This is long but please help me, Online long distance relationships?

[Anonymous]

I'm so confused, this is my first real relationship that I thought ( still am ) I was in. We've been talking for 3 years. I will have to meet him ( haven't met yet ) due to his disability. But last month I lost all my confidence in my self and my depression came back immediately. I heard one of my friends saying how she sent her boyfriend a pic of herself naked and it made her feel sexy with the compliments she was getting from him. So I decided to do the same. Instead of compliments he told me he didn't care about seeing a pic of me being nude and was saying how I wasted my time sending one because he doesn't care. I cried all night that day, and just hated myself. So I messaged my 2 best friends ( guys ) and showed them the pic after asking for their honesty. They told me the truth and didn't understand why he wouldn't like how I look. So I started sending them more pics of me in lingerie, I was trying my best so I can send them to my boyfriend and when they told me, I sent to my boyfriend and he didn't like the pics. I was thinking about ending it because I figured he deserves someone that has the body that he considers as perfect. He likes skinny girls, with small boobs, small butt.. and my stomach is fat ( not obese fat ) my boobs are huge ( size 36L ) my thighs are huge and my butt is big and the only reason everything looks so huge is because I'm only 4'11 the only thing that is small is my hands and feet. So on the last day ( last month ) I cried telling him how he has been making me feel and he told me that he isn't a sexual person. He was at first, but after his ex, he said that he lost his feelings of being sexual or feeling horny, and he said that's why he chose me because I'm the type of virgin that wanted to wait til after marriage. So now I feel bad for sending the nudes and the pics of me in lingerie, and all my friends ( even the girls ) told me to not tell him because we're not technically in a real relationship and how he isn't even my boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

I feel like you have a lot of inner work to do, and I mean that in the most relatable, non-judgmental way. You want validation, and are tearing yourself apart trying to get it from your boyfriend. You must learn to love every inch of yourself and not seek this from someone else in order to feel your best. And you definitely should not send sexy photos to anyone else BUT your man. It should never get to that level of wanting to feel attractive. He’s told you already that he does not care about the things you’re concerned about, so why can’t you just accept this? Rather than make it bigger than it is? He could be the exact opposite, demanding nudes and sexy pics, and you still would over-analyze bc you feel like you aren’t good enough. You need to work on yourself, otherwise you’re going to destroy your relationship, and yourself, with your insecurities.

[Asker]

Thank you for this and I understand, and I hated it that I did. I'm honestly not like this. I hate attention from guys. I'm always hiding myself and growing up my own father was my bully. He always told me guys hate fat girls and they will only like me because of how big my breasts are and not to believe them. So when I first met him through a gaming page. He saw just my face. He didn't know how big I was or how my body looked, he just knew that I was fat because I wanted to be honest with my weight. I did stop once he told me the truth, I even stopped showing pics to my guy friends. I even told him I appreciate his honesty because I thought he just didn't like how my body look and I was just trying my best to be sexy for him. But after knowing the truth. I felt better. I even decided to eat right and exercise for myself. My confidence is slowly coming back but I'm taking baby steps. I feel like the old me is coming back when I felt beautiful and loved everything about myself. But now I just have this guilt of sending the pics in the first place. He even also confessed that he has mental disability as well and doesn't really know how to say things and it always come out rude. So now I understand everything and just wished I would have talked to him instead of overthinking and making a bad decision.

[Opinion Owner]

So glad to hear that you are moving in the right direction! I really understand, I’ve been in a relationship with a guy I met through a gaming platform too, and was always so hung up on what he thought of my body. It’s so empowering to break free of those negative thoughts! As for sending the photos, what’s done is done. Don’t feel as if you somehow disrespected him for trying to do what is deemed normal in society, and it’s not like you violated him. All you can do is take that guilt off your shoulders and move forward.

[Asker]

Thank you so much! Oh wow that is awesome!! About you meeting your guy from a gaming platform. And yes exactly, I've fighting those thoughts for a long time haha. And that will be my next then. Not to feel guilty and letting it go. I've been researching a lot about yoga so I'm hoping it will help me because I have heard it's great, mentally and all.

[Opinion Owner]

Yep! Honestly I feel like the way you guys met is reassuring, because he got to know you first before he even saw you. I think that’s when an actual, genuine relationship can be formed. Yoga helps a lot but also daily affirmations! Tackling to root of your insecurities (your dad being how he was) is a good place to start. You’ve been conditioned to not feel good in your skin and you have to reverse that and not let it have any hold on you. It’s a lot of inner work, but you are on the right path💛

[In_Trance]

So what is your actual question here?

[Asker]

I want to confess what I did. But my friends told me to let it go because he's not my boyfriend and we're not in a relationship. So I wanted to know what people think about online long distance relationships and if I should tell him or let it go.

[In_Trance]

I think you should let it go