Things I dislike in a relationship

[xKayTea]

1. Staying in touch with exes

Even if it has been years gone, you have still slept with that person before, loved them, and there is no full way of knowing their ex is fully over your partner.

2. Not working

Personally, income is not huge to me when it comes to dating, my boyfriend stacks shelves, but he works and thats all that matters to me, he's a hard worker. It's not so much about the 'money' aspect, as he doesn't earn a lot, it's more so that in the future, moving out seems almost impossible unless on dual income, and I'm doing an in demand degree! still feels impossible! (In the UK at least).

3. Not being able to cook

I don't expect my partner to be a master chef, but if he can't make a curry out of a jar, or something of the likes, it just is eh, I don't know a bit silly to be fully grown and not be able to cook for yourself apart from a fried egg on toast.

4. Porn

This is a looong one, and some of you will agree and some will heavily disagree, that's okay, I just ask you respect my boundaries as I will yours!

The reason I dislike porn in relationships is because of all the studies I've seen and how it often leads to a decline in couples intimacy, as well as Erectile dysfunction, the dopamine addiction, shrinking of grey matter in the brain, and false perceptions.

As someone who's 20, wrapping my head around this took awhile, as unfortunately I grew up around porn (the average age someone is exposed to porn is now 12-13.) and I thought it was normal and thats what sex was, I learnt what sex was from porn, which was really harmful in hindsight and not an accurate representation of sex.

Me and my partner have a great intimate life, and I couldn't be happier, there is no dead-bedroom, or even close, it may actually be too much.

5. Not caring about mine or his family

If my partners parents were abusive etc, of course this does not matter at all and is discarded, but what I mean is not introducing me as his partner to his parents and vice versa, I always think its great to get to know your partners family. (Again this is irrelevant if their family has issues.

6. Emotional immaturity

This is things like holding grudges, not being able to learn from mistakes, and not being able to empathise with other people in general and see things from their perspective, these two things cause a huge lack in communication.

As soon as an argument becomes about who is right or wrong, the sense of love seems to fade and anger takes over, which is what causes a lot of arguing and splits, whereas me and my partner, we talk about it from both our perspectives, he can tell me why he thought it isn't hurtful, and I can tell him why it did hurt me, and then we come to a neutral ground, or I agree with him or he agrees with me and we always make sure to tell eachother we love eachother to re-assure, I just can't deal with childish he/she started it!!! im right!!! ur wrong!! bullshit, we are 20+ not 15.

7. Extreme political views

We can sit here all day and all night arguing about feminism, inceldom, trump, biden, rishi sunak, boris johnson etc, and whatever end of the compass you land on, I've just realised as I've gotten older, it doesn't really matter, and if you spend your time hating a certain group or people, with such deep hatred and argumentativeness inside you, it just turns me off, I just wan't to live my life peacefully and not bother what others do as long as it doesn't affect me.

I once asked my very traditional breadwinner father what he thought about gay people etc, he just grunted and said, I don't really think about it or care, and I realised why should I either, if two men want to fuck ok, if two women want to fuck, ok.

Again this point is not about who is right or wrong, it's more about the fact if you let your hatred consume you to the point everyday you're rambling and raving, I just don't want it.

I probably forgot some other stuff, but this is just my general few things! Remember we are all different people, if you disagree thats okay but lets respect eachothers opinions, Thank you for reading my MyTake!

[lightbulb27]

Excellent read and spot on correct. you are very mature for your age and could make a million bucks trying to educate a lot of young people in a relationship basics training course.

you didn't mention video games. That... could be a show stopper for some... e. g. the power and draw they have to priority over everything else, like any other drug.

[xKayTea]

Me and my partner both play videogames, I guess all I would say about that, similar to anything is play them in moderation, don't spend hours upon hours on the game and let an addiction form When I'm visisting my boyfriend he does not even touch his computer. And thank you for the kind compliments, but I am definietely not qualified to help people with their relationships haha

[anon1903]

Very reasonable take <3

[xKayTea]

Thank you, I love your takes :)

[anon1903]

Thanks. Queens support queens!

[TenderFantasy]

Wow you are very smart and very articulate at your age, bravo! I wasn't this articulate and well spoken at 20 damn. You should try for IV league if you want, because I don't think you will have a problem getting in haha. But yeah, I am a bit jealous about how you're already so well spoken and you seem to know a lot already and are matured at your age. How'd you do that? ! When I was 20, I was scared and shy with guys even looking at me or checking me out! I was very afraid of getting left pregnant or used for sex! Wow just wow. Talk about confidence and intelligence!

[xKayTea]

Thank you! I wouldn't call myself mature, but I will say you should not compare yourself to others and we are all different people, which is what makes us interesting, you're too harsh on yourself! I just go to a local university haha, and I left school before my exams and fought hard to make up for many years of lost education. I do get worried about men looking at me too, it makes me quite uncomfortable sometimes, when me and my partner first met up (He lives down south and we met online) I held his hand but couldn't look at his face because I was too shy lol.

[OlderAndWiser]

This is a very thoughtful and well written myTake, and I concur with all that you said!

[xKayTea]

Thank you for taking the time to read it and interpret what I said properly! Not a lot have done so and just read the main points and not the context under them haha. Thank you :)

[SnowedIn]

Well said and well written. We need more thinking like this.

[Billlewis]

Excellent post.

[Billlewis]

Thank you for the point, Goddess. I started following you and I'd like to invite you to follow me as well.

[PragmaticProfit]

I agree with everything you said

[strateguy632]

i liked best how you presented the first and last ones about your partner ex and the constant ranting.

[Kaneki05]

I disagree with every point here.
I love to hold grudges as I believe in a strong sense of give what ya get so if one's wronged you that grudge should exist.
Working means jack all to me, the only way this is ever a problem is if one expects the other to carry them finically which shouldn't be a thing unless both have mutual sought terms on that point.
Always will hate conservatives and specific groups as their views actively hurt society whether it impacts my life or not.
Porn is fictional it would be like saying don't watch horror films cause they may warp my views on violence that's not how it works.
Don't need to know how to cook to put a pizza in the oven and I really like pizza and other premade stuff.
Been friends with ex's is good because it means all that time wasn't just wasted, I only get rid of ex if we left on bad terms otherwise I shouldn't punish and destroy a friendship just because a romantic partnership didn't work out.

Cases such as they still hung up on their ex is a problem for sure but that's not synonymous with been friends with an ex. It's auto-assuming their is a problem when you haven't got any evidence for it, is it fair to be cautious about it? sure. But fair to be automatically casting that as a fact before knowing them isn't.

[19magic]

I'm going to bite the bullet here, what's wrong with being conservative, they promote small businesses, listening to the people on lay of land and what to do with public transport, and parking. Most of the time makes reasonable cuts and makes effective use of that money. Make sure litter is sorted and encourages more people to work and not sit at home on the dole all day.

[Kaneki05]

Homophobia, Racism, Religious dictation, Promoting warfare, Promoting rights to owning weapons, Dictation of woman's bodies and rights, and many more toxic things. If we had kept listening to what conservatives want we would still be stuck in the dark ages hanging people for been witches, and saying women are men's property. What you've named aren't tied to be conservative at all, because whether your left or right everyone knows supporting small businesses is a good thing. And lefts for sure care about climate change and recycling which is all about litter been sorted lol. And they also for sure care about public transport. So dunno where your getting these are conservative ideals from?

[Lynx122]

sounds good :)

[MementoMori777]

No one gave your mytake any form of attention after putting in effort, I'll say something hopefully it gets the flow going, it was sad watching this post flow through my feed and no one say a word 😆

[xKayTea]

I guess because its not a political argument etc no one really cares haha, but if I made a post saying something silly like 'men this' or 'women this' everyone would be very excited to argue for the next few days of their life lol

[MementoMori777]

Yea or did a rating post or said some sexual bullshit, this site is just ass, but nice mytake, I guess I'm the only audience whooo 🙃🎊🎉

[patrick994]

I agree, but keep in mind that many guys watch porn because their girlfriends do not fulfil their partner's desires, so they seek fulfilment in porn, it is obvious that if there is complicity and taboo between you, you can do without porn.

[artgorgeous]

1. You can always block your ex and your partner must do the same. Agree.

2. Both should strive to find a job. If one of the partners is lazy and relies only on his half without doing anything, even at household level.. then there is something wrong with this relationship. No one wants a leech right?

3. To me as a man, yes. Women who don't cook is half of the problem. Biggest broblem is when they don't want to learn cooking... Both partners can always teach each other.

4. Has point, i would agree. Porn does not make much sense if you are in a relationship.

5. Makes sense, family is important.

6. At this stage you should think is it worth continuing the relationship? Some people don't change over time.

7. Its better not to bring much of it into relationship.

Overall, good post, there probably nothing that anyone could disagree with.

[MicahRaine]

All of that is spot on. ESPECIALLY 4-5. I've had a very similar path

[nastyb]

your list will grow as you get older.

The list you provided was very basic

[xKayTea]

No need to point out the obvious! I actually said in my MyTake that it was a very basic list of things and I would be forgetting a lot :)

[KejKej]

I am 34 and I can't cook anything. I hope there is a woman who will accept it

[TheSpaceGnome]

1. This I agree with.
2. I'd prefer she wasn't already working, so she can work with me at my job, dual imcome I agree with though.
3. I can teach her to cook, its fine if she doesn't know how yet.
4. This I don't agree with, in my opinion she has to like porn, otherwise I'm not interested, I like sexually charged virgin women, porn keeps her from making mistakes before she meets me, and gives us ideas for us to do.
5. I'm not an extended family person, so thats not important to me.
6. This I agree with.
7. I'm not much for politics, I prefer science.

[joeND]

Politics, hate it, if they are into politics deal breaker, especially the other party. porn- iis the only sex I enjoy, since women despise sex, I only have met 2 women who were good at sex, the other 98 sit there and do nothing. exes- This has nothing to do with relationships, I never talk to an ex. It always goes bad , someone was dumped. the other is bitter.

[joeND]

Working- Women think nothing of asking my job or salary or net worth , when they do It is a dealbreaker, it means they have no money and need mine , Women over 50 have money and never ask, everyone under that seems to need mine.

[worldscolide]

Spot on, on most of this. I am still in contact with a single solitary ex.. Only because she was someone I grew up with, as in childhood friend. We dated for a week.. It didn't go well so we decided to take a step back and be friends. She's now happily married with kids. That is the only ex I'd ever even consider staying in contact with. And no there is no sexual attraction or anything else for that matter.

[SolitarySolace]

Double standards

[xKayTea]

How is it double standards when I myself have to also meet these requirements?

[DiegoO]

Well, there are expectations, then reality.

[xKayTea]

Well my partner meets these, I think they are all fairly simple :)

[DiegoO]

Maybe he's hiding some from you.

[xKayTea]

Fortunately, not all men are the same, we have a very good and honest relationship, we use each other's phones, etc.

[DiegoO]

That's not trust.

[xKayTea]

Uhh yes it is, no one is forcing eachother to have access to their phones... My parents never were like 'omg nooo!!! u shouldn't know my passcode!' thats fucking weird. I have no reason to look through his phone, but if he is so protective over his phone to the point I can't check the time on it or take a picture with it, I just wouldn't date him. I don't blame you for thinking its not 'trust' because you obviously love to hide things from your partner, hence why your first thought when replying to me was 'Maybe he's hiding something from you' Fortunately not every man is like you.

[DiegoO]

"If he is so protective over his phone to the point I can't check the time on it or take a picture with it, I just wouldn't date him". That's something different. I thought you was referring to sharing password and so. As to me hiding things. I don't have why to reveal everything about me. Everyone keeps something for their self. If I had a partner, I wouldn't expect her to say everything about her self.

[BigDog1989]

Remind me not to date you, i ever meet you

[Shamalien]

I see many men intimidated by her cooking requirements. I am no master chef either…but I can make a mean pasta with lots of veggies. I can also make hummus or pesto and throw that together with some oven roasted potatoes and veggies for an excellent dinner. My chickpea salad melts are to die for, and for breakfast, poached eggs or french toast with berries and yoghurt and maple syrup should to the trick

my question is, am I a good enough cook for a man? I make decent money so I order in a lot but I cook about half the nights of the week

[jeffend888]

Wow. I am floored at how mature this take actually is and how accurate all 7 points are.

[Nemesis2k7]

Sounds like a control freak nutter. I would never date a woman like this. Money hungry control freak child, that wants it all her way

[xKayTea]

Seems like you cannot read, I'll correct you. 1. My point about money was that I do not care HOW much, just that my partner works so we can afford to live, how much? does not matter, as I will most likely be the main breadwinner after finishing my stem degree. I met my partner before he had a job and fell inlove with him then, he know earns an average wage and only works 3 days a week. Me wanting him to go 50/50 or maybe even less in the future, is not money hungry, but two adults coming to a smart financial agreement. His income does not matter, just that he works. 2. I am not a control freak, I do not force someone to date me or adopt my views, I just date people with similar views to me to avoid forcing either parties beliefs upon the other. 3. You need to learn to read and interpret before you comment, because I am the furthest thing from a goldigger lol, me wanting to not pay for the whole mortgage does not equate to me being money hungry, if I were, I wouldn't have fallen for and dated a man who didn't have a job, and now he does have a job, its an average part time job with average income.

[Nemesis2k7]

I can read just fine thank you. Lose the attitude. I was right about the control freak. You just proved it, with that "let me correct you" crap

[Kaytiee]

Lose the attitude? Lol are you special in the head? You 1. misinterpreted my whole MyTake and lousily read it, then you 2. insulted me based on those misinterpretations. How dare I correct you when you read something completely wrong and completely misdjudged me lol? How dare I defend myself? Sorry but not wanting to use all of my income alone to supporon just MY income ist myself and someone ELSE is not money hungry OR controlling, its realistic. No wonder your relationship status is 'its complicated' you're unbearable, misjudge things, insult people and then get upset when they give you the same attitude back? Can't stand to be corrected and educated? then read thoroughly before you post, maybe it is time for some new glasses? Get a grip old man, otherwise you'll be very lonely, as you're growing older, and more of a sour miserable person. Touche x

[KrakenAttackin]

***SHOCKING***. You want your man to work his ass off (provide), but also COOK (because you can't/won't), get pissed if he looks at porn (even though you use sex as a weapon and means of manipulation), and that his "emotional immaturity" is really calling you out on your bullshit.

Men are Soooooooo tired of the lists of demand women have, when women could never rise to the standard upon which they insist.

[xKayTea]

I'm sorry to inform you but your assumptions are all false. However with the childish reply, I assume you will just call me a liar lol, and if that is the case do not expect a second reply, I do not like wasting my time.

If you read my profile you would've learned many points about me that directly contradict your ridiculous statements.

1. I am doing a degree, so I plan to be the main income and will earn more money than him, I also clarified in the MyTake that I do not care about his income, just that he works and can contribute so I do not have to do it all myself, especially because the UK economic state is in shambles, so if we want to move out, we would need dual income.

He does not pay for my dinners or dates, we usually go 50/50 on everything, he only buys me gifts on occasions like our anniversary, his or my birthday, and Christmas, We constantly switch back and fourth between buying eachother a dinner, it is not one-sided. I personally could not just take from my partner like that.

2. I can cook, it's listed as one of my hobbies in my profile, and I love doing it. 9/10 times I cook for my partner when I visit, and wanting him to cook sometimes is not unreasonable, especially when I do it 90% of the time.

3. I do not get 'pissed off' if he watches porn, I just wouldn't be with someone like that, and the reason for this is because of all the damning studies that have unfortunately come out.
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/

4. I do not use sex as a weapon or means of manipulation, I love my partner a lot, and enjoy sex with him, we have a great intimate life and it happens because of love and pleasure, not for any ulterior motives.

Here is some 'proof' even though I do not to prove myself to what seems like an unhappy person who just throws around assumptions like a man-child.

https://imgur.com/a/bJ4ssCF

[KrakenAttackin]

I just realized you are from the UK, so disregard.

[xKayTea]

As usual for a man, no apology for making such volatile assumptions for me, insinuating I manipulate my partner with sex, want him to work 24/7 and overall portraying me as a neglectful/ abusive partner, all before actually bothering to properly read. POS.

[Darkest-Knight]

I agree with you 100%.

[aadrianaa777]

this i something im working on but i hate being told what to were and having to explain myself

[Freedom_Enjoyer]

I think that's a great outlook on relationships and life in general, especially at 20!

On a side note:
If you think about it, your view (Libertarian) by today's standard is considered extreme:

"I just want to live my life peacefully and not bother what others do as long as it doesn't affect me."

We live in a day and age where people are forced to undergo medical treatments, hand over their fruits of labor through (man-made) inflation and taxes, and so forth. Gendered language is forced upon people in the educational sector etc.

My view is that all of these developments are fundamentally immoral which is why I seek the political discourse with the end-goal to better my personal life through a change of politics. I'm not gonna lie, at times it consumes me but as long as I see a somewhat realistic change for the good (individuality & freedom), I'll keep fighting.

[lirikri4]

1. If you bring me happiness I forget about any romance with my ex
2. I work and I earn a nice sum of money. There's also zero reason why wouldn't we be on dual income unless we have kids.
3. I can cook and would learn even more cooking if I had a girlfriend and knew her type of food.
4. I will gladly give up any porn with a girlfriend, provided my libido is fully satisfied (and my libido is pretty low compared to the other guys)
5. I will be more than happy to see your family and introduce you to mine.
6. I learn from mistakes, I have a lot of empathy, I will always accept that I may be wrong. Even if I am right I would try to be considerate of my partner and try to understand their view.
7. You will rarely hear me talking about politics. I don't care and the most political thing I'll ever do in my life is to vote and that's it.

But you know what? I still get ZERO girls. I am "too nice". Just not attractive. You may say these things bother you but clearly it's something you're attracted to.

[Anonymous]

I agree with a lot of this but need to make a couple of points. First, the cooking thing. I cook very well, and it has been exceedingly frustrating to me how few females my age know how to cook. I literally have yet to meet one. I know a ton of guys who cook well, but it seems modern women have turned their backs on cooking because it is a "demeaning traditional gender role". What they have done is shot thmselves in the foot by removing one of the things that has always made men love women. That is sad, but it frustrated me when women complain about men not knowing how to cook. It's hypocritical to say the least.

Regarding porn, it's no different than alcohol. It can be harmful when abused, but can very enjoyable and useful when used responsibly. It has enhanced my sexual relationship with my fiancee significantly, and she would agree 100%. Anything can be harmful when misused, but let's not throw the baby out with the bath water.

[Anonymous]

Go Trump!!!