Guys, There is porn all over his search history even tho we have sex daily?

[Anonymous]

Let me just preface this by saying that he has told me in the past that he's been masturbating and looking at porn since he was a preteen. We got together when we were in our late teens and we couldnt see each other very much, only on the weekends so I know he looked at a lot of porn when we first got together, which wasn't a problem because we didn't get to have a very big amount of sex. We are in our early 20s now tho and see each other very much. I make sure to take care of him frequently, as in daily. And he still watches porn daily. there's porn of other women all over his reddit account search history, in his regular internet search history, etc. I don't mind masturbation, I get that it is healthy and a part of life. But if he is having sex and cumming with me daily, sometimes even 2 or 3 times a day, could this indicate I'm not satisfying him sexually? Or that maybe he doesn't like my body? I would understand if I'm turning down sex and not doing stuff with him very often, but I actually do it a lot and I like it. I guess do you other men masturbate to porn even if your girlfriend is helping you with your needs often? If you do, does it have anything to do with not being satisfied with her or possibly unhappy with her body? Any insight would be great. I'm kind of sad by what I have found, especially when I try to be a kind lover that does whatever he wants in bed, tries out all his kinks, let him eat me out, i give him head often as well and also let him cum inside me (using birth control pill for years) im very responsive in bed and I actually really like sex. So I guess I don't see his need for other women in porn anymore? Could he be unhappy with my body or my pussy? Honest answers. I have tried to talk to him about this and he just shuts me down. I'm starting to feel like I'm not good enough for him.

[Truthatanycost]

I don't watch porn, but most guys do because they aren't aware of what it was designed to do. It was designed to destroy both men and women on many levels. The clever way it continues to do so is to trick society into accepting it as normal. Your guy is addicted to porn and the dopamine hit it gives him. In order to receive this dopamine hit the brain needs new stimulation. This is why porn of you will never cut it (or sex with you).

If you understood what porn was designed to do, you wouldn't be making any either (you've met his level instead of surpassing it and rejecting it). You might not realize this currently but you are destroying your own self esteem and possibly, your ability to have a healthy relationship. You cannot compete with an addiction that embeds shame and plants dark elements into a persons brain at the subconscious level.

The man you are with is an addict and until he realizes this, it will never change. The porn is a part of him now, it's in his mind and he thinks it's normal. You can do backflips, dress up and swing from a ceiling on a harness... it won't matter. The biggest concern is the potential of getting pregnant by a man like this.

[Asker]

Okay, so if he's doing it for the dopamine, why isn't sex with me cutting it? I thought sex gave off tons of dopamine and feel good chemicals. Maybe im wrong, I'm not trying to argue with you or anything. So I guess he finds these women on these pictures and videos way better than me then?

[Asker]

But yeah, you're right. It's ruining my self esteem and my sexual confidence tbh. I've started comparing my body to other women's and I feel like I'm not good at sex.

[Truthatanycost]

Sex does give of lots of dopamine but with porn it's at the flick of a button and it's much less effort. He's also been watching it for a very long time meaning it's embedded in his brain. You should also recognise the fantasy aspect as well. Ultimately you are giving your body, emotion, and doing all of these things for someone who has neither earned, or proven their worth. This is the real issue you should perhaps be focusing on.

[Asker]

I have always told him I'd put out any time he's horny tho. Been telling him that for years tbh and I've kept my word. Does he just think those women are better I guess?

[Asker]

Like he knows I love sex. And I understand that porn is simple, but if sex with me is actually better and gives him a lot of dopamine, why would he even need those girls?

[Truthatanycost]

He was already addicted by the time you started doing all of that. The harder you try to prove yourself to the unworthy, the more unworthy you will feel. Those women can be perfect in his fantasy too. But there may be other aspects to his behavior we don't know about that go beyond porn. Porn can also encourage men to seek men too (something few seem to realize).

[Asker]

Since he's been doing this with porn since he was a preteen, do you think he masturbated like this with the other girls he's had sex with. I worry that other girls were able to satisfy him with their vaginas... unlike me. :/

[thenameless22]

The problem is you were OK with him watching porn and jerking off to other women when your relationship was young. You never set a standard that you should be the only woman he looks at sexually. Now all of a sudden you're hurt because he's still doing what you already told him he can do. What did you expect?

Quit looking for sympathy from internet strangers and talk to him. If he doesn't want to give up porn then you can't really get upset at him. Afterall, you DID give him permission regardless of how long ago it was. In that case, either live with it or move on.

[Asker]

I really didn't. I always kinda questioned him about it and let him know it hurt my feelings. I never said it was okay, but I accepted that I couldn't change his mind and kept it to myself after awhile, because in the beginning he was a horny teenage boy and we only saw each other on weekend s

[Asker]

I figured he'd grow out of it when I started fucking him more

[Twalli]

He probably watches it less unless his libido increased

[RespectfulGuy]

Great answers written so I won't repeat.

A suggestion instead.

What about you watch the porn he likes with him?

Then you'll know what exactly his fantasies are.

Also, porn can be an addiction hard to rid.

Hence instead of worrying and losing self esteem, why not push him for and then role play what you just watched. Show him you're much better than a cold image on screen.

Once again, it's not you. It's a habit hard to kick. Fight with him using reverse psychology.

Hope it works for the better.

[Asker]

He won't watch it with me. It makes him uncomfortable. But I have tried every kink he has brought up to me and in fact, I have enjoyed every one he has suggested. And I'm loud during sex, I let him eat me, I'm constantly sucking his dick before and during sex, and I let him cum inside me (birth control pill) and we even do anal sometimes. And I have told him that anytime he wants sex, I will do it. And I also do my fair share of initiating, so I am trying to be the best sexual partner I can be...

[RespectfulGuy]

Sure you are doing your best, even more. But regrettably, many times, men just don't get it. Although I wrote that's his addiction, reading your replies I do have a bad feeling. All I can suggest is, if it's just porn but everything else is good, then learn to bear with it. But if there's something else, then I see red flag.

[Asker]

What is your bad feeling? That perhaps he just isn't very attracted to me?

[Asker]

Does it sound like he thinks I'm not that hot or not too great in bed I guess?

[Asker]

What is your bad feeling about my replies? Does it sound like he's not that into me? He's been with me for 6 years..

[RespectfulGuy]

Sorry but I prefer to stop speculating on your relationship with him for fear I break a totally good one. Instead I would suggest you find out for yourself how much love he has for you as a person. Sex is very important to a guy. But sex is like air, when we have it, we tend to take it for granted; until we lack it and suffocates. While not suggesting to use sex as a weapon, can you use it to really understood what he wants from the relationship? Yes, it takes two hands to clap loudly. And you two must clap in concert to be heard loud and clear. Seek out what he wants through talks and possibly counseling. Be honest, be trusting, be vulnerable. May he share the same nakedness not just in bed but in thoughts and speeches.

[Asker]

Why wouldn't you tell me? Does it sound like he's not exactly attracted to me? Please be honest. I'm not going to start a fight with him over this, it would be pointless. So you would not be ruining my relationship. I just need to get some things straightened out in my head. I don't want to falsely believe he's attracted to me, if he's really not... please tell me what you were going to say.

[RespectfulGuy]

I don't mind talking and offer suggestions if I know more (provided you're willing to share private matters with me). This thread is getting long and TBH, there's TMI. I followed you. If you want to chat in details (so that I can offer better insight), then follow me back and send me a message. Your choice.

[RespectfulGuy]

(oops you're Anon. You text me then.)

[richardcory]

I think the key is whether he is available for sex when you want. The amount of sex people want varies a lot and there is no "right" or "wrong". I would see porn as a big problem if he were using porn instead of having sex with you, but if not, I don't see a lot of harm.

For most men its a masturbation aid - like a woman reading erotic fiction or using a vibrator.

But if you feel its impatcting your sex life, that is a different issue and is a real problem.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Nope. Nothing to do with you. Maybe he's just researching other things he wants to do with you. Chris Hemsworth runs by shirtless you're going to look. Nothing wrong with him looking at porn unless he's turning you down to do it or it saps all his stamina and he can't satisfy you.

[Asker]

Do you look at porn of other women even if your girlfriend is satisfying you sexually everyday? No judgement at all if you do, I'm just trying to see if other men do this when they have sex everyday as well.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yep. With and without her. Sometimes the mood strikes at a time she's unavailable (at the store, in a meeting, etc) so I'll knock one out alone. She does the same if I'm doing something. Again, I'm only going to complain if she's choosing to do the porn INSTEAD of me. Otherwise knock yourself out til you get carpal tunnel just keep the volume down when I'm in a zoom meeting.

[Asker]

So it's porn of other women? Because my boyfriend has my nudes taken by a professional photographer and he still chooses to look at other women, even tho I'm also giving him my pussy everyday. Lol

[Asker]

Do you watch porn of other women or is it porn of your girlfriend?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Both.

[BoopBoopBeep]

She's watching porn with other guys in it, not JUST me. What's the difference?

[Asker]

Well he doesn't look at the porn he has of me at all, even tho he has a lot of it, and it's professionally done. He still chooses other women..

[Asker]

So it doesn't mean I'm not hot enough? Or that my body isn't good enough for him? Honestly?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Not at all. I love grilled cheese sandwiches. I love tacos. I love hot dogs. Not all in my mouth at the same time. When she's doing herself to whatever crap she downloaded while I'm in a meeting doesn't concern me in the least beyond "remember the parts you want to reenact later." It's just preheating the oven.

[Asker]

But you watch porn of other women too tho?

[Asker]

Or is it just her watching porn?

[Asker]

I'm just wondering... this is really starting to bother me. Like I'd understand if we didn't have much sex, but I'm doing him literally everyday... lol and he swears it's good and he orgasms, but I'm not so sure if he actually likes it or of he's just fucking me becuase we're dating and he doesn't want me to feel rejected. I'm worried he secretly prefers these porn videos and pictures of naked girls...

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yes I watch porn of other women. Like every other man out there. I just don't lie about it/try to hide it. She watches porn of other guys as well. We watch porn together that may or may not have one or both of us in there. I'm trying to be quite clear on this I'm not sure which part you're not getting.

[Asker]

I get it. But he's also masturbating to porn after sex with me as well, when I'm sleeping which is why i feel like I'm not quite getting the job done. Do you do this as well? I'm not trying to be annoying, I'm just trying to get another guys opinion. I appreciate all the help. youve been..

[Asker]

And he's also sharing sex stories on the internet of girls he's been with before with his internet buddies, which makes me feel like I'm not very good sexually in his eyes...

[BoopBoopBeep]

That you have such a massive hangup about this makes you less attractive, to be sure. I can't imagine that doesn't shine through to him, and that's a turnoff to him.

[Asker]

Do masturbate after sex tho?

[BoopBoopBeep]

sometimes. if she's worn out and i'm ready for another round. some nights it's the opposite.

[Asker]

I always offer another round. And he says no most of the time but he still masturbates while I sleep. Sometimes we will go another round but not extremely often.

[Asker]

Is it bad if he's bragging about sex he's had with other women in the past to his internet buddies? Kind of makes me feel like he's still thinking about those women and thinks the sex was better with them or something.. do you think that's true? I dont really see him talking about our sex to them...

[BoopBoopBeep]

Look, lady, no matter how many times you want to rephrase it the answer is the same. He's a guy. If you thought you were the last thing he was ever gonna rub one out to your delusional. Nudes taken by a professional photographer do not automatically cover every genre out there and if he's in the mood for ice cream your really good loaded baked potato don't mean squat. You do seem neurotic as all get out though since you keep asking the same question, so to that end I'm surprised he can stand to have sex with you at all if you act the same way around him. It comes down to shite or get off the pot. If you have THIS much of a problem with it, leave him, go find some dude that can't get it up half the time that'll fawn over you and you alone. Otherwise accept that it's not that big a deal and stop trying to manufacture some reason to be outraged about it. Both of you will be a lot happier together then.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Well I mean maybe he's just in the mood to watch little people with roman candles up their butts dressed as Sailor Moon do some WWE style naked wrestling and it'd take too long to explain to you how to roleplay that and he's just trying to bust one in the next three minutes.

[boggboss]

If u are not able to talk to him about this its pointless asking gag as the reasons don't matter at that point if he dint feel the need to explain why he does it clearly your feelings don't matter to him

[Asker]

I guess I'm not good enough even though I'm doing everything I can to keep him satisfied?

[boggboss]

I never said that lol when u have spoken to him did he ever give u a reason

[Asker]

He just said he likes sex with me and to stop asking about porn of the other women since he's still having sex with me.

[scousejohn90]

So rather than listening to the religious nuts and the people who are saying he issued to dehumanising women.

Why don't you go and have an open and frank conversation with him. Most men know porn isn't real and over acted. But it can be good for ideas maybe he is watching to spice your sex life up. Maybe he has a kink which he doesn't want to share with you.

Why are you searching his Internet history and accounts anyway. Is this perhaps your relationship isn't working as well as it once did.

[Asker]

I'm just wondering why I'm not good enough for him sexually when I'm fucking him every day and he still needs other naked women on porn. I have tried talking to him about this issue and he just shuts me down and won't say anything. He just yells at me when I bring it up. Why am I not enough?

[Iron_Man]

How is watching porn healthy

[Asker]

I honestly don't know anymore. I could kind of understand when I wasn't able to see him very much, but it's starting to seem like I'm not good enough for him since I'm able to fuck him everyday now and he's still doing this.

[Asker]

Liek seriously, what could be wrong with me sexually?

[Iron_Man]

Have a very serious talk to him about it if you have to go to counseling

[Asker]

What could be wrong with me?

[Iron_Man]

Nothing is wrong with you. He’s been doing that since he was a kid which is bad

[Asker]

So it's not that I'm not good enough or not hot enough for him?

[Iron_Man]

You’re just second-guessing yourself how do you know it’s that I don’t think so

[msc545]

No, but you do have a very persistent anxiety disorder. Please get professional help with this.

[Iron_Man]

@msc545 👍🏻

[TracyF]

Dump him. That's cheating. He is just saying that he doesn't think you're attractive. You're just a sex toy and emotional suitcase to him. Dump like a ton of bricks.

[Asker]

So I'm just not hot enough or good enough sexually for him I guess? I'm trying to do the best I can...

[TracyF]

No he doesn't respect you because he's so used to dehumanizing women because of porn. Bad relationship.

[LiamJHayden]

He's addicted the dopamine high.

[Asker]

Wouldn't sex with me give him a dopamine hit as well tho?

[shades777]

whats your point

[Twalli]

Apparently he can cum more than he's having sex. If you are willing to have more sex than you're already having then I'd say you should tell him you'd prefer he has sex with you whenever he wants to cum. Otherwise as long as he doesn't choose porn over sex (like turns you down for sex so he can masturbate), then there's no problem.

[Asker]

Yeah but we already have sex anywhere from 1 to 3 times daily. And I work a lot so that just about as much as I can do. But the fact that I'm doing it with him so much and trying my best at it, does it sound like he prefers these other women? Like maybe I'm not hot enough or don't give him good enough orgasms?

[Twalli]

I'm sure you do, but since you can't have sex with the frequency that he can cum he uses porn to supplement you making him cum. Until he turns you down, when you're willing, there's no problem.

[Asker]

He also has my nudes that are taken by a professional photographer and he still chooses other women on the internet tho?

[Twalli]

Variety

[BoopBoopBeep]

I f'ing LOVE a good grilled hot dog. Char marks, steamed bun, maybe a thin line of mustard. Doesn't mean when someone is like "want a bite of this burger?" that i'm not like "hell yeah."

[Twalli]

@BoopBoopBeep 👍

[BoopBoopBeep]

Unless you're providing him with so much daily porn that he gets carpal tunnel yeah, that's how it works. Nobody's going to beat off to the same video/pictures every time for the next 20 years just like I'm not going to eat the casserole I told you was awesome for every meal for the rest of the month. People like variety. @twalli gave a very good answer already. He can cum more times than you're able to have sex (and it's faster sometimes) so UNTIL he is turning you down, or he can't perform because of it, it's not a problem. He's going to do it either way. It's either going to be with you, and you can talk about why he liked that video, and you can decide if you want to reenact it with him, or it's going to be without you, in which case he's still going to do it, and somebody else will eventually come along with less of a hangup about it and that's who he's going to leave you for.

[Asker]

@twalli And he's also sharing sex stories on the internet of girls he's been with before with his internet buddies, which makes me feel like I'm not very good sexually in his eyes...

[Twalli]

Either that or he's respecting the person he's dating. He's not sharing stories about sex with you because you're his girlfriend now. If you were to break up, he might. If you want him to talk to his buddies about having sex with you maybe tell him you don't care if others know about the sex you and him are having. On the other hand, if your sex is mostly the same few positions with little variation, then one story is likely all he can give. If it's varied, a bit kinky, and changes at times, then he'll have more stories. I would only discuss the types of sex I am having with my girlfriend if she gives me the green light. We don't hide that we have sex (at least from people who can accept premarital sex). Yet none of them know what our sex life is really like. Tbh, my sister knows more about my sex life than my parents, and that's only because she knows we have anal.

[Asker]

Well, he's not really going into details about the sex with her. But supposedly he told someone on the internet that he had a hook up with a stranger on a cruise and "damn near follwed her to her destination, but he wasn't able to." This was before him and I got together, but it still hurts. Does it sound like he still thinks about her and like the sex with her was better since it made him want to follow a stranger to where she was going on a cruise? :(

[Asker]

He's been with me for 6 years and we have a lot of sex and he tells me that I'm the best he's ever had, but I just can't shake the thought that he's talking about a hook up with a stranger making him want to follow her... what could that mean?

[BoopBoopBeep]

@twalli preach it brother! This answer is spot on

[Twalli]

That before he met you he was extremely sexually attracted towards someone else.

[Asker]

Do you think he still thinks about her tho if he is still talking about it to randos on the internet about it tho?

[Asker]

Do you think he is extremely sexually attracted to me as well? He has dated me for 6 years and he says that I'm the best sex he's ever had, but do you think he's just telling me that to make me feel better?

[BoopBoopBeep]

If you're this disagreeable around him as well, then yes, I think he's just saying that. There's a saying... show me the hottest woman in the world and I'll show you a man that's tired of her shit. If you ask him this many questions that are essentially the same, I can absolutely see why he's looking at porn and whacking off. You underestimate how much stress and calm affect a man's sexual desires.

[Asker]

@twalli do you think he may just be lying about saying that I'm the best sex he's ever had? Does it sound like he's still. thinking about that hookup from years ago, the one that he almost chased? He's still talking about it on the internet, apparently. :(

[Twalli]

Honestly, I don't know if you're the best sex he's ever had. He obviously likes you or else he wouldn't have been with you for 6 years. Nobody forgets what happened, so he remembers it, obviously. Also, since a relationship with her was impossible to pursue, she will always be the one that got away. She is the "what if" in his dating history.

[Asker]

Does it sound like he was more sexually attracted to her than is he me, if he's still talking about this bitch he hooked up with years ago?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Absolutely. But that's part of life. You're not going to be the hottest thing walking when there's 8 billion people in the world. You're "good enough for now" and "now" may be the next 80 years. That's enough, no?

[Twalli]

He's dating you now and for all he knows she now resembles a cow. Absence makes the hear grow fonder. Who she was and what she looked like isn't as fresh in his mind as you. He probably has a romanticized view of her. With you it's all reality. He's not remembering the sex he had with you, he's having sex with you. Should you really care if he enjoyed sex before you? He still is with you after several years, clearly he's enjoying sex with you. If he truly wants her more than he wants you, he wouldn't be with you, he'd be looking for her. She's a memory, you're a reality. In every sense of the word, you are better than she is to him. He's not getting sex from her. He is getting sex from you. Do you honestly think that the memory of previous sex feels better than the reality of current sex? It doesn't, thr sex with you is better than remembering the sex with her.

[Asker]

Now that I think about it, I think he only mentioned this hookup partner is because the topic was cruises or something that had to do with the conversation, but I don't know.

[Twalli]

So it was on topic, it wasn't just out of the blue. Then it makes sense and he probably wouldn't have talked about it otherwise.

[Asker]

So he might not think about her as much as I first thought he did?

[BoopBoopBeep]

I dunno about that. A really hot hookup? That's the type of ships-passing-in-the-night stuff that movies are made about. Maybe not in this case though.

[Asker]

@BoopBoopBeep he didn't go into detail about how hot it was really. He just said he hooked up with her once and was tempted to follow her to her destination. That's all he said about it.

[Asker]

And I've given him hot sex almost everyday for the past 6 years soooo... she shouldn't be that special.

[BoopBoopBeep]

There are certain women from my past I'll always remember even if I don't remember them clearly, many years from now when I'm reflecting on a life well lived. Seoul, Atlanta, Hong Kong, South Carolina, San Ignacio, Macau, London... oh... London. There have been many beautiful women since them who have been incredibly talented, but the circumstance always creates a certain passion too. His thing may have been nothing like that though.

[Asker]

@BoopBoopBeep what is it about these women for you?

[Asker]

Like what makes them stand out in your mind compared to others,

[BoopBoopBeep]

The circumstances of our meeting. There was an expiration date on many of them that was rapidly approaching, or a complexity of life situations which..."complicated things". When people are reminded of their mortality it can have a powerful impact. There's a reason the romance in 2010's The Tourist, or the romance subplot in DeNiro's Ronin were so moving. The french have a saying: “C’est cela l’amour, tout donner, tout sacrifier sans espoir de retour.” Not 100% sure I spelled that right, but it's at least close. It means “That is love, to give away everything, to sacrifice everything, without the slightest hope of anything in return.” Sometimes that "everything" can be quite literal. Sometimes it's just a hot shag in a closet or under a tablecloth or something too. Meh.