Threesome: My boyfriend wants both a MFF threesome and be involved in a Stag/vixen fantasy. Will this ruin our relationship if I can’t ever do this?

My boyfriend has an ultimate fantasy for a threesome with me and another woman. He’s been close to a threesome in college with getting head from two females but no sex with both of them. Has also made his fantasy known to previous partners who then had threesomes later that didn’t involve him and he was turned down with claims of not wanting to ruin relationships. This frustrated him.
He also is turned on by interracial sex and has made it known he would like to be involved in a Stag/vixen fantasy. He says both situations would involve seeing my pleasure as the ultimate turn on for him.
Im new to all of this and am having a difficult time wrapping my head and heart around these scenarios. I’m afraid he’ll
enjoy sex with the other woman more than me and he says I’m thinking about it differently than he is bc he wants to see me get ultimate pleasure from a large cock. My fear is setting our relationship up for failing with our normal sex life to not be as exciting without others Involved. He knows we are no where near going through with either bc of my apprehension but I also don’t want to just shut him down on his fantasies. I want to be fun for him and give him everything he wants but not at the expense of our relationship that’s so great in every way. I’ve voiced my concerns and said I’d try to keep an open mind to get more comfortable with both fantasies and I just do t want to set him up for disappointment if we never get to live out these fantasies. And maybe it’s just too soon to explore anything along these lines. Maybe I’m just too insecure and I don’t know if I will ever get past that.
I’m also 6 months out of a verbally abusive 15 year relationship that ended after I found my husband had gotten an escort. So I feel inadequate already that I have been betrayed in the past.
Updates:
+1 y
Should I suggest him talking to a therapist about his reasoning for his fantasies because they revolve around past relationship trauma before we entertain the idea further?
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Superb Opinion

  • It's going to be about being in control of the situation. If you let him have his fantasy first of all one way to guarantee the other girl isn't going to steal him away get an escort and if you look on a site like Adult work you can pick a girl who is less attractive than you in your opinion.

    You now have a less threatening situation and the person your with is there to service your needs (remember they are a person still). You can discuss your worries with them too.
    Also discuss your worries with your boyfriend let him know despite it being a one off 3som you still deserve attention it's so easy to fall into thinking I'll get to play with this girl only once I'll make the most of it and have the rest of life to pleasure my girlfriend/wife.

    I'm not saying it will be your thing but this escort if you go with someone bi then you could let her pleasure you too maybe let your boyfriend get some pointers even if it's just her going down on you.

    The other option is just leave it to be a fantasy for him let him have a wank over some porn every so often.

    • I’m wondering if it’s something I could warm up to with us talking about it and fantasize about together since he’s had the fantasies for so long and I’m so new to it. Right now it makes me uncomfortable to think about it as a reality but could possibly let me mind wander about it if we continue to talk about it without it being a reality. Or does that just lead him on for disappointment if we never actually do it?

    • Something about fantasies is that's all they are with my first wife I fantasized about 3sums and gangbangs but it didn't mean I had to do them everyone has fantasies. After we split I had opportunity to do both them things and more do I got them out my system. I have a great new girlfriend now 10 times more adventurous than my ex but I still wouldn't expect her to accommodate fantasies that involve another person. I hope you you can figure something out with your boyfriend just keep it clear for him even if you are playing with the idea in your head it doesn't mean your going to say yes to it.

Most Helpful Girls

  • Firstly would you mind telling me how long you’ve been in this relationship and if it’s long term or casual? Something throat catches my eye is you’ve only recently out of a long term relationship d that’s obviously had it’s issues I’m sure and may also impact your current one and perhaps you may be worried about him going if with the new girl from the MFF or other worries that’s understandable


    Now obviously I’m younger than you so maybe not best to give relationship advice but have experience with MFFs. My biggest advice is you should feel secure in your current relationship before thinking about adding someone else.. so to answer your question it can go both ways. I daubt your current boyfriend will run off with the new girl but if you’re not secure there may be some jealousy and tension etc and so the threesome may potentially ruin someone that’s there but usually if done well it can be quite enjoyable for everyone involved and may even help strengthen your relationship. As for the seccond fantasy of interracial sex etc I can’t give much advice on besides the fact you should talk to him and be honest about both, why it makes you uncomfortable etc. Does he know about your past? Maybe you should tell him. If he cares for you he should understand and not push you.


    Plus another thing is couple who try threesomes have usually been dating at least a year or two or even longer. It’s not exactly the first thing that comes to mind when it comes to options. Good luck either way

    • We’ve been dating for 3 months.

    • Very recent then. Either way it’s your decision

  • The second he brought this perversion up on the carpet is the second your relation has failed.

    It is not important now whether you will agree or not because even if you accept, he will not leave it at this one single event but he will eventually break up to find yet another victim and another after her.

Most Helpful Guy

  • By simply bringing it up he’s sabotaged the relationship. If you were fully on board with it and as excited as him… it *might* work. But since you aren’t excited about it and already have reservations I don’t see the relationship working out.


    My personal point of view is as soon as someone suggests bringing someone else into the bedroom it’s over. Someone either catches feelings, gets jealous, feels inadequate, etc. some people claim to make it work. But having known people like that, I don’t think those people are capable of one on one relationships.



    The kink part is something else entirely and in my non-expert view, points to some weird fetish that will likely be the default going forward if you indulge it.


    Not trying to ruin your day, but I’ve seen these play out so predictably it could be a science.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 12
  • Isn't there just as strong a possibility (or even stronger possibility) that your relationship will be ruined if you do actually have the threesome?

    If you must force yourself to do awkward and uncomfortable things to keep him satisfied, it sounds like he is not The One.

  • OK, let’s begin this conversation with a question. Is there anything about your boyfriend‘s fantasy that you personally find erotic or sexy?

  • Threesomes tend to ruin a lot of relationships. I would proceed with caution. Because if he enjoys having sex with the other girl more than you, then it's only a matter of time before he begins cheating.

  • If you not a bi then you don't have much to gain from that threesome.

  • Could if you are the jealous type

  • Your boyfriend may want a threesome or stag/vixen. Yet he doesn't want it without you on board. It could be like he wants it, but if you never are in favor of it, he won't seek it out. That doesn't mean he's not satisfied. I really want to win the lottery, I probably won't. I will be satisfied even if I don't get what I want. In the words of Sheryl Crow "it's not getting what you want, it's wanting what you've got". If he wants you (which he has) he may be fine not getting what he wants because he already has something else he wants, so he doesn't need the other things.

  • He doesn't sound like a stag or a cuck. He sounds like somone pretending to be one in order to get tit for tat.
    Look, regardless of what he wants it's up to you. Unfortunatly once this way of thinking is explored it's reaaaally hard to get rid of, trust me. I feel you either break up, tell him it's not somthing you want and eventually he'll break up or... If it tickles your fancy even a bit YOU control the situation.

  • Unfortunately, Unless you're comfortable with a quote " Threesome " with an extra girl don't do it, potentially it could ruin your relationship and scar you for life

  • Just don't do it

  • I can understand your apprehension. I’m wondering if you’d be stringing him along if you told him that you’d entertain his fantasies for now and see how things go from there. You’re not shutting his fantasies down, and also letting him know it might happen in the future but its not a certainty

  • Take it slow honey

  • First, you're 39. Wtf are you doing with a "boyfriend"?

  • Yes it will ruin it if you do it.