come telling us that there's no judgement if you decide to remain abstinent, cause that's not true at ALL.
    You say there's also no judgement about a man that decides to be promiscuous, really? Take a look at this question I asked a few days ago and tell me if there is or there isn't any judgement www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1742435-what-do-you-think-of-a-man-who-s-goal-is-to-have-sex-with-as-many

    If you fall under the definition of slut, you're a slut. If you build an object with four legs and where you can sit on, you just built a chair, you can call it a window if you want, but everyone else is gonna call it a chair.

    • That being said, a woman can have as much sex as she wants as long as she takes protection, same with a man. I'm not gonna shame a woman or a man for having lots of sex, it'll be hypocritical of me.

    • You shouldn't call promiscuous girls sluts for the same reason you shouldn't call black people niggers. You can look it up, it's in the dictionary. So technically you can use it... Why show contempt for girls who did nothing to you and are living their lives the way they wish. Who are you to judge them? I don't care what others have called you before. THEY were wrong just as you are.

    • @JuicyBrain I never call girls sluts because they're promiscuous, cause I know it is seen as derogatory, and offensive, but if you get technical, you're just using the right word to describe her, because she does have lots of sex with different man, therefore, she falls under the definition of slut.

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  • Women can have lots of sex, who is stopping a woman having a lot of sex? If she wants sex then have sex, why get so uptight about a word? There are plenty of words I don't, there are plenty of names I don't like being called but I have to deal with those names. I don't agree with shaming women for having sex, but on the same token I wouldn't want to be with a woman that has sex with lots of men.

    If you want to screw lots of guys, go for it, nobody is stopping you and the world slut will always be used, it's not going to stop being used, so the sooner you accept it and just carry on living your life according to your needs the happier you'll be.

  • You are correct that words mean whatever they mean in society. Not in the dictionary. And that meaning drifts.

    It's possible that 50 years from now, we'll see slut as something that can be derogatory or not. It's possible that won't happen.

    I suppose we might say things mean what they are intended and understood to mean by the audience.

  • So.. unless you're great friends with said female 'insultee', don't call her a slut? 😃

    Sexes aren't equal by the way, I've flashed my tits to police and never once,
    have they not gave me a ticket. 😂

    I'm always serious with my answers, but I do enjoy a pleasant time as I am not wasting ours.

  • I don't like the word slut because (1.) It has no clear meaning anymore, anyone could do anything and be called a slut for it. (2.) It leaves out men. I hate male sluts more than female ones, simply because they use their behavior to put other men down. "Lol your a virgin bro? I lost that shit when I was like 14.", "Why are you waiting for a relationship? Just go fuck easy women and then settle down when you're older!". Go fuck yourself, you sack of shit.

  • You can only shame somone who is ashamed.
    Men are definitely shamed and viewed as weird for being virgins for to long.
    There is no male equivalent because men getting lots of women to have sex with them will always be viewed as an accomplishment by males, due to the efforts and skills required to do it.
    Any woman can have lots of sex with lots of men even ugly ones. Only a small percentage of men have the skills and status required to have sex with lots of women.

    • Bout to write a take about virginity- don't worry I've got it covered. I'm great at complaining about things that probably don't concern me.

    • And what's your take on virginity? I know I have seen men and women shun and shame guys for being virgins

    • Virginity is a personal choice and nobody except an individual can decide when or if they have it. If it's not your virginity, it's really none off your business.

  • Let's see what's my definition of a slut? a chick who likes big dick and would cheat on you while you still together

  • if we don't pay in the dates we are cheap, if we don't pickup or drop and and asking questions about why don't girls approach first then we are not a men. if we ask about problems we are crying babies. if a women wear men dress he is a girl but if we wear we are gays.
    if you don't stop this then how can we stop that. stop the double standards from both the sides.