Sexual Relationships
11 mo

To be or not to be sexually promiscuous

I was going between having this as a question and a mytake.

To be sexually promiscuous:

-to me means feeling liberated

-doing what you please with your body

-feeling comfortable in your own skin.

-I dont frown upon it, as long as it does not hurt anyone else in the process.

Sometimes we as humans tie sex and our self worth together.

Not to be:

-The lack of many being able to say they've slept with you is awesome

-you're more selective and mindful of the energy you interact with and what you could potentially be exposing yourself to.

-able to form more meaningful connections if sex isn't always at the forefront

There are so many reasons to be either. I myself am caught between a rock and a hard place. I can gain more experience sexually, explore what I like/don't like and just enjoy myself without the expectation of more. The dating world is lacking and hookups are mostly what are being offered. There are so many damaged people.

On the other hand, it's the thought of being used solely for sex by a man that will just go to someone else and act like you never existed. The risk of STD'S goes up. Lack of experience compared to others.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • There is a difference between being promiscuous and being self-confident. Everybody has the right to be and display self-confidence. When we are self-confident we absolutely feel liberated and feel amazing and that in turn sends out positive energy which brings in positive things..
    Promiscuity on the other hand is usually used to help gain something, or to get ahead. So when we are promiscuous we actually are hurting somebody whether we realize it or not. Instead of using our skills and our knowledge to advance we are using our body.
    Not only is promiscuity deceiving and thoughtless, but it also goes against everything that women claim they are fighting for when it comes to women's rights and equality in the world when compared to men. How are we going to complain about men objectifying women as sex things but also turn around and show cleavage in order to make sure that our boss is watching us a little bit more than he is Sally who works her ass off has the skills and the knowledge to get the promotion but stays covered where sweaters and pants all year round? By doing so we are pretty much making our argument for women's rights null and void. We can't say that it's not okay for men to objectify our bodies into sex objects but turn around and do it ourselves. That's not right and that's not fair and that's why there are so many problems in the work field when it comes to men and women working together.
    I'm not attacking you I just am trying to point out the double standard in women's behavior but also the difference between self-confidence and promiscuity.

    I'd also like to comment on the whole trying to date versus hooking up. I think that sex with somebody is definitely part of the process that's used when deciding on a life partner. That's why they call it the next step. First you make sure that there's chemistry then you make sure that you're able to converse then you make sure that you can get along with each other's friends then after that you sleep together you make sure that sex would be good between the two of you and then you move to moving in with one another and then comes the commitment and the rest of your lives together. Sex is an important part of the process because sex needs to be enjoyable for both of you especially because when you are married when you are committed you were supposed to be committed which means that they will be the only person that you sleep with for the rest of your life so of course you're going to want to make sure that sex is going to be enjoyable for you because sex is an important part of life it's a stress relief it's how we procreate it's an energy releaser it's a health thing on many different levels so sex is important.
    Self-respect is also important though so depending on what your own morals and standards are, whether or not you should just hook up instead of trying date should be based off of those two things. If you don't want to be seen as just a notch on the bedpost then don't be one.
    I have always made decisions based on one simple question.. "am I going to want to tell my kids that I did this later on in life?" And I've always raised my kids to ask themselves one question "am I going to want to tell Mama about this?" And if the answer is no they will not then chances are they should not do whatever it is that they are thinking about lol. (And I've got to tell you I have seen nothing but positive things come from raising my kids like that) and having asked myself that question I can honestly say that I not only have examples of things not to do and things to do none of them do I regret or am I embarrassed to share with my children.
    My point is that being self-confident and enjoying life while trying to find a partner to enjoy it with lead to decisions that you are willing to hold yourself accountable for.
    Promiscuity is not something that people should be proud of neither is a bunch of one night stands.
    And I hope that this next comment doesn't get me in trouble with anybody but there is a reason why guys don't like women who have slept around and as messed up as it may be it's a fact the reason is a guy's penis doesn't get loose or end up "used condition". A woman's vagina however does not buy a lot but it does over time become stretched from having sex and a guy wants to know that he is the one who did that stretching LOL for a lack of better words. Now you can get upset about that comment other people can get upset about that comment guys can deny it women can go off on it but it's true it's a fact it's human nature. I'm not saying that men only like virgins or men automatically have this negative thought about women who have slept with somebody else before them I'm not saying that at all.
    Men also like a woman who has self-respect because self-respect means that she will have respect for him and respect for him means he'll be able to respect her because she won't act crazy. Because Facebook when women act crazy they act crazy and they say and do things that they end up regretting but because those things were already said and done and the guy saw he's going to look at her a little bit differently and over time it will add up and that changes the level of respect that they have even after the first time whether they notice it or not it changes the level of respect that they have for women and the same goes vice versa but men want to know that they're getting with a woman who has self-respect because then she will have respect for him and that means less fighting in a relationship.
    Wow I'm a little medicated right now so I kind of feel like I'm all over the place and babbling but I'm going to post this anyway LOL because I mean everything that I say and I stand by it through experience.
    So let me know what you think please

    • First I want to say I like your sunshine test. It is a little anachronistic now but that used to be would you like what your are thinking of doing on the front page of all the major newspapers? If not then don't do it. Second I would criticize your self confidence argument. I see self confident beggars who see themselves as entitled to demand from you. There can be self confident bank robbers and self confident murderers ('he/she was asking for it'). Need I say confidence men/women? No self confidence does not justify or excuse moral turpitude. I am taking that to an extreme you probably didn't mean but we do need to set boundaries - of which the sunshine test above is an important one. Indeed self confidence that everything you do is OK and justified is the exact antitheses of the sunshine test is my point. Now as to the point on well used vaginas. I know girls worry that a large penis will permanently stretch them but I think that child birth is a bigger factor plus the more aroused you get a girl the looser she will be. There are techniques to deal with that. The bigger point is that of paternity. I know a man who thinks that 2 of his 3 children are his. In point of fact only 1 of his 3 children are. Why he thinks that I do not understand because each of 'his three children' are startlingly difference in appearance. They look like bitzers when together.

    • Now whilst feminists deride men men for wanting paternity, it is two different things to decide to take on fatherhood to another mans child and quite another to have paternity fraud practiced upon you. The worst case is probably to be father of one child and to be only the presumed father of another couple of kiddies. After an enjoyable number of erogenous years in her twenties, the clock might strike at 30 something for a lot of women. Men are sentient beings and it has not escaped our attention that women tend to divorce us after 8 years. After we have given them the kiddies they wanted in the most polite manner of bestowing our surname. Then we give them at least 50% of what we have and considerable amount of the future earnings without the customary benefits. Its a dud deal. No man should father a child is where it is at nowadays. My final disagreement is in terms of respect. What we want to see is that a woman respects family. That also - importantly - includes us and touches on the important points above. I would like for my wife and I to be the patriarch and matriarch of a family with various generations but that is never going to happen in this world. Instead maybe a kindly nurse will hold my hand as I die instead of family. I am a little liquored right now so probably about equal in mental acuity... cheers

    • You're smart. You have good morals. You aren't just trying to make yourself feel better about your shitty life choices. Don't cast your perals before swine. This individual is a troll and is only wanting to be told what she wants to hear. You can't talk sense into these kinds of people but a really good response

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  • You could try messing around, you don't have to actually have sexual intercourse and be promiscuous you can play around, mutual masturbation and other non sex things.

    While still sexual, it isn't straight up sexual intercourse. Find something else that is fun to experience, learn and grow without actually doing it.

    • True. Only issue with that is I can't do mutual masturbation. I find it weird and I can never stay aroused doing it

    • You'd have to find something that works for you, may not be that but other stuff.

    • This is still a sin if you aren't married. All you are doing is feeding into a troll.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Take a look at this graph. This isn't something I've created or came up with, it's simply a graph of how the world IS.

    Average SMV (Social Market Value), by age and sex
    Average SMV (Social Market Value), by age and sex

    This is a graph - simplified, of course - that shows the average value that men have to women, and women to men, based on their age. Note that the area under the curves - the total value - is identical for men and women - it's just distributed differently over time.

    Women's value skyrockets when she hits puberty, merely because she has youth and a uterus. She didn't have to earn her value - it was given to her - she merely has to PRESERVE it while she - hopefully - leverages it to find a quality husband so that she'll have the opportunity to have a family and a life-long support structure. You'll note that men's value is very low through their teens - young men are considered to be expendable - and men are valued far more for their ability to provide for and protect, even today. Thus, men have to BUILD and EARN whatever value they attain (except for a small few who are either born very good-looking, or wealthy, or both), and this takes much longer to accomplish. Most men don't have substantial value until the are 30, and their value peaks closer to 40, and slowly declines from there.

    Meanwhile, women's value is based on her youth and her fertility. The fertility piece should be obvious - one of the biggest reasons for committed relationships is to start families, and most men who want a serious, committed relationships want that because they value family and legacy. But why is youth valuable to a man? Because men also value PURITY, and they value COOPERATION. Men want to know that their children are THEIR children, and not some other man's kids. And they want to have peace at home.

    Women who sleep around are not pure, invariably accumulate emotional damage, and often accumulate trauma, sometimes diseases, and often children from a man who was not husband or father material. These things cause a woman's value on the social market to plummet. Sure, men will still want her for sex, so she can get attention from men, but men won't consider her "relationship material" and so the ONLY thing they'll give her is sex. And once she hits around 30, even that starts to fall off substantially, as the next generation of 20-year-olds hits the market.

    Society tells women to focus on her education and career in her 20s - the time when she has the most value - the most "buying power" to secure a great husband - and also tells her to go out and have fun and "hot girl summer" - but if she listens to that, she's going to find herself in her early 30s, suddenly no longer getting phone calls from the hot guys who have been using her for sex, and when she accepts that the hot guys don't want her, she expects to "settle" for a normal guy and start a family, but even the "normal" guys don't want her at that point for anything more than casual sex, because she's been ran through for a decade, and because he KNOWS she thinks she's "settling" with him and thus will never respect or value him - which means as soon as she decides she's no longer happy, she'll divorce him and financially rape him on the way out.

    • That's why there are so many women in their early-mid 30s on TikTok and YouTube complaining that "there are no good men anymore" and that men just want sex and aren't "stepping up" to be with her. She doesn't get that SHE *CHOSE* to destroy her own value instead of preserving it and leveraging it to her advantage when she had the most of it. Most women refuse to accept this - at least publicly - even when they finally accept that it's true - and most won't tell younger women the truth, because that would force her to admit her own mistakes. And lord knows that younger women aren't going to take that kind of advice from men. You can live your life any way you choose, but every choice has consequences, and many choices come at a high cost, and just because the bill isn't presented to you on the spot doesn't meant that the world won't eventually come around to collect that payment. If you choose to squander your value, you absolutely can - but don't be shocked when that bill comes due, and men treat you like you have no value (beyond casual sex), because that was the choice that YOU made.

    • "Women who sleep around are not pure, invariably accumulate emotional damage, and often accumulate trauma" Many sleep around because of trauma that men gave them earlier in life. I'd say half of us out there were traumatized as many sexual assault victims either turn hypersexual or lose all interest in it. Although you are mostly right, I just call it the potential dating pool, shrinks based on what happens to you and personal choices.

    • You are absolutely right that trauma - especially sexual trauma - at young ages can really screw someone up. And it's also true that common responses to this abuse are either hyper-promiscuousness or a complete disinterest in sex. Both are bad, and is more than enough of a reason to consider such abuse evil. I'm the first for advocating for SERIOUS punishments for child abusers. But, still, that's an exception, and while it's good to acknowledge, these types discussions are, by necessity, largely generalizations. I'm sure plenty of people didn't read my post because it was "too long", so you can understand why I had to limit it to the majority experience and not get into the exceptions - that would turn an already long post into a book, that even fewer people would be willing to read. And too many people don't understand even the majority experience, which in my opinion needs to be understood before the discussion of exceptions makes any sense. You have to start with a solid foundation.

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  • I see both points, and I'm sort of in between the same rock and hard place. Sexual promiscuity feels good, but does not equal being the right thing to do. For myself included. However, I am not a guy who's slept with hundreds of chicks, and don't aspire for that either. I am just as concerned about how a woman would feel knowing a man has had tons of sex partners, just as much as men are concerned about that with women.

    We humans struggle to be sexually disciplined. That isn't excusing the problem, but it is one we have to face, and learn to have more self-control and morals in sexual activity.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I think there is a difference between amount of sex and number of sexual partners. I don't think having a lot of sex is bad, but I think having a lot of sexual partners is a lot more risky in several ways and I would not recommend it although I don't have a number that is "a lot" or "not a lot", it is probably different for each person or situation.

  • Good topics and you bring up some good point as well.
    I’ve always aimed to have experiences with men that served me and made me feel great.
    I knew I didn’t want to be used so I’ve always remained extremely selective in how well I was treated by men, even if things weren’t serious between us.
    I knew I’d never want a man who treated like like an option, or who didn’t respect me, or who had the nerve to ask me my body count. None of those men are even worth casual sex on my opinion.
    So for me it’s always been important to have various experiences, yet still remain selective, qualify each man strictly, and to not worry about how I was being viewed in the eyes of other.
    As women, parts of our society would love to restrict our options and opportunities as much as possible and make us feel bad for being sexually liberated and enjoying our sexuality, and it’s my objective to not allow that to happen.

    • If you have casual sex with a man, how is that you not using him as an option? If a man asks your body count, doesn’t that show he is considering a serious relationship with you? Men don’t ask that to girls they just wanna do casual with

    • @Shamalien Or of girls we think have pulled a train in bar's car park. Some girls do by the way.

  • you said it... so many damaged people. all things are possible, it's just there are consequences to your choices. I can only say, be an adult, pick your path and accept the consequences. You'll find the consequences are not worth it, if you think about it. I'd recommend against. Just date someone at minimum, why is that so bad of an idea now?

    Maybe it come down to some people are risk takes and immature and others are not.

  • I slept around with several guys in high school. I was labeled a slut. It hurt my self esteem and ideas on sex. I have been with one guy for the past 3 years and he is very sweet to me. We are constantly trying new things in the bedroom and we are happy together

  • you can gain a lot of sexual knowledge through masturbation be honest. with masturbation you can find out what you like, what you dont, try toys without worrying about anything other then yourself while you do so. no offense i see so many idiotic questions from people having sex on here, they shouldn't be having sex. think to yourself you can at any point have sex, but once you do so you cannot go back.

  • Depends what you personally want long term and except consequences for what you choose. Also there are gender differences when it comes to promiscuity.

    To be or not to be sexually promiscuousTo be or not to be sexually promiscuousTo be or not to be sexually promiscuousTo be or not to be sexually promiscuousTo be or not to be sexually promiscuous

  • Every new man a woman sleeps with makes her valuable and able to bond with other men.

    You will have to fight biology just to be happy with the men raised and left to you by past generations of feminist, dont make things worse for yourself.

    • Actually for most men (myself included), every new man a woman sleeps with drops her value significantly, and after a certain number, it's just too gross to bother with her.

    • @TheSpaceGnome That is actually a typo I meant to say the same thing

    • Ah ok.

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  • I honestly didn't read your paragraphs, all I can tell you is that you're young and you're horny then scratch that itch. Later in life you can settle down and be serious but enjoy your youth

  • Really? LMAO. You are doing the opposite of all of that. Supporting the objectification of women... Whoring yourself just sleeping with whoever I think it is disgusting when women or men do it.

    Feeling liberated just letting men do whatever you want. This is fuckery right here. Absolute fuckery.

    As others have said self confidence and being liberated and having morals and standards is really the oppiste of everything you have just posted.

    You people on this website are some real dip fucks.

  • Think about what kind of experience you’re getting, and how it impacts your subconscious ability to pair bond when you treat sex as a hobby. Nobody is saying you don’t have the right to give it up as frequently and to whoever you want, but I would advise you that Village bicycles seldom if ever get wedding rings.

  • It's a problem if taken too far- you risk STDs and psychological issues

  • If someone hopes to someday have a deep emotional connection/attachment to another person for an exclusive long term relationship, I'd advise against ever having casual sex. It will make pair bonding more difficult and it will never feel as special with someone after having casual sex. The other person won't ever feel as special and connected to you either. And many good people will not accept a partner that has a past of casual sex.

    I'd advise against casual sex.

    The only pro I can see is for people that are not good/high quality people and they are very unlikely to get a good partner regardless of their actions. They would have more options for casual sex since people are often less discriminating/picky when having casual sex than they are when choosing a potential life partner.

  • Checking out the STD rates in one’s area can be a serious deterrent to casual sex. Protection can reduce, but not eliminate, the risk. Also, too much casual sex can make it difficult for people to settle down with one person. Not always, but for many people.

    • There is no real science behind how STDs actually work... but I also think soyciety is overslutted.

    • @pers0n Whether there is or isn’t science behind it, I once lived in a place where 30-40% of the adults had herpes. One thing I did know is that if I kept my britches on, I wouldn’t get herpes.

  • It really is not the same thing as shaking hands.

  • The increased risk of stds and single parenthood are enough reason to end the debate entirely. No benefits will ever outweigh those risks, there is no experience that makes that risk worth taking.

    That said, I see zero benefits from being promiscuous.

    1. Experience with one person isn't going to function as practice for another, because people like different things and have different areas that feel better to them at different paces.

    2. You might like an experience with one person, and hate it with another, so it can't really show you what you like or don't like any better than commited monogamy either.

    3. You can't feel comfortable in your own skin if you catch herpes or whatever else, and you can't feel sexually liberated either when no one wants to hump your std filled genitals.

    4. Self worth isn't increased by how many times a person has had sex, or by how many people liked it or want it with you. And in the sexual side of things, a zero body count is of the highest value in the dating world when it comes to being suitable for sex, tied for first place of importance along with looks, common interests, and personality.

    • RINGALINGALINGALING you can't talk sense into these dip fucks on here. Let them find out the hard way.

  • Promiscuity leads to a road of regret. Your value greatly drops and your self worth plummets as well. It's a choice at the end of the day and it affects you more ways than one. It doesn't look good when everyone has slept with you. There's nothing liberating about having a lot of bodies. It sounds fun, but who wants to be a single parent by choice? Who wants an STI? It's just not good for your health. To make it even worse, you'll always be unsuitable for marriage.

    There is more purity and security by refraining from acting just on lust. You're health is better and you take your time to decide if someone is a get fit for you, not if they can fit in you. You can experience as much sex and intimacy as you want from one person who's committed to you. You're always gonna be respected

  • i think you will find yourself used and drained emotionally. at least that's true for most, not all of us. there's a reason people frown upon it and the reason it's not that they envy you for living free from social norms or cause they wanna sexually opress you for some reason. they frown upon it, cause they know intuitively that this isn't good for you. at least not long term.

  • Lindsay Lohan turned out okay.

  • The more you have casual sex, the more you devalue yourself.

  • Well written…I like this…

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